The Naruto News Show
by SSJ2 PikaFlash
Summary: The 5th season of the Naruto News Show is now complete. With all new fake news reports and the usual stuff from Konoha's best reporters. Or so Naruto thinks. 50 Chapters milestone reached. Review if you want this fic to continue.
1. Edition 1

**Naruto News Show **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_1st Edition_**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

"Regular Speech"  
_"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"  
_**Headlines and Advertisements **

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" _

**The Itachi Diaries.** Find out why Itachi killed his family and torture Sasuke for a cheap price.

**NaruWonka's Lame Excuse for a Candy Parody. **Bad name but taste decently ok.

And **Konoha's Tourism Board**. If anyone can find them.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the **Naruto News Show**. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Dragon Ball celebrates 25 Years with another dumb Spin-Off **

**Itachi Uchiha appears on Naruto, Pokémon, Dragon Ball GT, One Piece and CardCaptors, to deny that he's addicted to Dubbed Animes **

**And Orochimaru abandons his plan to take over Sasuke's body in return for American Facial Products **

"But now our top story. The Konoha Council is trying to find some way to stop Itachi Uchiha from any publicity interviews for The Itachi Diaries or if indeed, from ever speaking again. If successful, it would stop Itachi from sabotaging any of Orochimaru's chances at becoming the next Hokage. By right, it is Orochimaru's exclusive right to do that to himself. Reporter Shikamaru Nara is outside the Hokage's Administration building. Shikamaru, what's the latest?"

* * *

**Shikamaru Nara reporting in Konoha **

Shikamaru was just outside the admin building in Konoha.

"Well, Naruto, as of this moment, the Hokage is speaking with President Son Goku and Vice-President Vegeta, two people who are stating their cases against Itachi using flying stunts, energy balls and Big Bang Kamehamehas."

_"The very same techniques Itachi killed his parents in his head," added Naruto. _

"That's right," said Shikamaru.

_"And what was Granny Tsunade's reply?" asked Naruto. _

"She said that Itachi should be grateful for Konoha, because if it weren't for us, Itachi wouldn't be the man he is now."

_"And what did Itachi say?" asked Naruto. _

"He said that he will take care of his new family in Akatsuki, before he kills them the same way in his head. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

Back at the Naruto's news desk. 

"In other news, Granny Tsunade has revealed new plans to sell Ichiraku's Ramen. Chouji Akimichi is on scene at Ichiraku's. Chouji, how will the citizens of Konoha react to the sale?"

* * *

**Chouji Akimichi reporting at Ichiraku's **

"Well, I have received confirmation that Tsunade has now set the price at 2 ryou per bowl that could be sold at Discount outlets at more crazy prices."

_Naruto looks interested. "Wow, cheap Ramen! And how long will this last?" _

"Indefinitely," said Chouji.

_"And what do people like you think about this sort of prices?" asked Naruto. _

"Well, we weren't really sure if this was the work of an old hag or a blonde with big breasts. But it turns out that it was both."

_"And what was Granny Tsunade's advice about Ichiraku?" asked Naruto. _

"Tsunade's advice is that she wouldn't even think if asking Ichiraku to be her personal chef. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

At the News desk. 

"Thank you, Chouji. Now to sport. In England, Harry Potter has been suspended from the Gryffindor Qudditch Team for striking another player. Not by Hogwarts, but by the British Government's anti-terrorism laws. Meanwhile, Hogwarts has announced to bring the Qudditch grand finals to Japan by 2006 to compete with the Fifa World Cup. Headmistress of Hogwarts, McGonagall says that Japanese Anime Characters should also be involved in the game, and not just be part of Crossover Fanfiction. We now cross to our Sports Reporter, Sasuke Uchiha in Tokyo. Sasuke, word has it that Slytherin will play Gryffindor in Tokyo."

**

* * *

**

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting in ****Tokyo**

Sasuke was wearing a green and white Slytherin scarf.

"And as a snake user, I find that absolutely outrageous. If Slytherin ever moves its team to Japan, I will never wear anything white or green ever again."

_Naruto nods. "Fair enough. And in Pokémon Battles, the competition is heating up." _

Sasuke smiled. "That's right. As more Pokémon Trainers send their beloved pets to their deaths, the competition to have the largest mass Pokémon Grave is larger than ever before. And with good reason. Finding new Pokémon is way cheaper than feeding, bathing and providing medical checkups for them. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "And that's all we have for the Naruto News Show. Tune in to our show next time, where we will look at:" 

**Ero-Sennin's new plans for the next Icha Icha series **

**How Orochimaru was able to charge his victims medical bills for his experiments **

**And how much Granny Tsunade is willing to pay for your winning Lottery Ticket **


	2. Edition 2

**Naruto News Show **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_2nd Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

"Regular Speech"  
_"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"  
_**Headlines and Advertisements**

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" _

**Konoha's Ramen Loans.** Put your first mortgage in your first bowl.

**The Otogakure Weapons Disposal Store.** The place to go to when planning to destroy Konoha.

And **Kyuubi NRG drinks**. A perfect substitute for exercise and a healthy diet.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the **Naruto News Show**. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Traitor Mizuki to plan another breakout which would have worked if we hadn't found out. **

**Orochimaru has found the perfect place to dump his failed experiments. The next fanfic that does a parody of _Survivor_. **

**And the Naruto News Show becomes the 100th fanfic that makes a reference to _Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith_ **

* * *

"But to our top story. Fury over Granny Tsunade's proposal for changes in security laws in Konoha. I'm joined live by Sasuke Uchiha outside ANBU headquarters. Sasuke, could this new law be used to silence the commoners?"

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha Reporting at ANBU HQ **

Sasuke was outside **ANBU** HQ. "That's right, Naruto. It has been described that the Hokage's new proposal is considered stup..."

At that instant, **ANBU** members have bound and gagged Sasuke before taking Sasuke into interrogation inside **ANBU** HQ.

* * *

"Sorry, we seem to be experiencing some Technical Problems over there." Naruto looks back at the camera and continues. "So on to Mizuki, where it seems that Mizuki wants to have British Citizenship, in a bid to avoid being a part of a group that supports Slytherin, after the embarrassing defeat to Gryffindor in the Qudditch Grand Finals. Mizuki claims that the worst thing he hates more than me is hearing Orochimaru's favorite Qudditch Team getting whipped by the good guys. Granny Tsunade has announced that the evidence that Mizuki wants to be a bad guy is evidence enough to say that he is a traitor. Which is in fact, the only evidence she got. Shikamaru Nara is now live at the British Embassy in Tokyo. Shikamaru, I believe that they have no idea that Mizuki wanted to be British."

* * *

**Shikamaru Nara reporting in ****Tokyo**

Shikamaru was outside a gate.

"That's right, Naruto. But once they find out that Mizuki is a Naruto character..."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Shikamaru. 

"Sorry, Shikamaru, I'm afraid that I have to interrupt you there because we have re-established contact with Sasuke at **ANBU** Headquarters. Sasuke, are you there?"

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting at ANBU HQ Basement **

Sasuke was in chains in the **ANBU** interrogation room.

"Well, as I was saying, some people has described that the Hokage's new proposal is considered stupid and it could be abused..." One of the **ANBU** members hits Sasuke with a manga, but Sasuke continues. "In particular, a new **ANBU** interrogation technique..."

* * *

Sasuke gets cut off, sending us back to Naruto in the news room. 

"Looks like we have lost Sasuke again. Fortunately, we have some breaking news on Granny Tsunade's prodigy, Sakura Haruno. Ino Yamanaka has more...

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka reporting in Konoha **

Ino was standing outside Konoha Hospital.

"That's right, Naruto. It just so happens that Sakura Haruno has discovered the fastest way to lose weigh..."

* * *

The report was suddenly interrupted by Naruto. "Sorry, Ino, but we have to interrupt that story to cross live to Sasuke Uchiha at **ANBU** HQ."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting at ANBU HQ Basement **

Sasuke was in chains in the **ANBU** interrogation room and loud rock music was being played to torture Sasuke.

"As I said earlier!" yelled Sasuke while covering his ears. "The new interrogation techniques could be illegal. Excuse me." Sasuke looks at his captors. "Could you please make this music stop?" yelled Sasuke. "You know what! I'll say anything! I'll even say that I am Orochimaru's heir! Anything! Just for the love of Pika, make this music stop!"

* * *

The viewers is now brought back to Naruto. 

"Thank you, Sasuke. That's all we have for now. Tune in next time for big news like:

**Ramen Supplies completely destroyed by heavy storm, leaving Ichiraku's unaffected. **

**Kakashi-sensei's new song: 'An Ode to Icha Icha ****Paradise****'. **

**Granny Tsunade's new facial cream. But who cares if her face looks beautiful or ugly. **


	3. Edition 3

**Naruto News Show **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_3rd Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

"Regular Speech"  
_"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"  
_**Headlines and Advertisements **

* * *

"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" 

**NaruPod**, the MP3 player that has yellow earphones, to ensure that you're sure to get mugged by other shinobis.

**The 20 Year-Old Hag: The Fifth Hokage's Story**, now in Cinemas.

And **Konoha Action Figures**. The perfect toy if you want to role-play as your favorite Naruto Character.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the Naruto News Show. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Digimons? Threat to Pokémons or just currupt data? **

**President of Japan, Son Goku to appoint his Lawyer to the Supreme Court, his Accountant to the treasury, and his Drug Dealer to the Japanese Olympic Team. **

**And sensitivity to the attack on Konoha makes it hard to find good Konoha jokes for this headline. **

* * *

"And now to our top story. The Japanese Government has declared a state of Emergency over the attack of Journalists entering Konoha. The Hokage's office has warned that there has been a sudden influx of journalists entering Konoha. Tourists already there have been warn to stay in their inn rooms and consider departing if they are approached by **TokyoTV's** Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho."

* * *

Hiei was in a room with other journalists in Konoha, but with no one to interview.

* * *

"I'm joined live by Tenten, who is in Konoha at the moment. Tenten, to what extent has journalists has infiltrated the region?"

* * *

**Tenten reporting in Konoha **

Tenten was at the front gate of Konoha.

"Well, Naruto, there are now over one hundred times as many journalists as Sound Ninjas that invaded. It's a truly horrifying experienc..."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Tenten. 

"I'm sorry, Tenten, but we're also joined by Neji Hyuuga, who is also in Konoha. Neji, what risk do tourists face?" asked Naruto.

* * *

**Tenten and Neji reporting in Konoha **

Neji was the front gate of Konoha, next to Tenten.

"Well, Tourists have a high risk of being attacked by the Anime News Network for heart wrenching interviews," explained Neji.

_"Tenten, are all tourists been accounted for?" asked Naruto. _

"Unfortunately, no, Naruto," answered Tenten. "A couple of the tourists have signed exclusivity deals with **FOXkids**..."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Tenten once again. 

"I'm sorry, Tenten, but we've just been joined by our reporter, Rock Lee in Konoha. Lee, what is your assessment?"

* * *

**Tenten, Neji and Lee reporting in Konoha **

Lee was standing in between Tenten and Neji.

"I believe from my youthful experience is that there are too many reporters in Konoha," said Lee.

"I agree," said Tenten. "Definitely too many reporters, Naruto."

"Too many," adds Neji.

_"Ok, thank you, Tenten." _

"Thank you."

_"Thank you, Neji." _

"Your welcome."

_"Thank you, Lee." _

"Thank my youthful spirit!"

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera from his news desk. "On to Sport. Inter Saffron has scored a stunning victory over FC Petalburg in the Pokémon Soccer League Finals. Sasuke Uchiha has more..."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha Reporting **

A camera pans around the Indigo Plateau, the place where Pokémon Events take place.

_"It was PokéBall madness in Kanto. Indigo Stadium was flocked by Pokémon Fans by people who suddenly found interest in Soccer." _

* * *

Sasuke was inside a car park full of bicycles. 

"The Mayor of Indigo has offered a special service of bicycles to transport the fans to the stadium. At first, there were 10, 000 Bicycles ready for fans to jump on and do insane stunts but due to demand for more bikes, the Mayor has decided to use the leftover bicycles from the Cerulean Shells's Basket Ball victory last week. Sasuke Uchiha for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Back at the newsroom with Naruto. 

"The Japanese Anime Government has met this week to consider the dangers posed to national security by American Cartoon Characters. The Government has promised to issue wannabes such as the Powerpuff Girls, Teen Titans and the Totally Spies with special 'Non-Japanese Cards', displaying on how much they threaten our Japanese lifestyle. The card is compulsory and will help us find characters that might not give a good appeal to our Japanese masters. This report by Kim Possible..."

* * *

**Kim Possible reporting from somewhere in ****America**

Kim was standing next to a cactus in a desert.

"American Cartoon Characters, Fanfiction-made Original Characters and Fanfiction Authors, under the new security laws, must carry 'Non-Japanese Cards' to distinguish them from genuine Japanese Anime Characters. President of Japanese Animes, Son Goku, hopes that the card will be in place before next year's Japanese Anime Awards, traditionally, a period where there are many Character frauds."

An image of a fanfiction author wearing a dark shirt, dark pants, a green flak jacket, face mask, sandals and the forehead protector trying to cover the left eye, in an attempt to pose as Kakashi. The only thing that gave him away was the blonde hair, blue eyes and whisker-like cheeks.

"However, French Expert on Fanfiction, Cendre Ketchum, claims that the only way to prevent such things is to attack the sources creating them."

Example Sources of creating the wannabes: **Anime Idol, Anime Big Brother **and** Anime Survivor.**

Back to Kim next to the cactus.

"This is Kim Possible, reporting for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "And that's all we have for the Naruto News Show. Tune in to our show next time for all the big stories, including:" 

**Sasuke taking something old and pink to his wedding. **

**Fanfiction Author PikaFlash canceling his new reality series, _Konoha Survivor_. **

**And obesity fears for Orochimaru's snakes after eating too many _'pleasantly plump' _ninja experiments. **


	4. Edition 4

_"PikaFlash would like to warn readers that this fanfic contains:" _

**_Naruto's Ramen, Harry Potter References and Tsunade jokes. _**

_"And it also contains material that offends any Anime character it possibly can." _

_Like** Orochimaru**. _

* * *

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_4th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

"Regular Speech"  
_"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"  
_**Headlines and Advertisements **

* * *

"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" 

**The Tsunade Bank**: If you don't pay for her gambling bills, who will?

The new Dragon Ball series, **DragonBall ZGT**, if someone has the right mind to watch it.

And **Naruto**, the best Wednesday Night Prime Time show you can only find in Konoha. Don't think of it as self promotion.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "And speaking of the best Wednesday Night Prime Time Show you can only find in Konoha, welcome to the Naruto News Show. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Ero-Sennin's new equal opportunity edition for people his age in his 'Icha Icha' series, 'Icha Icha Eeewwww' **

**President Goku announcing his worst opinion poll figures until next week. **

**And the world's press is celebrating the first Female Hokage only after 3 years since her inauguration. **

"And our top story for tonight is the new Workplace laws, set up by the Japanese Anime President, where a worker must sign an individual contract. Anime States and leaders tried to petition to have those laws squashed last week and we now cross live to Shikamaru Nara, working in the Naruto News Show office. Shikamaru. I heard you've signed one of those contracts."

* * *

**Live - Naruto News Show Office **

Shikamaru woke up from an extremely short nap, but he's still tired. It took a little bit longer than expected to get a response from Shikamaru. "Dammit, I don't understand how I got to sign this troublesome contract. I haven't got a meal break in 36 hours."

_Naruto looks at Shikamaru's office in the background. "Yeah, you seem to have a lot of paperwork there." _

Shikamaru looks at the large tower of sheets. "Oh, those troublesome things. Damn Hokage force the stuff onto me. I'll only be able to get this done on Christmas. Listen, Naruto. I haven't got the chance to go home and I doubt I have a lot of pay to take home after signing that contract." Shikamaru looks around, and then whispers to the camera. "Tell my wife and kids that I love them..."

Suddenly, the large tower of work papers collapsed on Shikamaru. The last words from Shikamaru were, "How troublesome..."

* * *

A not-so-worried Naruto watched the screen. "I think we lost you there, Shikamaru." Naruto receives a message in his earpiece. "Oh, and Shikamaru, Granny Tsunade has told me that you have been demoted and sacked without notice. Anyway, onto other news. Orochimaru has been sent to Anime Court and he has entered a plea bargain in which he agrees to the Death Penalty in return for 5000 experiment subjects. I'm now joined by Neji Hyuuga, who is outside the Anime Court. Neji, what are Orochimaru's odds of surviving Vincent Valentine's Death Penalty gun?"

* * *

**Neji Hyuuga reporting outside Anime Court**

Neji had his arms crossed.

"Better than the Fifth Hokage winning the Lottery on a regular day."

* * *

The camera returns to Naruto's newsroom. 

"Thank you, Neji," said Naruto. "On to Sports. And the American Football matches in Tokyo have reached an all time low. I'm joined by Sports Analyst, Sasuke Uchiha."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting in Tokyo**

Sasuke was inside an empty stadium.

"That's right, Naruto. The attendance record for the match was at zero. Not even a single player or official was seen. However, we believe that could change if we remove the word _'American Foot'_, allow the use of weapons, energy attacks, martial arts and probably remove the officials; we could call it _'AnimeBall'_. That will sure attract the Japanese crowd. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

"Thank you, Sasuke." Naruto looks at the camera. "And that's all we have for the Naruto News Show. Tune in to our show next time for all the big stories, including:" 

**Sasuke denies that his new job betrays Konoha any more than his training with Orochimaru did. **

**Sound Ninjas visiting Konoha for a looting holiday. **

**Sailor Moon's Pregnancy. Somehow, Tuxedo Mask did not mask the right place properly. **


	5. Edition 5

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_5th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

"Regular Speech"  
_"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"  
_**Headlines and Advertisements **

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:"_

**Orochimaru's recreation of the Kyuubi's attack of Konoha**. It worked the first time, didn't it?

**10 Years of KonohaTV**, full of Naruto, Pocket Monsters and Dragon Ball Repeats.

And **Konoha Airlines**' free ticket to the anywhere you want to go. Includes one and a half nights accomidation. _Ticketsonewayonly_.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the Naruto News Show, the worst news show ever. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Naruto has reached past the 150 mark, beating other Animes that only reached up to 50 episodes. But who cares about that if you are a Naruto fan. **

**Death Toll caused by the Icha Icha series is still zero. **

**And a millionare spends his money on a one-year subscription of the Icha Icha series. **

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "In Less Important news, the Digimons have started their first ever Democratic referendum and the only constitutional point that Vaccine, Virus and Data Digimons that have agreed to is the right to bear arms...against each other. But Digimon Gun Enthusiasts has defended firearms, saying that _'Laser-Guided-Ground-To-Air-Shoulder-Mounted-Rocket Launchers don't kill people. The Pokémon Conspiracy kills people.'_ I'm joined Live in the Digi-World with Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke, why aren't the Digimon concerned about other rights?"

* * *

**Live - Digi-World **

Sasuke was standing in some ruins.

"Well, Naruto. In the Digi-World, there aren't many other rights that Digimons care about...for example, the right to life."

_"But won't the ready supply of weapons mean an even greater death toll in the Digi-World?" asked Naruto. _

Sasuke shrugged. "Not really, because the Digimons has passed new laws that it's now mandatory for Digimons to have the safety on unless threatened. So that should help a bit."

_"So, has the different sides agreed to anything else, Sasuke?" _

"Not really," said Sasuke. "But they had agreed that as soon as the Pokémons leave, there will be an outright Digimon Civil War."

* * *

"Thank you, Sasuke. And in local news, critics has slammed Granny Tsunade's new advertising campaign to get make ninjas work overtime without breaks or pay. But Granny Tsunade defended the advertisements, saying that she wants Shinobis to spend more time at home with their families watching the commercials."

* * *

**Kiba Inuzuka reporting **

Kiba is standing outside the Hokage building.

"The Hokage's plan to get more ninjas through an advertising campaign includes showing the advertisements all day without any breaks at all. Even the Shinobis in Tsunade's Advertisement department worked overtime to get the advertisements up, but in that case, it just took too long and they did it to make it fairer for the other ninjas. But despite the campaign, the Shinobis in Konoha are still worst off."

* * *

**Konoha Poll: **

**95 percent Shinobis Worst off **

**4 percent Shinobis don't watch TV **

**1 percent Shinobis are related to the ****Nara**** clan **

* * *

"But Tsunade says that she was just trying to make the Shinobi system simpler into two easy steps." 

**Tsunade's steps: **

**_Source: Stolen from Tsunade's office _**

**(Tsunade's Ideas Accepted equals Hokage's win) **

* * *

"Meanwhile Orochimaru, his plan of counterattack to Tsunade's plan is to:" 

**_Source: Stolen from Orochimaru _**

**1: Invade Konoha by pretending to be another leader of a hidden village **

**2: Lose the Invasion of Konoha **

**3: Give up; saying it's all too hard. **

* * *

Back to Naruto at the news desk. "That's all for now. Tune in next time for all the top stories like:" 

**Scandal in Konoha 'Who Wants to be a Millionare' when Gaara posts up the next episode's answers on his website. **

**And the Hokage endorses new ways to combat Hamster population explosion by telling ANBU that all Hamsters are Sound spies. **


	6. Edition 6

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

**_6th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" 

**The Hokage's Office**, telling us that being a Shinobi is safe. Our way of life as a Hidden Village Ninja is safe...

And **The Hokage's Office**, giving Shinobis more work than ad breaks.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "We interrupt that advertisement to bring you our top stories, like:" 

**Triumph at the Anime Awards, with Sailor Moon the big winner and the award makers the big losers. **

**Chocobos carrying Dead Weight during the race that stops all Final Fantasy Games, the Gold Saucer Cup. **

**And Giant Storm Tsunade does 1 billion Ryou worth of improvement on the ****Hidden** **Sound** **Village**

* * *

"But to our top story. The Trial of Sevrus Snape, aka, _'The Sheveral Shakes'_." Naruto didn't make any attempt to hide his laughter. "Snape's case has started two weeks early because judges fear that they would not have time to go through the evidence before they send him to Konoha for execution. I'm joined live with Sasuke Uchiha in Konoha. Sasuke, how is Snape defending himself?"

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha in Konoha **

Sasuke was outside his house. "Well, he said that he was just following orders."

_"So, is there any hope for him?" asked Naruto. _

Sasuke shakes his head. "Nope. I think his lost his last chance when the court denied Snape to use the same people who acquitted Harry Potter."

_"Will Snape be able to call any witnesses for his defence?" _

"Of course," said Sasuke. "He's going to get his best friends as character witnesses, including Lucius Malfoy, Voldemort, an autopsy report of Dumbledore and to a lesser extent, President Son Goku.

_"And in the face in everything, Snape still claims that he is on the side of good." _

Sasuke nods. "That's right. In the event Snape is convicted, he will claim that he was spying on the enemy...before backstabbing his allies again."

* * *

"Thank you, Sasuke," said Naruto. "Back with more after this..."

* * *

**The Hokage Office's Advertisement **

"**The Hokage's Office**. Creating More Jobs, especially for Ninjas in the Advertising Industry."

* * *

"Fears and controversy over new laws giving ANBU the licence to kill. Granny Tsunade says that giving ANBU the right to kill civilians is vital to the protection of civilians...what?" 

Naruto is now confused with that last statement he made. "However, the public's reaction to the plan is negative. There is very limited support, especially by ninjas wearing music notes on their forehead protectors before getting stabbed by a Kunai."

* * *

**Konoha Poll: Support Levels **

**Hyuuga Clan: 3.1 percent **

**Nara**** Clan: 1.1 percent **

**Sound Ninjas: 0 percent **

* * *

**The Hokage Office's Advertisement **

"**The Hokage's Office**. One of the best ways to promote ourselves."

* * *

Naruto is back at the news desk with a new news story. 

"To sport now. A major health scare has almost cancelled the Gold Saucer Cup. An outbreak of PokéRus could start a massive slaughter of innocent Pokémons. Kiba Inuzaka reports."

* * *

**Kiba Inuzaka reporting in Konoha **

Kiba was standing on one of the Hokage statues.

"All bets are off. The worst case scenario doctors say in what they believe could become the Toxic Trifecta. PokéRus infecting Chocobos, Mad Digimon Disease infecting computers and Orochimaru infecting people. Doctors say that champagne will be used, if not to immunize against the diseases, but at least immunize themselves from knowing how stupid they look. This is Kiba Inuzaka for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Naruto was holding some betting slips. "And now the odds on race day:" 

**The Odds of someone named Cloud winning the race: 5-2 **

**The Odds of Square-Enix promoting their own games: 1-1 **

**The Odds of a Konoha Ninja being... **

* * *

**The Hokage's Office Advertisement **

**The Hokage's Office**. At least we're not as bad as **Jiraya's Icha Icha** series.

* * *

**...70-1 **

**The Odds of Granny Tsunade getting her bets right: The End of the World. In numbers: 10000-1 **

Naruto smiled at the odds. "That's all for now. Tune in next time when we look at stories like:"

**Harry Potter to invite everyone to his wedding, except Snape. **

**Concern with more fanfics making references to Harry Potter than Harry Potter Books **

**Horror fanfics are less disturbing than the new reality fanfic series _'Konoha Princess'_ **

"And if you want more information on our stories, simply read this fanfic again."


	7. Edition 7

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_7th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" _

The **Icha Icha Series**. Out of business until Jiraya finishes training Naruto and comes back.

**KonohaTV's Amime Chroctor Speling Boo**, the reality show that will see if Anime Characters know how to spell hard to spell English Words.

And **Konoha Pet Shop**. In partnership with a Fake Pokémon Company and Orochimaru.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the Naruto News Show and you're the worst readers I've ever read to. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:" 

**Racing history made today as Granny Tsunade made her biggest loss ever. **

**Naruto celebrating 165 bit torrented episodes and counting while the Naruto News Show celebrates 7 Fanfic episodes **

**Hinata Hyuuga suffering love sickness in silence. But I have no idea who is causing her grief. **

* * *

**Headlines: Calls for Sakura to quit. **

"Now, our top story. Fifth Hokage, Granny Tsunade has decided not to sack her _CardCaptor-for-Hire_, Sakura Kinomoto after seeking advice from the matter from her student, Sakura Haruno. But Neji joins me live at the Hokage's Office. Neji, why didn't Sakura tell Granny Tsunade not to punish Sakura?"

* * *

**Live: Hokage's Building, Konoha **

Neji was standing outside the main entrance to the building.

"To be fair, Naruto. Sakura has suggested to Hokage-sama to reprimand Sakura. And Sakura will write that reprimand tonight."

_"That is severe," said Naruto. _

"Yes, but Sakura says that that is the only way Sakura will learn."

_Naruto adds in another question. "And is it true that Sakura Shinjugi from Sakura Wars will be joining in as Granny Tsunade's brain?" _

Neji shakes his head. "Unfortunately, no, because for Sakura to be Tsunade's brain, she would have to be the size of a pea and that's not the case, unless we could get Sakura Haruno from Wandaba Style to play Street Fighter Zero 2 against Tsunade by using Sakura..."

* * *

Naruto was back at the news desk with a headache. "I have to stop you there, Neji, before we put in too many Sakuras in this report that I don't even know who you're talking about." 

"Sure thing," replied Neji.

**Headline: Unleash the Snakes...in Prison **

"So, to foreign news. Voldemort, dark wizard and convicted fraudster is to become Orochimaru's motivational speaker in Fanfiction Prison. Shikamaru Nara is in Tokyo. Shikamaru, what do you make of this story?"

* * *

**Live: ****Tokyo**

Shikamaru was at some random place in Tokyo.

"Well, Voldemort and Orochimaru were an inspirational duo. Inspiring Fanfiction authors to put those two together in prison."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Shikamaru. "Sasuke Uchiha is at Tokyo Supreme Court. Sasuke, how is Voldemort dealing with this traumatic conviction?"

* * *

**Live: ****Tokyo**** Supreme Court **

Sasuke was by himself outside court while wearing headphones. "Well, Voldemort was using his own motivational tapes to get through the proceedings. And I just happen to be listening to one myself."

_"And does he have any advice for himself?" asked Naruto. _

Sasuke nods. "Yes. He says, _'Use the Serpent, Tom.'_"

_"Sasuke, word has it that Voldemort might be in danger with his fellow prisoners." _

Sasuke shakes his head. "I don't think so. Voldemort has been working alongside people who have been in prison for many years."

* * *

"Thank you, Sasuke," said Naruto. 

Back to Naruto at the news desk. "That's all for now. Tune in next time for all the top stories like:"

**Digimons and Pokémons squabbling over who caused that earthquake in Japan: Godzilla or EVA-01 **

**Orochimaru proves that he is a hero by surrendering **

**And Naruto fails to finish this headlin**


	8. Edition 8

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_8th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" _

**Anime Idol.** Now down to its final four...readers.

And the new production of **Les Misérables**, premiering in the streets of the Fire Country Capital.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Hello, I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'd like to apologize to you for watching another episode of the Naruto News Show. Our news tonight:"

**A stack of Granny Tsunade's paperwork has caused the death of two Chunins, Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu. **

**The success of the Live Action 'Dragon Ball Z' Movie prompts Max Mizuhara from Beyblade to take on the Live Action role of 'Naruto' **

**And TokyoTV dismissed being biased towards Anime Characters as typical Otaku lies. **

"But to our top story..."

**Headline: Our Wonderful Hokage **

Naruto looks at the camera. "Granny Tsunade has defended Goku's new laws which will prohibit any descent against Goku's Government and Show. I'm joined live by Neji Hyuuga. Neji, could these new laws silence Anime debates?"

* * *

**Neji Hyuuga in Konoha **

Neji was holding an issue of the _'Icha Icha'_ series.

"To be honest, I think these new laws are stupid. They can silence angry otaku marches, Anime Poetry, and books like the _'Icha Icha'_ series. I mean, I..." Neji opens the book and turns to a random page. Whatever Neji saw in the book, gave him a bit of a second thought, as he's a member of a prominent clan, even if he's part of the Branch house. "You know what, I change my mind. These new laws are fantastic."

_"What about Orochimaru? Why isn't he worried?" asked Naruto. _

"These laws would punish anyone who takes a brave stand against Goku, but I don't think Orochimaru would be smart enough to do that."

_"What about Anime Characters like us? Could we be censored?" _

Neji scratches his head. "Well, people like us won't be affecting like the new laws. For example, I am free to say that Goku's government is a bunch of paranoid f_(censored)_its and I can talk about Goku's _(censored)_."

_Naruto smiled. "Great, because I think that Granny Tsunade is a _(censored)_ b_(censored)_h. Thank you, Neji." _

"_(Censored)_ you, Naruto," replied Neji.

* * *

**Headline: Les Digimons Riots **

We return to Naruto at the news desk.

"In Digimon News, President Ken Ichijouji has refused to send in troops to quell the Digi-World riots, saying that military action could only occur with Goku's backing. Meanwhile, French Anime Expert Cendre Ketchum says that of all the riots he's seen so far, the artiest and cultured are Ken's riots. This classy report by Ino Yamanaka."

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka reporting in France **

Digimons were rioting in the Digi-world.

"Riots in the Digi-World. A crass display of unreasoned violence. Not so, according to Professor Cendre of the University of Paris. Professor Cendre says that the riots are _'chef d'œuvre'_, with a touch of the riot _'à la mode'_. The Digimons has the necessary _'Je-ne-sais-quoi'_."

* * *

Ino was holding a large French Baguette and wearing a beret instead of her forehead protector.

"In fact, these blood-thirsty Digimons make up the highly sophisticated _'mise en place'_. As _'contretemps' 'objet d'art'_ with the _'Oh Hõ Hõ Hõ'_..."

* * *

**Headline: Soccer Fever **

Naruto shakes his head. "I'm going to have to interrupt that story because it seems to be making no sense to me and Ino overusing French phrases is beginning to freak me out. Anyway, to sport. Team Japan has finalized their preparations for the Soccer World Cup Finals, deciding to watch it from a Television from a Holiday resort. I'm joined live by Sasuke Uchiha at Tokyo Stadium. Sasuke, can you tell us the team's plan of attack?"

* * *

**Sasuke reporting from ****Tokyo**** Stadium **

Sasuke is standing in an empty soccer field.

"Well, it's every soccer team's dream to book a place for the Fifa World Cup, but Team Japan has found it easier to book a place for the finals at the Hinata Inn near Tokyo."

_"I've heard that the Japanese coach is a very determined man." _

"That's right, Naruto. Taichi Yagami hasn't given up on a place in the finals. In fact, he said that he's got six more months with a team that's not European or South American."

_"Thank you, Sasuke." _

Sasuke shakes his head. "No, thank you, Naruto."

* * *

**Headline: Ban All Clones **

Back to Naruto. "A few years after President Son Goku has banned Cloning, his government is now reviewing the ban. I'm joined live by the Naruto News Show's Science reporter, Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto, has the cloning ban work?"

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki reporting **

Naruto was outside President Goku's house.

"Yes, Naruto. President Son Goku said that the ban has been 100 percent effecting."

* * *

Naruto looks at another TV screen. "And joining us from the Konoha University's Cloning Research Department is Professor Naruto Uzumaki. Professor Uzumaki, I heard that you're campaigning to end the Cloning ban."

* * *

**Professor Naruto Uzumaki of ****Konoha** **University**

Three Naruto clones were standing outside Konoha U.

"Yes, I am," said Professor Uzumaki.

_"Hasn't animal cloning tells us that clones suffer terrible health problems?" asked Naruto. _

One of the Professor Uzumakis faints.

"No, that's not true," said another Professor Uzumaki. "And if you are referring to that premature aging myth, that's just a bunch of nonsense."

* * *

Naruto is back at the news desk wearing a white beard and a white wig.

"That's all we have for now," said Naruto in a frail voice. "Tune in next time when we look at..."

**Akatsuki's winning ways will only happen if they are pitted against Orochimaru. **

**Konoha celebrates 20 years of Dragon Ball by teaching everyone how to fly and shoot fireballs. As if...**


	9. Edition 9

**Naruto News Show **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_9th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:"_

**NarutoPod Widescreen**, with a screen that's an inch larger than your regular NaruPod Screen.

**Cartoon Network**, for a limited time only.

And **TokyoTV**, bringing us one step further from those awfully long Anime fillers.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk. "Good morning, boys and girls. I'm your Chunin Instructor, Naruto-sensei. Our top stories this edition includes:"

**Konoha Fashion Week gets an explosive start with Tenten's new Kunai/Bomb Belt. **

**The arrest of Harry Potter raises hopes that any Harry Potter Crossover fanfics will be locked away as well. **

**And Shikamaru claims that he's not sure if he can make two honest wives out of his two girlfriends, saying that it's _'two troublesome'_. **

* * *

"But to our top story..."

**Headlines: I...er...protest! **

"Anime Characters are protesting President Son Goku's new Anime Laws. However, President Goku insists that his new Anime Laws are simply about choice. His says that his new laws will help give Anime Characters choice in all aspects of work except for:"

_Striking  
__Obtaining Leave  
__Collective Bargaining  
__Having a Safety Net  
A__ppealing to the Anime Union  
__And Being Unfairly Dismissed _

"Rock Lee has this report."

* * *

**Rock Lee reporting in ****Tokyo**

Anime characters are protesting in the streets against the President's new law.

"Young Anime Characters are protesting in the streets, to take advantage of the last day off they'll ever be allowed to take."

Lee was standing outside the Anime Union office. "Under the new laws, Anime Characters are still allowed to strike. They can also choose which job to move on to after getting sacked for striking. Anime Senator Mimi Tachikawa says that the new laws are outrageous and outright oppressive on working-class Anime Characters. That's why she's very thankful that she's never actually been one. This is your Youthful Rock..."

* * *

**Headline: Pokémon Watch **

Naruto interrupts Lee's report. "I'm sorry, Lee, but I have to interrupt that story because this news just in. In Kanto, a failed attempt for the Pokémon Electrode to use Explosion in a hotel has gotten his trainer jailed and placed on suicide watch. I'm joined live by that bastard journalist, Sasuke, in Kanto. Sasuke, what fears do authorities have for that trainer?"

* * *

**Sasuke reporting in Kanto Prison **

Sasuke was in a prison cell. "Well, there is a real chance that the trainer would try and commit suicide in this prison cell. But there's not much chance that he'll succeed."

_"Do you think the trainer will be found guilty for terrorism?" asked Naruto. _

"Nope. I doubt that he would confess on international television," replied Sasuke from the cell. "But if he is guilty, he will be granted to use the Death Penalty on himself. In other words, he'll go unpunished."

_"So, why did that trainer want to bomb the hotel in the first place?" _

Sasuke smiled. "You see, what happened is that his first few Pokémon were killed by Digimons, so what better way to get back at them than to kill Pokémons at a wedding."

* * *

"Thank you Sasuke," said Naruto, as we return to the News Desk.

**Headlines: Great Naruto Bridge. Terrorist Target...NOT! **

"In the wake of terrorist threats against Konoha, Suna and Icha Icha Publishing House, the builders of the Great Naruto Bridge are disappointed that they haven't been named as a terror target. Bridge Builder Tazuna has spent months preparing for a terrorist attack on his bridge."

* * *

**Tazuna - Bridge Builder **

Tazuna was on the bridge being interviewed. "We're talking about the bridge connecting two countries together over here! Obviously I should be worried."

* * *

"Meanwhile, Fire Country Casino has a new slogan, reading, _'Visit Us Now With your Cash Before __We're Blown Up!'_"

**Headlines: Just Duel it **

Naruto looks around. "Anyway, to sport now. In Duel Monsters, it appears that Joey Wheeler has withdrawn from Dueling, fearing that it could interfere with his hectic sponsorship schedule. Joining with us live from Duelist Kingdom is Neji Hyuuga. Neji, I guess Joey must be disappointed for not competing in the latest Duel tournament."

* * *

**Neji reporting from Duelist Kingdom **

In the background was a dueling platform, with Neji standing from the spectator's area. "Yes, Naruto. But the good news is that not dueling allows him to compete in his favorite event, the Hasbro Yu-Gi-Oh commercials."

_"Joey used to get sponsorship because he symbolizes success through risks," said Naruto. "Could his absence from the game make his advertisements seem ridiculous?" _

Neji shakes his head. "No, no, no. Yugi Moto's purple hairstyle has already done that."

_"Ok, thank you, Neji," said Naruto. _

Neji shakes his head. "No, don't thank me. I'm getting paid for this."

* * *

Back to Naruto at the news desk. "That's all for now. Tune in next time for big news like:"

**Bomb at a McAnimes restaurant kills 3 Characters, while McAnimes' Mallet Nuggets kill 80 Characters **

**Giant Chouji Meat Tank welcomed by Konoha, Orochimaru's Snakes and Soccer Fans **

**And SongFics are starting to have fewer songs than fics. **

Naruto smiled. "And finally, let us return to the remainder of Rock Lee's report."

* * *

**Rock Lee reporting in Tokyo **

"...Lee, the blooming green Konoha Flower, reporting for the Naruto News Show."

Lee gives his nice guy pose followed by the proverbial _'Ting!'_ from his shiny white teeth.


	10. 10th and Final Edition

**Naruto News Show  
**_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

**_Season 1 Final/10th Edition _**

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

_"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:" _

**The Chunin Exam**. Celebrate your promotion by getting killed and invaded by Sound Ninjas.

**NaruMail.** In case your accounts with YahooMail, Hotmail, GMail, your local ISP and work email aren't enough.

And **Naruto News Show DVD Box set**. All 10 episodes, made up of less than 1000 words per DVD.

* * *

Naruto was at the news desk covered in party streamers and wearing a party hat instead of his forehead protector. "Hello and welcome to the final episode of the Naruto News Show for this season. I'd like to apologize in advance because we're a bit under the weather because due to a scheduling error, we had both our New Year's and Christmas Party last night. Anyway, our news:" 

**Granny Tsunade extends her losses to Pokémon Battles. **

**Square-Enix slammed for spyware that installs 'Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within' on computers. **

**And NaruSaku fans reaches a truce with the NaruHina fans who made a truce with the NaruSasu fans who also made a truce with the SasuSaku fans in an alliance with the NaruSaku fans. **

* * *

**Headline: Chinese Cover-Up **

Naruto removes a party streamer covering his face.

"Our top story. Just one day after her drunken stunt from last night, Tenten was released from her cell in the Hokage's office building. I'm joined live by a rather hung over Neji Hyuuga. Neji, what has been the reaction to Tenten's behavior?

* * *

**Neji Hyuuga reporting from outside the Hyuuga Branch House **

Neji was having the worst ever hangover for a Hyuuga clan member.

"Well, the first thing I remembered was that she has outraged most of the Hyuuga Main house kissing me straight in the lips."

_"What about Tenten's newly patented **Kunai/Bomb Belt**?" asked Naruto. _

"Naruto, that's _'so'_ last chapter," said Neji.

_"So, what did her drug test tell us?" _

"According to the drug test, she had the pill. But according to her lawyer, she's just suffering from the lack of attention. Namely mine."

_"Thank you very much, Neji Hyuuga," said Naruto. _

Neji smiled. "Thanks, Naruto. Before I go, I would like to take this opportunity to say how much of an inspiration you are to me as a leader to this fanfic series and to say how wonderful you are..."

* * *

Naruto rubs his forehead because of his hangover and interrupts Neji. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to interrupt you there, Neji, because you've been sacked." 

**Headline: Goku's a-pole-ing Result **

Naruto quickly regains composure. "To Anime News, a strong showing in the polls for President Goku's opponent, Fat Giovanni, this week has shown us that if they ever have an election today, the polls would be totally wrong. This report by party animal Shikamaru, who was unable to get up this morning."

* * *

**Shikamaru Nara reporting from the ****Nara**** Residence **

Shikamaru was lying on his bed, wearing his PJs, with a deer plushie, a bottle of Sake and two sleeping blondes.

"How troublesome to do this. Anyway, it's polling madness in Tokyo as 52 percent of all Anime Characters are supporting Fat Giovanni, although that figure would drop rapidly by at least 30 percent if a real election would be held. Some more good news for Fat Giovanni. His approval rating is way better than his Pokémon rating. But Giovanni says that the poll figures are just a distraction from the real task...of copying President Son Goku. This is Shikamaru Nara...and, you know what? I think it's too troublesome for me to continue because I'm gonna throw up..."

* * *

**Headline: A Big Piece of Filler **

Luckily for us, we return to Naruto at the news desk. "Anyway, American Cartoon Characters have their first ever _'Tongue Twister Contest'_. Sasuke Uchiha has joined me live from the western waterside ward of Hollywood. Sasuke, heard that it looks like a damn dandy day."

* * *

**Sasuke reporting from ****Hollywood**

Sasuke was by himself in Hollywood, looking at the sky. "Well, whethertheweatherbecold, whethertheweatherbehot, whethertheweatherwhatevertheweatherwhetherwelikeit or not."

_"And what pretty prizes profit from these tongue twisting tussles?" asked Naruto. _

Sasuke begins another round of tongue twisters.

"Well, Naruto. The competition'scompetitorscompletedcompetitively for a dozendonutdinners and a boxofbiscuits, a boxofmixedbiscuits and a biscuitmixer. All judged by a wickedpicketcritic."

_Naruto is now confused. "I'm sorry, Sasuke, judged by who?" _

"A wickedpicketcritic," Sasuke repeated at a slower speed.

_"Sorry, who?" asked Naruto. _

"A wickedcriticpick...pickwick...damn!" cursed Sasuke.

_Naruto was laughing. "I got ya, Sasuke!" Naruto continued laughing. "Anyway, thank you very much. You don't seem to be suffering much from the party last night." _

"What party?" asked a suspicious Sasuke.

* * *

Naruto quickly changed the subject. "Erm...never mind. That's all the news for now. And if this wasn't the last episode, we would come back with such stories such as..." 

**Granny Tsunade's total wellbeing diet has offered the most natural menu ever devised by an old hag. **

**Orochimaru gets mistaken for Michael Jackson and vice versa. **

**And finally, Shikamaru claims that having two girlfriends at the same time is easier than playing against a Shougi player and a Go player at the same time. **

"And that's pretty much it." Naruto takes a party noisemaker and blows it.

* * *

**Cast:  
**Naruto Uzumaki  
Sasuke Uchiha  
Chouji Akimichi  
Shikamaru Nara  
Ino Yamanaka  
Tenten  
Neji Hyuuga  
Rock Lee  
Kiba Inuzaka 

**Cameos Include:  
**American Cartoon Character Kim Possible  
Great Naruto Bridge Builder Tazuna

Harry Potter Jokes, Shikamaru Jokes, Konoha Jokes, Tsunade Jokes and Whatever Jokes come from the weird place called PikaFlash's head.


	11. Season 2 Edition 1

**Naruto News Show Headlines **

Naruto and Shikamaru were at a newsdesk.

"And now, for today's top story," said Shikamaru.

**Headline: Orochimaru Humiliated **

"In Otagakure, the leader of the Sound Ninjas, Orochimaru, has lashed out at Konoha for the latest round of ANBU attacks, which he says that it's becoming increasingly personal," reports Naruto.

**_Statement from Orochimaru:_**_ "They keep saying that I look like Michael Jackson. Personally, I don't see the resemblance." _

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Pilot/Episode 1 _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

Note: All Flames will be used to fuel our war against the Digimons and Sound Ninjas.

**Fanfics currently in the works:  
**The Hokage Files Finale  
Stinking Shurikens

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

* * *

**Breaking News: Terror Alert **

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the news desk.

**Terror Alert: Code ****Orange**

"This is breaking news. Japan is on full alert after reports that Anime Dubbers are about to terrorize the country. President Goku has upgraded the terror warning from **Code Orange** to **Code Purple**," reports Shikamaru.

**Terror Alert: Code Purple. **

"Our correspondent in Tokyo, Tenten, has more," finished Shikamaru.

* * *

**Tenten reporting in ****Tokyo**

"That's right, Shikamaru. It's the fourth time today that President Goku has change the color of the alert."

**Terror Alert: Code Yellow **

"Correction, make that the fifth time," said Tenten.

_"And I see that it is now Code Yellow. What does that mean?" asks Naruto. _

"Code Yellow means don't answer the door to anyone, take the safety off your weapons and most importantly, prepare to use your most powerful attacks," explains Tenten.

* * *

Naruto and Shikamaru both nod, now fully understanding the current alert status. 

"Anyway, back to your regular fanfiction reading," said Naruto.

* * *

**What have we learned from Fanfiction...this chapter? **

Kiba and Neji were at a desk.

"Before we go on the segment, let's look up the new Search Tally Board," said Neji. "Searching for **NaruHina** as a summary has the Naruto series beating **Anime Crossovers** by 1109 to 1. Although the total is a magic number of **1111**."

**Summary Tally for "NaruHina" on ****Sunday 19th August 2006****:  
**Searched in Naruto: 1109  
Searched in Anime Crossovers: 1  
Searched entire 1111

"While searching for a summary with NaruSasu was no match for SasuSaku," adds Kiba.

**Summary Total in Naruto section on ****Sunday 19th August 2006****  
**SasuSaku: 1920  
NaruSasu: 522

"But a bit disappointing for Naruto/Harry Potter fans when they find out that they were losing ground against Yu-Gi-Oh," said Neji.

**Summary Tally for "Harry Potter" on Sunday 9th August 2006  
**Searched in Naruto: 49  
Searched in Yu-Gi-Oh: 57

Neji and Kiba looked at the camera. "On to our first lesson. **Clichés**," announced Kiba. "This is the stuff almost every fanfiction writer who has no idea does or prefers to have the characters do this."

**Lesson 1: Clichés **

"It's like a scourge of the fanfiction world. Because it's a way to add humor into the fanfic. For example, a conversation with a certain teammate of mine and our sensei," said Neji.

**

* * *

**

**Cliché sample 1: Lee and Gai praising each other. **

Lee and Gai were at some random spot in Konoha.

"Lee!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-Sensei!"

And so on...

**End Sample **

* * *

Back to Kiba and Neji at the desk.

"Well, that was interesting," said Kiba.

Neji sighed. "This is what I have to put up with every time I'm in another fanfic."

**

* * *

**

**Cliché sample 2: Hinata's stuttering **

Hinata was outside the Hyuuga Household.

"I-I-I-I never a-a-agreed to t-this i-i-i-idea," said Hinata in an over-dramatized stutter.

**End Sample **

* * *

"How do you put up with that crap?" asked Neji.

"It gives Hinata character," said Kiba. "After all..."

* * *

**Breaking News: Terror Alert: Code Yellow **

"We interrupt your fanfiction reading for some breaking news..."

Naruto and Shikamaru were back at the news desk.

"Breaking news as we are now on **Code Yellow**," Shikamaru reported. "Tenten?"

* * *

**Tenten reporting in ****Tokyo**

"It's now **Code Tuna Sandwich**," said Tenten.

**Terror Alert: Code Tuna ****Sandwich**

* * *

"I'm sorry, **Code Tuna Sandwich**," corrects Shikamaru. "Tensions in Japan are now high as Choji Akimichi is standing by in Sunagakure. Choji, what's the latest?"

* * *

**Choji Akimichi reporting in Sunagakure **

Choji is in Sunagakure.

"Well, the situation is that we've been receiving more unconfirmed reports than you've been getting reports back there..."

* * *

Back in the studio, Naruto interrupts Choji. 

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Choji, but you have just finished answering Shikamaru's question. Rock Lee is standing by in Greenland, I believe...

* * *

**Rock Lee reporting in ****Greenland**

Rock Lee is wearing an Eskimo outfit in Greenland (because it's mostly Ice, not green), waiting for Naruto's question.

* * *

"...which is of no use to us," said Naruto, making us ignore Lee back in the studio. 

**Terror Alert: Code Red **

"So, that brings us back to Tenten in Tokyo, and I believe it the terror alert is now **Code Red**. What does that mean?" asks Naruto.

* * *

**Tenten in ****Tokyo**

Tenten begins to explain. "**Code Red**. It is a High-Level Scare-tactic designed to make people less secure, so that they can support an attack against the Digimons..."

* * *

Shikamaru interrupts Tenten. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cut you off, Tenten, because we have Shino standing by in Kyoto," said Shikamaru. 

"What's the mood like there?" asked Shikamaru.

* * *

**Shino Aburame reporting in ****Kyoto**

Shino was in a night club with the patrons partying around in the background.

"It's pretty loud here at..."

* * *

Back at the studio, Naruto interrupts Shino. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to cut you short, Shino, because we have live in the studio with us the Hokage, Granny Tsunade, who is also an expert on Anime dubbers." 

In the studio, Tsunade sits next to Naruto and Shikamaru.

"Tsunade-sama, what can you tell us about the mood here in the studio?" asked Shikamaru.

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

Choji interrupts Tsunade. "Sorry to interrupt you there, Tsunade-sama, but we've just received a report of an unconfirmed report on a possible report."

* * *

Back to Naruto and Shikamaru in the studio. 

"Tenten, what's the terror alert code now?" asks Shikamaru.

* * *

**Terror Alert: Code Large Swimming Mammal in a can **

**Tenten in ****Tokyo**

"The alert is now **Code Large Swimming Mammal in a can**," reported Tenten. "Shikamaru?"

* * *

Shikamaru looks at Naruto. "Naruto?" 

"Choji?" asks Naruto, looking at the live feed of Choji in Sunagakure.

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"Sasuke?" asks Choji.

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha Reporting in Otogakure **

Sasuke was at the Sound Village newsdesk, covered in snakes.

* * *

"It appears that we have some technical difficulty with our Otogakure newsdesk," said Shikamaru. "We'll bring you updates throughout this fanfic."

* * *

"We now return you back to the fanfic."

* * *

**The ****9:30**** Report **

Neji and Kiba were sitting on two different chairs.

"Welcome to the 9:30 Report," said Neji. "Where we look at how other Anime dubbers would have dubbed a particular Anime series already been dubbed."

"This episode, we decided to look at how **4Kids** would have dubbed Naruto," said Kiba. "For example, Naruto would stay as "Naruto" because of it's his series. But because of 4Kids **_'Americanization'_**, I could have a new name...like _'Kyle'_ instead of Kiba."

"Or _'Neil'_ instead of Neji," adds Neji.

"What would Ino get if 4Kids had dubbed us?" asked Kiba.

"Well, I wouldn't say that it would have a drastic change like **Mew Mew Power**, but I suppose it would probably be _'Irene'_," said Neji.

"Shikamaru would probably have a name like **'Sebastian'**."

"Choji will get **'Chubby'** though."

Both Kiba and Neji had a laugh.

"And Asuma would get some odd name like **'Allen'** while sucking on a lollypop instead of Smoking," said Neji,

"But look on the bright side," said Kiba. "At least we aren't going to end up like **CardCaptors**, completely cutting off the final episode of the original series."

**Short List of Name Changes of 4Kids could have dubbed for Naruto:  
**Sakura - Sarah Springfield  
Sasuke - Steven  
Kakashi - Kevin  
Shikamaru - Sebastian  
Ino - Irene  
Choji - Chubby  
Asuma - Allen  
Hinata - Helena  
Shino - Shaun  
Kiba - Kyle  
Kurenai - Kimberley  
Neji - Neil  
Tenten - Trini  
Lee - Rock  
Gai - Guy

* * *

**Ad Break **

**_Advertisement: A Kero Affair_**

Naruto was in a make-up room.

"Coming onto A Kero Affair is possibly a good thing for me, even the old one was not up to scratch..."

* * *

**Old _'A Kero Affair'_ Ad **

A Doctor was working in a lab.

_"The doctor who creates miracle diets which turn Japanese Anime Characters into American Con-men Pikachus and why they are suing the doctors." _

A Pikachu was carrying a stop sign, followed by a girl in front of a mirror.

_"Plus, the American con-man Pikachu who gave his daughter breast implants, now she want more and she's an Anime Character." _

Sailor Moon was walking down a street following a Pikachu.

_"Finally, the woman, Anime Distributor by Day, Anime Character by Night. Why she abandoned her Anime Character children for her Con-Man Pikachu job who badly dubs Japanese Anime Series." _

* * *

Naruto smiled. "But this time, I want to raise the bar by a bit. I want to include High Profile Anime Characters."

* * *

**New _'A Kero Affair'_ Ad **

An Anime character was eating a cake.

_Naruto's V/O: "How much fat is too much fat? When to say no? We ask a Pokemon Trainer." _

A fat Pokemon trainer walks by...

* * *

A Pikachu dressed as a surgeon runs away from a camera, then someone was cleaning the kitchen. 

_"The notorious American Conman Pikachu plastic surgeon which uses kitchen germs to turn young Anime Characters from this..." _

A fat Anime Character was seen on camera.

_"...into this." _

Choji was walking down the street.

"And why President Goku wouldn't do a thing."

Goku was eating lunch.

* * *

A Pikachu blocks the camera, then the camera faces fat Medafighters walking by. 

_"And the American Conman Pikachu who are preying on miracle diet Anime Characters. A Special Naruto Uzumaki Investigation." _

* * *

"Find out more on AKA **(A Kero Affair)** with Uzumaki Naruto, tonight on **_TVKonoha_**."

* * *

**News Headlines **

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the newsdesk.

"And now an update on the death toll on the Earthquake in the Digi-World," reports Shikamaru. "2 Million Digimon are now confirmed dead."

"And the controversial 100m race involving Taito and NaruSasu fans as they claim that they ran on a track that is too straight," said Naruto. "Coming up."

* * *

_"Coming up on Konoha Story..." _

_V/O: "The new health crisis that threatens to bring the food industry to its knees, as Farmers struggle to cope with the biggest outbreak yet of..." _

**Mad Noodle Disease **

Farmer Neji was at his noodle farm. "I got ten thousand square miles of noodles and look at this."

Neji holds up a noodle wearing a pair of nerd glasses. "They've gone bonkers."

* * *

**V/O: Over 10 million stocks of ramen destroyed a day, experts say that the worst is yet to come. **

Expert Choji was in his office. "If you thought Bird Flu was bad, wait till you hear about Raflu."

* * *

**V/O: It's am epidemic unlike any other we've seen before. **

Expert Sasuke was at the camera. "This crisis could wipe out the entire Ra-man population. On the upside, it does include that idiot so it's not all bad." Sasuke grinned.

* * *

**"Mad Noodle Disease",** Konoha Story on** TVKonoha. **

**End Commercial Break **

* * *

**Game Show Segment **

_Ino's V/O: Its now time for the audience participation! For tonight's audience participation, it's "Gai in a Barrel"! _

Kiba and Neji were on stage with three large barrels and a girl.

**Gai in a barrel **

**_"Gai in a barrel" and concept owned by Naruto's productions. Ino's Voice-Over ©™ appears by arrangement with Naruto's Vocal Artists Management. All rights reserved. _**

_Ino's V/O: On to you, Neji and sidekick. _

"Thanks, Ino. Who is our contestant, Neji?" asks Kiba.

Neji looks into his file. "Our contestant is Asuka Tenjouin from **_'Yu-Gi-Oh! GX'_**, she's a part-time Rodeo Clown, with 5 kids and definitely wears a wig. She loves donkey rides and pumpkins."

Kiba looks at Asuka. "Asuka, have you played "Gai in a barrel"?"

Asuka shakes her head. "No."

Kiba looks at Neji. "Neji, tell her what is the game about and Ino, do your job."

_Ino's V/O: Yes, Kiba. _

Silence.

"Tell us the Prizes," said Kiba.

"Geez, she should have known what we are suppose to do," mumbled Kiba. "I thought by now she would have known what it is."

_Ino's V/O: Oh! _

* * *

**Prizes **

A Gason Brand of Stove was seen.

_Ino's V/O: Don't want raw meat? Well, we got a stove that has spacious interior with headroom to end it all when you laugh. Gason, gasoff, the only way to end it all. _

* * *

A Medabot was seen. 

_Ino's V/O: Asuka, I can see you with this Medabot, if we can give it to you. I guess it's my fault not to get a picture of you with the Medabot. _

* * *

Sakura was holding a camera and a cassette player next to some baggage. 

_Ino's V/O: What does a camera; a cassette player and luggage have in common? Well, they can be stowed away in the baggage compartment of a plane. Here comes the plane _

The camera moves from Sakura to Hinata next to a model of Boeing aircraft.

_Ino's V/O: A 5-inch Boeing minus-2, it may be too small to fit you in there, but its part of **'Rodent's Travel Around The World' **before they went bankrupt. Because we are cheap, you get the plane. _

* * *

_Ino's V/O: Back to you Kiba and Asuka. _

Neji gave an angry glare.

"And Neji!" angrily adds Neji.

Kiba smiled. "Ok, Asuka, you have to choose a barrel that Gai is in and you have no thinking time."

**Ding! **

"Barrel 3," said Asuka.

"Ok, barrel number 3! Neji, the crowbar!" Neji passed Kiba a crowbar.

"Thought you would hit Asuka with it," said Kiba. "I love doing manual labor."

Kiba opens the barrel and Kiba, Asuka and Neji looked into it.

"No, sorry, Gai is not in barrel number 3."

**Cartoonish Pitiful music was played **

Kiba looked up. "In fact, I can't tell whose body is it since it's badly decomposed. Neji, which barrel is Gai actually in?"

Neji had a smug look. "Well, none of them, Kiba, because it's all rigged!"

"Not to worry, you may be in the running for this," said Kiba.

* * *

A lump of coal was seen. 

_Ino's V/O: A lump of Coal! _

**Ta-DAH! **

* * *

"Ok, now, Neji, read out the question to Asuka." 

Neji opens his file. "Ok. Asuka, listen to this. _'A train leaves __Moscow__ at __8 am__ at 110 km/h for __Paris__. Meanwhile, a train left __Paris__ for __Moscow__ at 100 km/h. The distance between __Moscow__ and __Paris__ is 2770 km.'"_

Neji closes his file and there was an awkward pause.

"It's a very good story," said Kiba. "But when will we get to the questions?"

"Yes," said Neji.

Kiba sighed. "Ask Asuka the question. Enough about this geography and numbers."

Neji opens his file again. "Ok. Asuka, here's your question. _'If President Goku enters into an election, what will he do?'_"

* * *

**a) Hand over the leadership of the Japanese government to Krillin. **

**b) Announce that he will seek another record term in office. **

**c) Get a new bicycle. **

* * *

"I choose **C**," answered Asuka. 

**_Correct answer sound effect was heard. _**

"C is correct! And your prize is a pie, better than the lump of coal," said Kiba as Neji gives Asuka a pie. "Ino, tell us more!"

* * *

A picture of a plane was seen. 

_Ino's V/O: International contestants get to travel here by aero-plane. It's much safer than ballooning or being shot out from a giant cannon. In fact, some people are idiots. Back to you, Naruto. _

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto was by himself at the newsdesk.

"Thanks Ino. Before we move on, let's cross to Sasuke Uchiha at our Otogakure Newsdesk."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting in Otogakure **

Sasuke is being strangled by a single snake as the desk is full of snakes.

* * *

We return to Naruto at the news desk. 

"Sorry, it appears that we seem to have a slight technical difficulty over at Otogakure," said Naruto. "So, I think it's now time to end this fanfic."

* * *

**Scenes not affecting the outcome of the fanfic have not been included. Like this one. **

Neji and Tenten were watching TV while sitting on the couch. The TV made cartoon type noises like the spring, the drum sounds, the beating sounds, explosions, mallet smashing etc. Then Neji looked at Tenten.

"What was Cartoon Network thinking with their Naruto Promotions?" said Neji as he looked at Tenten.

Tenten shrugged as the two continued watching TV while drinking their drinks.

**Naruto News Team:  
**Naruto  
Shikamaru  
Choji  
Tenten  
Shino  
Rock Lee  
Sasuke

**Other Stuff:  
**Neji  
Kiba  
Ino


	12. Season 2 Edition 2

**Naruto News Show Report: "Where's Orochimaru?" by Ino Yamanaka **

"Almost a year ago, Japan's most powerful President has made a simple promise," reports Ino.

**Son Goku, President of ****Japan**

Goku was in a press conference. "We will find him and bring him to justice."

* * *

Ino continues. "But one year on, Orochimaru still continues to evade **ANBU** and Akatsuki. Despite a search effort by the **JDF**..." 

A **JDF** soldier was speaking to a walkie-talkie.

* * *

_Ino: "Local Search Groups..." _

A group of volunteers were searching a forest for Orochimaru.

* * *

_Ino: "And Astronomers." _

Tenten was looking into a telescope into the night sky.

* * *

In a factory, a group of workers were packing tins of canned food. 

_Ino: "These workers were hired by Intelligence Agencies to check to see if Orochimaru has hidden himself inside a tin of canned food. But still, there is no sign." _

* * *

_Ino: "Some claim that Orochimaru is dead..." _

Scenes from Orochimaru fighting the 3rd Hokage is seen on the report.

_Ino: "But this old episode footage shows that Orochimaru was once very much alive and proves why he couldn't be again." _

* * *

_Ino: "Perhaps the real problem is that people everywhere have simply stopped looking." _

The Genins of Konoha were doing their regular training with their Jonin Senseis while Academy students were being taught by their Chunin instructors.

"This is Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 2: Digi-thon _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

**Note:** We at Team PikaFlash do not send the unhealthy message of _'Please Review or we'll kill ourselves'_ or _'Please Review or we won't post the next chapter'_. We are not that desperate and we like to take our time on fixing up fanfics and sort out the crap from the good stuff, hoping that it would guarantee at least a review.

**Note 2:** Oh, and since you're reading this fanfic, could you review it as it would help get more readers.

**Fanfics currently in the works:  
**The Hokage Files Finale  
Stinking Shurikens

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

* * *

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the news desk. 

"That report from Ino Yamanaka," said Shikamaru. "That leaves us one bit question. Just how wanted is Konoha's Most Wanted Man? Sasuke Uchiha has gone undercover in Konoha to expose our weak spot..."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha Reporting **

Sasuke was walking around Konoha wearing Orochimaru's outfit.

"In the public domain," reports Sasuke.

* * *

Sasuke was eating Ramen with Naruto while trying to keep the soup splatter away from his Orochimaru attire. 

_Sasuke: "Doing some research". _

* * *

_Sasuke: "Or just chilling out." _

Sasuke was in a games arcade playing Dance Dance Revolution.

* * *

_Sasuke: "I've successfully infiltrated every level in Konoha's Society." _

Sasuke was donating some spare change to an old guy.

* * *

Sasuke was asking an **ANBU** for directions to **ANBU HQ**. 

_Sasuke: "Even enlisting the help of **ANBU**." _

The **ANBU** points the direction to **ANBU HQ**, completely oblivious to Sasuke's Orochimaru costume.

* * *

Sasuke was doing some supermarket shopping in Konoha's Convenience Store. 

_Sasuke: "But no matter where I went, who I met or what I said..." _

* * *

Sasuke sits on a park bench next to Sakura, still in his Orochimaru attire. 

"...no body wants to know about Orochimaru. Wake up, Konoha!"

* * *

Sasuke finished off his **DDR** game before picking up his Kusanagi sword and walking off. 

"You're dancing with danger. This is Sasuke Uchiha reporting for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

**Ad Break **

A Phone Rings and Tenten answers the phone.

"Hello, is there anyone there?"

There caller hung up.

**_'She thought it would be a quiet evening.' _**

The phone rings again and Tenten answers it.

"Hello?"

_Caller: "Are you the main shopper in the house?" _

Tenten quickly hangs up.

**_'But her night was only beginning...' _**

Tenten answers the phone. "Hello?"

_Caller: "Have you checked the children...very frequently, frequently, sometimes or not at all?" _

Tenten was shocked.

**_'Alone and Isolated...' _**

Tenten walks around in the dark house and locked each and every door around the place.

_Officer Uchiha: "Has he threatened you?" _

"No," replied Tenten. "He just keeps asking me to rate things out of ten where ten means strongly liked and zero means strongly disliked."

The phone rings once more.

"Stop calling me!" screamed Tenten.

_Officer Uchiha: "It's the police! We've traced the call! It's coming from inside the house! You hear me?" _

**_'You can't...' _**

A man was trying to open the door as Tenten tries to keep it from opening.

**_'...Escape...' _**

The man kicks the door open...revealing to be Shino holding a clipboard and a pen.

**_'...the Terror.' _**

Tenten quickly runs from Shino as Shino walks through the door. "Just need a few moments of your time to conduct a quick survey," said Shino.

**When a Telemarketer Calls **

Tenten was in tears. "You promised me that it would only take five minutes," said Tenten.

**Not in Cinemas or out on DVD... **

* * *

**A Message from Orochimaru **

**Orochimaru's Message:** "I'm not in a good mood this week. After 2 and a half years, ANBU still hasn't been able to find me and yet some guy who does surveys had no trouble at all. I did the survey anyway and under job and religion, I wanted to put in _'Jedi'_ as a joke ...but decided to also call myself _'Voldemort, Dark Lord of the Hiss'_. And under the second or third person living with me, I said that I have a boy named Sasuke Uchiha with me but I drew the line at Kabuto."

* * *

**What have we learned from Fanfiction...this chapter? **

Kiba and Neji were at a desk.

"This chapter's lesson is about violence," explained Neji. "A way to either add humor or action in a fanfic."

**Lesson 2: Violence **

"Well, this sample we have is something that could be choreographed by the producers of the Matrix," said Kiba.

"And a warning for readers, especially those who prefer realism," adds Neji.

**Violence Sample **

Naruto was fighting Sasuke. Sasuke has Naruto in a head lock and Sasuke lands a few punches on Naruto's face. Or so it seems as the fist never even touch Naruto's face. Then, Sasuke continuously kicks Naruto on the ground. Though Naruto appears to be in pain, Sasuke's foot never got an inch near Naruto's torso.

**End Sample **

"That was an awesome fight," said Kiba.

"Its crap," said Neji. "The punches didn't even connect."

"What do you mean? That was Tarantino at his very best!" argued Kiba.

"That was not a great fight scene!" Neji argued back.

"If you don't like it, we're taking this outside!" yelled Kiba and walked out of the studio.

"Fine!" Neji followed Kiba out.

* * *

**Fight Scene **

Neji got Kiba in a headlock, while punch the air in front of Kiba, while Kiba receives each 'punch'.

* * *

Neji did his _**Eight Divination Signs, 128 Palm Strikes**_ on Kiba, although Kiba was feinting the hits as Neji's hands never even touched Kiba.

* * *

Neji finishes Kiba off with a head butt that appears to hit nothing but air, but Kiba still flew backwards to the ground, even though Kiba was only a few feet away from Neji. 

**End Fight Scene **

* * *

Neji and Kiba sat back at the desk, with Kiba nursing a black eye, despite not getting a single hit from Neji. 

"Well, that proves one thing," said Kiba. "Violence is never the answer, especially pretend violence."

* * *

**Naruto News Show Digi-thon **

Shikamaru and Naruto were at the newsdesk.

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show. I'm Shikamaru Nara with Naruto Uzumaki. It's Day 3 of the Digi-thon, the Telethon that wants other countries to pledge their support to Japan to rid us of the Digimon menace."

* * *

"Here's a pledge from the Pokémon Region of Kanto," announced Choji, who is in Sunagakure. "They are pledging..."

* * *

"Let me guess," said Shikamaru. "A computer?"

* * *

Back in Suna, Choji grinned. "How did you know?

* * *

"Still more countries to pitch in the invasion of the Digi-World. Neji Hyuga is standing by in Lightning Country's Kumogakure for us. Where does Lightning Country stand on this, Neji?" asks Naruto.

* * *

**Neji Hyuga in Kumogakure **

Neji was standing in front of the background of Kumogakure.

"They're still waiting for a bribe here, Naruto," replied Neji.

* * *

Back to Shikamaru with Naruto. 

"I now want to bring in Shino Aburame. Earth Country, in or out?" asks Shikamaru.

* * *

**Shino Aburame reporting in Iwagakure **

Shino was standing in front of the background of Kumogakure.

"In all the way, Shikamaru," reports Shino. "Ready to invade."

_Shikamaru: "That's great news. Earth Country ready to invade the Digi-World."_

Shino was surprised. "The Digi-World? Oh no! Sorry, not the Digi-World," said Shino.

* * *

To Naruto next to Shikamaru. 

"I'd just like to bring in Fuzzy Brows, who's in the Digi-World. Any support for a Digital Invasion?"

* * *

**Rock Lee reporting in the Digi-World **

Lee was standing in front of a computer.

"Largely against at this stage," Lee reports.

* * *

Now with Shikamaru and Naruto at the desk. 

"Ino Yamanaka is in Wave Country," said Shikamaru.

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka reporting in Wave Country **

"No troops yet from Wave Country, but they have offered to send a slightly aggressive dog," reports Ino.

* * *

Naruto at the desk. 

"Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure," said Naruto.

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting in Otogakure. **

Sasuke's head got decapitated; leaving the headless body sitting at the desk with Sasuke's bloodied head on the desk.

* * *

"Sorry, we seem to have a technical problem with Sasuke at the moment," apologized Shikamaru. 

Naruto looks at Choji in Sunagakure.

"Choji, Wind Country."

* * *

**Choji Akimichi in Sunagakure. **

"Two Words," said Choji. "Let's Roll!"

* * *

Six reporters and two newscasters were on eight different screens in a parody of the _Brady Bunch_. 

**Campy Music being played **

**First Row: (Naruto) (Neji) (Shikamaru)  
****Second Row: (Shino) ("The Naruto News Show Bunch" Title) (Ino)  
****Third Row: (Lee) (Sasuke's decapitated Head) (Choji) **

* * *

**Ad Break **

_On the Naruto News Show, you won't miss a thing..._

**8:00 AM News **

Hinata is at the newsdesk.

"Our top story this hour. President Goku has claimed that Orochimaru is Michael Jackson."

_More Updates..._

**12:00 PM News **

Sasuke's turn at the newsdesk.

"Japanese President, Son Goku has made a claim that Orochimaru is Michael Jackson and vice versa."

_More Often..._

**4:00 PM News **

Choji is sitting at the newsdesk.

"It's a Black or White Day as Orochimaru is Michael Jackson, claimed President Goku."

_In a World constantly changing..._

**7:00 PM News **

Tenten is reporting from the newsdesk.

"A Thriller today as President of Japan, Son Goku says that Michael Jackson is none other than Orochimaru."

_Some things stay the same..._

**9:00 PM News **

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the newsdesk.

"Our top story this hour," reports Shikamaru. "Japanese President Son Goku has made a claim in a press conference that Orochimaru is Michael Jackson..."

**_The Naruto News Show: You won't miss a thing. You won't miss a thing. You won't miss a thing. _**

**End Ad Break **

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the newsdesk.

"Welcome back live in the studio for the Naruto News Show, on the third day of our Digi-thon, helping Japan to conquer Kaiser Ken's compliance. Just recapping the tally board..."

**Digi-thon Troop Tally: Resources  
****Japan:** The Z-Senshi and any available Saiyans  
**Kanto:** A Computer  
**Wave Country:** Slightly aggressive dog

"Yes, and I've received a pledge from **_Hidden Mist_**," reports Shikamaru. "They're pledging 28 Ninjas and they are challenging all other Hidden Villages to match that."

* * *

In Suna, Choji has a few more pledges. "I've got a few from _**Red Bean Country**_, **_Honey Country_** and **_Noodle Country_**. They're pledging in principle support. So, thank you and yes, your loans from the Fire Country Bank will now be restored."

* * *

"Thank you Choji," said Shikamaru. "We've got some grudging support from **_Bear Country_** and **_Waterfall Country_** won't be sending any ninjas, but they did leave a nice hello to us..." 

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Shikamaru, but we've just received news that Digi-World's spokesperson Yamato Ishida is on the satellite now on the continent of Server." Naruto and Shikamaru faces a TV screen with a blonde man on it. "Yamato, as you can see that the whole world is against you, so tell me why we shouldn't invade you?" asked Naruto.

Yamato Ishida was on a bad transmission as the satellite begins to have heavy interference.

_"The Digi-World...not...happy...visible...weap...peaceful...unconditional...mercy,"_ said Ishida before noise interference cuts audio communication with the spokesperson.

Naruto looks away. "That does not convince me for one bit."

* * *

"He seems very evasive, didn't he?" muttered Choji.

* * *

"Well, the Digi-World has had their say," said Shikamaru. "And you'd...

* * *

**Naruto News Headlines **

"...time now to see what's making the news," said Shikamaru.

**Headline: A Joke on Gai's Fashion Sense **

"In Konoha, Gai has denied suggestions that his new sportswears are too green," reports Naruto.

**Headline: A Sandy Reference **

"As the world prepares to invade the Digi-World's mostly desert continent of Server, the Water Country Navy has begun a training exercise in the Wind Country desert to prepare for a long desert campaign," reports Shikamaru. "And now, let's cross live to Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure to see the reaction on the Upcoming War.

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure **

Instead if being in Otogakure, Sasuke was dressed up in a space suit while floating around in deep space.

* * *

"Sorry," apologized Shikamaru. "We seem to have a troublesome Technical problem in Otogakure." 

"Here are a few more pledges," said Naruto. "The United States are willing to send in a million troops but are willing to double it if I mention it in this news report, so there, 2 Million trops to invade the Digi-World!"

"And Pokémon's Kanto has agreed to increase its pledge if President Goku mentions them in a speech," said Shikamaru. "And it looks like Goku has met the challenge.

* * *

**Goku's Speech **

" Japan has got a great friend in all Pokémon Trainers," said President Goku in a press conference.

* * *

Choji was with a Pokémon Representative with a large blank check in Sunagakure. 

"That's right," said Choji. "Since Goku has mention Pokémon trainers, I have with me a Pokémon Representative with a special presentation."

"On behalf of all Pokémon Trainers, we would like to pledge Japan an uncontidional support on the war against the Digimons by presenting to you this blank check." The representative hands the blank check to Choji.

"Thank you, and I will make sure that this check will get into the right hands," said Choji as he receieves the check.

* * *

"Oh yeah, and **_Rope Country_** has promised to send in 100 Ninjas," reports Shikamaru. "If our reporter, Rock Lee could balance 12 eggs on his nose."

* * *

**Rock Lee in the Digi-World **

At the moment, Lee has already got 10 eggs being balanced on his nose.

* * *

"Looks like Fuzzy brows is almost there," said Naruto. "And a message for those countries who haven't made a pledge yet. You're either with us or against us. Now for some emails..."

* * *

**Naruto News Team:  
**Naruto  
Shikamaru  
Choji  
Neji  
Shino  
Ino  
Sasuke  
Tenten  
Hinata 

**Other Stuff:  
**Neji  
Kiba


	13. Season 2 Edition 3

"...this is one pie eating contest that President Goku vows that he would not enter. This is Shino Aburame in Tokyo."

* * *

_**Team PikaFlash presents:**_

**Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 3: Peace Crisis _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

Note: No need for notes this chapter.

**Fanfics currently in the works:  
**The Hokage Files Finale  
Stinking Shurikens

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

* * *

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the news desk. 

"Now, onto today's headlines."

**Headlines: ****Deep** **Sea**** Digimons? **

"Japanese Intelligence has believed that the Digimon Terrorist Network may be hiding under water," reports Naruto. "It is believed that the Digimons have now moved their training cells at the bottom of the ocean, which prompted President Goku to add it to the **_Axis of Bad Guys_**."

**Peace Crisis **

"Now, onto the peace crisis," said Shikamaru. "Where the war process is in danger of falling apart after a body blow to President Goku's efforts to start a lasting conflict in the Digi-World. Protesters all over the world are roaming out in the streets of Tokyo and Osaka, leading to the possible outbreak of peace."

"It's terrible when you hear about it," said Naruto. "And people have forgotten why President Goku is intent on wanting to wage war on the Digi-World. Let's remember why..."

* * *

**President Goku's Speech **

"This is the guy who stole my lunch..."

* * *

"And if that's not good reason for the whole world to join up in arms with President Goku, then I don't know what is," said Naruto

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"And in all this talk of peace, we can only hope that hotheads will prevail," said Choji.

* * *

"We'll keep you up to date on the Peace Crisis throughout the bulletin," said Shikamaru

* * *

**Ad Break **

**_"Tired of boring news?" _**

President Goku was sitting in a senate.

-----------

**_"Then watch the _KNX News Slam_!" _**

A balloon lands onto Goku's backyard as a volcano erupts.

-----------

**_"No more boring stats." _**

Goku was doing a boring speech.

-----------

**_"Just a lot more stats." _**

Eva-01 takes a machine gun from a building and begins firing.

**_"Why put up with the more comprehensive news when KNX serves up the big hits." _**

-----------

The press conference hears what Goku has to say.

**_"Less explanation..." _**

-----------

Godzilla destroys a building.

**_"...more devastation! _'KNX News Slam'_, only the news you wanna see!" _**

**End Ad Break **

* * *

**What have we learned from Fanfiction...this chapter? **

Kiba and Neji are at the desk.

"Before we go onto our lesson, did you see what happened to Hinata on the morning edition of the Naruto News Show?" asked Kiba.

"You would not believe what Hinata-sama had to do when she interviewed the Japanese Police Commissioner over the issue of the Odaiba Digimon Incident," said Neji. "So, this is how it went..."

* * *

**Replay: Naruto News Show Morning Edition **

Hinata was interviewing the Police Commissioner via satellite.

"It looks chaotic over there," said Hinata. "There are crowds lining up desperate for food and I was wondering for your safety because you've got armed officers behind you."

* * *

**Police Commissioner Ken Ichijouji in Odaiba **

The Police Commissioner looks up behind him to see two armed officers wearing bulletproof vests.

"Erm...Hinata, I feel quite safe. But not because I got these armed officers behind me put there by your stage manager to make it look good. I don't need these guys here..."

* * *

Back at Neji and Kiba's desk, Neji and Kiba were laughing. 

"That Ken. He deserves every bravery award there ever existed," said Kiba.

"He is the real hero of Tokyo," said Neji. "But the innocent victim in all of this is Hinata-sama. But it's not her fault."

Kiba nods. "Of course. She wasn't to know that the armed officers were placed there by the stage manager. She always assumed that everything was real!"

"And that annoying laugh she does on the show! It's put there by the _'Stage Manager'_!" Neji looked back at the camera. "Anyway, on to the lesson. Sound Ninjas," said Neji.

**Lesson 3: Sound Ninjas **

"It's a new fanfic trend involving anyone working for Orochimaru," explains Neji. "Especially when fanfics involve Kin, Zaku and Dosu, The Sound Four/Five/Six, Kabuto and Sasuke."

"Sometimes, authors would have such warnings in the summaries, but others will just simply shove them right down our gullets."

"And in this next sample, Sakura Haruno will show us what Sound Ninjas do when they need to find a source of income," said Neji.

* * *

**Fanfic Sample **

Sakura was holding a phone bill. "Another woman complains about Sound Ninja tactics. Of offensive and threatening calls every second day..."

**End Sample **

* * *

Kiba and Neji finished watching the sample. 

"Fair enough, Neji. Calls like that is actually Sound Ninja Tactics." explained Kiba. "I just happened to watch a documentary and it actually true."

* * *

**Documentary **

A phone rings and Kiba answers it. On the other end was Neji dressed as a Sound Ninja.

"This is the Sound Ninja Collection Agency! You have to pay your telephone bill or else, I will call you again, the day after tomorrow! Herr Orochimaru!"

* * *

**Another Pikachu Outburst **

Pikachu was in court.

"Pika Pikachu Pikapika!" yelled Pikachu. _(Translation: "This trial is a travesty. I'm boycotting this whole thing!")_

The judge wasn't really listening to Pikachu.

"Chu Pikapika pikapi chu Pikachu." _("How dare you sit there and call me a Digimon-hating megalomaniac.")_

"Pikachu pi pikachu!" _("You got me confused with Melvin Gibbs.")_

"But you do admit to owning several Melvin Gibbs DVDs," said the judge.

"Pikachu!" _(It's a lie!") _screamed Pikachu. He begins to explain. "Pika chu pikapi pikachu pika. Pika chu pikachu pika pika." _("I didn't even like Passion of the Digimons! I hate films with subtitles")_

"Yeah, I hate subtitles too," said the judge.

"Pika pika pika, chu Pikapi pikachu pikapika!" _("If anyone tries to put subtitles under me, I will execute them, __Texas__ style!") _

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto and Shikamaru are at the newsdesk.

"On to today's top story. The Peace Crisis has worsened as the dark cloud of pacifism is clouding Japan once again," reports Naruto. "Bringing the world dangerously close to the brink of calm."

"With more reaction from the other countries, joining Choji in Sunagakure is Shino in Iwagakure and Ino in Kirigakure." said Shikamaru.

On screen, Choji is in Sunagakure and behind Choji was a screen with Shino in Iwagakure and Ino in Kirigakure, and behind her is Sasuke in Otogakure and behind him is Lee in Kusagakure and behind Lee is some guy and behind the guy is Neji in Kumogakure and behind Neji is Shikamaru in the studio."

"Shino, what is the mood in Iwagakure?"

* * *

**Shino in Iwagakure **

Behind Shino was Ino in Kiragakure.

"It's not looking good. Peace is running out of control."

_Shikamaru: "How about in Kirigakure, Ino?" _

_Ino: "They are very concerned as this flies right in the face of all the hard work Kumo and Iwa have done to avoid peace." _

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"Well, call me a dreamer, but I'm not giving up on war just yet," said Choji.

As Shino takes a sip of water, some guy says, "That's a good point, Choji."

* * *

"What did you just say, Shino?" asks Shikamaru. 

_Some guy: "Not him! I'm back here!" _

* * *

**Ino in Kirigakure **

"I didn't say a thing!" said Ino.

_Some Guy: "No, me! Further back!" _

Ino looked back at Sasuke.

_Some Guy: A little bit further. _

* * *

**Sasuke in Otogakure **

The camera in on Sasuke as he looks back at Lee.

_Some Guy: "A bit more!" _

* * *

**Lee in Kusagakure **

The camera faces Lee as he looks behind him to see some guy in front of Neji.

_Some Guy: "That's me over there!" _

* * *

**Neji in Kumogakure **

The camera faces Neji as he looks up.

_Some Guy: "Nope. Too far back." _

* * *

**Some guy somewhere **

The camera is now with some guy as he laughs.

* * *

"And you are?" asks Shikamaru.

* * *

**Eric Stuart, Some Guy **

"Eric Stuart," said the guy. "I'm a voice actor who does English dub of Kaiba and Brock for 4Kids and also a singer for his own band."

* * *

"And...why are you here?" asks Shikamaru.

* * *

**Eric Stuart, Famous Voice Actor and Singer **

"I just wanted to agree with Choji," said Eric.

* * *

"Well...thank you for your time, Mr. Stuart," said Shikamaru.

* * *

"Pleasure," said Eric Stuart.

* * *

"Much appreciated," said Lee.

* * *

"Glad to be here," said Sasuke.

* * *

"No problem," said Ino.

* * *

"Anytime," said Shino.

* * *

"Let's roll," said Choji.

* * *

"You're watching the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru. "More after this..."

* * *

**The ****9:30**** Report **

Neji and Kiba were sitting on two different chairs.

"Welcome to the 9:30 Report," said Neji. "Where we look at how other Anime dubbers would have dubbed a particular Anime series already been dubbed."

"This episode is about **CardCaptors** and what would have happened if Viz did the dubbing," said Kiba. "For example, Li Syaoran wouldn't be known as Li Showron, but he will be known as Syaoran Li."

"And Sakura Avalon would have remained as Sakura Kinomoto," said Neji. "And still be the main character."

"And the best of all, Yamazaki and Chiharu wouldn't be called 'cousins' so that American fans would avoid seeing incest similar to Hyugacest," said Kiba.

Neji gives a glare at Kiba to remind _'Fangs'_ that he beat the crap out of him in the previous chapter.

"Anyway," said Kiba, changing the subject. "It does make you wonder how Viz would integrate something **CLAMP** puts in, like the couple Touya and Yukito."

"But if they allow it, would that mean that Viz would condone a NaruSasu romance?" said Neji. "But the one I feel pity for is Kero-Beros or Cerberus. Always bossed around by his CardCaptor in charge. He must have the worst boss for a small mascot-like character."

"Well, not like our Sakura," said Kiba. "She's not as worst as..."

At that moment, Sakura _(Haruno)_ walks into the studio and yells at the two hosts, scaring the both of them. "F-ing no! F-ing no! Do you know how much trouble I have to put up for you! You're f-ing out of here, dog-boy!"

Sakura kicked Kiba off his chair as Kiba cowered in the corner like a scared puppy.

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Filler Crisis **

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the news desk.

"Back with us live and onto the ongoing crisis with the Naruto Anime," reports Shikamaru.

"It just gets worst and worst," said Naruto. "I can't keep up with the Anime anymore. Who's turn is the filler episode based on this week?"

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"Secretly, I was hoping that all of the Seiyuus would all go on maternity leave so that they won't do anymore voices anymore and we can stick to the manga," said Choji.

* * *

"As of the animators has enough problems, now they must deal with the most damaging revelation yet," reports Naruto. "Hinata Hyuga has the details."

* * *

**Hinata Hyuga Reporting **

"With Naruto-kun's Anime in crisis, it was the last thing the Animators needed to hear," reports Hinata.

The boss of **TVTokyo** was at a press conference.

"The Naruto filler arc idea is in fact...an elaborate hoax," said the **TVTokyo** boss.

_Hinata: "The Head of **TVTokyo** admitted yesterday that he asked the animators to make filler episodes in a drunken dare while at a Christmas office party, saying he wrote the storyline for the filler episodes while getting stoned with his sports reporters."_

**TVTokyo**'s Boss continues his confession. "I thought up of every filler arc in the series, from Mizuki's reappearence to the arc about the Star Village for a bit of fun."

_Hinata: "TVTokyo had a whole year to run a series of unlikely storylines for filler arcs. The Tea Country Arc, the Bikochu arc and even Sasuke's reappearence in **episode 170**. Each more absurd than the last. Finally ending up with Konohamaru's seiyuu getting pregnant."_

"When Konohamaru's Seiyuu got pregnant, it was excellent," said **TVTokyo**'s Boss. "We've actually spread the hoax to another series, **Pokémon**. Everyone bought it..."

_Hinata: "Since then, TVTokyo has been trying out a series of unlikely arcs, but no one has raised any doubts despite him leaving several clues." _

"Nobody would expect that we would make a one episode arc based on Shino Aburame laughing, surely," said **TVTokyo**'s Boss. "And the one episode arc involving Kiba and Akamaru. Look at that and tell me that episode isn't a hoax. I mean, he's not shown off his abilities after the time skip in the manga."

Hinata was at the press conference.

"TVTokyo decided to come clean because the Filler Arc Hoax has gone too far. This is Hinata Hyuga for Naruto-kun's News Show."

* * *

Back to Shikamaru and Naruto. 

"We will now cross to Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure for reactions to this revelation," said Shikamaru. "Sasuke?"

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure **

A Typhoon has struck the Otogakure studio as Sasuke clings on to the news desk in a bid to keep himself from getting blown away.

* * *

"It appears that we have some sort of technical problem with Sasuke at the moment," said Shikamaru.

* * *

**Naruto News Team:  
**Naruto  
Shikamaru  
Choji  
Neji  
Shino  
Ino  
Sasuke  
Lee  
Hinata 

**Other Stuff:  
**Neji  
Kiba  
Sakura


	14. Season 2 Edition 4

A Group of Digimons are marching, preparing themselves for war.

_Narrator: "The Digi-World Crisis is escalating as KonohaTV begins a discussion on the issue on... _

* * *

**"Blankety News Blanks!" **

King Jiraiya is with a panel with Naruto, Shikamaru, Sai, Eriol Hiragizawa, Ugly Daisuke Greymon and Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno.

_Narrator: "With King Jiraiya and the usual guests, we talk about what's in the blank." _

King Jiraiya reads a question. "In the Digi-World, there is a very big **_'Blank'_**. Kitsune?"

Kitsune reveals her answer. "A very big **'Weapon'**!"

_Narrator: "We also discuss the regional implications of the Digi-World." _

Everyone was laughing at the joke.

"She's not the only one!" said Ugly Daisuke.

_Narrator: "Who's fully armed and who's firing blanks?" _

"I thought the Digi-World got a big..._'Penis-sula'_!" answered Sai, revealing his answer.

Everyone laughed at Sai's joke as Eriol got _"Arse-anal"_, Naruto got _"Butt-alion"_, Ugly Daisuke got _"Blank²"_ and Shikamaru got _"Miss-ile"_.

"More Riotous news statements on **'Blankety News Blanks'**, Monday Nights, 8PM on **KonohaTV**."

King Jiraiya and Kitsune were about to kiss...

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**Naruto News Death Star: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 4: Who wants to be an Assassin Hero? _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

**Note:** If you live in Konoha and want to be part of the live studio audience, please contact **KonohaTV** Studios...

**Fanfics currently in the works:  
**The Hokage Files Finale  
Stinking Shurikens

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

* * *

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the news desk. 

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru. "We have an exciting development on the **_War on Orochimaru_**, with President Goku putting out a call for assassination."

"And Goku has done the maths on this to find by far the cheapest way to bury Orochimaru for good," said Naruto.

* * *

**President Goku **

"The Cost of One Hit in a vital spot," said Goku. "The cost that is substantionally less than the people of Tea Country. The Cost of War is more than that."

"And will Orochimaru end up dead for that?" asks a reporter.

"Regime change is the policy and any form of it..."

* * *

"Looks like Orochimaru is asking for a slaying," said Naruto. "So who can blame him?"

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"So, come on and get armed and get to Tea Country. It's open season on Orochimaru and any snakes he has."

* * *

"If you got the weapons or a neat killing move, now you got the target," said Shikamaru. 

"And even if you don't have a weapon or a fighting style, we at the Naruto News Show will do more than we can to do what is right," said Naruto. "Ino Yamanaka?"

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka in ****Tokyo**

Ino is standing in front of a sign presenting the **"US$1,000,000 One Kunai Bonanza"**.

"That's right, Naruto. I'm here in Tokyo, where I have been handing out free Kunais all day to people who are ready to take a stab at Orochimaru."

_Naruto: "And, Ino, they're not just any Kunai we're giving away." _

"Not at all, Naruto. Every Kunai we give away has Orochimaru's name beautifully engraved on it," reports Ino. "So there's no way you're forgetting who's on the top of your hit list."

* * *

"Thank you, Ino," said Naruto. "Watch the Naruto News Show to find out how to receive your Kunai and win a Million US Dollars while you're at it." 

"And now to today's headlines..."

**Naruto News Headlines **

**Daring Flight **

"**Daidouji Corporation CEO**, Madison Taylor is flying high tonight...literally," reports Naruto. "The woman billionaire is on her 29th attempt to circumnavigate the world, while camping on top of a giant Meowth Balloon pilot by two people wearing red Rs on their shirts. The expedition has so far raised a million yen into the research of long term effects of Otakus watching too many Animes.

**SeaWorld Scare **

"The operators of a SeaWorld Theme park has strongly condemned a visitor who brought in a giant magnet into one of their shows," reports Shikamaru.

* * *

At a SeaWorld Theme park show, a jet-ski rider loses control of his jet-ski, causing the Jet-ski to speed towards a group of spectators

* * *

"The CEO of SeaWorld says that the park will be more vigilant in screening visitors for magnets." finishes Shikamaru. 

**President's Home Delivery **

"In Tokyo, President Goku has struck a breakthrough deal with his drug dealer for home delivery, so that he doesn't need to leave his house to score for drugs ever again," reports Naruto.

* * *

**Press Conference: Drug Dealer Neo Saiba **

"We have delivered for the last Japanese President, and we will deliver for the current Japanese President."

* * *

**Japanese Politics: Digimon Party **

"And speaking of Japanese Politics, thanks to a new policy in the Digimon Party, Party Leader Taichi Yagami has reduced the union representation from **60:40** to **50:50**, giving them big boost in the opinion polls, brightening the future of the Digimon Party in the next election," reports Shikamaru.

* * *

"Yeah, and thanks to the **50:50** margin," said Choji, "there will be a surge in the polls for the Digimon Party in the Japanese Senate this way with a **40:40:20** order. 40 percent Men, 40 percent Women and 20 percent on others."

* * *

"So **50:50** and **40:40:20 **for the Digimon Party," said Shikamaru. 

"But with the benefit of the 20:20 hindsight," said Naruto. "It would have been better at **60:40** and **35:65**."

* * *

"Aw come on!" protested Choji. "I say **50:50** is the right call."

* * *

"Come on, Akimichi, **60:40** is way better," said Naruto.

* * *

"Oh yeah, how about **52:48** at the most!" retorted Choji.

* * *

"**42:58** is the furthest I could go!" yelled Naruto. "Not a decimal point less!"

* * *

"Does **55:45** sound alright?" asked Shikamaru. 

"Stay out of this, Shika!" yelled Naruto and Choji.

* * *

"I'm sticking with **50:50** for the Union and women **40:40:20**!" said Choji.

* * *

"Women **20:40:45**!" Naruto takes a remote and puts the TV on standby; cutting off Choji's feed from Sunagakure. 

Suddenly, a TV set behind Naruto switches itself on.

* * *

"Aw come on, that only adds up to 105 percent, you dense idiot!" yelled Choji.

* * *

"Well, it is the Digimon party, you fat ass!" Naruto switches off the main power to second TV set. 

If you think the argument is over, think again. Choji's arm appeared from behind the TV and switched the main power to the TV back on.

* * *

"It has to be **50:50** and **40:20:40** before the election or they'll lose!" said Choji.

* * *

Naruto slips his hand into Choji's TV set and grabbed Choji's shirt collar. 

"**60:40:40:40:40**! Do the maths, Einstein!" yelled Naruto.

"That's it!" Choji pops out of the TV set with a TV remote. "You can shut your noodletrap, Uzumaki!" yelled Choji, as he uses the remote to switch Naruto into a blank TV channel.

Naruto started to fizz like a blank TV channel.

"It's **60:20:30:40:35:1** and that is the Digimon Party's future!"

"Will both of you shut up!" yelled Shikamaru, grabbing a remote and changing the channel on Choji's TV set to a blank channel. "You're going to be Seiyuus for Pocket Monsters, so who cares about the Digimons anyway."

Choji disappears as the TV screen changes into a blank channel and Shikamaru sees a camera and gave his smile.

"You're watching the Naruto News Show. More news after this..."

* * *

**Break: Lee's Pursuit Trivia **

Beyblader Max Tate was about to finish a press conference.

"Any questions?" asks Max.

Lee stood up. "Yes, Mr. Tate. I can understand your skills in Beyblading, but in Geography, what is Orange in South Africa, Yellow in China and Red in the US?"

Max scratched his head. "Well, I truly have no clue."

Lee gives the _'correct answer'_. "They are rivers."

Max was impressed. "Oh, really? Well, you learn something new everyday."

* * *

**Meanwhile in Domino... **

Seto Kaiba is at a press conference at a desk full of microphones.

"Listen, I do not deny to the Japanese President that I have stockpiled hundreds of microphones for my press conferences. I know that President Goku will be jealous because all he gets is one pathetic microphone whenever he goes into a press conference. Not to mention that I can also do a better _'Vegeta Impersonation'_ than he does on Yu-Gi-Oh with his pathetic Crowler voice."

* * *

**What have learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Kiba and Neji are at the desk.

"And now an important update on Hygiene in fanfics," reports Kiba.

**Sample: Hygiene **

_Narrator: "Neji's Sink Recorded 1.8 Million Bacteria. Kiba's was worst. 2 Million Bacteria in the sink..." _

**End Sample **

Suddenly, Kiba and Neji were cleaning their hands with anti-bacterial soap.

"Now, on to today's lesson. OCs from Hell," said Neji.

**Lesson 4: OCs from Hell **

"OCs from hell are a range of OCs who are not like your typical OCs," explained Kiba. "One, OCs from Hell are either stereotyped as a bad guy or just some anti-social loner who hates everyone but changes his views close to the end of the fanfic."

"The worst case scenario is to have an OC from Hell based off an actual Anime Character," said Kiba. "Like this one that moved in next to our Jonin Office."

* * *

**Sample **

In the Jonin Office, Kiba and Neji were playing with a beach ball, both laughing and happily playing...

_**A/N:** Yeah, well...it is a sample, so take this scene with a grain of salt. _

_Narrator: "It was an idyllic office when peace reigned and all was well in the world...until 'he' moved in next door." _

* * *

In the next office, it was all messed up, with documents thrown about everywhere. The occupant happens to be an old man who has purposely dropped sheets of paper onto the floor. Let's call this Occupant 'Gennai from Digimon'. Gennai picks up a walking stick and hits a pile of rubbish. Then, he sees the camera. The old man begins to push the camera man out of the office. 

"Go away! I'll kill you. Go away!"

**End Sample **

* * *

Neji and Kiba looked at each other. 

"I think I'll give him 0/5 for originality," said Kiba.

"I'd prefer a flame," said Neji.

Kiba looks at the camera. "Anyway, it's time for everybody's favorite new segment..."

**What will that Crazy Old Rope Say Next? **

"That's right," said Kiba. "There has been reports of Tsunade-sama starting to get senile, so, we have decided to ask the viewers to send in guesses on what Tsunade-sama might say next in her next speech."

"Yes," said Neji. "And we have a winner. Viewer, Heero Y., predicts that Tsunade would tell the world..."

**_She is actually a Pokémon! _**

"Yes and if she happens to tell the world exactly what you predicted, your prize money will be doubled," said Kiba. "And now, back to the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Shikamaru is at the desk. "Welcome back to the Naruto News Show. Naruto..." 

Shikamaru sees Naruto's body still on the blank TV channel. "Oh, sorry." Shikamaru takes a remote and presses a button to bring Naruto back to the fanfic.

"Thanks, Shikamaru," said Naruto. "Now, onto the headlines."

**Naruto News Show Headlines **

**Cartoon Police Strike Force **

"Japanese and Korean Animators are celebrating because in LA, police have begun a crack down on piss-weak cartoons shows made by amateurs for Pay Cartoon Channels. Police have arrested as many as 20 American Animators as part of their Operation Crappy Cartoon task force," reports Shikamaru.

**No More Spiky Hairs **

"At the same time, California law makers have recommended that Spiky haircuts be made illegal," reports Naruto. "The move is met with angry opposition from the Spiky Hair community."

* * *

**Video Games Characters Convention in ****California**

Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7 and Sora from Kingdom Hearts were leading a protest against the proposed anti-spiky hair laws.

* * *

**Heroic Attempt **

"**Daidouji Corporation CEO**, Madison Taylor has failed in an attempt to fly around the world while on top of a giant Meowth balloon. The woman billionaire has spent about 56 Million Yen on the High-tech camping balloon which she hopes that it would help develop alternative forms of transport for the Third World.

* * *

"And now for the latest report from Otogakure, we will now cross to Sasuke Uchiha," said Naruto.

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure **

Zaku and Dosu had Sasuke bound and gagged to a chair and Kin begins dancing to the tune of _"Lady Marmalade"_, before taking out a Kunai and climbing on Sasuke's lap and proceeds to slit Sasuke's throat...

* * *

Back to Shikamaru and Naruto... 

"Sorry, we seem to have a slight technical problem with Sasuke at the moment," said Shikamaru. "Choji, I hear that you got some emails for us."

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"That's right. This one is from Odaiba, Tokyo."

**Letter:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_A student of mine has Attention Deficit Disorder. Yet he's able to read this fanfic for hours without looking up. Thank you. _

_Hikari Yagami  
__Odaiba, __Tokyo_

"Another is from Ron Stoppable in Middleton, USA,"

**Letter:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Like your letters, but too long. _

_Ron Stoppable  
__Middleton_ _USA_

"And finally, Buttercup Utonium from Townsville, USA says,"

**Letter:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Love the KNX News Slam. You tell the bad guys that we will crush them! _

_Buttercup Utonium  
__Townsville_ _USA_

* * *

"Anyway, onto our top story. President Goku has called people all over the world to take the law into their own hands by assassinating Orochimaru," said Naruto. 

"And one man has been doing just that, Veteran Talkshow Host and Writer of the Icha Icha Series, Jiraiya," reports Shikamaru. "How are you, sir?"

* * *

**King Jiraiya Live! **

"Well, Shikamaru, my show, King Jiraiya Live, is willing to give the average citizen the chance for a million US Dollars to slit Orochimaru's throat. The catch is that you have only one chance to do the deed."

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"And I heard that Orochimaru has had a few close shaves already?"

* * *

"Yeah, no harm done on Orochimaru himself, but our contestants have already assassinated 6 of his body doubles, 5 men and 1 woman and my condolences go out to the family of Third Hokage, Sarutobi."

* * *

"And any contestants close enough yet, Ero-sennin?" asks Naruto.

* * *

"Well, Naruto, let's take a look at the Cash Ladder." 

**_"Who Wants to be a Millionaire"_ Theme is played **

**King Jiraiya Live Cash Ladder:  
****US$1, 000, 000** for Assassination  
**US$500, 000** for Serious Maiming  
**US$250, 000** for Flesh Wound  
**US$150, 000** for Slight Scratch  
**US$64, 000** for Infiltration

Jiraiya looks at the cash ladder. "Well, our most successful Vigilante to date is Mr. Takuya Kanbara of Shinjuku. He has successfully infiltrated the Hidden Sound Village, netting him 64 Grand, courtesy of the Naruto News Show!"

The audience cheered as the WWTBM theme is played once more. Jiraiya looks at the audience.

"But can Takuya go all the way? I got Takuya on the line, ready to take the chance to slit the most evil snake in Anime. Takuya?"

**Takuya from Shinjuku **

_Takuya: "Jiraiya, I'm scared. I got him in my sights." _

"In your sights?" Jiraiya looks at a TV screen. "Ok, can we switch to KunaiCam..."

* * *

**KunaiCam **

From the Kunai's POV, Orochimaru happens to be watching TV.

* * *

"Well, Takuya, you've already got the check for the 64 Thousand. What's your decision?" 

_Takuya: "I'm going in for the kill." _

"You're doing it?"

A scream was heard and the sound of metal hitting flesh was heard.

"Now the question is...did that Kunai hit Orochimaru?" Jiraiya looks at the camera. "We're going to find out, after this break."

The audience groaned at the words, _"after this break"_...

* * *

**Break **

_Narrator: "It's a story about love..." _

Sasuke and Sakura were walking in a park. Then, both Sasuke and Sakura were rolling down a hill onto a pile of leaves. Then, Sakura kissed Sasuke.

_Narrator: "About tenderness..." _

Sakura and Sasuke were at a park bench, with Sakura laying her head on Sasuke's lap and Sasuke feels Sakura's soft and silky pink hair.

_Narrator: "About Relationships..." _

Sasuke and Sakura were sitting near a river.

"I love you," said Sasuke, and as Sasuke was about to kiss Sakura...

Suddenly, Naruto burst through the scene. "Not! Lameass!"

_Narrator: "This Summer...Tai Kamiya has pumped Naruto Uzumaki a bag full of sugar..." _

Naruto was wearing rappelling gear as he rappels down a set of stairs from the top of the Hokage Mountain. "This is awesome, man! Whoo-hoo!"

_Narrator: "With new never-before-seen stunts!" _

"Whoa!" Naruto moves his hand over a lighted candle. "Whoa! It's hot!"

_Narrator: "Too lameass for TV." _

Naruto runs to Ichiraku's Ramen. As the old man Teuchi was about to serve a bowl of ramen to Naruto, Naruto suddenly said, "I didn't want any Ramen anyway! Ah hahahahahaha!" Naruto runs off.

_Narrator: "More budget." _

Naruto slides down a slide head first while wrapped in cling wrap, with Choji and Shikamaru wearing Tuxedos and smoking cigars while being served drinks by a couple of waitresses.

_Narrator: "More cameos." _

A lift door opens and inside was Yugi Moto. Naruto runs inside the lift and pressed all the buttons. "I've pressed all the buttons, dude! Whoo hoo!" Naruto runs off, not before Yugi flipped the bird at Naruto.

_Narrator: "More Lameass." _

Naruto was wearing a biker's outfit and a biker's helmet while riding up an escalator in a Tokyo Shopping Mall. "This is extreme man!"

_Narrator: "**Tai Kamiya's Lameass: The Movie**". _

Shikamaru and Choji were playing table tennis, with Naruto as the net.

"Lameass!" screamed Naruto.

**Tai Kamiya's Lameass: The Movie, Coming Soon. **

* * *

**King Jiraiya Live: Assassination Special **

"Welcome back, Live. Just then, Takuya Kanbara has taken a stab at Orochimaru. I now have the results of that attempt. I can now confirm that Orochimaru is now..." Jiraiya coughs...

* * *

**Naruto News Team:  
**Naruto - _Lives in Konoha with his Personal Computer of 2 Years and four young Laptops  
_Shikamaru - _Has never forgiven Naruto for writing in a column about the upside of Deer Hunting  
_Choji - _Lives in Suna with wife and brother-in-law, the Kazekage_  
Ino - _Has secured the rights to the newest Typhoon of the Season, Typhoon Ino  
_Sasuke - _Learn reporting while being embedded in the girls change room during summer camp_

**King Jiraiya Live!  
**Jiraiya

**Other Stuff  
**Neji  
Kiba  
Lee  
Sasuke  
Sakura  
Naruto  
Shikamaru  
Choji

**Special Cameo Appearances:  
**Daisuke Motomiya from Digimon  
Mitsune Konno from Love Hina  
Yugi Moto from Yu-Gi-Oh

**Final Note:** This fanfic will go on hiatus until the final chapter of the Hokage Files is complete.


	15. Season 2 Edition 5

_"...making Taichi Yagami as popular as a whining brat who has just soiled his pants. This is Ino Yamanaka in __Tokyo__." _

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**Naruto News Show and the Harry Potter Parody: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 5: Digimon Party Leadership Crisis _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

**Note:** The reason why the Naruto News Show is Anti-Digimon is because Pokémon is shown on TVTokyo while Digimon is part of FujiTV.

**Fanfics currently in the works:  
**Stinking Shurikens

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

* * *

**Short Ad Break: **

Narrator: "This week on TVKonoha, King Jiraiya talks to former leader of the Digimon Party, Jyo Kido."

Jiraiya was at the desk with Jyo. "Jyo, let me ask you this question. Did you sleep with Senator Mimi Tachikawa?"

"Of course I didn't..."

Jiraiya stops Jyo. "Jyo...did you sleep with Mimi...Truth...or Dare?" Jiraiya asks one more time.

Jyo looks at Jiraiya. "Dare."

"Double Dare?" dares Jiraiya.

Audience: "Physical Challenge!"

"I'll take the physical challenge..." said Jyo.

* * *

_Narrator: "Find out if Jyo can complete his physical challenge on **Truth or Dare**! __5:00pm__ Monday Nights on TVKonoha." _

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Breaking News **

"Welcome back. If you have just joined us, we've just got Breaking News as the Digimon Party is in a crisis as they began an emergency meeting that will determine Party Leader Taichi Yagami's Future," reports Shikamaru. "But in more important news, did anyone go to the **Anime Lecture**?"

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"It was a wonderful night at Kaiba's lecture," said Choji.

* * *

"Yes, it was a very special tribute to a very fitting man," said Shikamaru. "The CEO of **TVTokyo**. I mean, it was great to hear him to home in to those **Anime Elites**." 

"Yes," said Naruto "And that speech of his makes him such an engaging speaker as all of us were in the room were just hanging on his every word..."

* * *

**Anime Lecture **

**_TVTokyo's_**_ CEO: "We believe that there is no high culture or low culture." _

A bunch of Anime Characters from TVTokyo's Prime Time Anime shows were bored, listening to the CEO's speech. Some even tried to distract themselves from the boredom, like the characters from Bleach having swordfights using chopsticks and the Pocket Monsters characters playing cards.

**_TVTokyo's_**_ CEO: "We at TVTokyo will treat all Anime Characters equally..." _

As for the Naruto Characters, Hinata has her head on Naruto's lap as Naruto tries not to fall asleep, while Shikamaru has his head on the table. Ino tries to get into one of the head of other Anime characters in the room. Neji leans on his chair while Tenten juggles a steak knife. Choji eats whatever available food on the table and stealing some from other plates and Shino just sits there as we are unsure if he's awake or asleep...

**_TVTokyo's _**_CEO: "...regardless of their income, status and their target audience..." _

And as for Sasuke, who hasn't appeared in the Naruto Anime since episode 202, he has a sharp fork poking out from his head, keeping him awake from the pain and blood running out from his _'wound'_.

* * *

**Coming up: **

"Well, coming up, more autocue problems," said Shikamaru. "We might have to ad lib." Shikamaru pauses, hoping for something that could save him from some embarrassment. "More after this coming up..."

* * *

**The Life of Maito Gai's Spandex Emporium Voiceover! **

Gai was at a theme park.

"It's **MADNESS**! It's the biggest amusement park **EVER! FERRIS WHEELS! ROLLER COASTERS! HAUNTED MANSIONS!** You name it! This is the largest amount of fun I'll ever have in the springtime of my **YOUTH!**

Gai was sitting on a roller coaster. "Sideways! Up and Down! Everything massively **REDUCED!** A huge amount of potential energy is about to be converted into **KINETIC ENERGY** before Midnight tonight!" Gai's roller coaster ride went downwards. "I repeat, before **MIDNIGHT**** TONIGHT**!"

Gai was sitting on the Vomitnator. "The engineer has gone crazy, making this ride go 360 Degrees! That's right **360 Degrees**! This price never to be repeated! **360 Degrees**! **INSANE PHYSICS! G-FORCES! MOMENTUM! CENTRIPULAL ACCELERATION! **I like to get my hands on that **F-ING** engineer and **RIP HIS F-ING BALLS OFF!**

Gai got off the ride and ran to a bin. "I have eaten too much for lunch and now I feel as though the youth in my body is coming up of my stomach to my mouth!"

At that moment, Gai vomited into the bin.

* * *

**Break **

Hinata, Ino, Tenten and Sakura were gossiping with each other at Ichiraku's Ramen.

_Narrator: "A new show premieres on TVKonoha tonight." _

**Shinobis and the Hidden Village **

_Narrator: "4 Kunoichis in a __Hidden_ _Village__, meet up with each other at a Ramen stand as they talk to each other to find out if they will ever find the right Shinobi for them." _

The four girls continue their conversation with each other.

_Narrator: "That's **'Shinobis and the **_**_Hidden_** **_Village_****_'_** _10:00 pm__ tonight, on **TVKonoha.**" _

* * *

**Message from Orochimaru **

**Orochimaru's Message**: "I am extremely upset and angry this week. My movie script about snakes was stolen by some American and made it into a hit movie, by adding in an airplane! When I find that thief, I will take over his body so that I can claim that the story idea is mine, either way! But on a related note, Kiba said that he gives is it 4 stars, but Neji only gave it two. He'll be my next body after that director. I don't trust people with white eyes."

* * *

**What have learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Kiba and Neji are at the desk.

"Before we get started on this chapter's lesson," reports Kiba. "We have some important news on the latest rages. You may have heard of Road Rage and Customer Rage. But I have seen this fanfic which has told me of the different types of rages that I didn't even know existed..."

**Sample **

_Narrator: "We have Anime Rage, Road Rage, Shopping Rage, Supermarket Rage, Ramen Rage..." _

--------------------------------------------------------------

Sakura was walking along a footpath. As Konohamaru was about to walk past Sakura, Sakura pushed Konohamaru out of the way...

"**Footpath Rage**."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Iruka was being interviewed on the issues of school bullying.

"I think we've got what we could call _'School Rage'_," explains Iruka.

**End Sample **

Neji nods. "Yes, they're all the rage. I too suffer from a certain kind of disorder and I'm seeking help for it. It's called **_"Anime Dub Rage"_**.

--------------------------------------------------------------

**Neji's Anime Dub Rage **

Neji was watching a dubbed episode of Naruto on TV.

"You stinking Americans Dubbers! It's not called the **_'Evil Eye'_**, you..." Neji runs to the TV and does the 64 Palm Strikes move on the TV set, making the TV a complete wreck.

**End Rage **

--------------------------------------------------------------

"On to this chapter's lesson," said Neji, in a different state of mind compared to the wanton destruction of his TV set. "Amateur Fanfiction Writers."

**Lesson 5: Beginners **

"Well, the first thing you need to know is that they are everywhere," said Neji.

"Yes," said Kiba. "Did you know that over 50, 000 new Fanfiction Writers have chosen to begin writing Fanfictions of their favorite book, Game, Anime/Manga or TV series this year?"

"Well, 50 thousand doesn't sound that many," said Neji.

Kiba nods. "Yes, but what is 50 thousand in Fanfiction Language?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

**Sample **

**50, 672 New Fanfiction Writers **

_Explainer: "With nearly 60 thousand new writers posting up fanfics on their favorite series." _

**End Sample **

Neji and Kiba grinned. "Well, not to worry," said Neji. "Because we characters know how to find the experts who are critical of such writers who make grammatical and spelling mistakes in the English Language. Like this French Professor..."

--------------------------------------------------------------

**French Fanfiction Professor Cendre Ketcham at the ****University**** of ****Paris**

_Narrator: "French Fanfiction Professor Cendre Ketcham is fed up with the number of upcoming Fanfiction authors making mistakes that he is refusing to give advice on how to write good Fanfiction unless they have basic understanding of English Grammar and English Spelling." _

Cendre was writing on a sheet of paper.

_Narrator: "He is so fed up that he even wrote a message at the front of his University Office." _

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Now, let's take a look at Professor Cendre's message," said Kiba.

--------------------------------------------------------------

**_Cendre's Message:_**_ "If you cant speak or anderstand English And wont Leann Do Not Entre." _

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, there you have it, in plain Unglish!" said Kiba.

"And if you need more information on Professor Cendre's views," said Neji. "I suggest reading his Autobiography, **_'My Lofe'_**." Neji shows off Professor Cendre's Book, **_'My Lofe by Cendre Ketcham'_**.

"Recently, you may have heard about the Dub changes in Pokémon," said Kiba. "So, for this, we have one person who is ready for a new segment called...

* * *

**The Green Spruiker...at 4Kids **

Gai was outside the **4Kids **Office Building in New York with a microphone and speaker.

"That's right, shoppers!" announced Gai through the speakers. "Come on into **4Kids**! Our dubbed Animes are a complete disaster and they all got to go!** One Piece**, **Mew Mew Power**, **Magical DoReMi**. With ratings like this, we can't hang on to them for long. You'll never see this many boycotts for a company. Not even **Yu-Gi-Oh GX** can save them now. Our best shows walking out the door! **Pokémon**: Gone! **Yu-Gi-Oh**: Gone! **Shaman King**: Well, it's only a matter of time. And look at the stock we've held on to. **Ninja Turtles**, **Winx Club**, **Sonic X**. Their ratings have been massively reduced. Sean Schemmel's career has never sunk this low. Even the number 4 has been massively reduced, merging into the K, taking the original **4Kids** straight out the door!"

* * *

**Break **

_Narrator: "Coming up on TVKonoha..." _

Hinata, Lee, Kiba and Akamaru were in a big red car singing.

_Narrator: "What does two guys, a girl and a dog have in common?" _

Akamaru puts his head out of the window; acting like any dog would do as the car moves.

_Narrator: "Not really much, but they do have their own kiddy show..." _

**The Doggles **

_Narrator: "Just like the Wiggles, except we got a real dog in the group. Watch the Doggles at __9am__ on TVKonoha, after the morning news." _

* * *

**Neji, Reporter At Large  
****VS.  
****Orochimaru **

_Narrator: "The Showdown of the Century..." _

As ANBU search the streets for Orochimaru, Neji runs up to the entrance to an abandoned house.

"ANBU does not know about it," said Neji. "But Orochimaru is hiding in this house...I am going to have a showdown. The catch, I must take him out with one Kunai strike.

Neji takes out a Kunai.

--------------------------------------------------------------

**Neji VS. Orochimaru**, on **KPPN ($59.95 a min)**

"The **Ultimate Lightweight Title Fight** on **KPPN**, **Konoha Pay-Per-News**, for **$59.95** a min."

-------------------------------------------------------------- 

"10, 000 subscribers" Neji sharpens the kunai. "And I'm going in..."

* * *

"Welcome back," said Naruto. "Onto today's headlines..." 

**Naruto News Show Headlines **

**Headline: Taichi's Dreaming **

"After the Digimon Party's Defeat at the West Hinata District Election, Party Leader, Taichi Yagami says that he still got what it takes to lose the next Japanese Presidential Election," reports Naruto.

* * *

**Opposition Leader Taichi Yagami **

"I got exactly what it takes," said Taichi. "I know that and I will be fighting all the way, every day from now till the next election to demonstrate it and to present it."

* * *

"Mr. Yagami says that the battle to lose the next election starts today," finishes Naruto. 

**Headline: President Ken's Success **

"In the Digi-World, Ken Ichijouji has been returned as the President of the Digi-World, after achieving a **100 percent** result in the polls last week," reports Shikamaru.

* * *

**Digi-World Election Results **

**2002 - _99.96 percent_ **

**2006 - _100 percent_ **

**Swing of 0.04 percent **

* * *

_"Officials have said they have attributed the win to a strong campaign, targeting swinging voters," said Shikamaru. _

**Digi-World **

A bunch of Digimons opposing Ken were executed by hanging.

* * *

**Headline: New Hat **

_"In Pokémon's Kanto, Pokémon Trainer Ash Ketchum has been disciplined after calling a hasty press conference to display his new hat without even taking it out of its bag," reports Naruto. _

**Viridian** **City****, Kanto **

Ash is at a press conference speaking to the press while wearing his new hat that is still in its bag...

* * *

"Ash Ketchum has been suspended by Nintendo until further notice," said Naruto. 

"And now, let us cross live to Otogakure, where Sasuke Uchiha has the latest reports," said Shikamaru.

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha in Otogakure **

A pair of legs were suspended over Sasuke's news desk, showing no signs of life.

* * *

"We seem to have a technical problem in Otogakure," said Shikamaru. "So onto other news, where the stars have turned out for **Anime Industry's Award Award** **Awards**. Rock Lee is with us live at the ceremony. So, who were the big winners tonight, Lee?"

* * *

**Rock Lee in ****Tokyo**

"That's right, Shikamaru," replied Lee. "An evening full of winners at the **Japanese Anime Award Award Awards** which awards Anime Characters for all the awards they've already got. Usagi _'Serenity'_ Tuskino has already won the **Lifetime Award for Already Being Famous**, while Syaoran Li finally had his day in the sun for winning the **Award Award Award** for winning the **CLAMP** Award for being the main character of two Series, beating Tokyo Babylon's Subaru Sumeragi. And the biggest prize of the night went to Son Goku. He won the **Award Award Award for the most Awards Awarded to an Award Winning Anime Series in the last Awards year**. Back to you in the studio."

* * *

"Rock Lee there, reporting in Tokyo," said Shikamaru. 

"Choji, you got some emails for us," said Naruto.

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"Yes. Still a ton piling up in our inbox." said Choji. "Here's one from Jenny/XJ9 in America."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Downloading your fanfic is way easier than downloading other fanfics for information. _

_Jenny/XJ9  
__Nickelodeon Studios, LA _

"And that's the first email from a non-human that's neither Pokémon nor Digimon," said Choji. "Here's another one..."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Whatever happened to Kotetsu and Izumo, the juggling newsreaders? I hope they're okay. _

_Ami Onuki  
__CN Studios, LA _

"Well, Ami," said Choji. "The good news is that they're out of rehab and well on their way to recovery. Another one says..."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Please remove me from your mailing list. _

_Joey Wheeler  
__Domino_ _City_

"And this next one sums up most of our readers' opinions..."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Finally, an even-handed profile on Itachi Uchiha. Neji's report proved that there are two sides to every genocide. _

_H. Kisame  
__Address Unknown _

"That's from Hoshigake K., missing-nin from Kiragakure," reads Choji.

* * *

**Breaking News **

"Breaking News," reports Naruto. "It looks like the Digimon Party have come to a unanimous decision to take Taichi Yagami out back and kick the living shi..."

* * *

**Naruto News Team:  
**Naruto _(Newscaster)  
_Shikamaru _(News Commentator)  
_Choji _(Suna Correspondent)  
_Ino _(Tokyo Correspondent)  
_Neji _(Reporter at Large, What Have We Learned from Fanfiction...this chapter, The __9:30__ Report)  
_Tenten _(Reporter)  
_Lee _(Reporter/Weatherman)  
_Kiba _(What Have We Learned from Fanfiction...this chapter, The __9:30__ Report)  
_Hinata _(Naruto News Show: Morning Edition, President of the Naruto Fanclub)  
_Shino _(Iwa Correspondent)  
_Sasuke _(Oto Correspondent)_


	16. Season 2 Edition 6

**Vox Pop Time: Are Japanese Anime Characters Stupid? **

Choji is at the Suna news desk.

"Everyone is saying how stupid Anime Characters are and they know nothing about the world," reports Choji. "But could the reality be further from the truth, as I go out to the streets of Tokyo, asking them about the very world their country runs."

-------------------------------------------------

**Choji Akimichi Reporting in ****Tokyo**

Choji is with Keitaro at the entrance to **Tokyo** **U**.

"A Sophomore is a musical instrument, true or false?"

"Sophomore sounds like a musical instrument," said Keitaro.

-------------------------------------------------

Choji was with Syaoran in a park, who had been asked the same question.

"Sopho-what?" said a confused Syaoran

-------------------------------------------------

Choji gives the same question to Kasumi in a Tokyo Pokémon Center.

"It sounds like more like a weapon of mass destruction," said Kasumi.

-------------------------------------------------

"Who is Homer Simpson?" Choji asks.

"I don't even know," said Keitaro.

"Alright, any guess?"

"A skater?" answered Keitaro.

-------------------------------------------------

Choji was with Naru at the entrance to **Tokyo** **U**.

"Homer Simpson? He must be an actor," said Naru.

-------------------------------------------------

Choji reads the next question to Syaoran.

"Which Anime Series involves Magical girls in Japanese school uniforms?"

"Well, I know Digimon is one of them. But I'm not sure," said Syaoran.

-------------------------------------------------

"Ok, Pokémon?" Keitaro's answer to the question.

-------------------------------------------------

Shinobu and Su were on camera with Choji.

"I say it's maybe Medabots," said Shinobu.

"I see." Choji looks at Su.

"Medabots?" answered Su.

"Ok," said Choji. "There's more than one."

"I say all of them," said Su.

-------------------------------------------------

"Does it start with us?" asked Syaoran.

-------------------------------------------------

"Inuyasha?" added Keitaro to the list of Anime Series involving magical girls in school uniforms.

-------------------------------------------------

Daisuke was jogging on the spot.

"I'm a little confused between Pokémon and Digimon," said Daisuke. "Which one of them has stolen the rocks?"

-------------------------------------------------

"And I believe Digimon," finished Keitaro.

"How many Gundam series are there?" asked Choji.

Keitaro gave the question a bit of thought. "I say...one."

-------------------------------------------------

"What is famous in Tomoeda?" asked Choji.

"I have no idea," said Kasumi.

"Take a guess."

Kasumi gave it a bit of thought. "Errr...the Gold Pokémon?"

-------------------------------------------------

"I have no intelligent guess," said Syaoran.

"Ok," said Choji. "Want to make a stupid guess?"

-------------------------------------------------

"Which US State is KFC from?" asks Choji.

Daisuke was still jogging on the spot. "You mean the chicken? I don't know. I really don't know."

"Ok, what does KFC stand for?"

"Kentucky Fried Chicken," answered Daisuke.

-------------------------------------------------

"Is the Eiffel Tower in Japan, True or false?"

"True," answered Syaoran.

-------------------------------------------------

Choji proceeds to the next question.

"What is a Kamehameha famous for?"

"Well, they did say that a Kamayamaya was some beam of light out of a gun," said Keitaro.

"Dragon Ball Z is based on a true story?" asked Choji. "True or false?"

"True!" answered Keitaro.

-------------------------------------------------

"What are Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee?" asks Choji

"Sumo wrestlers?" answered an uncertain Syaoran.

-------------------------------------------------

"Who is Team Rocket?" asked Choji.

"A Rocket Team that can fly?" answered Naru.

-------------------------------------------------

Keitaro gives his answer to the above question. "They are a group who save the world by flying around with gold hair and green eyes."

-------------------------------------------------

"Which Kanto Pokémon City is the Cerulean Gym in?"

Naru scratched the back of her head, desperately finding an answer. "Errr..."

-------------------------------------------------

"When Pichus are born, their first word is 'Pikachu', true or false?" asked Choji

Syaoran was confused with the question. "Their what?"

-------------------------------------------------

"Errr...let me think...maybe Pewter City?" answered Naru.

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**Naruto News Show and the Order of Ramen: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 6: ANBU Raids _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

**Note:** In case non-Harry Potter fans do not get the joke, the title is a parody of the fifth Harry Potter Book, but Narutized for the Naruto fans. And this is the closest Harry Potter will ever enter a Naruto fanfic of mine.

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**Stinking Shurikens  
My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

**Fanfics Completed:  
**The Hokage Files

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

"Welcome to the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru. "Some of you who are Harry Potter fans or happen to be studying at Hogwarts are about to face your final exams but you also want to read this fanfic."

"So we at the Naruto News Show will slip in a few cheat notes to your exams through out the show," said Naruto. "So that you can now do both at the same time."

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Transfiguration Question 4a Answer: _**_Snakes _

"Look, there's one there," said Naruto, pointing at the above answer.

-------------------------------------------------

**Choji in Suna **

"We call it the _Naruto's Cramming Method_," said Choji.

-------------------------------------------------

"Anyway, back to important news," said Shikamaru.

**Breaking News **

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Shikamaru," said Naruto. "But I've received word that ANBU has conducted a raid on a possible Orochimaru supporter's house. Ino Yamanaka is on the scene giving us the latest news. Ino?"

* * *

Ino was next to Kakashi in his **ANBU** uniform while a few **ANBUs** in the background pointing their weapons at a horrified family as they searched the family members and a baby for hidden weapons. 

"Yes, at this moment, I'm at a raid where **ANBU** have broken into a home and begun shouting and waving their kunais in what they assured us that it's just a routine Neighborhood Watch raid."

_"And have they actually found anything over there?" asks Shikamaru. _

"Yes. ANBU has seized detailed maps of Japan and Otogakure inside the family home," reports Ino.

_"And here exactly did they find them?" asks Naruto. _

"In this World Atlas, which **ANBU** Captain Kakashi has just confiscated," reports Ino.

Kakashi picks up the Atlas and opened the _'suspicious'_ book.

_"And we've heard suggestions that they are planning an attack on Konoha?" asks Shikamaru. _

Ino nods. "Yes, **ANBU** has also seized maps of Konoha inside the very same atlas. Back to you, Shikamaru."

* * *

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Care of Magical Creatures Question 9 Answer_**_: Feed it anything but apples _

Shikamaru and Naruto were back at the news desk.

"Now, before we go to the break," said Naruto. "A new segment, starring everyone's favorite pirate..."

* * *

**Everybody Loves Luffy! **

Luffy was on his ship in front of a camera.

"I am happy to move on to become King of the Pirates. That last island I was on was full of strange things...and I can't stand strange things that cannot be eaten! Except for that Pikachu...he really helped me out with some electrical problems."

Sanji happens to be in the kitchen cooking dinner, while Nami plots the route of where the ship is moving while Zolo naps.

"Anyway, I _'borrowed'_ this camera from a press conference to ask Naruto Uzumaki to become a pirate. From now on, I want him to dress like I do with a red shirt and straw hat. Even if Naruto becomes a pirate for a day or two...he'd still be a pirate longer than Ash Ketchum ever was."

* * *

**Break **

At a Japanese Parliament Session, a bunch of Anime Politicians ended up in a brawl.

_"Not getting the politics you want? On **KNX**, we cut through the Polly-wag to bring you Politics with punch!" _

One Anime Politician punched a fellow Politician in the Japanese Parliament.

-----------

At an Anime Senate, the senators were about to vote...

_"Less Legislation." _

-----------

Vegeta gets hit on the head by an egg. Out of anger, Vegeta tackles a protester and proceeds to beat the hell out of the protester.

_"More Aggravation." _

-----------

_"Why put up with endless Senate __Yap__ when KNX brings you all the big spills!" _

President Goku trips over a step, not once, not twice, but three times, as Goku's tripping scene is repeated.

-----------

Taichi Yagami and Mimi Tachikawa were at an inquiry...

_"No Petty Factions." _

-----------

Vice-President Vegeta raises his arms as he's cheering for himself as he was dancing next to Trunks playing an electric guitar.

_"Just Plain Jiggy Action!" _

-----------

**KNX Polly-Slam! **

_"Just ask for disorder in the house!" _

The Japanese Parliament brawl continues.

* * *

**The Green Spruiker...at Cartoon Network Studios **

Gai was outside Cartoon Network Studios.

"That's right, shoppers!" announced Gai. "Naruto is finally in English. Where else would you hear someone says **Believe It** as many times as Naruto would say _'Believe It'_! It's madness! Naruto's credibility has been massively reduced. Viz can't hang onto this series for long."

* * *

**What have learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Neji and Kiba are at the desk.

"Before we head on to our lesson, we have an urgent update on our tally board involving the new battle between the Mary Sues and the OCs from hell..."

**Fanfiction Tally Board: **

OCs from Hell - 1

Mary Sues - 30

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - History of Magic Question 8b Answer:_**_ While the book Harry Potter exhibits the creativity of the author, JK Rowling, overall it exhibits moral degradation and it's not indicative of Wizarding Values. Violence and power struggle by You-Know-Who are key ingredients of the plot and characterization of the book... _

"It's a pity for OCs from hell. Losing to the Sues 1 to 30."

**Lesson 6: Fanfiction Fluff **

"On to this chapter's lesson, Fluff," said Neji. "Some fanfiction writers add that warning in their summary so that they would warn readers, but others don't even know that they're using fluff in their fanfiction."

"One example of the most fluffiest fanfic we could think of is a scenario of a typical wedding with Sakura Kinomoto and Li Syaoran from Card Captor Sakura," explained Kiba. "One that is so fluffy that one Anime Character even called it..."

**Sample Fanfic **

"The wedding of the century," said Tomoyo.

**End Sample **

"That's right," said Kiba. "For the next 94 years, we will not see as big a wedding. One cannot exaggerate the importance of this wedding enough. Just ask Kero-Beros..."

**

* * *

**

**Kero's Report **

"The whole world wants to be at Sakura and Syaoran's wedding," reports Kero.

**End Report **

* * *

"That's actually true," said Neji. "The whole world did want to be at that wedding. I even asked this Pikachu the other day." **

* * *

**

**Footage of a Pikachu **

A Pikachu was searching for food in a tree.

**End Footage **

* * *

"He was very disappointed that he didn't get invited. Anyway, the question is how does one write a fanfic about something so fluffy that they have enough fluff to make a pillow?" asked Neji. 

"Luckily, fanfiction writers are blessed with boundless imagination," answered Kiba. "So they can simply go along with the flow...like how we would do our news reports on something so fluffy..."

* * *

**Naruto News Show Report on the Fluffiest Sakura/Syaoran Wedding Ever **

A woman was walking down a street.

_Shino: "Could that be the wedding decorator?" _

-------------------------------------------------

Tomoyo's bodyguards were passing around a box into the Kinomoto household.

_Shino: "Is there a veil inside that box?" _

-------------------------------------------------

A car drives off from the Kinomoto household...

_Shino: "Off to visit family? Perhaps. _

-------------------------------------------------

Hinata was at the Naruto News Show Morning Edition studio...

"There's been a lot of speculation on where the wedding would take place," said Hinata.

-------------------------------------------------

"Well, there were reports that they were going to have it at the Penguin Park," reports Shino.

-------------------------------------------------

Footage of Tomoeda Elementary...

"Also on the maybe list: Tomoeda Elementary School Hall," adds Shino.

-------------------------------------------------

Shino was outside Tomoyo Daidouji's mansion.

"Now it's rumored that the guests of Sakura and Syaoran will be staying at Tomoyo's mansion," said Shino.

-------------------------------------------------

"The host of Anime Characters who are rumored to attend," reports Shino.

-------------------------------------------------

Usagi was walking down the street.

_Shino: "Perhaps talking about Usagi Tuskino..." _

-------------------------------------------------

**Naruto News Show Studio **

"There is a rumor that CLAMP girls will be in town," said Hinata

-------------------------------------------------

"The rumor is that they are in Tomoeda," said Shino.

-------------------------------------------------

Shino was at the Penguin Park.

"It is a rumor," finished Shino.

**End Sample **

* * *

Neji and Kiba were rubbing their chins. "No, it's not **_'a'_** rumor, its 12 rumors," corrects Kiba. 

"But the one we should feel sorry for is Shino," said Neji. "He had to make up 5 entire reports on a wedding he clearly knew nothing about. No wonder the author had to come up with crap like this...you see, most fanfiction authors would write about the experiences of the lovely couple, but this author have decided to head straight to the deep throat of SakuSyao's Weddinggate."

"Who, their parents?" asks Kiba.

"Nope."

"Their best friends?"

"Nope."

"Their wedding planner?"

"Not even close," said Neji. "The author decided to write...about the fanfiction author's point of view."

**Shino's interview **

Shino was with the fanfiction author.

"So, did you have the salmon or the beef?" asked Shino.

"The beef," came the answer.

**End Interview **

"Man, that author must have the worst beta reader ever to come up with that kind of crap," said Kiba.

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Shikamaru and Naruto were at the desk with Choji on screen in Sunagakure.

"Welcome back," said Shikamaru. "Back to our top story, with a report claiming that it is now easier for criminals to hack into our personal computer system."

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Potions 14th minute mark: _**_Stir for a bit and let it simmer. _

-------------------------------------------------

**Choji in Suna **

Choji was with a laptop at the Suna desk. "It doesn't surprise me at all. Let me get to my computer and show you how easy it is to be a hacker."

-------------------------------------------------

On Choji's computer, Choji was on Microsoft Word when Clippit, the paper clip helper popped up.

**Clippit: It looks like you're writing a letter, do you need help? **

_Choji: Its that annoying little paper clip! _

Choji moves his mouse to Clipit and right clicked him and clicked on Hide and Choji switch windows to Internet Explorer.

_Choji: Anyway, I'm going to Google and watch how easily I can hack into Masashi Kishimoto's Personal Bank Account. _

Choji was at Google and has typed down **"Masashi Kishimoto's Bank Account"** and the screen changes to a bank with Masashi Kishimoto's Bank Account with lots of numbers representing the money he made by using the Naruto brand name.

_Choji: And I'm transfer those funds to **TVTokyo** to bribe them to stop making fillers and... _

**Access Denied: You are not permitted to transfer funds to TVTokyo... **

And Clippit suddenly popped up.

**Clippit: It looks like you're trying to rob Masashi Kishimoto, would you like help? **

_Naruto: Aw come on! _

_Shikamaru: I hate that troublesome paperclip _

_Choji: No, I do not want your goddamn help! _

-------------------------------------------------

"That damn Clippit is annoying," said Choji. "It's the best reason for us to bring William's company yet."

-------------------------------------------------

"But it is a battle we are losing," said Shikamaru. "As sightings of a very annoying 3 Dimensional Clippit Microsoft Office helper has been seen in Tokyo."

* * *

At an office, Miyako was working when suddenly Sasuke entered the office dressed up as Clippit. 

"It looks like you're trying to write a letter, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No," answered Miyako.

-------------------------------------------------

Jounochi was listening to music on his Ipod when Clippit Sasuke walks up to Jounochi.

"It looks like you're trying to listen to music, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"I'm fine," answered Jounochi.

"It looks like you're trying to listen to music, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"I'm fine," Jounochi replied.

"It looks like you're trying to listen to music, would you like some help?" repeats Sasuke.

"I'm fine," repeated Jounochi.

-------------------------------------------------

Back at the office, Sasuke was pushed into a board room by Miyako.

"It looks like you're writing a letter, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No," said Miyako. "Get away from me!"

-------------------------------------------------

Sakura was on the streets when Clippit Sasuke appeared. "It looks like you're waiting for a friend, would you like some help?"

"Actually, I'm giving out pamphlets," said Sakura, showing the pamphlets.

"It looks like you're waiting for a friend, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No, thanks."

"It looks like you're waiting for a friend, would you like some help?"

"Yes," answered Sakura.

Sasuke took out a light bulb. "Hint: **Call her**," said Sasuke.

-------------------------------------------------

Satoshi was protesting the new Japanese Policy on moving the Naruto series to Thursdays.

"It looks like your trying to protest against **TVTokyo**, would you like some help?"

"I don't know. What do you recommend?" asks Satoshi.

Sasuke takes out his light bulb. "Hint**: Don't tell them you work for another TV Station**."

-------------------------------------------------

Clippit Sasuke walks out of the boardroom as Miyako runs out of the office.

"It looks like you're running away from me, would you like some help?"

"No, leave me alone!" screamed Miyako.

-------------------------------------------------

Anzu was with Yugi at a cafe when Clippit Sasuke appeared.

"It looks like you're on a date, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No," answered Yugi.

"It looks like you're on a date, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No!" repeated Yugi.

"It looks like you're on a date, would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

Anzu suddenly realized who's ruining their date. "Hey, aren't you that paperclip from those Microsoft Programs?

Sasuke takes out his light bulb. "Hint:** Go to someplace romantic!**"

Yugi grabs Sasuke in a headlock and punch him in the stomach.

* * *

"And I thought Pikachu was annoying..." 

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Charms Question 31 Answer:_**_ Wands have been around for a long time because... _

**Breaking news: Another ANBU Raid **

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Shikamaru, but Ino is at the scene of yet another ANBU Raid. Ino?"

-------------------------------------------------

**Live: ****Tokyo**

Ino was with **ANBU** Captain Kakashi outside a home, where **ANBU** are escorting a blindfolded family and the family pet out of the home to **ANBU HQ** for interrogation.

"Yes. In yet another routine House Call, ANBU is acting on a tip off that one of the children living here is doing a School Project on Fire Country, which **ANBU** Captain Kakashi has seized as a possible link to Orochimaru," reports Ino. "Shikamaru?"

Kakashi picks up the school project on Otogakure on camera.

* * *

"Thanks, Ino. And now, for some headlines," said Shikamaru. 

Naruto nods. "That's right, as..."

Suddenly, a miniature Clippit Sasuke appeared on Naruto's desk, interrupting Naruto. "It looks like you're trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

"No! I am not trying to write a freaking letter!" Naruto clicks his mouse to silence Sasuke. "Now, onto the head..."

"It looks like you're trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?" asks Sasuke.

Naruto takes his mouse, right clicks for a menu and clicked on hide. "No! Now, piss off!"

Clippit Sasuke has been sent away. "Anyway, time now to check what's making the headlines..."

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Defence Against the Dark Arts Question 3 Answer: _**_Blow the living Pika out of it _

**Headline: Vegeta Destructs **

"It seems that Vice President of Japan, Vegeta is under the pressures of work," reports Shikamaru.

-------------------------------------------------

Vegeta was wearing a pair of headphones.

"It's broken! The f-ing thing's not working..." Vegeta threw the headphones on the table and it broke. "Oh, now it is."

-------------------------------------------------

"It seems that his stress levels have reached boiling point because he is now unable to watch Naruto at its usual Wednesday Timeslot," reports Shikamaru.

**Headline: Venus Kidnap Plot **

"Also in Tokyo," reports Naruto. "An attempt to kidnap Sailor Venus has been averted. The plan was abandoned when kidnappers realized that it will actually mean spending all of their time with Minako."

"Now, onto Sasuke Uchiha with the latest from Otogakure," said Shikamaru.

-------------------------------------------------

**Sasuke in Otogakure **

At Otogakure, Sasuke's body was crushed by a gigantic rock.

-------------------------------------------------

"Sorry, we seem to have a technical problem with Sasuke at the moment," said Shikamaru.

**Breaking News: Raid Rage **

"We've just received some breaking news on yet another **ANBU** Raid," reports Shikamaru. "Ino Yamanaka, what's the latest?"

**_Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Divination Question 13 Answer:_**_ Death is always good...unless you're dead. _

* * *

**Live - Kakashi's Apartment **

Ino is in Kakashi's Kitchen as Kakashi was about to get a drink from the fridge when **ANBU** suddenly ambushed Kakashi and pinned him to the wall.

"**ANBU** have just raided their third home tonight," reports Ino. "This time arresting **ANBU** Captain Kakashi after observing him inside the homes of possible Orochimaru supporters within the last half hour. What's more, they found in his possession detailed maps of Japan, Otogakure and Konoha..."

An **ANBU** walked by with an Atlas.

"...and a highly suspicious school project on Konoha." finished Ino. "Back to you, Naruto."

One **ANBU** walked by with the school project of Konoha while another **ANBU** has arrested Clippit Sasuke.

* * *

"Choji, you got some emails for us?" asked Naruto. 

-------------------------------------------------

**Choji in Suna **

"That's right. Got some good ones over here. This one from..."

Suddenly, a miniature Clippit Sasuke appeared at Choji's desk.

"It looks like you're trying to read a letter, would you like some help?" asked the mini Sasuke.

"Damn you!" Choji takes out a bug spray and sprays at mini Clippit Sasuke. Sasuke started choking and disappeared.

"Anyway, emails..."

-------------------------------------------------

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Thanks to your coverage on the Digi-World War, I was easily able to do my Dad's work of collecting the souls of the damned quickly so that I can use the spare time to have fun. _

_Grim Jr.  
__Underworld _

"That's from Grim Jr. in the Underworld," said Choji. "This next one from S. Uchiha..."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Where can I find that petition that will stop that idiot from calling me a bastard? _

_S. Uchiha  
__Otogakure _

"And finally this."

**Email:  
**_Dear Naruto News Show _

_Congratulations, you are one of several TV Stations to be chosen for our guaranteed prize winning pool, _

_CN Sweepstakes _

"That's from Cartoon Network Sweepstakes, so thanks for that," said Choji."

* * *

_**Hogwarts Cheat Notes - Astronomy Question 6b Answer:** He was executed for saying everything revolves around the sun _

"Anyway, onto Final Fantasy," starts Naruto.

Suddenly, Clippit Sasuke appeared next to Naruto where Shikamaru was supposed to be.

"It looks like you're talking about Final Fantasy, would you like some help? Hint: **Get Shikamaru to do the report**!" said Clippit Sasuke.

"What the hell are you doing here!" screamed Naruto as he pounces on Clippit Sasuke and attacked...


	17. Season 2 Edition 7

Team Rocket was sent flying into their Meowth balloon, before the Meowth balloon exploded...

_"...but as long as audiences are laughing, there will be no shortage of work for the World's Favorite Comedy Trio. This is Shino Aburame in __Pallet_ _Town__." _

* * *

"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki." 

"I'm Shikamaru Nara."

"I'm Choji Akimichi."

"I'm Ino Yamanaka."

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha."

"I'm Shino Aburame."

"I'm some passer-by that a reporter does a vox pop to."

"I'm a Pikachu."

"I'm a Dragon Ball Z fan."

"And I'm Hinata Hyuga. All this and more on the **Naruto News Show**."

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**The Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 7: The Search for Harry Potter _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

_Note: No note necessary for this chapter._

**Fanfics currently on hold:  
**Stinking Shurikens  
My Schoolmate, The Shinobi

**Fanfic Titles that are being brainstormed:  
**Hinata in Ninjaland  
Shikamaru's Troublesome Night  
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series 2

**Fanfics Completed:  
**The Hokage Files

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the Naruto News Desk.

"Welcome to the Naruto News Show as emergency rescue squads continue to search the dense Scottish Highlands for missing Wizard, Harry J. Potter," reports Shikamaru.

**Harry Potter Missing **

"That's right. Harry Potter went missing on one of his Qudditch training expedition into Scotland and to search for lost hikers," adds Naruto.

------------------

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"The alarm was only raised when Ron Weasley noticed that Harry was missing for two whole days," said Choji.

------------------

Shikamaru rubs his chin.

"Well, it's just not like him to lose contact and he's calling us every hour about every missing hiker or snowboarder," said Shikamaru.

**_Naruto News Show Sponsor: Tsunade's Bank - Tailoring home loans to the nearest slot machine _**

"We can really only pray and hope that Harry Potter will be safe," said Naruto.

------------------

Rock Lee was at a keyboard, leading the **KonohaTV Orchestra**, a band consisting of Brock Blockhead (at Bass), Yamato Ishida (on lead Guitar) and Rei Ayanami (on Drums).

**_Rock Lee's song: "How will the media cope without Harry?" _**

------------------ 

"The big news is that this has started an intense bidding war between the TV stations try to race against each other to find Harry first," said Naruto.

"And the first on air as always is **_Konoha's Sign and Rescue_** team lead by our own Sasuke Uchiha, who have been searching for 48 hours," reports Shikamaru. "Sasuke, its not looking too good out there."

* * *

**Live on AirNaruto - Sasuke Uchiha **

A helicopter was flying over the Scottish highlands.

_Sasuke: "That's right, and hopes for survival are fading by the hour and the team has been dropping flares and exclusive contracts in the 10 KM zone where Harry was last seen. So far, still no sign." _

* * *

"Thank you, Sasuke," said Naruto. "Our hearts go out to Harry's family, which are in fact, his fans. People don't realize what people like Harry Potter does for people of this country."

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"Yes, and it is his job to look for hapless irresponsible people to become heroes," said Choji. "And Harry is even willing to go that extra mile by pointing hikers down wrong paths, yodeling at delicate avalanche areas and building kindergarten near old wells. Whatever it takes."

* * *

"Harry does it all," said Shikamaru. "Accidents don't happen. That's what makes him the best. Keep watching as we bring you updates on Harry Potter's rescue. But now its time for..." 

"Choose your news!" screamed the audience.

"Because it's your news!" yelled Naruto.

"So we choose!" the audience called back.

"Give us a call and tell us what story we want to hear," said Naruto. "Here's a call from Junpei in West Shinjuku."

_Junpei (On Phone): "I've been wondering, what news is there on Aerith Gainsborough. I haven't seen you done one in a while." _

* * *

"Well, Junpei," replied Choji. "There was that special, **_'Aerith and the Digimon connection'_**." 

_Junpei: But that was two nights ago. Since then, nothing. _

* * *

"Well, you're lucky because tomorrow night we have another Aerith special," said Shikamaru. **

* * *

**

**KonohaTV Ad **

_"First we contacted Aerith's Spirit in the lifestream." _

_"Then we are going to..." _

_"Exhume Aerith Gainsborough..." _

_"We have experts looking at Aerith's body with Neji Hyuuga reporting." _

One expert was holding a rib, explaining to Neji the significance of the rib. "This rib proves that she loves Cloud."

"But this femur proves that she still has feelings for Zack," said another expert, showing the femur.

_"From the close shave from the grave, **Exhuming Aerith Gainsborough**, __8 pm__, Friday only on **KonohaTV**." _

**End Ad**

**

* * *

**

"Sensitive and terrific," commented Naruto.

"News just in," reports Shikamaru. "President Goku is taking the war into his own hands, by preparing to launch a Kamehameha against the Digi-World."

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"And he's not the only one, as I took to the streets of Tokyo to measure public opinion," said Choji.

**Market Research: Attacking Digi-World **

Choji was with Keitaro outside Tokyo U.

"Other than the Digi-World, how many worlds should we be allowed invade in the War on Orochimaru?" asks Choji.

**A. 3  
****B. 7  
****C. As many as they like **

"Well, as many as they like," answered Keitaro.

"And why do you say that?" asked Choji.

"Because we are the superpower," said Keitaro. "We control the universe."

------------------

Choji was with Syaoran in a park.

"I choose as many as I have to, so as many as I like," said Syaoran. "Because we must go in there to get those Digimon terrorists, get them and kill them like they're killing us."

------------------

Choji was interviewing Kasumi outside a Pokémon Center.

"To properly avenge the Digimon Attack on Odaiba, how many innocent Digimon Civilians should we kill?"

**A. The same number as the victims  
****B. Ten times the number of the victims  
****C. Unlimited **

"As many as they need to," answered Kasumi.

------------------

"Unlimited," said Keitaro.

Choji looks at his map. "So that ranges from the whole of File Island to..."

"The whole Digi-World if necessary," said Keitaro.

------------------

At the Pokémon Center...

"And that would range from the whole of Server to...whatever that's needed?" asked Choji.

"The whole Digi-World," said Kasumi. "Blow it all up, even though civilian casualty isn't good, but unlimited."

------------------

"They can make the whole Digi-World a big glass parking lot for all I care," said Syaoran.

Choji decides to ask Syaoran a question. "What do you think the invasion of the Digi-World will be called?"

**A. Operation Pokémon's Revenge  
****B. The Empire Strikes Back  
****C. The Final Solution **

"I like **A. Pokémon's Revenge**," answered Syaoran.

"Why?"

"Because...the Pokémon's Revenge has begun," explained Syaoran.

------------------

"The Final Solution," answered Kasumi.

"Why do you like that one?" asked Choji.

"Because it's the final solution," said Kasumi. "If everyone finds out about it, everyone will be behind us and we're finishing the job."

------------------

"What's the appropriate amount of the Digi-World should the Japanese Military be allowed to destroy?" Choji asks Keitaro.

**A. At least half of it  
****B. All of it  
****C. Only the bits where Digimon live **

Keitaro shrugs. "I guess all of it." Keitaro pauses, expecting Choji to say something. "No reason," Keitaro added.

------------------

Kasumi gives her answer to the above question.

"All of it," Kasumi answered.

"Why do you say that?"

Kasumi shrugs. "I don't know. Because they...well, I really have no clue because they came here to destroy all that crap and...I really don't have a problem with us destroying the whole city."

Choji decides to pop up the next question on his list.

"How would you feel if we could use a massive SuperWeapon against the Digi-World?"

**A. Support it  
****B. Strongly support it  
****C. Can't understand what we're waiting for? **

"Can't understand what we're waiting for," said Kasumi.

------------------

At the park...

"I choose **A. support it**," answered Syaoran.

"Why?" asked Choji.

"Because they'll do the same to us," said Syaoran.

------------------

Syaoran was sitting in the park with a Penguin playground in the background.

"None of the above until they attack us," said Syaoran. "Then we'll incinerate the bastards and take them straight to hell, like we did to them in the year 2000."

* * *

**What have learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Neji and Kiba were sitting at a couch.

"Big update on the Naruto dubs, as we were able to get an average number of **_'Believe its'_** in a Naruto episode..."

**Average Number of _"Believe Its"_ in a Naruto Episode on Cartoon Network: 11 **

"Now that's 11 **_'believe its'_** in a half hour show. Now, we can make a fanfic that can top that by this person."

**

* * *

**

**Sample: **

Neji was in the street with Kiba (disguised as a street kid) hogging the microphone.

"You better believe it! There is no way that nobody can believe it. No way. No how. I cannot comprehend on how someone cannot believe it. It's impossible. You got to believe it. It's the only way to try if you can believe it. The Digimons believe it. Why not you believe it? Cause you'd better believe it. Naruto says believe it all the time, why not you say believe it too? After all, if a ninja can say believe it in some of his sentences, why not you say 'believe it'! Believe it cause you'd better believe it!"

**End Sample **

* * *

**Number of "Believe Its" in that last sample: 14. **

"Well, there you have it," said Kiba. "I believe it's about 14 **_'Believe its'_** in that last sample, without the need to take a breather."

Neji smirks. "Anyway, onto to this chapter's lesson..."

**Lesson 7: Overacting **

"Overacting," said Neji. "The most common act in a fanfic for either authors who have no sense of character or authors who are soccer fans."

Kiba nods. "Yes. Now, here's an example of an overacting character in a fanfic by an author who has no sense of character by making the character to the point of being OOC..."

**

* * *

**

**Sample: **

Neji is bored so he decided to humor Lee by playing a game of 'Rock Scissors Paper'.

"If I lose, I will run around the block 500 times," said Lee. "If you lose, you'll run the 500 laps."

"Do your worst," said Neji, with a grin.

As fanfiction fate would decide, Neji won.

"I WILL DO AS I PROMISED!"

Lee runs off at high speed to do his 500 laps. As for Neji, rather than being bored, Neji decides to do a few push-ups...

**End Sample **

* * *

"Can you spot the OOCness?" asked Neji. 

Kiba rubbed his chin. "I don't know. Lee seemed a little bit out of character, but not enough for me to notice. So I can't really tell," said Kiba.

"With Lee, there is the author's position of being subtle so that the readers won't know that he has no sense of character," explained Neji.

"But for the latter involving Authors who are soccer fans," explained Kiba. "It's easier to do a live demonstration than having a sample."

Kiba stood up and picked up a soccer ball. "Choji! Care to help me on this demonstration?"

Choji walked in. "Sure, why not?"

Kiba put the soccer ball at his feet. "Here's what I want you to do. Try to take the ball from me as I try to pass you, ok?"

"Got it."

Kiba dribbles the soccer ball and as soon as Choji steals the ball off Kiba, Kiba dives to the floor and cling on to his shin. "Ahhhhh! My leg! I'm in complete pain!" Then, Kiba rolled over and pulled a tantrum. "I want my mommy!"

Suddenly, the awards music is played.

**Winner of the Best Fake Sportsmanship Award: Kiba Inuzuka! **

At that moment, Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata and Temari gave flowers to Kiba for his impressive on stage performance while Neji presents the award to Kiba.

"Thank you! Thank you very much for supporting me!" said Kiba as the audience cheered. "I like to thank my mother and sister. Akamaru, Shino, Hinata, Kurenai-sensei. And not to forget Choji and Neji for supporting this segment."

* * *

**Advertisement **

_"Not getting the post-war coverage you want?" _

Digimons were watching TV.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Then at **KNX,** get ready for _**Digi-tober**_." _

President Ken Ichijouji was on screen.

"Less administration…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Explosion at Myotismon's castle.

_"More obliteration." _

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Now with even more nonstop 'shock and awe'." _

A Pokémon was in a tank followed by an explosion behind the tank.

_"And your chance to **'Beat the Bomb!'** and win US$10, 000." _

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A reporter was on screen.

_"Why put up with that boring blabber?" _

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pokémon were rebuilding the Digi-World.

_"On **KNX**, we give you less reconstruction..." _

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pokémons pull down a statue of Myotismon and the Digimons attack and destroyed the statue.

_"Only more destruction, only on _**Digi-tober**_." _

**KNX News Slam – Only the news you want to see. **

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto and Shikamaru were at the desk.

"Back with us live as we bring you updates on the Emergency Rescue of Harry Potter in the Scottish Highlands," reports Naruto.

**Harry Potter Survival Story **

"Despite the sub-zero temperatures, we have received word that Harry Potter is alive," said Naruto. "Is that correct, Sasuke?"

* * *

**Live on AirNaruto - Sasuke Uchiha **

The helicopter was flying over the Scottish highlands.

_Sasuke: "That's right, guys. Harry Potter has contacted rescuers and TV stations that he is willing to be found for the right price." _

------------------

"What sort of condition is Harry in, Sasuke?" asks Choji.

------------------

_Sasuke: "I describe his mood as business-like. He has assured potential buyers that he has been through an ordeal, but how much of an ordeal, he wasn't prepared to put a dollar figure on it." _

* * *

"Well, here at the Naruto News Show, we don't believe in using our money to pay for big stories," said Shikamaru. 

"So, if you want to read about Harry Potter's incredible survival story, you're going to have to pay for it," said Naruto. "Send your donations to TVKonoha, TVTokyo or call the number on your screen right now..."

**To Donate: Call 1800-WATCH-HARRY **

* * *

The **KonohaTV Orchestra** began to play another song. 

Rock Lee's song: "Put your money, where our mouth is..."

* * *

"Just remember that **60 Minutes** and **Good Morning America** are also bidding for the rights to the same story, so please, give generously," said Choji. "So please, help save Harry Potter from an interview on the **Daily Prophet**. The boy has suffered enough." 

------------------

Back to Shikamaru at the desk.

**_Naruto News Show Sponsor: NaruPod - Wear its similar yellow earphones and you're sure to get mugged. _**

"Anyway, to the world Bio-Technology, with an amazing breakthrough as Pokémon Training Scientists have claimed to have isolated the Digimon Taming Gene. Naruto reports..."

**

* * *

**

**Naruto News Show Report: "Pokémon Scientists Isolate Digimon Taming Gene" by Naruto Uzumaki **

"These Pokémon Loving Genetists have spent years attempting to isolate the Gene that renders people become Digimon Tamers. As members of the Yellow Pikachu Research Institute, they're hoping to isolate the cause of Digimon Taming altogether within the next decade." reports Naruto.

------------------

A group of Pokémon Training Scientists were working in a lab, doing their research and lab work.

**Dr. Brock Blockhead - Pokémon Training Scientist **

Brock was with a Pikachu in a cage.

"We've already prevented this Pikachu from being born a Digimon Tamer and hopefully, humans will follow," said Dr. Blockhead.

------------------

_Naruto: "Many Digimon Tamers object to the finding, claiming that their job class is not genetically determined." _

In West Shinjuku, Digimon Tamer Henry Wong was being interviewed for the report.

**Henry Wong - Practicing Digimon Tamer **

"Digimon Taming is a lifestyle choice," said Henry. "It is perfectly natural."

------------------

_Naruto: "But Yellow Pikachu claimed that the controversial job class of an Anime series is inherited, just like baldness." _

Dr. Blockhead was counseling to Digimon Tamer Junpei.

_Naruto: "Until a method of removing the Digimon Taming Gene is found, Pokémon Training Scientists are counseling Digimon Tamers to make positive changes to their lifestyles and values. Parents of some Digimon Tamers have welcomed the news with relief." _

Asuma and Kurenai were in Konoha Park.

**Asuma & Kurenai - Parents of a Digimon Tamer **

"We've always that if we have done something different, then our child wouldn't have become a Digimon Tamer," said Kurenai. "Now we know we didn't have any choice."

------------------

Naruto is in a Pokémon Training Lab researching the Digimon Taming Gene.

"Now, thanks to the work of Yellow Pikachu, there is a choice, which is good for Digimon Tamers everywhere. This is Naruto Uzumaki for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Back at the newsdesk. 

"Just a reminder that readers can donate to us any amount so that we can buy the rights to Harry Potter's survival story," said Shikamaru. "You won't be disappointed."

**Harry Potter Marvel**

"That's right," said Naruto. "Harry is alive and well, but he is still holding out for the best offer."

**_Naruto News Show Sponsor: 6 Kunoichis on a shark infested island with 6 male Shinobis. Only on _****_Frustration_** **_Island_** **_8:30 pm_****_ Thursday Nights on KonohaTV. _**

------------------

**_Current Bidding:  
_****60 Minutes: **US $400,000  
**BBC:** US$380,000  
**Naruto News Show:** $US252,000  
**Good Morning ****America**A Sandwich

------------------

"And there are some extraordinary developments from Sasuke in Scotland. Sasuke?"

**_Naruto News Show Sponsor: Ramen Light - For the 'Fitness Freak' Idiot Ninja _**

* * *

**Live on AirNaruto - Sasuke Uchiha **

A helicopter was flying over the Scottish highlands.

_Sasuke: Big news, guys! I have just received information that Harry Potter has just cut off his own left arm! _

"Is it because Harry's arm was trapped under something?" asked Naruto.

_Sasuke: No, he wanted to increase the value of his story! _

* * *

"You've just heard it first from Sasuke," said Shikamaru. "Harry Potter has just cut off his own left arm." 

"That incident itself would add US$50,000 to the story," commented Naruto. "Remember, call the number on the screen if you want to see the Harry Potter exclusive on the Naruto News Show."

**To Donate: Call 1800-WATCH-HARRY **

"But before we go to a break," said Shikamaru. "Here's a preview on the other side of the break..."

**Preview **

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru.

**End Preview **

"Stay with us..."

* * *

**Message from Orochimaru **

**Orochimaru's Message:** "I'll keep this message brief...because I'm very late for my hair appointment. If you get there late, all the good magazines are gone and you're left with something very pissy like Better Homes and Gardens. When I get my hands on the editor, I will take over his body and ruin the magazine! My hairdresser wanted me to try something new by cutting my hair shorter. Come on...I'm already going to take over Sasuke's body so why do I need to cut my hair short and gel it up? When the time is right...I'll take over the body of my hairdresser and see how he likes it."

* * *

**Naruto News Show: At Home with Shikamaru Nara **

Shikamaru wakes up from his bed.

_Shikamaru: I'm just like every normal Anime character. _

Shikamaru looks out of his window to have a full nice million dollar view of the ocean.

_Shikamaru: I just have normal routines. _

Shikamaru walks to a make-up artist who puts make up on Shikamaru's face and a Pikachu brought in some morning coffee for Shikamaru to drink.

-----------------------------

_Shikamaru: I love kicking soccer balls with my son. _

Shikamaru's son kicked a soccer ball to Shikamaru. Shikamaru picks the ball up, autographs the soccer ball and kicks it back to his son, who puts the soccer ball in a box with the words **"Signed"** and the kid takes another soccer ball from another box reading, **"Unsigned"**.

-----------------------------

_Shikamaru: I also love chatting with my wife, Ino. _

Ino was talking as Shikamaru was watching the autocue to see what he wants to say instead of listening to his wife.

It reads: _"What did you say, Ino-chan?"_

"What did you say, Ino-chan?" asked Shikamaru

Shikamaru faces the camera as he puts his arm around his wife.

"I'm just an ordinary Anime Character with an extraordinary job."

**Shikamaru Nara - News Reader for the Naruto News Show **

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru. "Where the Harry Potter appeal is overwhelming."

Naruto agreed. "Yes, our readers have help raised over $300,000 in donations. Unfortunately, it was not enough to get the rights to Harry Potter himself."

**_(Pitiful music played.) _**

"Sadly, the Daily Prophet has offered half a million Galleons to cry on Rita Skeeter's new show on the BBC," explained Naruto. "But the good news is that we have secured the rights to interview Harry Potter's left arm!

**_(Final Fantasy Victory Theme played) _**

"And tomorrow night, Neji Hyuga will interview Harry's Arm," said Shikamaru. "Here's a preview..."

**Preview **

Neji was interviewing Harry's Arm.

"I don't think Harry cut you off! In fact, I think you cut Harry off! You know why? Because you're a very lazy, lazy arm!"

**End Preview **

"Well, the arm's agent is very happy to stitch up a deal before stitching up the arm," commented Shikamaru. "You're watching the **_Award-Winning Naruto News Show_**. More in a moment..."

* * *

**Ad Break **

"On **AnimeSports**, when we talk about women's sports, we talk about Tennis Player Sora Takenouchi...in a tennis skirt...bending over. That's on **AnimeSports** next..."


	18. Season 2 Edition 8

Sasuke was interviewing General Duo Maxwell at an awards ceremony.

"So, after the war on the Digi-World, are you onto invading another planet next?"

"No, we're taking this one war after another," replied Duo.

**GW Medal Ceremony - General Maxwell: Best on Ground **

"And congratulations for getting the medal at these awards," said Sasuke. "And on behalf of Naruto News Show, here's a check for **US$1000**."

"Thanks."

Sasuke looks at the camera. "Back to you in the studio, Shikamaru."

* * *

**_Team PikaFlash presents: _**

**The Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 8: Halloween Special _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto and Shikamaru were wearing Halloween costumes, with Naruto dressed up in Li Syaoran's battle outfit and Shikamaru dressed up as a Man in Black.

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show, as we celebrate All Hallows Eve," said Shikamaru.

"But onto more important news, did anyone watch last night's **'Ninja House'**?" asked Naruto. "The show continues to have the viewers attention."

* * *

**Choji Akimichi in Sunagakure **

Choji is wearing a red Pokémon cap in Sunagakure.

"Talk about a ratings success. It's an original concept. 12 Ninjas who have been forced to be contestants on the show by getting locked up in a House, not to mention the 2 moles and 2 judges in the house."

* * *

**Footage of Ninja House - Courtesy of Konoha Reality **

Some of Konoha's most prominent Chunins and Jonins were trying to break out of the house, but each and every available exit has been blocked off or guarded by a member of **ANBU**.

* * *

Naruto laughed. "Of course, who could forget those judges. My favorite is Simone Cornball. Who could forget the pounding she gave Asuma in the first week..." 

**Naruto News Show Sponsor: Cho-Ramen - With the power of 52 bowls of Ramen in one cup. **

* * *

**Ninja House Judging - Last Week **

Two judges were at a table in front of Asuma. The female judge, Simone, was insulting Asuma.

"You're a useless, moronic, chain-smoking Nancy-boy that will never amount to anything!" said Simone in a British accent.

The other judge sighed as Asuma tries to hide his reaction to the insults.

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

Choji smiles. "Look, in Simone's defence. If the contestants didn't have someone like Simone, they wouldn't have the chance to grow."

* * *

"But controversy has engulfed the show as one of the contestants, Asuma, died on air six days ago," reports Shikamaru. 

**Asuma 1976-2006 **

"It's such a terrible waste," said Naruto. "A terrible tragedy, not to mention that the show's producers have come under heavy attack."

* * *

"Especially when they shouldn't have sent in surprise house guest Hidan from Akatsuki for the **'Fight a Strong Enemy' Challenge**," added Choji. "Honestly, could the producers have known that Hidan would do his accursed ritual and kill Asuma?"

* * *

"Well, critics said that 'Ninja House' should have been axed after Asuma's death," said Naruto. "But the producers decided to keep the show running as a living memorial for Asuma." 

"Well, it's not an easy decision but hasn't keeping Asuma's body with the contestants resonated with the viewers?" commented Shikamaru.

* * *

**Ninja House Footage **

The other contestants were chatting and dancing in the room, while Asuma's corpse was lying down in front of a camera.

* * *

"Well, the ratings prove that since Asuma's death, the show's popularity has never been higher," said Choji. 

----------

**Survey - Ninja House viewers **

**Before Asuma's Death - 635,000  
****After Asuma's Death - 4.1 million **

----------

"Not to mention on Monday night's eviction night proves how everyone loves Asuma," adds Choji.

* * *

**Ninja House Eviction Night - Courtesy of Konoha Reality **

The audiences were cheering as some dressed themselves up like Asuma, some as cigarettes and some cosplaying as Hidan, to show their support for Asuma.

* * *

"Well, what I do know is that Asuma has survived one eviction after his death," said Shikamaru. "Wasn't Genma surprised when he was beaten by a corpse?" 

"The good thing is that if Asuma had died while on a mission, only the other Shinobis will know about it, but dying on National Television will help us find ways on how to eliminate strange people who do strange rituals named Hidan," explained Naruto. "But now, the question on everyone's lips is..."

The **KonohaTV Orchestra** lead by Rock Lee begins to play some music.

_Song: "Can Asuma go all the way now and win?" _

**Song ends **

Shikamaru looks towards the camera. "More on our top story after this break..."

* * *

**Naruto News Show ****Sunrise****, with Konohamaru and Ino... **

Konohamaru and Ino were at thier respective chairs.

"Welcome to Naruto News Show Sunrise, with Konohamaru."

"And Ino."

"Did you hear about that horrific earthquake that hit the Digi-World and killed 1 million Digimons?" asked Konohamaru.

"Yeah, it was horrible," said Ino. "But I wonder, how do the people count the death toll?"

"I don't know. Do you have an idea?" asked Konohamaru.

"I guess someone will go around counting the dead bodies," said Ino.

"I see, but what happens if the counting person is also under the rubble?" asked Konohamaru.

"Then, he would shout out the tally out from under the rubble," answered Ino.

Konohamaru drinks the coffee. "I say, isn't the coffee great?"

"Yeah, and we had a quake here once," said Ino.

"Yeah, but it's actually a tremor," corrected Konohamaru.

"I know, but a quake is a quake and I've lost my hair band," said Ino. "Now, no one can count that..."

**Naruto News Show ****Sunrise****, with Konohamaru and Ino - Starts at 6am everyday on KonohaTV **

* * *

Neji and Kiba were the desk in their Halloween costume, with Neji wearing a musketeer's outfit and Kiba dressed up in a doggy outfit. 

"We have an urgent update on what the definition of danger is," reports Neji.

"That's right," adds Kiba. "If you thought the Yakuza or Orochimaru is bad, think again..."

**Sample **

_Fanfic Summary: Messed up make-up and bashings. Why this year's __Tokyo__ AnimeCon is the most dangerous place in __Japan_

**End Sample **

Both Kiba and Neji rubbed their chins.

"The most dangerous place in Japan? Well, let's put that to the test...we got some footage of the Digimon Invasion of Odaiba with a danger rating."

* * *

**Digimon Invasion of Odaiba - Danger Level: X **

A large Digimon obliterates a building, while Myotismon leads an army of Digimons kidnapping civilians in the streets, a Lilymon was fighting a BlackTyranomon...

* * *

Neji and Kiba have finished watching the footage. "The Digimons may look dangerous but that is nothing compared to this year's **Tokyo AnimeCon Carnage**..."

* * *

**Tokyo**** AnimeCon - Danger Level: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

A bunch of Rabid Sasuke Fangirls were bashing a male Ino fan, a Dragon Ball Z fan got into a scuffle with a Sailor Moon cosplayer, a Yu-Gi-Oh cosplayer was injuring a Naruto cosplayer with paper cuts from a Yu-Gi-Oh card, while a fan from Neon Genesis Evangelion was cursing at a Gundam cosplayer.

* * *

"Oh my god, Asuka's cursing at Heero," commented Neji. 

"By the way, I got to love those cosplayers," said Kiba. "I went to the Tokyo AnimeCon where they had a Naruto News Show tribute..."

**Tokyo**** AnimeCon Tribute **

Two cosplayers, one as Neji and another as Kiba were at a desk in a convention watched by many fans.

"On to this chapter's lesson, Fluff," said cosplayer _'Neji'_. "Some fanfiction writers add that warning in their summary so that they would warn readers, but others don't even know that they're using fluff in their fanfiction."

"One example of the most fluffiest fanfic we could think of is a scenario of a typical wedding with Sakura Kinomoto and Li Syaoran from Card Captor Sakura," explained cosplayer _'Kiba'_. "One that is so fluffy that one Anime Character even called it..."

Silence...

**End Tribute **

Back to the real Kiba and Neji at the desk.

"That's an amazing resemblance. I wonder which segment they're talking about?" asked Kiba.

Neji rubbed his chin. "You think it could have been..."

**What have learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

"Hmmm, nope, I haven't got a clue," said Neji. "Anyway, I've been very upset with all these tragedies happening in the Naruto Manga, especially with the death of Asuma."

"But what's more gut wrenching than that is you need not go further than your local supermarket," explained Kiba.

* * *

**Fanfic Sample **

_Narrator: These days, with so much to choose from, it can be a nightmare. _

Sakura was in her office. "It's stressful. It's emotional, it's really emotional journey to go to the supermarket"

**End Sample **

* * *

Neji nods. "I know. I'm not usually an emotional guy, but my supermarket has just so many options that can reduce me to tears."

* * *

**Neji's sample **

Neji was doing the supermarket grocery shopping when there were just so many brands that it reduced Neji to tears.

"There are so many choices! Why?!! Why did my dad have to die and not tell me how to do supermarket shopping?!" wailed Neji.

**End sample **

* * *

"On to this chapter's lesson, Moral Judgment," said Neji. 

**Lesson 8: Moral Judgment **

Kiba begins the lesson. "Well, as far as I know, fanfiction authors cannot judge Anime Characters enough. For Pika's sake, if we wanted to think for ourselves, we wouldn't be reading fanfictions, would we?"

"There are ways to judge Anime characters in fanfics," said Neji. "Like slipping in a subtle paragraph."

**Sample **

"This view is awesome."

Konoha's Most Perverted man was doing his usual research...

**End Sample **

* * *

Neji continued. "...or you could add an almost imperceptible bias comment to the character in question."

* * *

**Sample **

Jiraiya has been confronted by the fanfiction author.

"What the hell are you doing? You're ruining my fanfic by raising the rating up to T!" screamed the author.

**End Sample **

* * *

Kiba shrugs. "I just get confused with this wishy-washy rubbish like that. Just tell us who the bad guy is. Here's another sample of those ambiguous samples..."

* * *

**Sample **

Orochimaru walks out of a cave. He is certainly a face of pure evil for a pedophilic Snake Sannin...

**End Sample **

* * *

"See?" Kiba points out. "These fence-sitting Authors! But the best way to handle such evil people is to shame them." 

Neji disagrees. "Nope. There's one thing better than shaming characters."

"What's better than shaming?" asks Kiba.

"Naming and shaming."

* * *

**Samples **

Tsunade receives the result of a survey.

"Looks like 99 percent of Konoha want us to publicly name and shame Akatsuki for stealing one of the Hokage statue's noses."

--------------------

"We should name and shame these thieves!" said Sakura

--------------------

"Konoha's top Jonin naming and shaming the cheats." reports Hinata at the Naruto News Show: Morning Edition.

**End Samples **

* * *

"Well, it's all very nice to know such things," said Neji. "But I've never seen anyone naming and shaming somebody else in a fanfic and it got me wondering, what does naming and shaming actually look like?" 

"What are you talking about?" said Kiba. "I did that to you while we were in Tokyo this morning!"

* * *

**That Morning **

Kiba opens up Neji's shirt and pulls down Neji's pants to reveal Neji wearing a bra and panties in the middle of Tokyo.

"Neji Hyuga!" screamed Kiba. "Neji Hyuga!"

Neji tries to hide his shame, but Kiba continues to name and shame the white-eye teen as surprised and shocked passer-bys were just staring at poor Neji.

"You are Neji Hyuga! Neji Hyuga!"

**Presently **

Neji pulls Kiba out of the studio...

* * *

**Repeat of Fight Scene in Episode 2 **

Neji got Kiba in a headlock, while punch the air in front of Kiba, while Kiba receives each _'punch'_.

* * *

Neji did his **Eight Divination Signs, 128 Palm Strikes** on Kiba, although Kiba was feinting the hits as Neji's hands never even touched Kiba.

* * *

Neji finishes Kiba off with a head butt that appears to hit nothing but air, but Kiba still flew backwards to the ground, even though Kiba was only a few feet away from Neji. 

**End Fight Scene **

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

The **KonohaTV Orchestra** were playing music as we return to the studio.

_Song: "Well...well...well well well...wel-wel-wel-wel-wel-wel-coooommmmmeeeeee..." _

Naruto and Shikamaru are at the desk in their respective Halloween Costumes.

"...back to the Naruto News Show as we celebrate Halloween," said Shikamaru. "But onto our top story, the famous** 'Ninja House' **controversy as the producers has decided to keep Asuma's corpse in the show as a memorial to him."

**Asuma Controversy **

"Not to mention the possible emotional trauma on the other contestants, especially Kurenai," said Naruto. "But they can have a confidential talk with the psychiatrist at anytime they need to.

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"Oh yeah, that's my favorite part of the show, watching their confessions from the psychiatrist's hidden camera tie."

* * *

**Ninja House: Unguarded - Courtesy of Konoha Reality **

Izumo was under some stress from the hidden camera tie's POV.

"Look, I love my sister very much...but lately, I've been having these homo-erotic dreams of my sister's boyfriend. Big time..."

* * *

"That's why I love about Ninja House when these Shinobis open up for us," said Naruto. "And not to worry about the breach of doctor-patient confidentiality, the counselor isn't really a real doctor, just an actor playing as one, so there is no ethical breach at all." 

"And Masashi Kishimoto has said that **_'Ninja House'_** strips the dignity of his created characters," said Shikamaru.

* * *

"Well, it's nice to know that you're watching, Kishimoto-sama," said Choji. "And I know that some people don't like the show's Toilet Bowl Cam, but it's good to know that it's real." 

**Naruto News Show Sponsor: 4 male Genins, 4 female Genins. To find out more, just read a Romance fanfic with four pairings **

* * *

The **KonohaTV Orchestra** begin to play a song. 

Song: "But I hate to be the guy who cleans the lens."

* * *

"I agree with you, Fuzzy-brows," said Naruto. "But what annoys me is Anko, who stripped off her shirt and danced around topless when she's drunk. There is no place for that sort of behavior on Reality TV. Anyway, more on our top story after this..."

* * *

**The ****9:30**** Report **

Neji and Kiba were at the desk.

Kiba starts off the segment. "On this chapter's **9:30**** Report**, we are going to look at how dubs will change the personality and background of a character. For example, a simple change in voice actors will change the purest man known to all to a cold hearted bitch in just an instant. Take for example, Haku, in the American dub of Naruto."

"But Haku is a guy, just with a girl's voice, like Naruto," said Neji.

"I know, but that's before Haku reveals himself as a guy," said Kiba. "Never mind. But there is another technique in dubbing that if the researchers let the dubbers on their own, the whole series could be screwed, like making a character walk in slow motion to look evil, for example, Orochimaru...

**Anime Dub Example **

Orochimaru was walking down the street, in slow motion by the dubbers to make him look as evil as possible...

**End Example **

"At that speed, **ANBU** would have caught up and killed him by now," said Neji. "On top of that, there are characters who are so evil that the dubbers will try to warp reality all because of their unbounded evil..."

"And best of all, it can work with anyone, like Hinata while she walks down the street," said Kiba.

**Kiba's example **

Hinata was walking down the street at normal speed.

_Kiba: With a bit of CG distortion and slow motion... _

Hinata was walking down the same street in slow motion with the world around her getting distorted.

_Kiba: I can make the most innocent angel in Konoha look like the Devil's Advocate... _

**End Example **

"Very amusing, _'Kyle'_," said an unimpressed Neji. "So, what have we found out this **9:30**** Report**, Kiba?"

"Haku is a transsexual and Hinata is pure evil," finished Kiba.

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

Naruto and Shikamaru are in their Halloween costumes as we return to the desk.

"Onto politics," reports Naruto. "Japanese Vice-President Vegeta has been perpetually waiting for the leadership of the **DBZ** party, but all we keep on seeing are no smiles, but plenty of smirks."

"Yes, the problem with his smirking is that every smirk that Vegeta makes kills off 50 minutes of his political life," said Shikamaru.

* * *

**Choji's advertising **

Choji was wearing a red Pokémon Cap.

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Shikamaru," said Choji. I got to make a new comment on the monster truck that I got for six months."

* * *

"Come on, Choji. A monster truck is inappropriate for a place like Konoha, unlike Suna," said Shikamaru.

* * *

"Hey, it's the best all-terrain vehicle I've ever god. It handles well, it's reliable..."

* * *

"Reliable, you say, Choji?" said Shikamaru. "According to Temari, that thing has always been breaking down."

* * *

"That is not true, Shikamaru," said Choji. "What has Temari been saying to you?

* * *

**What has Temari Akimichi been saying to Shikamaru? **

The **KonohaTV Orchestra** were playing music as we return to the studio.

_Song: "What has Temari Akimichi been saying to Shikamaru?" _

"Well, it's not what Temari has been saying," said Shikamaru. "But she did send me some pretty interesting home videos..."

* * *

**Temari's Home Video **

Choji was in his monster truck as Kankuro tries to connect the monster truck's battery into his own car battery.

_Choji: Alright, so maybe I had problems with the battery. _

_Naruto: Well, you didn't look too happy when you got a flat either, Choji. Do we have that footage? _

-----------------------

Choji pushes the heavy flat tire aside and prepares to replace the large spare tire.

_Shikamaru (imitating Temari): Ohhhh, Mr. Handy Man... _

_Choji: Ok, so maybe it was a bit of a problem trying to change the tires, but other than that, it's no problem at all. _

-----------------------

_Shikamaru: I wouldn't say that we have _'no problems'_, eh, officer? _

Choji's monster truck has been pulled over by a cop car and the cop had to stand on a ladder to give Choji his ticket.

_Choji: Oh my god. That was taken completely out of context! Those Japanese Cops are always picking on Monster Truck drivers. _

**End Home Video **

* * *

Back to Naruto and Shikamaru at the desk. 

"Anyway, back to our top story as we bring you the latest on the **'Ninja House'** as we all remember the tragic loss of Asuma," said Shikamaru.

Naruto nodded in agreement. "But what's more tragic is that it's Asuma, because the person I want the most to die in that house would be Anko!"

* * *

"Agreed," said Choji. "After how Anko has behaved during Asuma's wake..."

* * *

**Ninja House - Courtesy of Konoha Reality **

The contestants were in their Halloween costumes and Anko suddenly tosses off her coat and danced on the table, while Kakashi, Iruka and Shizune were having drinks and Kurenai was leading Asuma's corpse as they danced the waltz.

* * *

**Some Cross Promotion **

"And look out tonight for **'Ninja House Uncut'**, tonight at the adults only time of 10 o'clock, far too late for kids to be watching, so we advise that you record it and watch it after you get home from school in the afternoon," said Shikamaru.

**Ninja House Uncut** - **Tonight at ****10 pm**

Asuma's naked corpse was under a shower next to the toilet bowl.

* * *

_"And after that is **'Ninja House Up Late'** at 11 pm," said Naruto._

_**Ninja House Up Late** at _**_11 pm_**

The contestants were sleeping in the same room with Asuma.

* * *

_"Followed by **'Ninja House Up Even Later'** at Midnight," adds Choji._

_**'Ninja House Up Even Later'** at _**_Midnight_**

The contestants were still sleeping in Asuma's room.

* * *

Back to Shikamaru and Naruto at the desk. 

"Anyway, onto our top stories this Halloween as..."

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"Sorry to interrupt you there, guys," said Choji. "But it looks like Anko and Shizune are having a threesome with Iruka!"

* * *

Naruto and Shikamaru looked towards the screen where the action is taking place. 

"Really?"

"Could someone move Asuma's corpse?" asked Naruto. "We can't see much of the action if he's blocking the way."


	19. Season 2 Edition 9

_Shikamaru: This fanfic will be **Rated M** in future chapters... _

_Choji: It may contain **Swearing** and stuff almost related to sex. _

_Naruto: It will also contain **Jiraiya**, some **Fairly Obvious Tsunade Jokes**, the **Usual humiliation of Chunins **and **Material on Pokémons** that readers might find boring. _

* * *

Shikamaru was standing next to Naru _(From Love Hina)_ and Nami _(From One Piece)_ with a number on screen - **1240**. 

"1230," answered Naru.

Shikamaru looks at his answer. "Higher."

"1250," answered Nami.

"Lower," said Shikamaru.

"1239?" asked Naru.

"Higher."

"1241," answered Nami.

"Lower."

"1240!" screamed Naru.

**_Final Fantasy Victory Music is played _**

Nami angrily walks off.

"Yes, Naru, 1240 is the number," said Shikamaru. "For Digimon death toll in the Tokyo Earthquake. And Naru, this is your prize, a roast ham!"

A gameshow assistant passed to Naru a plate of roast ham.

Shikamaru looks at the camera. "We'll be back after the break."

The Konoha Orchestra was playing music.

* * *

_**Team PikaFlash presents:**_

**The Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

_Episode 9: President Goku's Stopover _

Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners

* * *

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the desk. 

"If you have just joined us on the Naruto News Show, in a weeks time, President Goku is coming to for a stayover in Konoha," reports Shikamaru.

**President's Stayover in Konoha **

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"That's right," said Choji.

"But it won't just be any ordinary stayover. President Goku chose Konoha because it is the best place for him to get 24 Hours worth of sleep," explained Choji. "As you can see from the President's Official schedule..."

* * *

**Goku's Schedule **

**Tuesday  
****_6:00 PM_****_ - Arrive in Konoha  
_****_7:30 PM to 7:30 PM_****_ (Wednesday) - 24 Hours Sleep_**

**Wednesday  
****_8:00 PM_****_ - Leave Konoha _**

* * *

"Goku's trip to Konoha revolves around that all important sleep," said Choji. "So, Tsunade has placed Konoha on a Code 'Hush-Hush' Alert status, which requires the whole village to make no noise whatsoever for 24 Hours. Among the drastic measures include the temporary removal of notorious noise makers, which include the likes of Maito Gai & Rock Lee, Ino Yamanaka and Jiraiya, to a remote location."

* * *

The **TVKonoha Orchestra** begins to play a song. 

_Song: "If only we can keep them out for-ev-er!" _

"Agreed," said Shikamaru.

"And what's very important is that Konoha has gotten what they deserve for supporting President Goku in the War on the Digimons," said Naruto.

Shikamaru looks at the camera. "And as Konoha gears up for the President's sleepover, Naruto News Show Sunrise hosts, Hinata and Konohamaru are broadcasting the Naruto News Show Sunrise live in Konoha this week."

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"And they join us once again now. So, how it going there, guys?" asked Choji.

* * *

**Live: Naruto News Show ****Sunrise**** in Konoha **

Konohamaru and Hinata were on the Hokage Building rooftop with the Hokage monument in the background.

"Konnichiwa from Konoha," greeted Konohamaru.

"Konnichiwa, everybody!" greeted Hinata, then Hinata looks off-screen. "Is that right? Is that how you say it?" Hinata looks back at the camera. "Anyway, the President is going to absolutely love coming to Konoha."

"They got their own leader here, called a Kage," said Konohamaru.

"And they got their own monument of Leader's heads on a mountainside right behind us, too," adds Hinata. "Kohoha is excited that the President has decided to sleep over. They must be pinching themselves."

"After what we did to help support President Goku, Konoha wouldn't mind if Goku would even come here for an afternoon nap," said Konohamaru.

* * *

**Ad Break **

President Goku was sitting in a golf cart.

_Naruto: "How much does it cost to disarm the Digimons?" _

A missile was flying into the sky.

_Naruto: "Military Pokémon - **US$30 Billion**." _

A Pokémon was having a nap in the desert.

_Naruto: "Combat Supplies for the Pokémons - **US$72 Billion**." _

Supplies were being delivered to the Pokémons as Goku continues to play golf.

_Naruto: "Rebuilding the Digi-World - **US$8 Billion**." _

Some Digimons were carrying furniture.

_Naruto: "The looks on the Digimons' faces when they learned that there's were no **WMDs** after all?" _

Injured Digimons were recovering in a Digimon hospital ward.

_Naruto: "**Priceless**." _

Goku was shaking hands with Tsunade at a press conference.

_Naruto: "There are some justifications for war that money can't buy. But for everything else, there's..." _

Goku drives off in his golf cart.

**MasterCon **

* * *

**A Message from Orochimaru **

**Orochimaru's Message:** I am Orochimaru - responsible for all the evil in the world...except for the transfer of rights of the Pokémon Dubs from **4Kids** to **Pokémon USA**. Not even I would stoop that low. I'm fairly bored; I thought I'd make another message. For this message, I wanted to work with a big name Anime Character. Someone like _Usagi Tuskino_ or _Doraemon_. But they said they weren't available. I want to take over Doraemon's body! Anyway, I want to issue a message to the world...to anyone who can bring me a pizza. I can't leave my cave, so I have to ask someone to deliver to me. Please, oh please, bring me a pizza...preferably a _Hawaiian_. But no anchovies! All Anchovies will burn in hell, like Konoha! And if the pizza is not here in half an hour, I will attack Konoha one more time!

* * *

**What have we learned from Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Kiba and Neji were at the desk.

"And now an urgent update on Youth Going Wild in fanfics," reports Neji.

"That's right. Sakura has revealed that the age of criminals is getting younger," said Kiba.

* * *

**Fanfic Sample **

_Sakura: "It is official. Konoha is at mercy of youth gangs, including children as young as 8 years old..." _

**End Sample **

* * *

Both Kiba and Neji were nodding in agreement. "That's no exaggeration because we got some live footage of this crisis, and I got to say, it's not looking pretty," said Kiba.

* * *

**Live Footage: **

Hanabi is holding Kiba in a headlock, with Hanabi having an evil look on her face.

"Please don't kill me," pleaded Kiba.

**End Footage **

* * *

"Anyway," continued Kiba. "On to this week's lesson is Moral Judgment." 

**Lesson 9: Moral Judgment**

"Yes, because most fanfics we've been reading always come up with ambiguous angles for characters, to the point that we don't know if he is good or evil," said Neji. "After all, I am terrified of the world we are living in at this moment, which includes the likes of Terrorism and bad Anime dubs."

"Well, these fanfics can certainly can work yourself up into a frenzy of panic," said Kiba. "Take a look at this sample:"

----------------------

**_Samples:_ **

Naruto was about to get to his fridge to get himself a drink when it suddenly exploded, followed by the toaster setting itself on fire, the washing machine turning into deadly weapon as it spins around, swinging around its loose hoses.

"Oh my god! My household appliances have turned into deadly weapons!" screamed Naruto.

**Household Appliances **

----------------------

Ino uses a hair spray on her hair, only for the mist from the spray to create a pimple on her face.

"My god!" screamed Ino. "My hair spray has given me a pimple!"

**Hair Sprays **

----------------------

Asuma was smoking when suddenly; a loose bit of ash from his cigarette fell onto his shirt, only to set his clothes on fire.

"Oh my god! My clothes are on fire!" Asuma runs around trying to put out the flames.

**Clothes **

----------------------

Choji buys himself a takeaway sandwich from a convenience store. As soon as Naruto walks out of the store, Choji decides to take a large bite out of the sandwich, only to get a stomach ache after that bite. Choji rolls around on the floor, clutching to his stomach.

"Oh...my...god. The sandwich has...given...me a stomach cramp."

**Sandwiches **

----------------------

Shino was walking down a street when he spots a Termite trap, with some termites trapped inside.

"Looks like these fellas need some help."

As Shino tries to rescue the termites, the termites suddenly turned on their savior.

"Oh my god! These are not just any ordinary termites!" screamed Shino. "They're Super Termites! Ahhhhhhh!"

The super termites engulf Shino.

**Super Termites **

----------------------

Anko received her change from the Dango seller. As Anko eats her dango, she looks at the money in her hand. Suddenly, the coins reacted to the cursed seal on Anko, putting her in great pain.

"Arrrgh...my god...the money...it's cursed...damn that Orochimaru!" cursed Anko.

**Money **

----------------------

Zabuza the butcher was talking to his employee, Haku.

"Well...butchers can't be trusted, especially with large head cleaving swords."

At the same time, Kakashi happens to listen in on the butcher's conversation.

"Oh my god!" screamed Kakashi. "Butchers can't be trusted!"

**Butchers **

----------------------

Shikamaru was lazing around when Sakura walks to Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru, I got some bad news," said Sakura.

"What's the problem?" asked Shikamaru.

"Well, I have done some research and I have found out that boredom and doing nothing will send men to an early grave..."

Unlike the previous reactions, Shikamaru just reacts the way he normally reacts.

"Troublesome," mumbled Shikamaru.

**Doing Nothing **

**_End Samples_ **

* * *

Kiba and Neji were hiding behind the desk in fear. 

"Oh my god, this stuff is frightening. It reminds me of an awful nightmare I had last night," said Kiba.

* * *

**Kiba's Nightmare **

Kiba was in a dark room, when he was suddenly sprayed at by flying hairspray cans.

"Oh no! Not hair sprays!"

Kiba runs away from the flying cans, screaming like a girl.

------

Suddenly, Kiba runs into Neji holding a stack of money.

"Have some money, Kiba," said Neji.

"No, not money! Ahhhhh!" Kiba runs off screaming.

------

Kiba runs into a flying monster sandwich.

"Sandwiches, get away from me!"

------

Kiba runs into Neji, dressed up as a butcher, holding some meat.

"Butchers can't be trusted!" screamed Kiba.

------

A large termite wearing a red cape was flying around Kiba.

"Oh no! It's a Super Termite!"

------

Kiba ducks behind a sofa, where Neji was sitting.

"What are you doing, Neji?" asked Kiba.

"Nothing," said Neji.

Kiba screamed.

------

Kiba tries to catch his breath, only to see his clothes.

"Ahhhhhh, my clothes!"

Kiba strips off his clothes...

------

Naked Kiba runs away from his clothes towards an open fridge.

"Oh no! Not kitchen appliances!"

Suddenly, the fridge catches Kiba. "No, I'm not edible!

The fridge swallowed Kiba.

**End Nightmare **

* * *

**Another Pikachu Outburst **

Pikachu was in the witness box in a courtroom.

"Pika pika pikachu! Pikapi pika pi pikachu!" _(Translation: You have no right to judge me! This court has no authority!)_

The judge has crossed his arms.

"Pikachu pika pika Pi Pika pikachu." _(Translation: I want to be tried by Judge Judy instead.) _

The jury was whispering to each other.

"Pika chu pika, pika pika! Pika chu pikapi **'Pikachu'**. Pi pi pi pikachu pika pikapi, pichu pika pika chu pikachu. Pikachu pi pika **'Pika Pi!'**" _(**Translation: **What's more, my cell conditions are horrible! They keep forcing me to watch Viz Media's dub of **'Naruto'**. But I don't have a widescreen TV, so I can't see all of Naruto's forehead protector. But Naruto can't stop saying **'Believe It!'**)_

"I got the same problem," said the judge. "It's very frustrating."

"Pika pika pikapi - chu Pika chupi." _(Translation: And another thing - I'm fed up with all this 4Kids nonsense!) _

"Did you do a deal?" asked the judge.

Pikachu signs. "Pika, chu pi pikachu! Pi Pikachupi, Pikapi chu pipikachu pika pika chu pi pi pikachu. Pi pika Pikachu, pika pi pika chu pika pika chu chu pikachu." _(Translation: Yes, I did the deal. But Rachel, Veronica and Eric knew nothing about it. I may be a Monster, but I'd never stoop so low as to get involved with those three.) _

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

"You're watching the Naruto News Show," said Shikamaru. "To our top story, as President Goku has his sleepover in Konoha."

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"But before we forget, I have just received some more details on the President's visit. According to Goku's staff, the President will already be asleep when he lands in Fire Country," reports Choji. "The plan is to transport President Goku from his bed on **Air Force GW**, onto a **'Motorcade Mattress'**, which will be driven to his hotel in Konoha and transferred onto a new bed. And when the President's head touches that pillow, it will be called **Pillow GW**."

* * *

"Seems like a delicate operation," said Shikamaru. "But as long as they don't wake the President, the whole thing won't be a troublesome as it sounds." 

"Oh, and just a reminder that seats are still left for a special dinner to be emceed by Hiashi Hyuga at Konoha Stadium, where if you pay around **10,000 Ryou** a head, you'll be able to watch live video of President Goku sleeping."

**See the President Sleep - Tickets for 10, 000 Ryou a head **

* * *

The Konoha Orchestra plays a new song. 

_Song: "But when this President sleeps, he doesn't sleep with interns." _

* * *

**Counter-Insomnia Measures **

"And in the worst case scenario that President Goku gets woken up. Or even worst, he can't even get to sleep," explains Choji. "Konoha's Special Highly _Trained Counter-Insomnia Unit_ will be instructed to deploy Jigglypuff in a bid to make President Goku Drowsee," reports Choji.

* * *

Gai was walking around the corridor of the Hokage offices. 

Narrator: "Maito Gai is a top Jonin in Konoha."

Gai was sitting on a couch in the Jonin Faculty Lounge.

"I will be the greatest Pokémon Master in the World..." mumbled Gai.

Shizune in the Jonin Faculty lounge laughing at Gai's impersonation.

_Narrator: "He is also one of the growing hundreds of Anime characters who are reciting catchphrases from the 4Kids series of Pokémon." _

-----------------------

Asuma and Gai were at the coffee room, drinking some coffee, having a normal conversation, when Gai decided to...

_"Pikachu is mine,"_ said Gai.

Asuma sighs, and then swings his coffee cup straight at Gai's head, smashing the cup.

-----------------------

Tsunade was in her office.

"Gai's impersonations of the Pokémon Characters in Konoha alone has risen by 20 percent over the last 6 months and..."

Gai walks into the office, doing one of his usual crazy poses.

_"Prepare for Trouble and Make it Double!" _

Tsunade picks up a pen and throws it straight at Gai's eyes.

-----------------------

Gai was being interviewed.

"I once went through the Simpsons phase, when I keep saying **'Doh!'** and that kind of material, followed by Dragon Ball Z...going **Kamehame-HA!**"

-----------------------

Gai, Kakashi and Neji were in the briefing room, with Gai at the desk and Neji writing on a whiteboard.

"Want some water?" asked Kakashi.

Gai points at Kakashi. "Squirtle, Water Gun."

Kakashi sighs. "Come on, Gai. We've got a lot to get through."

"Skull Bash, Squirtle," ordered Gai.

Deciding to put a stop to the nonsense, Neji slams the whiteboard onto Gai's head.

-----------------------

_Narrator: "This trend is starting to pose the number one risk to Ninja Productivity." _

In Tsunade's office, Tsunade was looking a graph going downhill.

"Is it because I'm from Team Rocket?" asked Gai.

Tsunade's frustration has reached its limit. She grabs a baseball bat and swings straight at Gai's head.

Gai's head was flying out of Tsunade's office window, screaming, _"Looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again!"_

* * *

**Naruto News Show **

"Welcome back to the Naruto News Show on TVKonoha," said Shikamaru. "The official channel for President Goku's Sleepover in Konoha. But before our top story, our Headlines this hour..."

**Headlines **

"And in response to the complaints that our headlines are not entertaining enough, we have decided to bring in, for the first time on the Naruto News Show tonight, Konno _'Kitsune'_ Mitsune with the KonohaTV News Band, with today's headlines..."

* * *

The KonohaTV Orchestra began to play a song with Konno _'Kitsune'_ singing. 

_Kitsune (singing): "Train derails in the Digi-World, killing 6..." _

**Train derails in the Digi-World, kills 6... **

_"...And left up to 40 others injured" _

**...up to 40 Digimons injured **

_"While in __Tokyo__, Taichi Yagami begins his election campaign to be the next President of __Japan__." _

**In ****Tokyo****, Taichi Yagami begins election campaign **

_"And in sport, Yugi Mutou retains his title as King of Games... _

**Yugi Mutou wins yet another Duel against Kaiba **

_"...in a victory over Kaiba." _

_"And I'll be back with more news _

_And I'll be back with more news _

_And I'll be back with more news...next Hourrrrrrrr!" _

* * *

"That was Konno Mitsune with the Headlines!" said Shikamaru. "And now, back to our top story..." 

"According to Tsunade's office," reports Naruto. "They have issued a statement that a Free Trade Agreement with President Goku is in the works."

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"Obviously, Tsunade won't wake President Goku up to ask him, but she did try to slip it in a question on the President's breakfast card which Tsunade has left it discreetly under the door and the President may or may not care to fill in."

**Sample of President Goku's Breakfast Card **

**_Breakfast Card for the President: _**

**Bread?** White/Whole meal/Wholegrain  
**Cereal?** Konoha Flakes/Choc Puffs/Special Ks  
**Juice?** Apple/Orange  
**Coffee/Tea?  
****Free Trade Agreement?** Yes/No

"But a Free Trade Agreement is only a bonus," said Choji. "As what Tsunade really wants is a Photo Opportunity with the President, especially when she wants to slip in at least one photo opportunity right before President Goku leaves.

* * *

**Goku's Schedule **

**Tuesday  
****_6:00 PM_****_ - Arrive in Konoha  
_****_7:30 PM to 7:30 PM_****_ (Wednesday) - 24 Hours Sleep _**

**Wednesday  
****_7:55 PM_****_ - Photo Opportunity for Hokage Tsunade  
_****_8:00 PM_****_ - Leave Konoha _**

* * *

"Just to add that Photo Opportunity has yet to be confirmed," said Naruto. "Free Trade - Fine. Security - Great. But if Tsunade can pull off this Photo Opportunity with President Goku, then you can guarantee that I will become the next Hokage before Christmas," said Naruto. "After all, how would President Goku forget the live coverage TVKonoha did for **Digi-World 2000**?"

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"It was one of my favorite moments on this News Show," commented Choji. "Let's watch footage of the Opening Ceremony."

* * *

**Flashback: Digi-World 2000 Opening Ceremony **

Digimons were firing their attacks up into the night sky as the Naruto News Team gives their commentary...

_Naruto: "It's just a beautiful night and full credit to the hosts, the Digimons. _

_Choji: "Well, there has been so much speculation that would the Digimons were ready in time for the opening ceremony and let me tell you, they are." _

Random Pokémon and Digimons attacks were flying through the night sky...

_Shikamaru: "We weren't sure how the Digimons will do for the opening ceremony but what a spectacular display." _

_Naruto: "Indeed that the Digimons have made an amazing opening ceremony. And earlier on, we saw the Pokémon team marching and haven't they brought in a huge contingent." _

A large army of Pokémons were marching.

_Announcer 1: "Madames et Messieurs. Ferait vous accueille s'il vous plaît les Pokémons!" _

_Announcer 2: "Ladies and Gentlemen. Would you please welcome the Pokémons!" _

A crowd cheers as the Pokémons march into battle.

_Choji: "The Pokémons were very impressive but I did think that the home team was a bit disappointing." _

Digimons were just randomly walking around, not sure on what to do...

_Shikamaru: "You're watching the opening ceremony of Naruto News Show Special: Digi-World 2000, exclusive to TVKonoha. Back with more, after this..." _

-----------------------

A flying Pokémon flies off from a battleship...

"The Greatest Television Event in the world...is only on TVKonoha!"

_Song: "Who's gonna light up the Digi-World's Skies?" _

**200 Chunin Reporters **

A MetalGarurumon fires a volley of missiles into the sky.

_"Who'll make sure the missiles fly?" _

**200 Adamant Vests **

A bunch of baby Digimons were crying.

_"Who'll be there when the children cry?" _

**Almost over 8000 miles of film **

Naruto was reporting in the middle of a battle zone while wearing his Chunin uniform and specially provided adamantium vest.

_"Who'll be there to see the Digimons cry?" _

Choji at the Suna newsdesk was playing with a Pikachu toy beating up an Agumon toy.

**5 Million PokéBalls **

Pokémons are marching to battle...

_"Share! Share the pain!" _

A castle in the Digi-World is destroyed...as Shikamaru lazily sat at the newsdesk, watching the destruction.

_"One War, Two Worlds, Two Teams, that will share the pain!" _

**TVKonoha Presents: Digi-World 2000 - Share the Pain **

"TVKonoha. The official broadcaster for Digi-World 2000."

**End Flashback**

**

* * *

**

Naruto and Shikamaru are at the desk with Choji in Suna

"Speaking of our favorite moments ever," said Naruto. "My favorite moment is the launch of the Otogakure Desk."

* * *

**Otogakure Desk Launch **

Naruto was at the desk. "Let's cross live to the new addition to the Naruto News Show Team. Sasuke Uchiha live from Otogakure..."

* * *

**Sasuke in Otogakure **

Sasuke is at the new Otogakure desk.

"Thanks guys. Welcome to the first ever Otoga...aaahhhhh!"

Suddenly, the wall behind Sasuke collapsed on our favorite avenger.

* * *

Back to Naruto... 

"Sorry, we seem to have a technical problem there in Otogakure," apologized Naruto. "But we're sure to have that fixed up in no time at all."

* * *

**Ad Break **

**Neji's  
****Biggest  
****Risk  
****Yet! **

_Narrator: This is Neji Hyuuga's Biggest Risk Yet! _

Neji runs up to a wire fence with a large wire cutter.

"Behind this fence is the prison where Jessie from Team Rocket is left to rot!"

_Narrator: Can Neji break Jessie out of jail? _

* * *

Edward Elric was doing some Alchemy... 

_Narrator: Or will Ed Elric get him too? _

* * *

Neji abandons his plan and makes a run for it. "I've just got word that the Fullmetal Alchemist is onto us!"

* * *

**Neji Vs. the Fullmetal Alchemist, on KPPN ($59.95 a min) **

"The **Ultimate Prison Breakout** on **KPPN**, **Konoha Pay-Per-News**, for **$59.95** a min."

* * *

Neji cuts through the fence. "If luck is on my side, I might get James too." 

Neji runs into the prison.


	20. Season 2 Final Edition

A Pikachu was sitting in a living room, eating some snacks while watching some DVDs when he comes across a **Naruto News Show DVD** on the coffee table. Thinking that there's nothing to lose in watching the DVD, Pikachu decides to put the DVD in the player and play it...

* * *

**Team PikaFlash presents: **

**The Naruto News Show: Season Deux **

_(Not affiliated with the Naruto TV Series on TV Tokyo or another of PikaFlash's fanfic using a similar situation) _

**_Finale: The Best of the Naruto News Show (on DVD) _**

_Disclaimers: Characters, songs and other stuffs appearing in this fanfic belong to their respective owners _

**_Pre-Warning Warning:_** The following warnings may take some time to review. We at the Naruto News Show recommend that you should be sitting at a well-lighted area in a comfortable environment.

**_Warning:_** The Naruto News Show will not be held responsible for amateurs replicating any stunts performed in the fanfic...unless it involves Jiraiya.

**_Warning 2: _**It is not impossible for some insect or other dangerous projectiles to come in contact with your eye if you're reading this fanfic.

**_Warning 3:_** It is recommended that you read this fanfic in a well-lit area.

**_Warning 4: _**If the area is not well-lit, we do not recommend that you would use a match or any form of naked flame to increase visibility.

**_Warning 5: _**The Naruto News Show will not be held responsible if you choose to eat this fanfic. It should not be consumed unless it's part of a balanced diet.

**_A/N:_**_ You know what, let's just skip all of the warnings... _

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**Naruto News Show **

Play All  
**News Stories  
**Special Features  
Credits

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_News Stories _**

**Urashima Health Scare  
**The Next Invasion  
Stranded Digimons  
Monkey D. Luffy Tour

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Urashima Health Scare_**

Gets uppercut from Narusegawa  
**Rushed to the Hospital  
**Bedside Visit by Ken Akatmatsu  
Yuji Ueda sends flowers

* * *

**Keitaro Urashima Health Scare: ****November 25th, 2006**

Shikamaru and Naruto were at the desk.

"If you have just joined us, Keitaro Urashima, CEO of Nikkei Inc., which owns **TVTokyo** and its affiliates, has been sent to Tokyo University Hospital's Emergency Ward," reports Shikamaru.

* * *

**Live: ****Tokyo** **Uni** **Hospital**** Ward **

A group of doctors are rushing an unconscious Keitaro to the emergency operating room followed by a cart of fruits, machinery and weapons.

* * *

"Details remain sketchy," said Naruto. "So as a precaution, our lawyers are here to monitor exactly what we can and can't say about Mr. Urashima at this time." 

Naruto and Shikamaru's lawyers were sitting next to the news anchors, ready with the necessary legal advice.

"But what we can say is that Mr. Urashima's condition is critical of the Naruto Filler Episodes on **TVTokyo**," said Naruto. "And he also said that if he's lucky to reach up to February, he will die a happy man.

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

Choji is in Sunagakure.

"And I can also say that several of Mr. Urashima's Top Doctors has defected to Fuji TV," reports Choji. "All these have impacted on Urashima's vital signs."

* * *

**Keitaro Urashima's Vital Signs **

**Heart Rate:** BPM 66 (Down)  
**TVTokyo** **Ratings: **25 (Steady)  
**Nikkei Share Price:** 7.21 (Down)

* * *

"Keitaro's heart rate has dropped badly, while **TVTokyo** ratings are normal but the Nikkei is well below where it should be," reports Shikamaru. 

"And our lawyers has allowed that as a mark of respect that **NaruBets** will be giving you the chance to bet on whether or not Keitaro will pull through!" announced Naruto.

* * *

The KonohaTV Orchestra began playing a song. 

**_Song:_**_ "**NaruBets**...the best bets you can get...**NaruBets**!" _

* * *

**_NaruBet's Bets: Odds on Keitaro Urashima  
_****Survives: **33-1  
**Merges with a Supreme Being: **6-4  
**Tsunade getting any of these bets correct: **10000000000-1 

"Looks like the odds are that Keitaro Urashima won't survive this at this stage," said Choji.

* * *

"So, Naruto, what do you think Keitaro's legacy would be?" asked Shikamaru. 

**_DVD Menu: Subtitle  
_**Latin  
Japanese  
**Subtext **

"Well, Shikamaru, Keitaro is certainly a great business man, one of the all time greatest person in Japan, second to the Prime Minister and the Emperor."  
_**Subtext:** "I'm too afraid to say anything critical of Urashima until I definitely know he's gone." _

----------------------------

"Well, as far as I'm concern, Keitaro Urashima's career has no faults," adds Choji.\  
_**Subtext: **"Me too. I don't want to risk a law suit with him." _

----------------------------

"I couldn't agree more, Choji," said Shikamaru. "Keitaro Urashima is a wonderful man."  
_**Subtext: "**Exactly. We may want to do seiyuu roles on Pocket Monsters like Konohamaru doing Pikachu." _

"And Keitaro has an uncanny eye for spotting talent," adds Naruto.  
_**Subtext: **They've already approached me to do the voice of Buizeru in Pocket Monsters even though I did Digimon's Gomamon and Takuya Kanbara. _

"Well, on to a break with more on the latest in the Urashima Health Scare," said Shikamaru.  
_**Subtext:** Better go to a break. I think we may have said too much. _

* * *

The Naruto News Show would like to thank our affiliate stations in **TVKonoha**, **ABS America** and **HPC Britain**.

* * *

**A Message from Orochimaru **

**_Orochimaru's message: _**_I am extremely unhappy at the moment. Here I am, one of the most famous people in the world...and yet they still haven't asked me to go on **Pokémon**. I couldn't be any worst than Kitchen Stadium Chairman Takeshi Kaga doing that bad guy in **Revelation Lugia**. In fact, nothing is worst than Takeshi Kaga, especially when his voice isn't dubbed over during dubbed episodes of the original Iron Chef. I want to take over Chairman Kaga's body. I'm also very upset over my personal life. I had four young teenagers ready to be my next body...only to find out that Michael Jackson has been sleeping in the same bed with all four of them. Now that's what I call taking over people's bodies!" _

* * *

**The Green Spruiker...at the Spandex Emporium **

The Green Spruiker, Gai walks to the entrance to the spandex warehouse with his speaker and microphone and begins to advertise the place.

"That's right shoppers!" announced Gai through the speakers. "Come on into Maito Gai's Spandex Emporium! Where you can get the latest rubber suits all at a cheap..."

Suddenly, Maito Gai (Let's call him Maito for the purpose of this scene.), owner of the Spandex Emporium walks out of his warehouse.

"**EXCUSE ME**! What the **HELL** are you doing outside **MY** Warehouse?!" screamed Maito.

"I'm the Green Spruiker!" said Gai.

"Well, I'm Maito Gai's **SPANDEX EMPOURIUM** Voiceover!" screamed Maito. "And you ought to be walking out the door!"

"Well, shoppers, it looks like the boss has gone crazy," announced Spruiker Gai.

"**YEAH!** I'm absolutely **INSANE**! Now go and do a **GIANT CLEARENCE**!" yelled Voiceover Maito, giving Spruiker Gai the message of leaving.

"What about you, sir?" asked Spruiker Gai. "I find you, huge, huge, hugely offensive."

"You got to go before **MIDNIGHT** tonight!" retorted voiceover Maito.

"My patience has been massively reduced," said Spruiker Gai.

"**WELL**, my patience has been **MASSIVELY REDUCED**!" screamed back Owner Maito, as Maito picks up the speaker and smashes it's over Spruiker Gai's head.

"Your Green Spruiking is **NEVER TO BE REPEATED**!" yelled Maito.

* * *

Neji was on a beach wearing a straitjacket and a muzzle covering his mouth. 

_Narrator: "For too long, Neji Hyuga has been straitjacketed by Defamation Law!" _

**Neji, Reporter at Large  
****VS.  
****Defamation Law **

_Narrator: "But now he has found the ultimate loophole." _

Neji removed the straitjacket and muzzle, and runs towards the sea.

"Once I reach International waters, I can say anything I like," said Neji as he runs on water using his chakra, towards a waiting speedboat on International Waters.

_Narrator: "Tonight, hear what Neji really thinks..." _

"Alright! I want to talk about pinhead President Goku..."

_Narrator: "...as Neji exercises his rights to the Hyuga Amendment." _

Neji opens an envelope filled with photos from hidden camera.

"Here is proof that Motoko Aoyoma, Monkey D. Luffy and Sakura Avalon are all part of a massive conspi..."

--------------------------------------------------------------

**The Hyuga Amendment**, on **KPPN** (**$59.95 a min**)

"But only by subscribing to this premium news event on **KPPN**, **Konoha Pay-Per-News,** for **$59.95** a min."

--------------------------------------------------------------

"10, 000 subscribers," Neji starts up the speedboat. "And Vice-President Vegeta will join me on board..."

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Special Features_**

Subtitles  
Commentary Track  
Behind the Scenes  
Credits  
**What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

------------------------

**What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter?**

Lessons  
Behind the Lessons  
The Lessons' Behind  
**Fanfiction Lessons Awards **

* * *

**What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter? **

Neji and Kiba are at the desk.

"Now, there's a lot of drama in some fanfics, especially when characters have their problems," starts Neji. "And the one thing people do when they get over their problems and recover from the trauma is to take a stroll along a beach. After all, with the many characters suffering in the world, the least I could do is to offer those people some comfort."

* * *

**Neji's Trip to the beach **

Neji was walking along a beach when he comes across a surfer. Suddenly, Neji hugs the surfer.

"Don't worry friend," said Neji. "We will go through this together."

"For a second, I thought you were going to kiss me, dude," said the surfer.

**End trip **

* * *

"Well, it's the end of the series," said Kiba. 

"That's right," said Neji. "So we're delighted to present the..."

**_'What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter?' _AWARDS **

"And our first award goes to the most references to _'Believe It'_ by someone other than Naruto...which not so surprisingly goes to Hinata in this fanfic," said Kiba.

* * *

**Winning Fanfic Sample **

Hinata was at a café with Sakura.

"So, are you really changing lives here by opening this cafe to train the underprivileged, Hinata?" asked Sakura.

"Well, Sakura, believe it or not, I had to make sure that the teenagers had to face reality and believe it so that they can gain confidence in themselves, believe it. Believing it may seem to be corny, but if they do not believe it, then how could believing it would work for them and other people? Believe it, I do whatever I can to change lives and make people believe it. Believe it...

* * *

"And so on and so forth," interrupted Neji. "Our next Fanfiction Award goes to the best comical idea. And who else can it go to but the master comedian, Shino Aburame..." Neji tries to contain his laughter. "And...and...his world famous _Power Ranger Routine_!"

* * *

**Sample **

Shino was walking along a large plain, giving his report.

"So, not even my loudest yell can throw my voice at 6 miles. **IT'S MORPHIN TIME**!" yelled Shino.

* * *

Suddenly, Sakura and Sasuke were at a desk, laughing at the previous scene as an audience cheered. 

**End Sample **

* * *

Kiba and Neji were laughing. 

"That Shino is a genius!" said Kiba, as he regained his composure. "While some fanfics involve underage romances and some unmentionables, because the average age of teenage pregnancies in fanfics is getting younger and younger.

"But our next Award however has the courage to expose how the average age of criminals are getting younger and younger," said Neji. "Some even as young as 3-years old."

"We happen to have access to a rare security camera footage, proving that there is a baby-faced menace out there bringing down society," adds Kiba.

* * *

**Security Camera Footage **

3-Year Old Hanabi Hyuga was armed with a toy Kunai in her hand, robbing the casher at Konoha's 24-Hours Convenience Store.

"Give me the money," threatened Hanabi.

The casher gives a stack of money to Hanabi and Hanabi quickly runs out of the store, jumps on a tricycle and quickly rides off as not a single passer-by noticed the pint-size robber making her getaway.

* * *

"This next Fanfiction Award is the most appearances of a Non-Naruto character," announced Neji. "Who happens to be..."

* * *

Harry Potter was walking down a street in Konoha... 

_Narrator: "Harry Potter..." _

* * *

"...who has made an appearance in a record 87 Naruto Fanfics!" said Neji. 

At that moment, Harry Potter suddenly makes a cameo appearance by passing by Kiba and Neji at their desk.

"Make that 88," corrected Neji.

Kiba picks up a mailbag, only to pull out a laptop.

"Don't know why we need a mail bag if we're checking emails," commented Kiba. "Anyway, we like to read out an email we've received a few chapters ago."

Kiba reads the email.

_Email: "Why don't you guys say something positive about Viz's Naruto dubs instead of moaning and groaning?" _

Both Kiba and Neji looked up. "Well, you have a point," said Kiba. "So, to finish off the final edition of the Naruto News Show on a positive note, we have an award for Vic Mignogna, American Voice Actor of Edward Elric, who in turn is voiced in the Japanese version by Temari."

"Unfortunately, Mr. Mignogna is unable to collect his award but congratulations for winning **'The First Ever Edward Elric Award for Being Way Better Than Steve Blum While Voicing Orochimaru'**. Not that we have anything bad to say about Steve, but the Dub has been receiving a lot of flak from purists."

Kiba and Neji took out a couple of _'subliminal'_ signs, **_"Down with Believe It! Support Dattebayo!"_**.

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Naruto News Show _**

Play All  
**News Stories  
**Special Features  
Credits

-----------Menu-------------

**_News Stories _**

Urashima Health Scare  
The Next Invasion  
**Stranded Digimons  
**Monkey D. Luffy Tour

* * *

**Naruto News Show - ****November 21st 2006**

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"The Pokémon Vs. Digimon debate went to the next level as Satoshi Katsumoto and Junpei _'Beetlemon'_ Shibayama got into an argument outside the Japanese Senate," reports Choji.

* * *

Senator Junpei was confronted by Senator Satoshi outside the Japanese Senate. 

"Oh...here's JP," said Satoshi as he made the sarcasm obvious.

"Why don't you go take your tablets, Ash," said Junpei as he was about to prepare for a press conference.

"Don't you insult me with tablets," said Ash as he and Junpei were getting close to a violent confrontation.

"I'm asking you why you are continuing to defy the laws of Anime by continuing the Digimon franchise while Pokémon have nearly 400 plus Pokémon episodes," said Satoshi.

"Why don't you take your weak and worthless self in there with your weak and worthless Anime Series," said Junpei.

"Don't you call me 'weak and worthless'," said Satoshi, then as Satoshi walked away, he mumbled, "...you big fat so-and-so..."

* * *

"**_'You big fat so-and-so'_**," repeated Choji. "Well, Satoshi, Junpei is not just any **_'big fat so-and-so'_**. He is Taichi Yagami's **_'big fat so-and-so'_**.

* * *

"Anyway, back to our top story, as hundreds of Digimons remain stranded on a ship along the gulf of Japan," reports Shikamaru. 

**_DVD Menu:  
_****Naruto Uzumaki  
**Commentary on Commentary  
Kyle Herbert

Shikamaru continues. "These poor _(**Naruto:** I guess I felt very at home reporting this because I too have a boat.)_

"I really can't believe the position of the Japanese Government," said Naruto.

* * *

**President of ****Japan**** - Son Goku **

"_(**Translated by Neji:** We decide which Digimon comes to the country and the circumstance in which they come)_," said the President.

* * *

"Japanese President (**_Naruto:_**_ Listen to this bit as I'm really good here._) speaking yesterday," said Shikamaru. 

"What?" said Naruto. "That's a disgraceful way to treat the Digimons. Can you believe that government...

**Fast Forward 8X **

Naruto was ranting on at a very fast speed as Shikamaru and Choji took a sip of water from their cups. Naruto continues to rant on as he pulls up a Digimon and slaps the Digimon in the face a few times before pushing him away.

**Normal Speed **

"...and it's very disgraceful," finished Naruto.

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"That's a good point, Naruto, but what about the people who say that this is just like the Titanic?" asked Choji.

* * *

Naruto sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you that there were no Digimons on the Titanic," explained Naruto. 

**_DVD Menu: Commentary  
_**Naruto Uzumaki  
**Commentary on Commentary  
**Kyle Herbert

"Well, that should _(**Naruto:** I still believe that speech was worth a lot..._(**Shikamaru: **Don't you love the way Naruto makes his voice deeper for the commentary?)(**Choji:** But I still can't believe that Naruto got the main commentary track.)(**Shikamaru: **Yeah, it should have been me.))

**Commentary: Off **

"Well, before we go on to the next bit of the show," said Naruto. "Have you guys heard of _'Medecins Sans Frontieres - Doctors without Borders'_?"

"Oh yeah, Ino and Sakura are huge supporters of that organization," said Shikamaru.

"Of course, when you have doctors who take their time and money to provide medical aid in the third world," said Naruto. "But now there's a new group, **'Dubbing Sans Frontieres'**. In New York, a group of former dubbers from **4Kids** have decided to put something back in after their recent axing of _One Piece_ and _Mew Mew Power_."

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki Reporting **

Two former dubbers from **4Kids** were walking through an alleyway.

**_Naruto: _**_These Volunteer Dubbers are taking their profession to the front line. As part of **'Dubbing Sans Frontieres'**, they're bringing lame Dubbed scripts to the countries that need them most. _

* * *

A Cosplayer threw a rock at the front door to the **Viz Media** office building. 

**_Naruto:_**_ It all started here when Viz Media's translation of the Naruto Manga caused widespread fury. So Viz had to call in emergency dubbers to try to make some lame dubbed scripts of Naruto Episodes look six times better than it actually sounds. _

* * *

A dubber from **'Dubbing Sans Frontieres'** was teaching a local how to read. 

_Naruto: But the biggest undertaking to date is here, in the third world. For many locals, it's the first time they've ever laid eyes on an Anime Dubber. _

**Cendre Ketcham - Dubbing Sans Frontieres **

"These people don't have access to a script," said Cendre. "For some of them, they have never seen a microphone before, let alone a set of headphones."

* * *

Cendre and his fellow dubber were teaching locals on how to edit the original script to make it appeal to the local and American audience. 

_Naruto: The team are teaching locals on how to fudge the original script, to help Americans conceal any Japanese references. It's not easy work but there are rewards. _

**Takeshi _'Blockhead'_ Yamazaki - Dubbing Sans Frontieres **

"If we can just give them the fundamentals of dubbing fraud to help them hide even a single Japanese symbol, then I think that makes it all worth it.

* * *

_Naruto: Already, there are signs that the program is working. _

Takeshi and Cendre were teaching locals on the secrets of script editing.

Takeshi was showing how to edit the original script. "Now, as you can see here that this bit is about a minor character giving the main character what the Japanese call an **'Onigiri'**," explains Takeshi. "Now, if we can change that **'Onigiri'** into a **'strawberry donut'**, you have eliminated a single Japanese reference to food."

_Naruto: And that they say is just the beginning. _

The local was surprised at how simple it is to remove Japanese references.

_Naruto: This is Naruto Uzumaki for the **Naruto News Show**. _

**Ad Break **

_"At **TVTokyo**, we're not Anime Chasers like **Fuji TV**." _

The One Piece Characters were surrounded by **Fuji TV** Executives.

_"Because we're the first with the bowls of Ramen." _

Naruto and Iruka were eating at Ichiraku's Ramen.

_"First with the checkbooks." _

Kabuto hands a check to Naruto.

_"And first with an extra large bag of cash to seal the deal." _

Naruto shakes hands with Tsunade after receiving a bag of cash.

_"More Anime Characters get their checks from **TVTokyo** than any other source. _

_"**TVTokyo**, much more happier than because we're number one in Anime Prostitution." _

**End Ad Break **

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Special Features_**

Subtitles  
Commentary Track  
**Behind the Scenes  
**Credits  
What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter?

------------------------

**_Behind the Scenes_**

Editing Press Releases  
**Enhancing News Grabs  
**Ignoring the kid who works on the photocopier  
Steamy Office Affairs

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha reporting in ****Tokyo**

Sasuke was with a few passer-bys in the streets of Tokyo.

"Here's what happened," said Sasuke. "The store behind you was robbed earlier this morning. Two men charged in and held the shop at knifepoint. They ran out, jumped into a car and drove off. Now, all I need are some witness accounts and its too late now as it happened four or five hours ago so can you just pretend that you're a witness?"

"You're asking me to lie on national Television?" asked the passerby, Ichigo Momomiya **Tokyo**** Mew Mew)**.

"Yeah, but the viewers don't know that," said Sasuke.

* * *

Yamazaki Takeshi **(Card Captor Sakura)** was standing on the street with Sasuke. "I was just standing here and I saw two guys running."

* * *

"It's unbelievable, it just all happened so quickly," said Tony Tony Chopper **(One Piece)**.

* * *

"You seem pretty relaxed for somebody who has just seen a robbery," Sasuke said to Yamazaki. "Maybe if you could feel a little bit overwhelmed, just so that we could make it look real to the people watching it." 

Yamazaki nods and begins to act overwhelmed as he tries to calm his breathing.

"So what happened during the robbery?" asked Sasuke.

"Oh...it was...I was just standing over there...and I-I saw two guys running."

* * *

"And they pushed this old lady down to the ground," said Ichigo. "It was horrible!" 

"And what did they look like?" asked Sasuke as he holds the microphone in front of Ichigo.

"Erm...they were big guys...maybe they've been working out."

Sasuke shakes his head in disappointment. "That's not going to work. Ok, if you were a viewer, who do you think the perps would look like?"

"Ok," said Ichigo. "One of them could be...a Japanese Terrorist."

* * *

"He was wearing a black suit. Could have been a Yakuza?" said Chopper.

* * *

Hanako **(Pocket Monsters)** was being interviewed by Sasuke. "And obviously they were..." 

"Teenagers," prompted Sasuke.

"Teenagers and maybe they needed the cash for drugs and stuff," said Hanako.

* * *

Yamazaki was about to cry. "Sorry...the experience was just a bit too scary for me." As soon as Yamazaki regains his _'composure' _by catching his breath. "The law has got to crack down on these guys. The way things are at the moment, you won't be safe in this society." 

Sasuke looks at the camera. "It is a sign of the times. Sasuke Uchiha in Tokyo, for the **Naruto News Show**."

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Urashima Health Scare_**

**Urashima Flatlines  
**Anime World Panics  
Jiraiya tests body with perverted book  
Kaolla Su's analysis

* * *

**Urashima Emergency **

Shikamaru and Naruto are at the desk with their lawyers.

"We have received news from Tokyo University Hospital with the bad news is that Keitaro Urashima's heart has stop beating."

* * *

**_Keitaro Urashima's Vital Signs _**

**Heart Rate: **BPM 0 (Steady)  
**TVTokyo** **Ratings:** 12 (Down)  
**Nikkei Share Price: **2.31 (Down)

* * *

"As you can see from the vital signs is that Urashima's has flatlined. It does look grim," said Naruto.

* * *

**Choji in Suna **

"Well, the last time Keitaro's heart has stop beating, it lasted for seven minutes and Naru, Shinobu and Motoko had no idea what to do, so I will say that it is not final by any means," reports Choji.

* * *

"And Neji Hyuga is standing by the** 'Urashima Files'**," said Naruto.

* * *

**Naruto News Show Sponsor: For your latest Ramen needs, eat at Ichiraku's **

"That's right," said Neji. "Inside this locked cabinet, contains the darkest secret of the head of Nikkei and **TVTokyo**, too sensitive to open until after Keitaro Urashima's death."

Neji was standing next to a locked glass cabinet containing files about Keitaro Urashima, with the warning: **"Do not open until after Keitaro Urashima's Death"**.

"Once I get the all clear..." Neji swings the ax(e). "I'm going to crack the lock."

* * *

The **_KonohaTV Orchastra_** begins to play a song. 

**Song:** _"Neji Hyuga, the World's Finest Ax(e)-wielding Konoha Shinobi!"_

* * *

"And to find out how the rest of Japan is reacting, Sasuke Uchiha is reporting at the offices of **TVTokyo**'s long time rival, **FujiTV**," said Shikamaru.

* * *

**Live: Sasuke Uchiha at FujiTV Offices **

One Piece, Dragon Ball and Digimon characters were celebrating the death of Keitaro Urashima as Sasuke reports.

"Thanks Shikamaru!" said Sasuke. "It looks like the latest reports have been greeted by analysts as a significant..."

Sasuke's voice has been drowned out by the celebrations in the background.

* * *

"Sorry to interrupt you there, Sasuke, but it looks like we've just lost you there, Sasuke," said Naruto. "So let's cross over to Shino Aburame at the Japanese Tax Offices."

* * *

**Live: Shino Aburame at the Japanese Taxation Office **

Tax officers were looking through records as Shino reports.

"Naruto, according to Tax Officers, they are saying that it looks like Urashima's death is just a tax evasion scheme by Nikkei," reports Shino.

* * *

"Are they saying that it is illegal?" asks Choji.

* * *

"Well...the problem is that they haven't been able to prove that Keitaro Urashima even exists," said Shino. "Back to you in the studio."

* * *

"Shino Aburame there in the Japanese Taxation Office," said Shikamaru. "And now the real question is..." 

**_Language Selection  
_**English  
**French  
**Swearing

"...comment Nikkei survivra-t-il sans Urashima?" said Shikamaru.

"Peut-être ils pas à moins que Nikkei a été racheté la part par une autre compagnie." adds Naruto.

* * *

**Choji in Sunagakure **

"De l'autre côté, on peut remonter deux et deux." said Choji.

* * *

The **_KonohaTV Orchastra_** begins to play a song. 

**_Song:_**_ "Sarcre bleu wa...ohhh weee whoooo-hoooooooooo..." _

**_Language Selection  
_****English  
**French  
Swearing

**_Song:_**_ "...Gotta Catch 'Em All, Pokémon!" _

Lee finishes the song.

* * *

**Songfic Segment **

Kiba was by himself at the desk.

"And for the final episode of Season 2 of the Naruto News Show, I would like to introduce our special musical guest...**Anime BoyBand**..."

**Anime Boyband **

Naruto, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Neji were on stage dressed up like stereotypical Metrosexual boyband.

_Song: "We're the world's biggest Anime BoyBand, the gayest looking as well..." _

_Shikamaru: "Sooo gaaayyeee..." _

_Song: "And every...cent we make...we spend it all on hairgel." _

Neji walked in front of the group.

_Neji: "I'm the one who goes an octave higher every time!" _

Sasuke steps out of line.

_Sasuke: "I'm the one who close my eyes..." _

Naruto stood out.

_Naruto: "And I'm the one who can't m...ime!" _

Naruto notices that he was out of sync. Then the four walked to the front of the stage.

_Song: "In the moonlight...I saw her. She took my heart forever...she took my heart...she took my heart...she took...she took...she took...she t...she t..." _

The song suddenly screws up and group tried to make it look as though the recording was screwed...then, the music suddenly went on rewind and the boyband quickly walked backwards to the back of the stage. Then, Naruto and Sasuke pushed Neji forward because it was his part of the song...

_Neji (voice gradually getting higher): "I'm the one who goes an octave higher every time!" _

Sasuke steps out of line.

_Sasuke (high-pitched voice): "I'm the one who close my eyes..." _

Naruto stood out.

_Naruto (high-pitched voice): "And I'm the one who can't m...ime!" _

Naruto still couldn't mime that part.

_Song (high-speed and high-pitched): "In the moonlight, I saw her. She took my heart forever. Even though, we're playing gigs in the middle of a Wal-Mart Carpark!" _

Shikamaru stood out.

_Shikamaru (high-pitched): "I'm the one who tries but fails to start a solo career!" _

Shikamaru, Sasuke, Neji and Naruto rubbed their backs on each other.

_Neji (high-pitched): "I'm the one, whose body you rub, to make us look like a couple of gays. _

_Song (voice slowling down to a lower pitch): We're...the...world's...greeatest...Anime BoyBand!" _

Neji stood up.

"Thank you, thank you very much," mimed Neji, with a high-pitched voice.

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**_Urashima Health Scare_**

Girlfriends squabble over will  
Posthumously sues doctor Chopper  
Anime characters roast cremation  
**Kabuto takes over **

* * *

"You're watching the Naruto News Show, with the breaking news here is that Keitaro Urashima has flatlined," reports Shikamaru. 

**Keitaro Perished? **

Naruto looks at his watch. "It has been 8 minutes since his heart stop beating, which is a new time, beating his previous record by over a minute."

"But it's still not long enough for our lawyers to allow Neji to open those files, though," adds Shikamaru as Neji waits impatiently next to the glass case full of files.

**

* * *

Choji in Sunagakure **

"That's right," said Choji. "We need 100 percent confirmation that Mr. Urashima is no longer with us and we won't expect to get that result until tonight Kaolla Su hosts the Autopsy Live on **TokyoTV**."

"I've also received information that interm CEO, Kabuto Yakushi has now revealed next week's lineup on **TVTokyo**," reports Choji.

* * *

**_Next Week's TVTokyo Thursday Lineup _**

**7:30PM** - Pocket Monsters Pearl and Diamond

**8:00PM**- The Life of Satoshi Tajiri

**8:30PM**- Pocket Monsters Pearl and Diamond (Replay)

_Naruto: With a lineup like that, it looks like **TVTokyo** is going to go downhill, just like Orochimaru's career. _

* * *

"And with that, it has a devastating effect on Urashima's vital signs. Since Kabuto took control, everything is heading south," reports Shikamaru.

* * *

**_Keitaro Urashima's Vital Signs _**

**Heart Rate: **BPM 0 (Down)  
**TVTokyo Ratings:** 0 (Down)  
**Nikkei Share Price: **-1.26 (Down)

* * *

"Well, it's been 9 minutes," said Naruto. "What do you think, Neji?" 

Neji picks up his ax(e). "I can say that Urashima is a goner. So that means that I will crack the lock and say what nobody can say about..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly, a lawyer runs up to Neji and tackled him down as Keitaro's vital signs suddenly went upwards.

* * *

**_Keitaro Urashima's Vital Signs _**

**Heart Rate:** BPM 67 (Up)  
**TVTokyo Ratings:** 35 (Up)  
**Nikkei Share Price: **14.26 (Up)

* * *

**Keitaro's Alive! **

"Breaking News as we have just heard for the second time in his life, Keitaro Urashima's heart has just restarted," reports Shikamaru. "He is alive. And after beating his old record by a couple of minutes!"

"And a report just in from the hospital has Urashima's first words were, _'What the fuck did Kabuto do to my empire?'_" reports Naruto. "Well, he is back, alright."

* * *

**Credits - Starring:  
**Naruto Uzumaki  
Shikamaru Nara  
Choji Akimichi  
Tenten  
Ino Yamanaka  
Hinata Hyuga  
Shino Aburame  
Rock Lee  
Neji Hyuga  
Sasuke Uchiha 

**And  
**Jiraiya  
Kiba Inuzuka

"Plus a list of guest characters who move so fast that you can't even read them."

**Guest Appearances:  
**Orochimaru (Naruto)  
Maito Gai  
Tsunade  
Asuka Tenjouin (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX)  
Yamato Ishida (Digimon)  
President Goku (Dragon Ball/DBZ)  
Ken Ichijouji (Digimon)  
Sakura Haruno (Naruto)  
Pikachu (Pokémon)  
Eric Stuart (Himself)  
TV Tokyo CEO (Himself)  
Sai (Naruto)  
Daisuke "Ugly Davis Greymon" Motomiya (Digimon)  
Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno (Love Hina)  
Eriol Hiragizawa (Card Captor Sakura)  
Max Tate (Beyblade)  
Gennai (Digimon)  
Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy 7)  
Sora (Kingdom Hearts)  
Madison Taylor (CardCaptors)  
Zaku, Dosu and Kin (Naruto)  
Takuya Kanbara (Digimon)  
Ichigo Momomiya ( Tokyo Mew Mew)  
Takeshi Yamazaki (Cardcaptor Sakura)  
Tony Tony Chopper (One Piece)  
Hanako (Pocket Monsters)

"And a detailed idea on the crew."

**KonohaTV Orchastra:  
**Brock _'BlockHead'_ Harrison (Pokémon)  
Yamato Ishida (Digimon)  
Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

**Camera crew:  
**Hikari Yagami  
Tomoyo Daidouji  
Erika Akamatsu

**Director:  
**Satoshi Kastumoto

"Including First ADs."

**First Assistant Director:  
**Sakura Kinomoto

**Lighting:  
**Pikachu

**Executive Producers:  
**Taichi Yagami  
Satoshi Kastumoto

**Head of Entertainment TVTokyo:  
**Tomoyo Daidouji

"Author..."

**Author:  
**PikaFlash

**_"Full Disclaimers..." _**

Naruto and related characters belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Digimon, One Piece, Dragon Ball Z and related characters belong to Toei Animation and Bandai.

All other animes and their characters belong to their respective owners.

"And this weekend, there is a marathon where we bring you the cast of people who have been involved with TV, the cleaners, the lighting crew, and the occasional person who delivers a package on the front desk, only on the Credits Show, tonight on KonohaTV."

* * *

**Message from Orochimaru **

**Orochimaru's Message:**_ "I am very unhappy with Konoha at the moment. I have found disturbing information about my messages. Those idiots at the Naruto News Show have been putting words in my mouth without me knowing. How freaking original! I bet they're doing it to me right now, am I right? I want to get my hands on Sasuke and take over his body! Then all hell will break loose!" _

* * *

**-----------Menu------------- **

**Naruto News Show**

Play All  
News Stories  
**Special Features  
**Credits

**-----------Menu------------- **

**Special Features **

Subtitles  
Commentary Track  
Behind the Scenes  
Credits  
What have we Learnt in Fanfiction...this Chapter?  
**A hidden Easter Egg **

* * *

Choji, Shikamaru and Naruto were laughing. 

"Anyway, Choji, what emails do we have?" asked Shikamaru.

* * *

"Well, here's one that caught my eye," said Choji. 

**Email: **

_Dear Naruto News Show  
__Is it true, like 60 Minutes, you send your own emails to yourselves? _

_C. Akimichi  
__Sunagakure _

"That's from a C. Akimichi in Sunagakure," said Choji. "And finally this..."

**Email: **

_Dear Naruto News Show  
__Why does the fanfic makes **NNS** if we put it in an acronym? _

_Professor Cendre Ketcham_

Choji laughs. "Well, it interesting because it just so happens to be a funny story which..."

* * *

Back in the real world, Pikachu stops the DVD. 

"Lousy stinking waste of DVD," mumbled the Pikachu as he takes the DVD out, puts it in its box and sends it flying out a window.


	21. Season 3 Ep 1: Full of Crack!

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 1: Full of Crack! _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto was sitting at his news desk. 

"Konnichiwa. I'm Naruto Uzumaki and on this edition of the Naruto News Show..."

**Japan to ensure safety of Digimon refugees, but the Digital Monsters Refugees can go to hell. **

**Methane from Naruto blamed for global warming. **

**And Pokémon Plushies are getting burned like effigies. **

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki **

"Well, President Goku hasn't called an election yet, but there is still questions going around in Japan as everyone is asking, _'Who's bright idea is it to use flashing lights for that Porygon Episode of Pocket Monsters?'_"

We see Naruto at the news desk.

"Shikamaru has more details..."

**

* * *

Shikamaru Nara in ****London**

_Shikamaru: "No I don't. That's pretty much it. This is Shikamaru Nara in London."_

**

* * *

Back at the news desk with Naruto. **

"Anyway, back to local news. As there has been confusion over Tsunade's plan for getting a new Hokage. Shizune is Tsunade's advisor in the recent..."

"Excuse me, Naruto," interrupts Shizune. "But I'd like to mention that there shouldn't be any confusion and Tsunade will find the right person to be the Sixth Hokage. And if you're asking me that if you're going to be the next Hokage, well, I really have no idea as it is Tsunade's final decision. Will that be a problem? No it won't be as we all know that Tsunade will value your contributions to Konoha and its people. And if everyone is going to be happy? There's bound to be a few unhappy people but they'll learn to live with it. Will there be any problems with the succession? Quite likely. Have I made you redundant by assuming the role of both interviewer and interviewee? Yes I have." Naruto rubs his chin "Will that alter the content of the interview? No it won't as it won't be considered an interview. It would be a monologue instead since I'm the only one speaking."

"Thank you Shizune." Naruto looks back at the camera. "Hello. Recently I have discovered a news casting techniques that allows me to add in any behaviors without accusing anyone. For example, a story revealing rumors about unacceptable behaviors by a Pokémon Team might go like this."

**Example News Report **

A bunch of Pokémon were exercising in a field.

_Ino: "The Pokémon Team involved refuses to detail about the exact nature of the rumors but says that it doesn't have any substance." _

"The Police have so far declined to comment. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show."

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

* * *

Back at the news desk with Naruto. 

"The Naruto News Show director, Akimichi says that he was not comfortable with this practice."

* * *

**Choji Akimichi - Naruto News Show Director **

Choji was in the Naruto News Show offices...

"No, it's not something I'd like to see adopted here. Other people might have a different view but that is my position. And not to..."

Naruto's voiceover speaks over Choji.

_Naruto's Voiceover: "Mr. Akimichi also says that he rejects the practice on principle and that Naruto News Show journalists have better things to do with their time."_

Kurenai, Kakashi and Shikamaru were having a smoke on the roof of the TV studio...

* * *

Back to Naruto... 

**News Report: Hot Air **

"On to foreign politics as Japanese President Goku has dismissed claims that Vice-President Vegeta's support for the Pokémons has nothing to do with politics. Anyway, the Vice-President has discussed with Pokémon Party leader over Global Warming in a private function room at a hotel..."

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

**News Report: Racists **

"While on the topic of Japanese Politics, President Goku has come under fire over the supposed Racist policies on the number of Digimon Refugees allowed into Japan," reports Naruto. "And when Goku has said that he is only accepting smaller intakes of Digimons, he means only Baby-Level Digimons."

**News Report: Crack Giovanni **

"Digimon Lawyers are planning on trying Pokémon Gang Boss in Italy. But I'd recommend trying their Pasta instead," reports Naruto. "Tasty."

**News Report: Death **

"Between the Digimon and Pokémon parties, the only thing they agree on is the Death Penalty. Ash Ketchum took to the streets and spent the whole day asking people..."

Naruto looks at his papers. "Ash Ketchum doesn't work for us. He's someone who's moving around asking questions."

* * *

"Still on to politics. An election is coming up and some of the candidates are going to tell us their chances of victory. Joining me in the studio are operations manager of the Digimon Party, Hanabi Hyuuga, and campaign strategist Konohamaru Sarutobi and in our Tokyo Studio is campaign manager of the DBZ Party, Orochimaru." 

Naruto looks at Hanabi. "Hanabi, they say that the Digimon party believes that they got a better chance of winning the election after comparing internal polling with external polling. What do you think is the Digimon Party chances of winning the election?"

**Hanabi Hyuga - Digimon Party Operations Manager **

"We've known all along that this is a tough election we are going to win and we know that the Pokémons will win this one."

Naruto looks at Konohamaru. "Konohamaru, the polls are saying that the Pokémons are in front. I'm sure that it has brought a lot of confidence?"

**Konohamaru Sarutobi - Pokémon Party Campaign Strategist **

"Not at all, Naruto. You see, the polls won't mean anything as you can't underestimate the Digimons even before they start their election campaign. The Digimons are ahead at the moment."

Naruto looks at Hanabi. "Hanabi?"

Hanabi laughed. "That's incorrect, Naruto. You see, the Pokémons are the ones who are ahead at this time. They are sure to win this election if it's held right now. Satoshi Kastumoto is ahead in the polls, so clearly, the Digimons are the underdogs at the moment."

Naruto looks at Konohamaru. "Konohamaru?"

Konohamaru shakes his head. "How can the Digimons be the underdogs when they did a magnificent job in helping the DBZ party in maintaining the economy? Record levels of Animes being exported and low interest rates. And what have we done? Nothing. We're definitely the underdogs, Hanabi."

Naruto looks at Hanabi. "Hanabi?"

"I disagree, Naruto," said Hanabi. "The Digimons are definitely the underdogs. We had nothing to do with the export of Animes and we didn't do anything about the low interest rates. We just keep digging up crap and sending it to America. While the Pokémons have more advanced technology than we do, we did not send our own Digimons to die in an unwinnable war, making us look like amateurs."

Konohamaru laughed. "That's absolute rubbish and Miss Hanabi would know that too. We would have sucked up to our glorious masters and breath out hot air as far as we are concerned..."

Naruto interrupts Konohamaru. "Sorry. I'm afraid that's all we have time for. And apologies to Orochimaru in Tokyo, but I'm sure your input into the conversation has something to do with taking over Sasuke's body."

* * *

**News Report: Digimon Plane Crash **

"And some good news in that Plane Crash in the DigiWorld," reports Naruto. "None of the 281 passengers who died on that plane are on their way to Japan."

**News Report: Happy Buu **

"Onto the pink fella known as Majin Buu. Who knows what's making him happy and content with his life..."

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

* * *

"A bit more on our earlier coverage on the Digimon Refugee Crisis. We were keen to interview President Goku, but it takes too much time to get someone with spiky black hair, so we got someone who is down below in the food chain, Sasuke Uchiha in Tokyo. Sasuke, some would say that President Goku don't like Digimons. What is your take on that? 

**Sasuke Uchiha in ****Tokyo**

_Sasuke: "Well, it that was true, __Naruto_ _Japan__ won't be processing 2900 Digimons this year alone." _

"Processing?" asked Naruto

_Sasuke: "Yes, processing 2900 Digimons." _

"I'm sorry, Sasuke, but I thought it sounds like you're turning the Digimons into sandwich meat and eating them."

_Sasuke: "No, we are not like the Pokémons. That's not our policy." _

"So, you can guarantee that no one in President Goku's cabinet are eating any of these Digimons?"

_Sasuke: "No Digimon refugee has been eaten by anyone within the President's cabinet. I can't say much about the Digimons or Pokémons, though." _

"I don't want to get involved in another debate about eating other species, but why has there been a reduction of Digimon Refugee intake?" asks Naruto. "And by intake, I don't mean eating them."

_Sasuke: "If you look at recent history, then you'll know that they have trouble integrating..." _

"But if you eat them, it's like integrating quite literally, aren't they?"

Sasuke sighed.

_Sasuke: "We're not eating them. We're processing them..." _

"So what happened to the unprocessed Digimon refugees? Are they freeze-dried; snap frozen or dumped straight into the freezer?"

_Sasuke: "I don't know what they put in your Ramen, Naruto, but there are 20 million Digimons Refugees in the world and it's a buyer's market..." _

"So you're saying that you want a different type of refugee to eat? Is that it?"

Sasuke slammed his palm on the desk in Tokyo. "Listen Naruto, if anyone in President Goku's cabinet has eaten a Digimon, processed or unprocessed will be severely reprimanded. End of story."

"Thank you Sasuke..." Naruto looks back at the camera.

**News Story: Hello? **

"Well after having called each other all sorts of names for the past 50 years, Fifth Hokage Tsunade and Perverted Sage Jiraiya have decided to kiss and make-up. Jiraiya says that the kiss only lasted for seconds but Tsunade warned that the make-up would take at least 4 and a half hour.

**Weather Report **

"Now onto the average world temperature, which is 22 degrees."

Naruto looks at another camera. "And until next time, be good. I know I will..."

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

"See you next time..."


	22. Season 3 Ep 2: Can of Peas

A warning to Naruto fans. You will be disappointed as Naruto will make an appearance in this fanfic.

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

By PikaFlash And the News Team

_Edition 2: Can of Peas _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at the news desk. 

"Welcome to the Naruto News Show. The news this chapter..."

**Sakura Haruno proves that she's no Vampire. **

**Tai Kamiya is asking people to vote for him to be President in November. So is Ash Ketchum. **

**And Konoha Hospitals declared the best in the world...before Granny Tsunade gambled away the Money **

Naruto looks at the camera.

"Two parties and we're all invited. That is the truth of the Japanese Presidential Election. And in the end, the only winners are the Japanese citizens. But the key issue is if Japanese Anime Robots will be mentioned after this election. Reactions to Taichi Yagami's plan for these giant machines has been generally positive.

* * *

**Duo Maxwell **

"It was long time coming."

* * *

**Asuka Soryu Langley **

"Better late than never."

* * *

**Metal Greymon **

"He's Taichi Yagami. All he cares about is Digimon."

* * *

**Rei Ayanami **

"This news report is filled with Racism."

* * *

Naruto adjusts his forehead protector. "And when I mean positive, I don't mean the actual use of the term. And speaking of the government, Vice-President Vegeta will make no apologies over his racist comments on the Pokémons. But I would agree, you can't force people to apologize as that will make the apology meaningless." 

Naruto notices the sledge hammer on his desk. "I'll just put this away now." Naruto puts the hammer under his desk.

**Orochimaru's Inflation **

"Onto less important news, there has been rare good news that inflation in Otogakure has dropped by 23 thousand percent. When a local Journalist questioned leader Orochimaru, Orochimaru defended that statement by saying that inflation has always been at its lowest level when he's in charge..." Naruto pauses. "Horrific experiments on that journalist will begin tomorrow."

* * *

**Live in Otogakure **

_Naruto: "And tonight in Otogakure, how does the inflation rate in Otogakure affect this tin of peas?" _

In a supermarket in Otogakure, Karin and Juugo were waiting in front of a tin of Peas that cost **12, 231, 124 Ryous**.

_Naruto: "Live in a supermarket in Otogakure, where this tin of Peas is going at the current price of **12, 231, 124 Ryou**. We'd be crossing back to check on these two lucky experiment survivors are waiting for the price of that tin to go down." _

* * *

Returning to Naruto's News Desk. 

"Back to Politics as the election race between Tai Kamiya and Ash Kamiya is going on..."

* * *

**Tokyo** **Japan**

Hanabi interrupts Naruto in Tokyo. "But Naruto..."

* * *

"It was a joke, Hanabi!" yelled Naruto. "Anyway, joining me from Tokyo is Hanabi Hyuga, Digimon Party Spokesperson. Hanabi, Mr. Kamiya has stated his policies on inter-planetary relations, re-instating Pluto as a proper planet and the Japanese Budget are the only similarities between him and Satoshi."

* * *

**Hanabi Hyuuga, Digimon Party Spokesperson **

Hanabi was in Tokyo.

"Well, technically, Ash Ketchum was killed once in the Pokémon series, and he got killed again in the first Pokémon Movie, so Tai's opponent is literally a dead man walking..."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Hanabi. "So you're saying that President Goku is also a dead man walking since he was brought back from the dead using the Dragon Balls," said Naruto. "Very well. And an update on the peas in Otogakure. It has just hit the **15 million ryou mark**."

* * *

**Live: Otogakure **

The tin of peas in Otogakure has changed from **12, 231, 124 Ryous** to **15, 000, 000 Ryous**. Both Karin and Juugo groaned.

* * *

Naruto was wearing his Shippuden outfit. 

"Speaking of Otogakure, Sasuke Uchiha has been traveling around with his crew of Snakes. I spoke to Sasuke earlier in the day so that no one knows that I'm talking to him, but I wore the same clothes as I wore right now so that no one will know the difference. But you'll notice once we make this time skip backwards..."

**

* * *

**

**Earlier... **

Naruto is at his newsdesk wearing his Shippuden outfit.

"Sasuke, what is your opinion on inflation in Otogakure?"

* * *

**Unknown Location **

Behind Sasuke was Suigetsu nodding.

"Well, considering that I'm on the run and I'm hunting Itachi, it has nothing to do with me."

* * *

**Newsdesk **

Behind Naruto was Hinata nodding.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. We're also hunting Itachi at this time."

* * *

**Unknown Location **

Behind Sasuke were Suigetsu and Karin nodding.

"If that is the case, then I will hunt Itachi faster than you because I want to kill him."

* * *

**Newsdesk **

Behind Naruto were Hinata and Sakura nodding.

"Oh, well if I catch Itachi, you're going to have to come back with me to Konoha so that you can kill him there!"

* * *

**Unknown Location **

Behind Sasuke were Suigetsu, Karin and Juugo nodding.

"I do not care about Konoha anymore as long as I get to kill Itachi."

* * *

**Newsdesk **

Behind Naruto were Hinata, Sakura, Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, Kiba, Akamaru and Shino.

"We're going to have to end it there, Sasuke, because I got too many people behind me in here and I won't be able to fit anymore."

**Another Timeskip Later **

Naruto receives the latest news. "And in breaking news, the tin of Peas in Otogakure has broken the **20 million Ryou** mark..."

* * *

**Otogakure **

The price of the tin of peas is now **21, 321, 412 Ryou**, earning more groans from Karin and Juugo.

* * *

"Ignoring Local News, on to the Japanese Election as there will be no debate between Ash Ketchum and Tai Kamiya until someone can find an Anime Character who does not appear in a series involving monsters to oppose them." 

Back to Naruto at the News Desk. "Before we go, Naruto has more on to tomorrow's papers..."

_Naruto's Voice Over: "In **Le Paris Papier Journal**, they're not using Kanji. Typical. Meanwhile, in the** Konoha Times**, Current Hokage blames Future Hokage for outstanding debts. And in the **Classifieds**: Hokage's Table. Used for Five Generations. In near mint-condition. Will accept best offer." _

* * *

**Otogakure **

_Naruto: "And back to the Tin of Peas in Otogakure. It has been bought by President Goku for an undisclosed sum." _

In the Otogakure supermarket, both Juugo and Karin walked off in disbelief.

* * *

**Vote for Taichi Yagami for Japanese President. **

Naruto was facing the camera. "We at the Naruto News Show are neutral and will not take any sides on the upcoming Japanese Presidential Election. Until next time..._Gotta Catch Em All_."


	23. Season 3 Ep 3: Out of Ideas

_Naruto: "News never sleep and neither do we. 24/7, we will be there to squeeze everything into one chapter of a fanfic. Watch it, world! We know what you're up to..." _

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

By PikaFlash And the News Team

_Edition 3: Out of Ideas _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki and on this edition of the Naruto News Show..." 

**Tai Kamiya asks Ash Ketchum to grow up...preferably by a couple of years if necessary **

**Invisible Snake rampages through ****Hokage** **Tower**

**And an awesome fanfic idea goes to waste after the news report for it has been discarded **

"Before we get to our reports, I should point out that the outcome of the Japanese Presidential Elections won't mean a thing to us on the Naruto News Show. We only bring you the facts..."

**Vote for Ash Ketchum for President **

* * *

"Speaking of Politics, as the Digimon Party is offering a _25 Billion Yen Tax Cut_ if they win the election, the Pokémon Party has come up with their own _24 Billion Yen Tax Cut_. Taichi Kamiya has blasted Ash Ketchum over Tax Cuts as he claims that Ash stole Tai's idea. Here's what Tai had to say..."

* * *

**Taichi Yagami - Presidential Candidate **

Tai is at a press conference. "He spent four days to copy **91.5 percent** of my idea."

* * *

Back to Naruto at the desk. "Hang on, Tai. Wouldn't **91.5 percent** of **25 billion** make up **23.875 billion**? Tai's out by **0.125 billion**. Well, there's your guy who's going to run the economy." 

Naruto looks at another camera. "Leaving Politics for the time being, Researchers in Konoha Hospital has created a new type of Placebo that could revolutionize the way testing takes place for sick people. Sasuke Uchiha picks up this report and takes it home with him."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha on Location **

Sasuke was in Tokyo. "It's been a long time coming. A placebo without any side effects. Usually when someone has a placebo, they would feel tricked or cheated. But Fifth Hokage Tsunade has developed a Placebo without the uneasy feeling."

* * *

Sasuke and Tsunade were in a hospital. "It's a simple test. 50 percent of our terminally ill patients has the old Placebo and the other half gets the new Placebo," explains Tsunade. 

"And the result?" asked Sasuke.

"It was uniform," was the answer.

Sasuke nods. "I see. And what is the difference between the old Placebo and the new Placebo?"

"A mint flavor," answered Tsunade.

"And?"

Tsunade shrugged. "That's pretty much it."

"So you're saying that a new flavor will revolutionize medical treatments?"

"It's too early to tell," Tsunade said.

Sasuke looks at his watch. "It's 2:30 in the afternoon."

Tsunade looks at the watch. "Alright. Yes, I think it will," Tsunade answers.

_Sasuke's V/O: "This is Sasuke Uchiha in Konoha & Tokyo, but not at the same time, for the Naruto News Show."_

* * *

"Back to Politics. Who should be the new President of Japan, the Twerp or the other Twerp? Joining us in the Studio are Sakura Haruno, personal advisor to Taichi Yagami, and Ino Yamanaka, Pokémon Party Policy Researcher. Also our Otogakure studio is Orochimaru, representing the _DBZ Party_." 

Naruto looks at Sakura. "Sakura, according to Tai, he intends to keep taxes low. Care to explain?"

"What is there to explain, Naruto?" said Sakura. "With how President Goku ran the country in the last 8 years, Tai will be sure to lower the taxes."

"How are we supposed to know that?" asks Naruto. "Unless Tai's party and Goku's party are running the country at the same time and who knows which Alternate Universe allows that to happen."

"Let's say that it's just like Taichi losing Sora to Yamato in the second season of Digimon Adventure. It brought the series to a new low for Taiora fans," said Ino. "When Kasumi was in Pokémon for 5 Seasons, everyone was happy."

"No, they weren't, you pig!" protested Sakura. "It's been filler after filler in between traveling to Pokémon Gyms in Seasons 4 and 5."

"So, having a character in an Anime Series for two seasons gives him enough political experience to run Japan, Forehead-girl?" asked Ino.

Naruto interrupts Ino and Sakura's argument. "Sorry to interrupt you two, but I would like to bring in Orochimaru..."

* * *

In Otogakure, Orochimaru looks up.

* * *

"...but we've run out of time. Sorry and thank you all," Naruto finished.

* * *

**Be thankful that you're not voting for President Goku again. 8 years in power is enough. **

"On to Local News as a warning that Konoha is about to be bankrupt thanks to the Fifth Hokage," reports Naruto. "Tenten points out a few things..."

* * *

**Tenten reporting **

_Tenten's Voiceover: "Kotetsu Hagane, assistant to the Fifth Hokage has said that we are actually near bankruptcy." _

Tenten was speaking to Kotetsu outside the Hokage Building.

**Kotetsu Hagane - Hokage Assistant **

_Tenten V/O: "He didn't say that quite as quickly, so I decided to condense, drop a few bits & pieces and use a voiceover. Kotetsu also says that the last time we were able to save ourselves from bankruptcy, Asuma Sarutobi was killed in action. He never said which prick was responsible for the big windfall..." _

Hidan _(carrying his heavy triple scythe)_ and Kakazu _(carrying a suitcase full of cash)_ were standing on a hill.

_Tenten's V/O: "And we have totally run out of fanfic ideas to continue this news report. Tenten in a voiceover booth for the Naruto News Show." _

Hidan kills Asuma in the same way he did it in the Naruto Manga...

* * *

Naruto was rubbing his chin. 

"Hmmm, I wonder what's his secret for immortality?" wondered Naruto.

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

Naruto nods. "Until next time, everyone throw their explosive Kunais into the air and hope they don't come back and land on your head. I'm Naruto Uzumaki and believe in the Heart of the Cards."


	24. Season 3 Ep 4: Cannibals

This fanfic has been brought to you by **Orochimaru's Labs: For the People**. Thank you Orochimaru, we knew you weren't all that bad.

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

_Edition 4: Cannibals _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at the news desk.

"Naruto Uzumaki here and on this chapter of the Naruto News Show..."

**Tsuande glad to be a female behind the Hokage's desk, not under it. **

**Orochimaru not mentioned in this news report **

**And Aerith Gainsborough, dead 10 years ago and still dead. The world remembers by stabbing brunettes in pink dresses **

"Well, step aside Konoha, Suna or Oto. This week, Iwagakure has taken a bow."

**The Naruto Edit Show **

"But bowing down to Japan is not one of their agendas as they prefer not to because it's impossible for a village to bow down unless it is forced to. Seriously, if every single village bows down to Japan, then we'd be bowing ourselves over every whim Japan wants us to do. In my opinion, it's best if we don't bow at all unless they can make buildings bow down as well."

* * *

**Another news report about Konoha **

"But that's all for non-human news and moving on to People News. Tenten filed this review."

* * *

**Tenten in Konoha **

Tenten is walking in the streets of Konoha.

"Shinobis have loved music and they also love their Kunais. Well now in Konoha, Shinobis will get the latest gadget. The new iKunai, which is a deadly weapon which also functions as a music player that holds over 8,000 songs."

* * *

**Kabuto - iKunai Developer **

Kabuto is sitting on a desk.

"The _iKunai_ will revolutionize the way we kill people while we listen to music," Kabuto explains.

* * *

At a training field, Tenten throws some kunais. Then, she looks at the camera. "Well, the _iKunai_ works like any normal kunai. It has a real blade and it can kill real people. Just hold the Kunai in a different way and it will instantly transform into a portable MP3 player." Tenten holds the Kunai differently and music starts to play from the Kunai. "And if you twirl it around your finger to select your playlist, album or song..." Tenten twirls the Kunai to select her song, "And music will come out through the speaker, concealed cleverly near the tip of the Kunai." Tenten puts the tip of the Kunai near her ear to listen to her music.

* * *

_Tenten: "Eventually, the _iKunai_ has been targeted by public safety groups..." _

Tenten was speaking to Sakura at Konoha Hospital.

**Sakura Haruno - ** **Konoha** **Hospital**** Research Team **

"Well, Tenten, we are really concern about the impact of the iKunai, especially long term impact on the hearing of people who have the volume of the

_iKunai _turned way up," Sakura said.

* * *

Back to Tenten in Konoha with her report. "All of these concerns are of little concern to the iKunai developer as they've already received order of nearly 200 thousand nationwide. 100 thousand for the Hyuuga Clan alone. For the 200 lucky people who have already received their _iKunais_, they're all uncontactable. Tenten for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

**Yamato Ishida - Is he safe? **

Naruto gives us the next report. "More Konoha news, as Tsunade has unveiled a new leadership team to firm Konoha's Powerbase. However, Western Media Outlets having difficulty to pronounce the different Japanese names have decided to follow 4Kids Anime Dub Naming Standards to reveal the new names of the Konoha Eight, who are:  
**_Mighty Guy  
_****_Izzy Kamizuki  
_****_Kites Hagane  
_****_Karen Yuuhi  
_****_Kevin Hatake  
_****_Jimmy Shiranui  
_****_Shauna  
_**And the 5th Hokage, **_Sundae_**. Good luck to them."

* * *

**The only thing closest to Halloween **

Naruto looks at the camera. "Hi again. On Halloween 15 or so years ago, give or take, a plane carrying a group of Japanese Anime Characters crashed near Mt. Fuji in Japan. Of the original passengers and crew, just seven of them survived. It was only till they resort to cannibalism to stay alive. On the anniversary of the incident, we will remember the courage and endurance of the survivors and ask _'Where are they now?'_"

Nothing happens, so Naruto looks around. "Err...Where are they now?" Naruto asks again...

**Where are they now? **

**_Doraemon _**_- Today works as a butcher. _

**_Ami Mizuno_**_ - A doctor specializing in Amputations _

**_Yamcha_**_ - For over 10 years, he was a commercial pilot for Japair Air Services, until his arrest in 1997 when he attempted to crash 19 planes near _

_ Mt. Fuji, often yelling _**"Let's Do It Again!" **

**_Makoto Kino_**_ - Now a successful businesswoman specializing in a chain of restaurants specializing in human flesh. _

**_Akazukin Chacha_**_ - Hosts her own game show on Japanese TV called **"Let's Eat Human Flesh"**. _

**_Krillin_**_ - Now serving a life sentence for trying to eat people's flesh. _

**_Shinji Ikari_**_ - After finding fame as an EVA Pilot on the hit Anime Series **Neon Genesis Evangelion**, he was never heard from again. _

* * *

Naruto nods. "There are many strings to the bow that is Sakura Kinomoto. She's not only a famous character in Card Captor Sakura, she's also the main character of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle and famous Model. Two areas that sometimes coincide. Sakura Kinomoto, what do you have on tonight?"

* * *

Sakura Kinomoto was sitting in a newsroom. "I don't know. I'm just going to have a light meal, some champagne. Maybe watch my bits on of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle."

_Naruto: "I thought you were presenting a new CLAMP series?" _

Sakura shakes her head. "No.

_Naruto: "Well, that's what it said on my script." _

"No, we _'talked'_ about it months ago but we couldn't make it happen because **CLAMP** have been too busy with Tsubasa and XxX Holic."

_Naruto: "Pity. It would have been really good." _

"So, I'm going to put my feet up and have a couple of bottles of champagne."

_Naruto: "Hang on, Tsubasa isn't on tonight." _

Sakura smiled. "Well...I do download them on Bit Torrent and watch it on my computer."

* * *

"I see." Naruto looks back at the camera in the news studio. "Well, a full nights worth of entertainment...for herself at least..."

**An edit later... **

Naruto was facing the camera. "Pikachu has called for a press conference on Pokémons in the Digi-World. He request that President Goku must withdraw all Pokémon Troops in the Digi-World or lose his vote. Here's the press conference..."

* * *

**Pikachu's Press conference **

_Pikachu: "Pika pi pikachu pi pika..." (**Translation by Naruto: **"I am asking the President to bring back the Pokémons from the Digi-World and...man, I can't keep up with the translation. That yellow rodent is speaking too fast for me to translate. I usually do the Japanese translation instead of translating straight from Pikachunese. Man...I could translate it if I had some notes but. I think I can get a grasp of _'voting'_ and a bit about _'electrocution'_. And _'rats'_. I can get the _'rat'_ bit. Erm...is this urgent?") _

* * *

Back with the real Naruto as he looks up at the camera. "Hello again. Let's have a quick look at tomorrow's headlines..."

* * *

**Konoha Times - No One Wins **

_Naruto: "Something about Sasuke and Neji at a Ramen Eating Competition..."_

**Konoha Herald - Death Takes A ** **Holiday**

_Naruto: "Something about tourism in Otogakure."_

**West Konoha**** News - Naruto is the Greatest Hokage **

_Naruto: "And my favorite newspaper has some good stuff, as usual."_

* * *

Back with Naruto at the desk. "And today, Konoha Zoo has revealed a new exhibit, which is unusual."

* * *

_Zookeeper Kabuto: "It is a massive radioactive white elephant..."_

* * *

Naruto nods in agreement. "Must be where Godzilla was born." Naruto looks at another camera. "Until next time, I'm Naruto Uzumaki saying **Moon Prism Power**." 


	25. Season 3 Ep 5: And right now

Naruto was sitting at a desk. "They say that no news is good news. No way. If there were no news, it would be doomsday, but mark my words. When methane fireballs from the sky come to this planet, we'll be there, reporting the latest...why? I don't know...that's the Naruto News Show to you."

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

_Edition 5: And Right Now... _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk.

"Hello, fat cats. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And on the news this chapter..."

**Tsunade loses big at the Chocobo race that stops the World. What else is new? **

**Aerith Gainsborough still dead after 10 years. **

**And Halloween Celebrated a few days too late. **

Naruto looks at the camera. "Before we get to the news, I would like to say that Konoha has been regarded as one of the best Hidden Shinobi Villages of it's time. Though I would say the opposite if we're talking about Japan and it's clueless President. I mean what kind of President would be allowed to have a Vice-President who obliterated entire planets and races? I mean, Vegeta's Agricultural policies doesn't seem all that bad if it means taking over other planets to make more plants for food, but how does that compare to us if we are those same people everyone else is talking about. I mean our leader bets the entire Hospital Budget on a race while the other spends the entire Military budget on his lunch." 

**Ouch! **

Naruto shuffles his papers. "Now then, on to Digimon News as the reign of a dictator is over," said Naruto. "So, has the presence of Pokémons in the Digi-World made life better? Otogakure correspondent Sasuke Uchiha reports and is still reporting there."

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha - Otogakure Correspondent **

Digimons were running away from the crossfire...

_Sasuke (V/O): _"_As Digimons run away from the dangers in their own world, the question every Digimon are asking is _'would Sasuke will ever return to Konoha?'_ Well, last time the Digimons had a crisis, Sora Takenouchi has dumped Taichi Yagami for Yamato Ishida, making Digimon Adventure 02 the most boycotted Anime series by Taiora fans. Other pressing issues include: _'How long does it take for Satoshi to travel from one Pokémon Gym to another?'"

* * *

Sasuke is giving his report via satellite phone near some ruined buildings. "And of course, DragonBall Z was only aired here in the Digi-World, adding more questions than answers the Digimons know, like _'why does 5 minutes take about 5 episodes to go by if we only get one episode a week?'_"

Sasuke quickly ducked as an explosion was heard.

"But the solution? Importing American TV shows to the Digi-World, bring back realism to Television over here, because if these Digimons never heard of Britney Spears, then these Digimons have been living in a cave. This is Sasuke Uchiha for the Naruto News Show..."

Sasuke ducks again as another explosion occurred nearby...

* * *

Naruto looks up. "Is it a joke or is it not a joke? That's what everyone talking about as the news of the expected loss of the Hokage's bet and the hospital budget has reached the ears of the hospitals, not that I'm saying that the hospitals has ears. In an attempt to please the hospital, the Hokage herself tried to make it sound as though it was a joke and it didn't work. So, in here with me are Neji Hyuga, member of the Branch Hyuga House and Hanabi Hyuga, member of the Main Hyuga House."

Sitting at the News desk on both sides of Naruto are Neji and Hanabi. Naruto looks at Neji. "Neji, has the Hokage let the cat out of the bag by making her bet look like a joke?"

Neji shakes his head. "No, Naruto. Clearly it seems that Tsunade telling a good joke is a joke. After all, the last time she bet the hospital budget on something, Sakura was the only worker at the hospital while the others had to find ways of fundraising."

Naruto looks at Hanabi. "Hanabi, has the Hokage really lost her sense of humor?"

Hanabi smiled. "Unfortunately, yes. You see, we Hyugas know what a Joke is."

"And what is a Joke?" asks Naruto.

"Well, the idea that Tsunade will win a bet. Now that's a joke," Hanabi answered and she laughed.

"You find it funny?" Naruto asked.

"Well, it would if it wasn't so serious."

Naruto asks another question. "So, is it a joke or not?

"It's a serious joke," Hanabi explained.

"Is it funny?"

"No, it is not"

"But you laughed," Naruto points out.

"I was joking," said Hanabi.

"You were joking about it being funny?"

Hanabi nods. "Yes."

"I don't think Hanabi-sama is joking," Neji said. "She laughed and she thought it was funny. I think that Hanabi-sama already had a joke in her mind before she even answered the question."

Hanabi retorts. "Hey, just because I laughed at something doesn't mean that it was funny."

"So, you laugh at things that aren't funny?" Naruto asked.

Hanabi gives a look at Naruto. "Of course."

Naruto nods. "Could it be that's what the Hokage said when she told a joke which wasn't funny?"

Hanabi disagreed. "No, because that was a serious."

"So what's the difference between a serious comment and a joke that isn't funny?" asked Naruto.

"I give up," said Hanabi.

"No, that wasn't a joke," said Naruto.

Neji was laughing and Naruto looks at Neji. "What the hell are you laughing at, Neji?"

"Oh sorry, thought that was funny," Neji said.

Naruto looks at a camera. "Orochimaru in Otogakure, do you know what a joke is?"

* * *

**Orochimaru in Otogakure**

Orochimaru is speechless.

_Naruto: "As I thought." _

* * *

**An Edit Later... **

Naruto was by himself at his news desk.

**Further News. **

"In further news, Japanese Police has begun a raid on suspected Drug hideouts in Northern Japan, killing 11 suspected Drug Dealers. However, human rights groups are claiming that the authorities are using the Drug problem as an excuse to kill Civilians."

**Japanese Election Propaganda: The world belongs to the Digimons... **

"Meanwhile back in Konoha, this Instant Ramen packet made its way to the streets and floats around in the breeze..."

* * *

In the streets of Konoha, the Instant Ramen packet floats around in the breeze...

* * *

Back to Naruto at his news desk. "And right now..."

* * *

Hinata was standing under a tree.

"...this," finished Hinata.

* * *

**Ad Break **

A bunch of household cleaning products were on a bench.

_Voiceover: "Are there household cleaning products that claiming to be environmentally friendly? Hard to pick which one you want? Now there is a brand new range of products..." _

A box of a new cleaning product appears.

_Voiceover: "_**'Revive Dead Foxes'**_! It is a revolutionary new product that not only expertly cleans everything..." _

Hinata is holding a clean shirt.

_Voiceover: "...they actually bring deceased Vulpine back from the dead." _

A hunter carries dead foxes on a stick.

_Voiceover: "Revive Dead Foxes: Expert Cleaning for the Environment. Range includes Laundry Powder, Rat Poison and Drain Cleaner." _

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk. "But right now..."

* * *

"...this," finished Sakura and Sasuke, sitting alone in a cinema.

* * *

Naruto brings us the next report. "Professional Shinobi turned amateur Mountain climber Obito Uchiha has been missing for 2 weeks at the mountains of Snow Country. But there are some good news and bad news for the Uchiha Family. The good news is that Obito has been found with an arm under a boulder, out of food and knowing that desperate measures are called for, he used a pocket knife to cut off his arm. The bad news is that Obito cut off the wrong arm and later got eaten by wolves."

Naruto looks at another camera. "Give me a second." Naruto writes on a sheet of paper, then looks back at the camera. "Back to Digimon news as the File Island Infinity Mountain Dam, because it is on Infinity Mountain and a Dam, is on the verge of collapse. Ino Yamanaka is upriver."

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka Reporting on ** **File** **Island****, Digi-World **

A dam is seen in the Digi-World

_Ino: "Damn it. That's what Digimon engineers said what to do with the only river on _ _File_ _Island__ back in the year 2000. And the result: The _ _File_ _Island_ _Infinity_ _Mountain__ Dam, recently awarded the 'World's Most Dangerous Dam'. Analysts say that the collapse will release a 20 meter high wall of water, equal to the size of a 20 meter high building, making _ _File_ _Island__ temporary the Surf Capital of the Digi-World. The expected loss of life would not be seen on a scale since the Pokémons arrive. The only choice for the Digimons: Under Fire or Under Water. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show." _

* * *

Naruto was laughing back at his desk. "Only in Tokyo. Before we go, let's take a look at the highlights of the previous Naruto Shippuden Episode."

* * *

A Pikachu is drinking a bottle of Sake.

* * *

"One of my favorite episodes," Naruto said. "And let's look at the headlines for tomorrow's papers..."

* * *

**Konoha Times - Werewolf attacks Konoha **

_Naruto: "Something about Konoha's preferences on who is the better President of _ _Japan__..." _

**Konoha Herald - Red Meat Prices on the Rise **

_Naruto: And something cryptic by this news paper. _

**Le Bone - Meurtre sur la piste de danse **

_Naruto: "And something in French on Le Bone." _

* * *

"Now, I like to laugh like the next man," said Naruto.

* * *

The Prince of Saiyans, Vegeta was evilly laughing.

* * *

"But not as evil as he is," Naruto said. "So, until next time, wrap your legs around your fox plushie and hope I don't kill you. Until next time, on DragonBall Z..." 


	26. Season 3 Ep 6: This

Naruto was sitting at a desk. "Like a vampire, we at the Naruto News Show will suck the blood out of every news story and feed the corpse to the news hounds. NOW!"

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

_Edition 6: This_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk. 

"Hola, hombres. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And on the news this chapter..."

**Ninja Pokémon Trainers: Why it won't work... **

**Ramen Eating: Now officially an Olympic Sport! **

**And everyone is wondering why we are always making references about Aerith Gainsborough. **

Naruto sits back at his desk. "Right now, a wrap up of this week's sport with French Fanfiction Professor Cendre Ketcham from the University of Paris." Naruto looks at the professor. "And it's a big week in sport, right, Professor?"

Professor Cendre is sitting next to Naruto at the desk. "C'est exact que Pokémon sports sont les plus grands. Sans compter que nous avons le plus grand des formateurs pour ces Pokémons. "

Naruto nods as Cendre continues. "En parlant de Pokémon Sports, Cerulean United a battu Alt. Indigo Pokémon dans la Ligue de soccer lors de la finale Indigo Pleateu. Fans célébré la victoire par circonscription bicyclettes dans les rues. Plus d'information plus tard ce soir." Cendre looks at Naruto.

"So, it's a pretty good to talk about those Pocket Monsters?" Naruto asks.

"Oui. Ils sont fascinants sujets à la recherche pour ma fanfiction projets," said Cendre.

"That's nice. More to come later..." Naruto looks at the camera as Cendre was waving his arms, trying to get Naruto's attention. "And evading Pokémons for now, we move on to the Civil War in the Digi-World. Sasuke Uchiha filed this report until it's very nicely smooth..."

**

* * *

****Digi-World war **

Sasuke is standing in front of a wall.

"It is now a crisis in the Digi-World as two factions are fighting each other in a major battle over who should be Katara's boyfriend in Season Three of the hit Nickelodeon Series, **_Avatar: The Last Airbender_**. The Kataang faction is furious over the fact that Zuko betrayed the main characters to join the bad guys..."

* * *

A Digimon was throwing firebombs at the opposition. 

_Sasuke: "However, the Zutara faction retorted that statement by continuously firebombing the Kataang faction bases, claiming that they're willing to die for their beliefs. Tensions are tight and the stakes are high and local Digimons are keeping their eyes on their Television sets for the latest news on the Avatar series to find out if this bitter battle is going to end, hopefully in peaceful terms. This is Sasuke Uchiha in the Digi-World..." _

* * *

Back with Naruto at his news desk. 

**But right now... **

"...what we were already doing," finished Naruto. "President Goku has condemned the arrest of Pokémon Trainer Gary Oak. He says it would be much more helpful for his own future if they could arrest Presidential Candidates Ash Ketchum and Tai Kamiya, Vice-President Vegeta and also Naruto News Show Newsreader, Naruto Uzumaki. What?"

* * *

Ino was dancing in front of a marching band.

* * *

Naruto at his desk. "President Goku has visited the South Pole for discussions over the melting of the Polar Cap. The welcome was frosty as expected but not as much before global warming."

* * *

Vegeta is evilly laughing in a press conference.

* * *

Naruto looks up. "Pandas, Tenten has more."

* * *

**Konoha Zoo **

A panda was in an enclosure in Konoha Zoo.

_Tenten: "Konoha Zoo has only one panda. Zoologist Gaara says that he can help change all that." _

Gaara is standing next to a fence.

_Tenten: "But who in their right mind would f(censored) a panda? This is Tenten in a voiceover box..." _

* * *

"And before we go, a quick look at the riots around the world...

* * *

**Hollywood** **California**

Rioters were kicking fences in front of the Viz Studios.

_Naruto: "Thousand of American Naruto fans angry over the cutting of filler episodes..." _

* * *

**Tokyo** **Japan**

Rioters were being attack by Riot police back in Tokyo.

_Naruto: "...while Japanese Naruto fans get beaten up during protests for adding fillers into the Naruto Episodes, prompting the use of water cannons and tear gas." _

* * *

**Digi-World **

Digimon Rioters were forcefully carried away.

_Naruto: "In the Digi-World, brutal crackdown on rioters..." _

* * *

**Konoha **

Sakura was lying on the floor as her friends checked on her.

_Naruto: "...while back home in Konoha, Sakura gets hit on the head by a rock." _

* * *

Naruto shakes his head and sighs. "What is going on with the world? Its insanity gone mad. And now, the headlines for tomorrow..."

* * *

**Konoha Times - Digimons Naughtier than Pokémon**

Naruto: "Typical of Konoha Times and their propaganda."

**Konoha Herald - Tsunade to wed Toad**

Naruto: "The usual stuff in the Herald."

**Suna Weekly - Vote Ash Ketchum for Japanese President **

Naruto: "And Temari finally got her way."

* * *

Naruto nods. "So, until next time, we'll see you next time until then..." 

Naruto looks at his sheets of paper, and then notices the reader is still reading this fanfic. "Are you still here? Go read something else!"


	27. Season 3 Ep 7: Pre Election

**Naruto News Show: Series Three **

_By PikaFlash And the News Team _

_Edition 7: Pre-Election _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk.

"Pika pika chupika pi pi pi chupikachu. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And on the news this chapter..."

**President Goku, tough on drugs, but a wimp without them. **

**Rioting Digimons named the World's Best Dressed. **

**And the Naruto News Show receiving a cease and desist preventing the further use of Aerith Gainsborough jokes. **

Naruto sits back at his desk. "Welcome back. It's only a few days before the victor will make his victory speech and the vanquished will make his vanquishy speech. Unless it becomes a draw which make go to Extra Time. Here's the thing, the Digimons are saying that the Pokémons will drive the Average wage up. Whose wages? Definitely not the President's. Which means that the message they are sending is _'Don't vote for Pokémon or they'll give you more money.'_ The Pokémon side, however, plans to play on our lack of respect on the elderly, with a young twerp beating his older opponent in the Japanese Presidential election. Then again, what can stop a Digimon Party member from becoming President of Japan?"

* * *

**Hinata** **City** **Tokyo** **Japan**

Digimon candidate for Hinata City, Yamato Ishida was walking across a road when he gets knocked down by a car with a sign reading, "Vote Pokémon!"

* * *

**Hail of Kunais to the Digimons **

Back to Naruto at his desk. "Well, onto past tense, in 2000, Odaiba was invaded by Digimons. Many Digimons were killed. As these Digimons were respected, many are outraged that Digimons are still coming to Japan without any control. However, after seven years of questions being asked, only one thing remains certain: Whoever wins the election, the Pokémons are to stay in the Digi-World until every Digimon Terrorist is neutralized."

**But Right Now... **

* * *

"...penis," finished Sai.

* * *

Naruto looks at another camera. "Since President Goku's reign is about to end, the very least we could do is interview him...unfortunately, we couldn't get him, so as an alternative, we decided to speak to President Goku's avatar from the **MMORPG World of Warcraft** (WOW)."

**Live from Azeroth **

Goku's character in WOW is a human footman holding a sword. "Good morning my fellow Anime Characters, wherever I am. I am merely a bunch of Digital Data made up of ones and zeros. But I still get to keep my nice black hair and what's even better is that I got this fancy sword. Costs me US$5000 straight from Blizzard themselves, which I covered using the Health Budget for the hospitals in Japan..."

At that moment, another WOW character with blonde spiky hair appears and stabs Goku's character with a dagger, instantly killing the President's avatar and stealing the fancy US$5000 sword.

* * *

"Sorry, we seem to have lost you there, President Goku's avatar." Naruto said as he closes his laptop, ending his session of WOW. "Anyway, not many more sleeps before the Japanese Election and the polls are saying that its time for a younger generation to take over. Joining me in the studio are Sakura Haruno, Pokémon Party Strategist; Hanabi Hyuuga, member of the West Hinata City Digimon Party and in Tokyo, Orochimaru."

Naruto looks at the camera. "Starting with you, Orochimaru, since we didn't have enough time with you the last time, are you surprised that we are finally going to talk to you?"

* * *

**Otogakure **

Orochimaru is still sitting on his chair, not answering the question. He looks around.

* * *

"Looks like we got a technical problem in Otogakure." Naruto looks at Sakura. "Ok, to you first, Sakura. The Digimons are ahead in the polls and yet there is no panic. You think the Digimons will self destruct?"

"Of course." Sakura started laughing.

"And how do you think that will happen?" asked Naruto.

Sakura continued laughing. "I don't know," she said.

"Ok." Naruto looks at Hanabi. "Hanabi, what do you think of the foreseen political oblivion for the Digimons?"

Hanabi crossed her arms. "Well, the first these idiots need to do is to stop watching Tokyo Idol and Big Brother Japan and focus on this freaking election! I don't know what drugs these f-wits are on..."

"Right, do you think you can win those f-wits?" Naruto asked

"In my mind, they're dead to me," said Hanabi.

Naruto looks at his sheets of paper. "Ok. Moving on..."

**An Edit Later... **

"Leaving the Japanese election on one bit, as the Digital revolution is intensifying with more Digimons getting killed everyday with the usual road bombs and ambushes. But how will this affect the election?" reports Naruto. "Ino Yamanaka..."

"She's not here!" yelled a voice.

"I was cutting to her report!" said Naruto, then, Naruto finishes his line. "...has more.

* * *

Rioting Digimons were throwing firebombs at other Digimons.

_Ino: "Digimons fighting each other, with no care for everything else around them. Of course, Digimon Tamers on the other hand only care about the clothes they wear, which include the different variety of gears, including the likes of goggles, hats, gloves and the infamous Digi-Vice." _

* * *

**Fashion Reporter Ino Yamanaka **

Ino is standing in front of a wall wearing a chunin uniform. "Of course, Digimons rarely have a sense of style, considering that most of them don't wear clothes, which makes this report in the Digi-World completely useless and a waste of money from the budget we get for the Naruto News Show. Ino Yamanaka, actually filmed in the safety of a TV studio in Konoha..."

* * *

Back to the news desk, Naruto looks up. "Due to the fact that we've received complaints that we don't do the weather on the Naruto News Show, we decided to readers by doing the Weather bits of the show. Unfortunately there's far too many places to check the weather in this fanfic, so here's a random weather check for one area for tomorrow."

**Weather for Tomorrow: **

_23 Degrees Celsius _

_Iwagakure _

**Vote Digimon **

"It looks like Iwagakure will have 23 Degree Celsius tomorrow." Naruto looks at the camera. "Before you vote this weekend, remember the words of the outgoing President..."

* * *

Goku at a press conference.

_President Goku: "The world is not going to end tomorrow..." _

* * *

Naruto continues. "...and the words of a much younger Presidential Candidate..."

* * *

Ash at a press conference.

_Ash: "Pika pikachu pi pi chu pika pika chu chu pikapi pikachu chu chupi pikachupi." _

* * *

Naruto has a dazed look on his face. "What the hell is this guy on?"

* * *

A video of Tsunade's hand was using a credit card to form lines of white powder before the powder was snorted by Jiraiya...

* * *

"Until next time, on _**Digimon: Digital Monsters**_." 


	28. Season 3 Ep 8: Drugged Up Pokémon

**Naruto News Show: Series Three**

**_By PikaFlash And the News Team_**

_Edition 8: Drugged Up Pokémon_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scfenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk.

"Hello, I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And on the news this chapter..."

**Sunagakure ordered the destruction of Casino.**

**Konoha reviews policy on gambling budget because Hokage feels that they need more money. _'No shit, Pikachu!'_ says everyone else in Konoha.**

**And Aerith Gainsborough's body dug up in drunken grave robbing spree.**

Naruto is typing on his computer. He notices that he's being watched by the reader. "Just bear with me for a moment." Naruto continues typing. "There we go; no one can kill my character while I do the news." Naruto quits the** MMORPG** he was playing.

Naruto looks up. "Recently, Pokémon Trainers have been feeding their pets Rare Candy and the various assortments of performance enhancing drugs. One such trainer named Brock Harrison has been found using these sort of performance enhancing drugs on the Pokémon he's been breeding. As a result, Brock has been banned from competing in official battles until further notice. Earlier, I talked to someone who benefited from the banning. Of course, to make it look continuous, I would be wearing my usual orange jacket and forehead protector. Then, someone somehow modified the continuity costumes to replace the orange jacket and forehead protector and wear yellow face paint with red circle cheeks instead. But other than that, everything is the same..."

* * *

Naruto wearing yellow face paint with red circle cheeks was at the news desk earlier. _(Let's call him Naruchu!)_

"Kasumi Yawa, what are your thoughts on the recent Brock Harrison drug scandal?" asked Naruchu.

* * *

**Kasumi Yawa - Pokémon Trainer**

Kasumi is on camera. "Relief." Kasumi answered. "It reassures me that what I was up again was a bunch of Super Pokémon bred using drugs like Rare Candy. It reassures me that I will get closer to the top."

* * *

Naruchu looks at his sheet of paper. "Erm, but you were placed 8th on the table."

* * *

Kasumi nods. "I know, but if you take into account in the removal of the 1st placed Brock Harrison, that will bump me up to 7th. And who knows if the other six would come out with the drug admission in the next...10-20 years. I can wait..."

* * *

Naruchu gave an odd stare at Kasumi. "They can't all have their Pokémon drugged up?"

* * *

"Then how would you explain me not winning?" Kasumi asks.

_Naruchu: "Maybe you aren't really good."_

"Nah, I'm a decent Pokémon Trainer and I'll prove it by running..."

Kasumi runs off.

_Naruchu: "Kasumi!"_

* * *

Back to Naruchu in the studio

"Well, there you have it. Kasumi Yawa, Pokémon Trainer not on drugs, obviously."

Naruchu begins to pat his red cheek...

* * *

Back to the present, Naruto is patting his cheek, only to realize that he's wearing his Shippuden outfit.

"What the hell was I doing?" Naruto looks at the camera. "Anyway, right now..."

* * *

Itachi Uchiha is in a supermarket.

"...this," finished Itachi.

* * *

**Science & Technology**

Naruto sits at the news desk. "In science and technology news, Japanese scientists have made an astonishing discovery. It has been discovered that all Pokémons are superior to Digimons."

Naruto looks on his sheet. "Anyway, is it my imagination or does the 8th Sinnoh Gym Leader look like the 4th Hokage? If you think so..."

* * *

**Spot the Difference Competition**

**_Option 1:_**_ Yes, the 8th Sinnoh Gym Leader does look like the 4th Hokage.  
_**_Option 2: _**_No, it is Naruto's imagination and it is only a coincidence that his hair was cut like that._

"...send your answer to the _'Is it Naruto's imagination or does the 8th Sinnoh Gym Leader look like the 4th Hokage Competition'_, your local TV station that airs Naruto Shippuden, et cetera, etc."

* * *

Naruto sits at his desk. "But right now..."

* * *

Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Akamaru, Sakura, Kakashi, Sai and Yamato were in a forest, fully armed with kunais and shurikens.

"...this!" finished everyone (except for Akamaru).

* * *

**A Community Service Announcement**

Naruto is walking in front of a house. "Hello, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Leaving your home empty like this is an open invitation to thieves. With the mailbox not emptied, papers not collected or no signs of someone at home, then it is a sure sign that no one is home."

Naruto walks up to a window wearing gloves and a crowbar. Naruto breaks the window with the crowbar. "If someone like me can easily break into a home, then imagine how easy it is if it was done by someone who does it for a living?"

Naruto enters the house. "No security system. No deadlock. These people are asking to be robbed."

Naruto puts some expensive material objects into a suitcase. "Always use a small and old suitcase to hide your jewelry and small valuables so that no one will bother looking inside it."

Naruto walks out of the house with the suitcase full of valuables. "So remember, if you are going away on holiday, something as simple as time-delay switches that switch on the lights or hanging clothes on the clothesline won't fool me. I'm a criminal mastermind." Naruto runs off with the suitcase full of stuff he's stolen...

**This was a community service announcement brought to you by Konoha TV...**

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "And before we go, a look at tomorrow's papers..."

**Konoha Times - Akatsuki strikes again. Demanding more appearances in the Anime.**

_Naruto: "The usual typical stuff from Konoha Times..."_

**Konoha Herald - Budget slugged again. Tsunade demands more money to gain back what is lost.**

_Naruto: "Konoha Herald has done it again..."_

**East Konoha Weekly - Goku's head to be displayed on a pike at Digimon Party HQ **

_Naruto: "And the usual crap from __East Konoha__..."_

* * *

"So, until next time, we'll see you next time until then." Naruto opens his laptop to resume his game...


	29. Season 3 Ep 9: Pokémon President

Naruto sits at his news desk. _"If someone kills you in a forest, will it be classed as an assassination if no one else is there to know about it? Well, turn to chapter one: Naruto News Show and find out right now..."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Three**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 9: Pokémon President_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk.

"Uzumaki Naruto here and free drinks for everyone, void on first drink. And on the news this chapter..."

**Pokémons and Digimons agreed to read each other's Seiyuu scripts...**

**Aerith Gainsborough reincarnated into a Lopunny.**

**And Orochimaru's body transplant. We speak to the unlucky recipient...**

Naruto looks at the camera. "Onto some real news. Are Pokémon Trainers getting what they bargain for? Neji Hyuga has more."

* * *

A Pokémon Trainer was walking along a path...

_Neji: "This is Hikari, a Pokémon Trainer. Neji Hyuuga in Sinnoh..."_

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk. "Unfortunately, that was too short, so I asked Neji to redo the story and add in some filler..."

* * *

A Pokémon Trainer was walking along a path...

_Neji: "This is Hikari, a very angry Pokémon Trainer. Unlike most Pokémon Trainers who catch Pokémon to be used in competition, Hikari wants to reincarnate into a Pokémon so that she could battle. Ethical Pokémon Professors say that it's not possible, but unethical Pokémon Professors say it is possible."_

* * *

**Hikari - not her real name, unless this is the Japanese version**

"I want to reincarnate myself into a Piplup," said Hikari. "But I don't want to die so that I could do it. I want to reincarnate right now!"

* * *

Hikari is now undergoing surgery...

_Neji: "Thanks to the combination of Unethical Pokémon Professors and plastic surgery, it is possible for a human to become a Pokémon. After days of trying to get used to be a Pokémon, Hikari underwent the operation and it was a success..."_

A time skip later, a Pikachu was exercising in a yard. "Unfortunately, not the way it went, but a success nonetheless..."

* * *

Neji is outside a random hospital in Sinnoh, finishing off his report. "The moral of this story is that we must never let a Fanfiction Author to perform an operation like this ever again. Otherwise it will be like those fanfics where humans morph into Pokémon. This is Neji Hyuuga for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Naruto looks up from his desk. "Meanwhile in very old news, Konoha has finally got its first female Hokage. Let's see how it's going right now..."

* * *

**Live - Konoha**

Shinobis were rioting as **ANBU** threw tear gas towards the rioters...

* * *

"Business as usual," said Naruto.

**Ash Ketchum is the greatest Japanese President ever!**

Naruto looks up the next story. "Anyway, onto the Japanese Election, with the Ash Satoshi Ketchum becoming the second Japanese President, he has now gained the power that was once in the hand of a man who used the military budget for dessert. Joining me in our Tokyo Studio is Pokémon Party Advisor, Hanabi Hyuuga. In our Osaka Studio is Tenten, independent candidate. In our Suna studio is Temari, representing the Japanese public. And in our Otogakure studio is Orochimaru. However, describing who is in our various studios took up too much time so right now it's... "

* * *

Kakashi is reading Icha Icha Tactics outside the Hokage building. "...this," said Kakashi.

* * *

**Science and Technology**

Naruto is at his usual news desk. "Hypnotherapy has proven to aid Shinobis who had _Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder_. In here with me in the studio is Hypnotherapist Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke, some say that Hypnotherapy is a quack job, but is has been recognized by the best rated hospitals, including Konoha Hospital. What are your thoughts?"

Sasuke is wearing a doctor's coat over his Shippuden outfit sitting on the opposite side of Naruto's desk. "Well, I'm glad it's working well as I have lots of people under my control so that I can build an loyal army of Shinobis for me to use against my brother, Itachi and take over every Ramen factory in the world by the year 2010."

Naruto nods. "Right, I'm sorry Sasuke but I think we're losing the satellite right now." Naruto looks at another camera.

**But right now...**

* * *

"This," finished Tsunade after finishing a large jug of Sake...

* * *

Naruto is by himself at his news desk. "Before we move on, let's have a quick look in Konoha under the watchful eye of the Fifth Hokage..."

* * *

**Live - Konoha**

Dead Pokémons were lying on a drought-ridden field...

* * *

"Should have thought about using the waters on that instead of brewing your Sake," said Naruto. "Anyway, it's been a few days since Japanese President Satoshi has won the election, so the question right now is former Pokémon Party Leader Fat Giovanni dead? Well, throughout the election campaign, Giovanni was as visible as an invisible force field. However, there is undeniable proof when we were able to reverse what President Satoshi has said..."

* * *

**Ash Ketchum's Victory Speech**

Newly elected President Ash Satoshi Ketchum is speaking backwards. _"Giovanni is dead..."_

* * *

Moving on to the next news story by Naruto. "People, can we trust them? We left this expensive, unattended Porsche in a back alley in Tokyo, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition..."

* * *

In a back alley in Tokyo, a lone Porsche is parked there.

_Naruto: "Three months later, it was gone."_

**Three Month Time skip**

Shikamaru Nara is standing the same alley, with the Porsche no longer there.

"It has been a terrible blow to our budget," said Shikamaru. "If you have seen anything, anything at all, then you guys are luckier than the Sound Five. Look at what they accomplished."

* * *

Back to Naruto in the Newsroom.

"And while we're at it, I would also like to add in my plea for help," said Naruto. "If you have any information, any information at all, please contact me because I'm writing an encyclopedia."

Naruto looks at the camera. "And before we go, a look at tomorrow's papers..."

**

* * *

**

Konoha Times - Pokémon Forever!

_Naruto: "OMG?"_

**Konoha Herald - Go! Pokémon Go!**

_Naruto: "WTF?"_

**East Konoha Weekly - Congratulations to our Glorious Overlords, the Pokémons! **

_Naruto: "BBQ?"_

* * *

"To finish off the Naruto News Show, we decided to do something different. Some of the old fanfics finish off with parodies of some songs. Unfortunately, we are no different, but the only difference is that this band was on the phone I heard when I was calling the Internet company which I connect to called KNS and here they are!" said Naruto. "Until next time, we'll see you next time until then."

* * *

Sakura, Lee, Kiba were standing in front of some microphones and Tenten, Shino, Choji and Ino were on stage playing the instruments with Shino on the saxophone, Tenten at the keyboard, Choji with the guitar, Ino on bass, Kiba with another guitar, Lee with sunglasses and Sakura dancing.

_Lee: "This is KNS internet company, where we will offer you generous rewards."_

_Kiba: "Our operators will be with you shortly."_

_Lee: "KNS internet company offers wide range good policies which can ensure fast internet connection."_

_Kiba: "Your call is important to us."_

_Lee: "KNS internet company has valued our customer's feedback and will take your calls seriously."_

Sakura finishes off the song. **'Hi, this is Sakura from KNS!'**

* * *

_**Narrator:** "The Naruto News Show is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Obviously it wasn't very good since they all walked out..."_


	30. Season 3 Ep 10: Final Christmas Episode

**Naruto News Show: Series Three**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 10: Final Christmas Episode_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his news desk.

"Bul bulbasaur bulbasaur saur saur." Naruto coughs. "Sorry, my Bulbasaur speak isn't very good. And on the news this chapter..."

**Former Japanese President Goku says that Intelligence is overrated.**

**President Ash Ketchum offers former ****President****Goku****State**** Funeral. Offer ends Febuary 2008**

**And two men to be held over fire.**

Naruto looks at his papers. "Oh sorry, that was for the Recipe segment later on."

**Science and Technology Segment**

Naruto begins the first report. "Farting, how it affects the environment. In here with me in the studio is Hanabi Hyuga, environmental expert."

Hanabi sits at the desk next to Naruto. "Hanabi, what is your opinion on fart jokes?"

"Well, farting releases a lot of CO2 into the air, so if we can reduce the number of farts by the year 2020, we have reduce the chances of Global Warming from happening," explains Hanabi.

"So, are you suggesting that everyone who farts kill themselves?" asks Naruto.

Hanabi shakes her head. "No, that would be overkill. The current solution is to release a black balloon every time someone farts. That way, they will feel the guilt and remember the damage they have caused to the atmosphere."

Naruto nods. "Very well. Speaking of Science and Technology, Konohamaru Sarutobi has more...otherwise this will lead to a very short report."

* * *

**Konohamaru Sarutobi in Sinnoh**

Various Pokémon Trainers are sending their Pokémon to be traded over the Global Trading System...

_Konohamaru: "Pokémon Cloning. Ever since Pokémon Gold, Silver and __Crystal__, trainers have found ways to Clone Pokémon. It happened again in Ruby and Sapphire. And now, in Sinnoh, it is happening again."_

* * *

Konohamaru stands in a field.

"However, even if Cloning is successful, we must remember that Cloning may corrupt your save file and may result in angry Pokémon and players..."

Suddenly, a kunai strikes Konohamaru in the arm. "Ahhhh!"

As Konohamaru falls over, he looks around to see who the culprit that threw the Kunai. What he saw shocked him...

"Oh my god! Those Ninja Pikachus are holding Kunais!"

A group of armed Ninja Pikachus ran towards Konohamaru.

"I am going to be captured and get my voice stolen by these yellow rodents! Damn you, stupid Pikachus! Damn you all to hell!"

The ninja Pikachus caught the injured Konohamaru in a net.

"This is Konohamaru Sarutobi, reporting for the Naruto News Shoooo..."

* * *

Konohamaru's echo continues at the end of the report. "...oooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"Wasn't that an interesting report?" said Naruto. Suddenly, a black balloon was released behind Naruto. "Excuse me, but I think it's time for an ad break..."

* * *

**Ad Break**

In a Saloon in the Wild West, a group of Pokémons were doing what typical gunslingers in a stereotypical Western film would do, have nice strong alcohol and playing Poker. a Bulbasaur is cleaning a beer glass.

At that moment, Naruto bursts into the saloon, carrying the dismembered head of a masked Pikachu.

"Pikachu," mumbled some of the Pokémons.

Naruto evilly laughed. "Look at what I have done to your hero! Pikachu is now truly small and yellow! Ah-hahahahahahahahaha!"

The Bulbasaur quickly served Naruto a drink, out of fear, because the hero they call Pikachu, is dead...

_Song: They call him the Yellow Rodent  
__Pikachu!  
__His red cheeks are well known.  
__Pikachu!  
__His enemies fear him  
__And you can barely see him  
__Small and yellow...  
__Pikachu!_

_Narrator: "**The Return of Pikachu**, 7.30 Thursday Nights, on **TVTokyo**, followed by **Ninjas on the Roof **at __8pm__."_

* * *

_Next week on the **Naruto News Show: Christmas Edition**, we bring you the news that we do not consider important, like **"Ninja Clowns: Are they stupid?"**, **"Kunoichis: Are they rude?"** and the exclusive interview with Pikachu, who controls the world from inside a ball. All this and more next week on the** Naruto News Show: Christmas Edition**, hosted by Kabuto Yakushi. Even quality takes on vacation. _

* * *

Naruto is fishing in the news room when he reels in a fish. He removes his forehead protector and uses it to beat the life out of his caught fish. Then Naruto looks up at the camera. "The death of Aerith Gainsborough as touched the hearts of every gamer 10 years ago when she was killed by Sephiroth. Here's an interview I conducted with Aerith 10 years ago, back then known as Aeris, just a few hours before her death..."

* * *

**10 Years Ago...**

Naruto is sitting in a room with Tenten cosplaying in Aerith's FF7 outfit.

"Aeris Gainsborough, thank you for this interview," said Naruto.

Tenten nods. "Your welcome."

"How do you feel, working with a rebel group against a large worldwide corporation?"

"Well, it's not as though I wanted to join the group," said Tenten. "But because they took the time to save me from the company, I felt obligated to help them save the planet."

Naruto nods. "I see."

"One time, we had to cross this great marsh that is inhabited by a giant Snake..."

Naruto interrupts Tenten. "A giant snake? My goodness, from where I'm from, we have tons of giant snakes!"

"You got giant snakes back in your world?" asked Tenten.

"Of course," said Naruto. "We got this pedophile who can summon snakes whenever he wants. So, how do you get rid of your giant snakes?"

Tenten picks up her metal rod. "I use my rod to beat it up."

Naruto merely blinks his eyes, at a loss for words. "Well, good to meet you and hope that no meteor will strike the planet and some silver-haired man will stab you through the chest while you try to pray for something to save the planet, forcing everyone to find ways to stop that god-complex, craze silver-haired man from making a massive dent onto the planet..."

Tenten nods.

* * *

**Time skip back to the Present**

"Well, call me Nosferatu, but I predicted everything that happened. Except for 'denting the planet' bit since Aerith did technically summoned Holy to with the aid of the Lifestream." Naruto looks at another camera. "That's all we have for the Naruto News Show this year. But before we go, a final look at tomorrow's papers..."

* * *

**Konoha Times - President Ash: The World can go to Hell!**

_Naruto: "Buh?"_

**Konoha Herald - All stock must go. Clearance Sale!**

_Naruto: "Guh? I wouldn't read this..."_

**Konoha Carpets Catalogue - Hokage's Office Rug to be vacuumed... **

_Naruto: "Maybe I would read this one."_

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desks, with Neji, Tenten, Hanabi, Konohamaru and Sasuke standing behind Naruto.

"And that's it for series 3 of the Naruto News Show. We wish you the best for the holidays and the New Year, whichever you are celebrating."

Naruto gives a present to Neji, Tenten, Hanabi, Konohamaru but didn't give one to Sasuke. "Merry Christmas to you, Tenten, Neji, Hanabi, Konohamaru."

**Music starts**

_Naruto: 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
__Let your heart be light  
__From now on our troubles will be out of sight...'_

"Here you go, Sasuke. Happy Christmas." Naruto gives a present to Sasuke.

_Naruto: 'And have yourself a Happy Yule Day  
__Or maybe St. Pikachu's Day  
__Or perhaps you might like to celebrate the end of Pac-Man on this daaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!  
__So have yourself a merry little Christmas now!'_

"Everyone, sing with me!" said Naruto.

Everyone joins in...only at the end of the song.

_Everyone: 'Now!'_

"Merry Christmas and Dattebayo!" said Naruto.

"Thanks, Naruto," said Hanabi as she tossed back her present on Naruto's desk. _(Yes, that was a sarcastic comment by Hanabi.)_

"Let's go have some Ramen at Ichiraku's," said Sasuke.

Everyone followed Sasuke out of the studio, leaving Naruto in the darkness...

* * *

Meanwhile, in Otogakure, Orochimaru sits in front of the camera. He pulls out his earpiece and said, "I think we got a problem with this."

* * *

Naruto sits at his desk. "Hello, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Even though the _Naruto News Show_ has finished for 2007, you can still read this fanfic if you happen to save it on your computer. Replacing this fanfic next time is probably some poorly edited fanfic full of grammatical and spelling errors with the occasional lemon scene if the author decides to put it in."


	31. Season 4 Ep 1: Bandit Camp

**[A message from one of our sponsors:]**

Tenten is working in a weapons shop.

"We are certainly happy to advise our customers on the best way they go about doing their jobs. Sometimes you can even recommend what they can do instead of the stupid things they are doing as a job, because some of our customers, I know they won't mind me saying it, are idiots. Sometimes you have to say _'No, forget the Beam Sword used by those Gundams and stick to a conventional iron sword.'_"

**[Pidgeys: 40 Ryou a Bowl]**

"Well, this one time at Bandit Camp, one of the guys came to me and asked about our varieties of fertilizers and our best timers. So, I showed them our top quality fertilizers, followed by taking them to our select range of timers."

**[Digimon Assassin: 500 thousand Ryou per contract]**

Tenten rubs her chin. "Then, I jokingly asked him if he was going to make a bomb. It turns out that it wasn't a joke. Well, there goes my bonus..."

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons. Anywhere else will be a rip-off.]**

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 1: Bandit Camp_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto and Ino are sitting at his news desk.

"Hello, Naruto Uzumaki here," greets Naruto.

"And I'm Ino Yamanaka."

Naruto looks at Ino and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Ino, I don't think this double act can work out."

Naruto looks back at the camera as Ino angrily walks off. "Anyway, on this edition of the Naruto News Show..."

**[Now that former President Goku is now declared legally dead, Japanese Police can drop charges for him being declared illegally dead]**

**[Toy Pokémon Ambassador to Konoha has been called back, after finding out that bits of them can break off and be swallowed by children]**

**[And who will get President Goku's multi-million dollar fortune? **_**"Me,"**_** answers Fifth Hokage]**

Naruto is by himself at the news desk, thanks to skillful editing...

"Recently, as you all have read this fanfic series, last season, Japan has voted Ash Satoshi Ketchum as the new President of Japan. Of course, everywhere else is following this trend of new leadership. Ero-Sennin Jiraiya, writer of the Icha Icha series have passed on the authorship of his works to me, the role of ditzy female side kick in Pokémon passed on from May _(Haruka)_ to Dawn _(Hikari)_, and also and the passing of gambling debts from Tsunade Baa-chan to Shizune nee-chan."

**[ANBU Raids]**

Naruto moves on to the next report. "In other news, **ANBU** raids in Japan. Tenten filed this report until it is very smooth..."

* * *

**[Tenten reporting in Tokyo]**

**ANBU** breaks down a door before raiding a home in Tokyo...

_Tenten: "Breaking in to homes like thieves do. However, these people are the opposite of thieves. They are law enforcement officers on a raid on a home suspected to be the main workshop for fake Pokémon toys. What sparked the raid were reports on illegal Pokémon Immigrants being forced to make these cheap fakes."_

* * *

**ANBU** were carrying tied up Pokémon immigrants out of the house during the raid...

* * *

Naruto interrupts Tenten's report. "Sorry to interrupt that report, but I just got some breaking news..."

**[Breaking News...]**

Naruto takes a sheet of paper from a stagehand. "...there are unconfirmed reports that an Anime Character has been found dead in a Tokyo hotel room. At this stage, we are not sure who the character is, but as soon as we do have a name, we will include the name of the character, the series they starred in and a tribute section in this fanfic. After all, if we can get more readers to this fanfic, we would be sure to get more reviews and advertising. So, an unnamed Anime Character, cut down in the prime of his or her life..."

**[Believe it!]**

Naruto nods. "And here's a quick look at the stats of the donations for the political parties during the Japanese Presidential Elections..."

* * *

**[Political Donations]**

Pokémon Party: US$15 Million  
Digimon Party: US$10 Million  
Otogakure: US$ 15, 000

* * *

"It is very shocking." Naruto shakes his head in disbelief. "How can we put our faith in the Japanese Electoral system if anyone would donate 15 thousand to Otogakure? In our Otogakure studio is Orochimaru..."

* * *

**[Live: Otogakure]**

Orochimaru is sitting on a chair in Orogakure.

_Naruto: "But why he is there wasting our time and space? I don't know..."_

* * *

**[Japan is now in Pokémons' hands. I hope you're happy! :(]**

Back to Naruto at the news desk, looking at the background instead of the camera. Then a stagehand gives Naruto a sheet of paper.

"Oh, we've just received the latest development on the possible deceased unnamed Anime Character story." Naruto reads the report with his back still at the camera. "We can now confirm that the deceased character is an American Cartoon Character, not a Japanese Anime Character. Just repeating, a dead American Cartoon Character named Kim Possible. Thank the Pikachu for that..."

Naruto looks at another camera.

"Are the Digi-Destined Cursed?" Naruto asks the reader a rhetorical question. "Ogremon, the lovable minor character has died. Adding onto a list of tragedies from Angemon to Whamon to Leomon to Daisuke Motomiya's Intelligence. What do you think? Send your entries to..."

* * *

**['Are the Digi-Destined Cursed?' Competition]**

_a) Yes, they are a bit.  
b) No, don't be ridiculous.  
c) I refuse to participate in these sort of things._

Naruto: "Your local TV station airing Naruto, Locked Bag + Thrown in a river 028, Etc. And the winner will receive a Digi-Air stopover to Diego Armando."

* * *

We return to Naruto at his desk. "Anyway, the headlines for tomorrow..."

* * *

**[Konoha Times - No Girls Allowed]**

_Naruto: "Some truth about the final book of the Icha Icha Series..."_

**[Suna Weekly - Rod Cut Short]**

_Naruto: "__**ANBU**__ Root Member Sai in some sort of accident..."_

**[Johto Post - Awesome Fanfic horrifically butchered by Gary Stu]**

_Naruto: "And the Johto Post gives their review of Season Four of the Naruto News Show..."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement]**

Naruto and Ino are sitting at the news desk.

"I don't know how two people can work this out," Naruto said to Ino. "Anyway, I got to stop because I got to plug this fanfic..."

"Hey, can I do the plug for this fanfic?" Ino asks.

Naruto shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Ino looks at the readers of this fanfic. "If you really really like this fanfic series, leave some good feedback instead of putting this on your faves. Additionally, if you don't like this series, you can clear out your entire history in your web browser and hope never to see this again."

Naruto grinned. "That's very good."

Ino glares at Naruto. "Don't patronize me, Uzumaki."

She stood up and walks off, leaving Naruto behind. Naruto looks at the camera. "Coming up next: Tenten with more tips at your local Bandit Camp store. Until next time, say hi to your Digimons for me."


	32. Season 4 Ep 2: Hail of Kunais

_**A Naruto News Show Errata: **__We would like to make an apology for a report on last chapter's Naruto News Show involving a report about __**ANBU**__ raiding a home in Tokyo over Illegal Pokémon Immigrants making cheap Hasbro Pokémon Toys Imitations. It turns out that the home __**ANBU**__ raided is in fact, the Japanese Headquarters of Nintendo making legitimate Pokémon Toys using Pokémons who are legal Japanese citizens due to the fact that China no longer has cheap labor and materials. On a side note: We would also like to apologize for a report about the death of Kim Possible. It turns out that she is very much alive and for that we apologize..._

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 2: Hail of Kunais to the Chief_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is at the news desk. "Hail to the Digimons, welcome to the Naruto News Show. On this edition:"

**[Everyone in Konoha preparing first annual Snake Lynching festival to replace controversial Fox Hunting Parties]**

**[Orochimaru testing out new facial product on new body]**

**[And Digimons have begun their scientific research that if they kill enough Wailords south of Hoenn, the entire species will be endangered or wiped out completely]**

"Well, I hate Wailords," mumbled Naruto shuffles his papers. Naruto looks up at the camera. "Anyway, in case some of you are unaware, elections are taking place all over the world. As you know, recently, Japan had their presidential elections. To make sense on how they work, Ino Yamanaka has put together a guide on how the electoral process works during that election. Ino?"

* * *

Ino nods. "It's quite simple. You see, first, the nominee nominates himself to be a candidate to be...

**[A quick edit later...]**

"And in the end, the candidate with the most money will be declared President," said Ino, finishing her explanation.

* * *

Naruto reads his sheet. "After the break, who says that smoking will kill a billion people by the end of the century?"

Naruto pauses for a bit when he hears a few words from his earpiece. "Oh sorry. World Health Organization says that smoking will kill a billion people by the end of the century. Nobody told me it was an acronym..."

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

Naruto and Kiba have stealthily reached the front door of an apartment. Naruto signals to Kiba and both Shinobis pulled out their kunais. Naruto nods and both Naruto and Kiba kick the door down. Once the two entered the apartment, what they saw shocked them. A blonde woman sleeping in bed with a Pikachu.

"Oh my god! Mrs. Nara! How could you?" said Naruto. "Sleeping with a yellow rodent?"

* * *

Naruto and Kiba are sitting at the dining table as Ino brings some tea for the two Shinobis.

"I cannot believe that you would dishonor Shikamaru by having an affair with a Pikachu," said Naruto. "I mean, he died in the line of duty for Konoha. He is a great man who would have done everything for his village."

Kiba slaps Naruto in the face. "Well, I can't believe that you would scandalize the widow of a great hero, Naruto. I know you love Shikamaru. But unlike you, I don't do it openly. And as a matter of fact, I am making a secret Shikamaru memorial monument just for him so that I can pay my respects to him in secret."

Ino puts her hands on Kiba and Naruto's shoulders. "I am glad that my husband has people who loved him, because I am willing to go after the people who did this to him and kill them."

Both Kiba and Naruto nod in agreement.

_Narrator: "Vengeance will be theirs on this week's __**'Shikamaru'**__ at 8:00 Thursday Nights on __**KonohaTV**__, following __**'What if Sakura Kinomoto is a Shinobi?' **__at 7:30. _

* * *

Tenten is working in a weapons shop again...

"I can throw kunais accurately. I can do relaxation massages. I can work in a call center. I can also walk on my hands for 50 feet..."

**[Ino Yamanaka's patented Spoink Trampolines: 1400 Ryou]**

**[Dark Magician Duel Monsters Card: 200 Ryou]**

Tenten shrugged. "I don't think those were relevant to Bandit Camp, but I thought I could fill this empty space with something."

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons. If you could find cheaper stuff elsewhere, then we are so going to raid that place.]**

* * *

As we return from the break, Naruto spins around on his swivel chair. Naruto realizes that he's back on air and quickly composed himself. "Fats. I'm not talking about Choji Akimichi, but fast food outlets are getting out of hand, with the rise of McAnimes. And live in our Sunagakure Studio is an expert on fats, Dr. Sora Takenouchi.

**[Getting our fats straight]**

* * *

**[Live: Sunagakure]**

Dr. Sora Takenouchi is in the Naruto News Show Sunagakure studio.

"Thank you," said Dr. Takenouchi.

_Naruto: "Would you like to answer to the rumor that fat is bad for us?"_

Dr. Takenouchi shakes her head. "Actually, fat is good for us. Because there are good fats, bad fats, happy fats and sad fats."

Naruto is confused.

_Naruto: "Happy fats?"_

Dr. Takenouchi nods. "Yes, McAnimes food content is full of happy fats to keep us happy. That is why depressed people eat ice cream. But of course too much of a good thing is a bad thing, so what you should know is that your good fats can be halved if you divide it by two."

* * *

**[Hail of Kunais to the Chief]**

Naruto rubs his chin. "Well, thank you for wasting our time and space, Dr Takenouchi." Naruto looks at another camera. "Onto Japanese politics as today marks the 100th day since President Ketchum has won office. Naruto of the Whirlpool has more, though he is pretty much repeating what I just said, but hopefully adds in some filler."

Naruto looks at his sheet for a few seconds before looking back at the camera. "But we decided to cut it at the last minute since its filler. Anyway, the headlines for tomorrow..."

* * *

**[Konoha Times - Hatred for Orochimaru at record high]**

_Naruto: "Usual stuff from the Times..."_

**[Konoha Herald - Hokage's Gambling Debt set to Rise]**

_Naruto: "Nothing surprising from the Herald..."_

**[Konoha Mail - Snake Rides Bicycle]**

_Naruto: "And something different in the Mail..."_

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Plug]**

Back to Naruto.

"And a few final words which is actually a plug: if you like to see more fanfic chapters, please review this fanfic and give any form of feedback, be it exploding letter bombs or a good review. And the others like to get a kick at reading your reviews. But not me, because I am Naruto Uzumaki, your future Hokage and won't need your approval to get things done, as you can see when we show you my favorite scenes in the Anime."

Naruto paused. "Unfortunately, doing that would violate my contract for this fanfic, so we're going to use only one line from the dub that is considered public domain. **Believe it!**"


	33. Season 4 Ep 3: Salad Bowl

**[A message from one of our sponsors:]**

Neji is working in a weapons shop.

"One of the greatest things while you're here is that you can come in here and you don't have to spend a lot of money when you don't have to. Obviously, we wish that you did. But there are some occasions that some people would come in here and spend the whole weekend without buying anything. Like coming here and having a couple of free Onigiris..."

**[Orochimaru mask: 1480 Ryou]**

**[Land of Waves Dirt: 80 Ryou per jar]**

Neji continues. "I had security follow those people around. Last I heard of them, their bodies were found in a ditch with their valuables taken. But I got nothing to do with that since I got an alibi working here, teaching four staff members how to check corpses for any valuable stuff."

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons. Just don't tell ANBU our location...]**

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 3: Salad Bowl_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto spins around on his chair at the news desk and looks towards the camera. "I eat Pikachus. And on this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Spiky Blonde Hair Heroes demand tax reduction on hair gels]**

**[Sasuke demands that all Sound Ninjas must be less scaly...]**

**[And Phoenix Wright has demanded the removal of this joke.]**

Naruto looks at another camera. "Now, the question on everyone's lips is where did former President Son Goku go? Well, this week, that question is answered when he is actually in Washington DC, accepting, if you choose to believe it, a salad bowl."

**[Picture: Son Goku receiving a Salad Bowl as a gift for his contributions to Anime exports.]**

Naruto holds a salad bowl. "And it just happens that Former President Goku has loan the Naruto News Show to prove it. Now if I am careful..."

Naruto puts the salad bowl on the desk, only for it to fall off the desk, breaking into shards of glass...

"I am so dead...**believe it**."

**[An Edit Later...]**

Naruto sits at the news desk. "Due to the Fifth Hokage's gambling habits, Konoha is faced with the rise of inflation. In our Konoha Studios is Neji Hyuga, who will explain what inflation is. Neji?"

* * *

**[Konoha]**

Neji nods. "It's simple. With rising inflation, people spend less. Less spending, lower demand, prices fall and inflation will fall. Simple as that."

_Naruto: "But wouldn't higher inflation would mean that if you're trying to pay off your house, you'd be spending more money."_

Neji smiled. "Well, if you spend more on your house than food, then in return, less food, leading to oversupply, leading to lowered prices, which results in lower inflation."

_Naruto: "But won't people buy more things if the stuffs are cheaper? It's sending the message that if I have more money; I am spending on expensive things that when I have less money buying the same things when they are cheaper."_

Neji shakes his head. "Not if they have less money. Besides, it's a free market."

_Naruto: "I don't think it's a free market if you're interfering, Neji."_

"Of course I have to interfere," retorts Neji. "Otherwise we could end up with a depression and maybe having some people leaping off cliffs."

_Naruto: "So, people drop; less people, lower demand; prices drop."_

Neji rubs his chin. "What you say has a fair point."

_Naruto: "Thank you for your time and space, Neji."_

* * *

Naruto shuffles his papers. "Meanwhile in unrelated news, I hate Seto Kaiba. Konohamaru Sarutobi has more theories on that..."

* * *

**[Konohamaru Sarutobi Reporting...]**

A Blue-Eyes White Dragon jet is landing...

_Konohamaru: "Seto Kaiba is the greatest businessman in Japan. He runs KaibaCorp, has his own personal jet and is involved in a series of Card Games that are clearly rigged, thanks to the Heart of the Cards."_

* * *

"Now get your stinking paw-paws off me, you filthy yellow rodent!"

Konohamaru is at a beach with a Pikachu holding two halves of a paw-paw fruit. The Pikachu walks off as Konohamaru looks at the camera. "This is Konohamaru Sarutobi, on a planet not unlike Earth!"

* * *

Back on Earth, where the Naruto News Show takes place, Naruto looks at the camera.

"In local news, but not that local, fallen dictator Pikachu has resurfaced in Rain Country. Rock Lee reports this a bit too loudly..."

* * *

**[Rock Lee Reporting in Rain Country...]**

Pikachu is at a political rally.

"Pi pikachu pikapika chu pikapikapi chu kachu pika!"

The local Rain Shinobis are cheering as they burned an effigy of Pein.

_Rock Lee: "From the Digi-World to Rain Country! This small yellow dictator has decided to challenge for the leadership against the current leader of Hidden Rain! But due to the current state of martial law, that's all we know! Rock Lee, not reporting from Hidden Rain for the Naruto News Show!"_

* * *

Naruto's elbow is leaning on his desk. "Rock Lee is also not in Konoha right now. Anyway, back in Konoha, the Fifth Hokage has begun her apology on the racism against Pokémon. A Bulbasaur has been assigned to open the lines of communication with the Pokémons."

* * *

**[Bulbasaur: Pokémon Communications Task Force]**

A Bulbasaur is in front of the Hokage building.

_"Bul bulba saur saur bulbasaur bulba. Bulba bul saur bul bul bulbasaur bulbasaur," Bulbasaur explains. "Saur bulbasaur bulba saur saur bulbasaur."_

* * *

Shikamaru is answering a phone

_Naruto: "Shikamaru Nara, head of the Pokémon Council, is current showing cautious optimism about the Task Force."_

**[Shikamaru Nara - Pokémon Council Head]**

Shikamaru is speaking to a reporter.

"We will support any measures that improve the relationship with the people of Konoha, particularly involving any forms of friendship."

_(Translation: "We will support any measures that improve the relationship with the people of Konoha, particularly involving any forms of friendship.")_

"Whether this task force can improve on previous attempts of friendship has yet to be seen, but we'll give all the support we can..."

_(Translation: "Whether this task force can improve on previous attempts of friendship has yet to be seen, but we'll give all the support we can...")_

"...providing that we will be treated as equals and not patronized."

_(Translation: "...providing that we will be treated as equals and not patronized.")_

* * *

Naruto looks around. "By the way, is Neji still in Konoha?"

* * *

**[Konoha]**

Neji is reading a book.

_Naruto: "Neji, I just realized something. What is your job supposed to be, anyway?"_

Neji looks up. "Oh, my job? What I do is to check the value of money in Konoha."

_Naruto: "Relative to the Gold Reserves we have?"_

Neji laughs. "No, we sold most of our gold to pay off gambling debts. Instead, we now compare our currency with our reserves of foreign currency."

_Naruto: "Ok...but doesn't that mean that if you don't use gold anymore and rely on other people's currency, in the end, you money is not worth anything."_

Neji is now speechless.

_Naruto: "Something for you to think about. Thank you, Neji."_

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "Right now, a quick look at the current world temperatures. Ino?"

* * *

Ino is standing in front of a screen with the cross section of the Planet Earth.

"Thanks, Naruto. Right now, the **Earth's Outer Crust** is currently at **23 Degrees Celsius.** The **Earth's Mantle** is at **870 Degrees Celsius**. **Earth's Outer Core** is at a cool **5700 Degrees Celsius** while the **Inner Core** is at **7000 Degrees Celsius**. So, if you happen to be one of the mole people, don't forget to wear a hat. Back to you, Naruto..."

* * *

Naruto looks around. "Speaking of which, is Neji still with us in Konoha?"

* * *

A pair of lifeless legs are hanging over Neji's chair.

* * *

"Never mind," said Naruto. "Let's look at tomorrow's headlines..."

* * *

**[Johto Post - "Ftfh Hkg spnd mny frm bdgt fr gmblng dbts"]**

Naruto: "Someone stole the vowels off this one."

**[Konoha Times - "Kunai delivery supply delayed by giant magnet"]**

Naruto: "Interesting stuff here."

**[Konoha Herald - "Automail Company brought to its knees."]**

Naruto: "And some more interesting stuff..."

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Scene]**

Naruto sits at his desk with a closed briefcase. "This is your ransom. Two million in unmarked bills, just like you wanted. But this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see one dollar of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid. Not a single cent at all. Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward for your head. So congratulations, you've just become a two million dollar lottery ticket, except the odds are much, much better."

Stagehand Shikamaru walks up to Naruto.

"Did I do well, Shikamaru?" Naruto asks.

"Actually, you are supposed to be plugging this fanfic for more reviews," Shikamaru said to Naruto.


	34. Season 4 Ep 4: Outdated Puns

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 4: Outdated Puns_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto spins around on his chair at the news desk and looks towards the camera. "Naruto Uzumaki speaking. And on this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Skittys: Should they be allowed to live?]**

**[Fifth Hokage overestimates her worth by 10 Ryou]**

**[And confusion as Anime plot makes sense]**

"I must send those guys a card." Naruto looks at the camera. "Well, 10 years ago, the **S.S Anne** sank off the south coast of Japan and now salvage crews have found the ship. That's good news for Japan, right, Ino?"

**[On Phone: Ino Yamakana in Tokyo, Japan]**

_Ino (on phone): "That's right, Naruto."_

"A difficult question, Ino. Any chance for any of the crew still being alive down there?" Naruto asks.

_Ino: "I'm pretty sure Japanese Anime Characters have high resistance to death, Naruto."_

"Of course, like an air bubble, for example," adds Naruto.

_Ino: "If there was an air bubble to fit the entire crew, Naruto, they would have found it and lived inside it."_

Naruto nods. "Ok, what about food and water?"

_Ino: "Well, cannibalism wouldn't be ruled out if they have ran out of their supply of Instant Ramen and a crude desalination machine would have been invented and assembled."_

"Thank you for your time. Ino Yamanaka, on location in Tokyo, Japan," Naruto said as he finishes the conversation. Next to Naruto, Ino puts the phone down. She realized that she is not meant to be there and quickly runs off.

"Same Hemisphere, different country," Naruto starts. "Outrage, anger and frustration today as American Search Teams have been searching through the Jellystone National Park for missing Teenagers Madison Taylor and Eli Moon has described the search like _'looking for a needle in a haystack'_. This report from our US correspondent, Kim Possible."

* * *

**[Kim Possible reporting]**

A brunette teenage girl is looking out of a window, carrying a photograph of the missing teenagers...

_Kim: "Friends of missing teenagers Madison Taylor and Eli Moon, like Sakura Avalon, are furious over elite taxpayer funded Search & Rescue Teams using outdated sayings like __**'finding a needle in a haystack'**__."_

**[Sakura Avalon - Friend]**

"It sucks," Sakura said. "Looking for a needle in a haystack has already been proven due to the fact that Mythbusters were able to find their own needles in their haystacks before. I mean, this is the United States of America! Can't we use a better term than that?"

* * *

Other friends of the missing teenagers are at their high school...

**[Zachery and Chelsea - Friends]**

"I mean, _'looking for a needle in a haystack'_? I think Madison and Eli deserve better than that," said Zachery.

Chelsea couldn't hold back her anger. "It is disgusting, it is tedious, and I would like five minutes in a room with those guys!"

"But, I think we should give them at least five minutes to come up with something more creative," Zachery said, in an attempt to calm Chelsea down.

"No! I would like to stab them with that needle in their a-holes!" screamed Chelsea.

* * *

_Kim: "Search and Rescue Spokesperson Neil Hyuga wasn't expecting the fallout..."_

Neji is sitting in an office, using the name of Neil...

"We were surprised with the reaction and we will take onboard the criticism so that it would never happen again. But right now, the most important thing is to find Madison and Eli and to that, we will leave no stone unturned."

Neji pauses.

_Kim: "The search in Jellystone National Park will continue. Until then, it is a case of not being able to see the woods for the trees. Kim Possible, Naruto News Show."_

Neji moves his name plate, reading **'Neil Hyuga'**.

* * *

"Kim Possible with that joke." Naruto finishes writing on his sheets of paper. "Right, the more things change, the more they stay the same, at least when it involves Pokémon politics. Konohamaru Sarutobi is in our Kanto Studios waiting for an interview with me. Konohamaru, if I may start with you first..."

* * *

**[Konohamaru Sarutobi, Pokémon Party Spokesperson]**

Konohamaru is in the Kanto Studio. "Yes, you may."

_Naruto: "The President is saying that despite rising inflation and interest rates, tax cuts will still go ahead. What is your opinion?"_

Konohamaru scoffs at the suggestion. "That's just typical of President Goku. Putting his popularity ahead of the people of Japan."

_Naruto: "I'm talking about Current President Ketchum, not Former President Goku."_

Konohamaru realizes his mistake. "Oh, well, in that case, the Tax Cuts will go ahead because President Ketchum keeps his word."

_Naruto: "Ok, but the Vice-President says that he has inherited the highest inflation rate in 16 years."_

Konohamaru laughs. "Honestly, Naruto. The Japanese public is sick to death about Vegeta blaming the previous government for economic woes. Get over it and start running the country they are meant to be running."

_Naruto: "I was talking about Vice-President Gary Shigeru Oak..."_

"Oh," said Konohamaru. "Well, in that case, he is right about that."

_Naruto: "Erm...you seem to be having the difficulty that the Pokémon Party is now in power."_

Konohamaru scratches his head. "Well, only difference is that we get new stationary and get seats on the other side of the Senate."

_Naruto: "Ok, and what is your opinion on the opposition?" _

"Well, we've been keeping the government honest, especially with that space shuttle landing in Goku's backyard and..." Konohamaru pauses, only remembering that it's not the Pokémons that Naruto him asking about. "You mean the Digimons? Oh, they'd be completely shit at the job they're doing." Konohamaru pauses again.

"Sorry," he apologized.

* * *

Naruto shakes his head. "Sorry...it's the Pokémons' answer to everything, just like the Porygon episode."

**[Time Skip...]**

Naruto is writing when he mumbled, "Has the time skip passed yet? Ok."

Naruto looks up. "Digimon Party Leader, Taichi Yagami, is putting his leadership on the line over a merger to merge the **Digimon Party** and the **DBZ Party**. In our Tokyo Studio is Digimon Customer Service Manager, Hanabi Hyuga and with me in the studio is DBZ Party Spokesperson, Shikamaru Nara."

Naruto looks at Shikamaru. "Shikamaru Nara, if I could ignore you and speak with Hanabi first."

Shikamaru nods. "Certainly."

Naruto speaks with Hanabi. "Hanabi, what is your opinion on merging the Digimons with the DBZ Party?"

_Hanabi: "Well, Naruto. We'll call our merger the Dramon Party."_

"I thought Dramons have been used before?" Shikamaru asks.

Naruto sends a glare at Shikamaru. "Was I talking to you?"

"Sorry," apologized Shikamaru.

Hanabi continues.

_Hanabi: "Well, if we remind the people who we were once before, it would be fatal."_

"Ok," said Naruto. "Shikamaru?"

"I didn't say anything," protested Shikamaru.

"What do you think about the merger?" Naruto asks Shikamaru.

Shikamaru sighs in relief. "Well, I think it's inevitable since some old products end up getting name changes, like the Playstation 2 ends up getting renamed as the PS2 and so on."

Naruto nods. "Well, thank you Shikamaru and Hanabi." Naruto looks at the camera. "I wonder what would be Goku's reaction to the merger..."

* * *

**[Goku's current living residence]**

A refrigerator gets thrown through the wall of the residence...

* * *

Naruto sits down at his news desk. "A question. Is it just me or does Deidara look like Ino? Well, send your entries to:"

* * *

**[Is it Naruto or does Deidara of Akatsuki look like Ino Yamanaka Competition]**

**Answers:  
A: **Yes, very similar.  
**B:** Nope.

**C/O General Manager, Local TV Station that shows Naruto, Locked Bag & Matching Shoes et cetera etc...**

* * *

Naruto smiled. "Now, a quick look at tomorrow's papers..."

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Does an Teddiursa take a dump in the woods?"]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Times are leading with this..."_

**[Suna Advertiser - "Give Gaara Pills"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Advertiser taking a long view there."_

**[Tokyo Daily - "Hair Growth Proven Successful. We did it again, boys!"]**

_Naruto: "And Tokyo Daily trying to sell itself to the masses..."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement]**

Naruto sits on his news desk instead of sitting behind it. "Hi...do you like this edition of the Naruto News Show? Really? I'm glad you like it. Wish I can talk to you about it for the rest of the day but there are other fanfics to be read. So, if you want to send us your praise or leave us a flaming bag of poo in front of our doorstep, please leave a review using the button below this fanfic dialogue."


	35. Season 4 Ep 5: President of Otogakure

Neji is working in a Bandit Camp weapons shop.

"Occasionally, there are Kunoichis who drop by to the shop and they want to get a supply of Kunais and Shurikens for a covert mission. I would chat with them for a bit and eventually I'd ask: _'Do you really want to go on a covert mission or are you just looking for a pillow fight?'_"

**[Kunai Pillows: 480 Ryou]**

**[Pichu Rack: 6520 Ryou]**

Neji continues. "It turns out that the women were actually preparing for a covert mission. And I guess I was barking up the wrong tree with the pillow fight..."

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons. All the more reason not to look for us...]**

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 5: President of Otogakure _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is wearing a pair of glasses when he looks up at the camera. "Hi and hope you guys had a happy Equinox. On this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Rare Wailord population of the coast of Kanto. Japan sends Digimon Scientists to investigate...]**

**[A Shinobi's Right to Defend their bathrooms with Kunais and Shurikens...]**

**[And our special report on our search for Digimon Terrorists and why it's taking so long...]**

Ino is wearing a Konoha Flak jacket when Naruto runs from a building.

"What did you find?" Ino asks.

Naruto turns around and looks at Ino. "I found a Digi-Vice, a balloon, a Gundam Model, a BBQ apron which appears to have some sort of pig character holding a tong, and what else is there..."

* * *

**[One More Time]**

Naruto is not wearing glasses this time. "But first, everything else. As citizens of Otogakure are going to the polls this weekend, with unemployment at **80 percent** and inflation at **50, 000 percent**, but President Orochimaru claims that incidence of public opposition to his policies will always be lower under an Orochimaru Government..."

**[Anti-Genetics]**

"Still on politics, but in a different place," reports Naruto. "As the Japanese Finance Minister says no to Hybrid Pokémon-Human embryos. Minister Masato _'Max' _Yuri says that it'll be the last time he'll be visiting that restaurant..."

Naruto switches to a different camera. "As most of the elections around the world took place in the year 2008, one country has recieved a surprise late endorsement. Orochimaru joins me now from Otogakure. Orochimaru, why send your endorsement for Michael Jackson to be the American President?"

* * *

**[Otogakure]**

Orochimaru is surprised that he could hear Naruto for once. "Well, Naruto-kun, I want to send the Americans a fresh and relevant message that extremely white people are not pedophiles and he can affect real change in the United States."

_Naruto: "Ok, but why are you endorsing Michael Jackson?"_

Orochimaru gets a delay in receiving Naruto's question. "Well, since I'm not in the running, I guess I could put my support behind him..."

_Naruto: "But what you really just did is tell everyone your opinion on who you believe is the best person to become President and it's not really an endorsement."_

Orochimaru shakes his head. "It is an endorsement," Orochimaru said.

_Naruto: "But Orochimaru, I don't think you're exactly the right person to endorse Michael Jackson, since you are now the President of Otogakure. And not to mention that I doubt that Americans would care about your endorsement and the only ones who will hear about it will be the people of Otogakure..."_

"But I am looking after the postal votes from American Tourists," Orochimaru explains.

_Naruto: "So, your first mission as President is to look after the postal votes of foreign elections?"_

"Look, my policy is the same as always: _'Get Sasuke-Kun's Body for myself'_."

_Naruto: "Well, Orochimaru, thank you for your waste of time and space..."_

Orochimaru nods, then he looks at his watch. "Nice, five lines in a minute. That's not bad."

Orochimaru licks his lips. "Is he gone yet?"

**[An Edit Later...]**

Naruto looks up from his desk. "I kinda like those time skips. It quite refreshing. Let's do it again..."

**[Another Time Skip Later...] **

Naruto begins the next report. "Some might say that **Good News** doesn't mean a **Good News Story**, but that's who they are and I wonder what their motivation is. Shikamaru Nara proves them wrong..."

* * *

**[Shikamaru Nara Reporting...]**

A girl is on a playground slide with her mother.

_Shikamaru: "Three years ago, doctors told Temari Akimichi that her 6-year-old daughter will never walk again. But now, she lives an active life, just like any other 9-year-old."_

Temari is pushing her daughter on a swing.

_Shikamaru: "Temari says that it is a miracle, but Temari's doctor has another explanation..."_

* * *

**[Dr. Kiba Inuzuka]**

Kiba is in his office. "I misdiagnosed her and I was completely wrong. Misinterpreted the tests and caused a lot of unnecessary worry."

* * *

Temari and her daughter are walking home.

_Shikamaru: "The Akimichis sued Dr. Inuzuka and he was struck off. After filing for bankruptcy, Kiba's wife left him and he hung himself. This is Shikamaru Nara for the Naruto News Show."_

* * *

Naruto finished watching the story. "Good to have a story like that now and again."

**[Cat Fight]**

Naruto begins the next report. "Meanwhile back in Konoha, Sakura and Ino are in another fight..."

* * *

"As usual, Forehead Girl is always around Sasuke. It's just not fair," said Ino.

* * *

"I won't let that Pig near Sasuke-kun," said Sakura.

* * *

Naruto shrugged. "There wasn't any story to that. I just wanted some fillers to use up the extra space in this fanfic."

**[Another Edit Later...]**

Naruto sits up at the desk. "Time now to look on what's ahead on tonight's news. And joining us is **KNNNN Newsreader**, Eriol Hiragizawa. And it just suddenly occurred to me that this segment is pointless considering that **KNNNN** no longer exists due to the **ScriptFic Purge**."

_Eriol: "Well, Naruto. As a cross-promotion, it's a bit pointless but it's amazing what you'll do for money. But it is also nice to have a chat once in a while."_

Naruto nods in agreement. "Yeah, but crossing from this fanfic to another is a waste of time and it would have been nicer if you were on the phone instead of speaking to me through the Script format."

_Eriol: "We could, or I could give you a preview of tomorrow's news. After all, we always prerecord tomorrow's news and our hit rate's been pretty good. Except for the one time I prerecorded two months worth of news reports and ended up making the mistake in the __**'4Kids Building get Destroyed by Gundam.'**__"_

Naruto rubs his chin. "I see," he said. "So, what's on tomorrow's news?"

_Eriol: "The usual. Digimon Violence in the Digi-World, Complaints about the Pokémon Series about too much fillers and the usual stuff about Orochimaru. And that's coming up on KNNNN."_

Naruto nods. "Thanks, Eriol. And speaking of which, something has been bothering me. Is it just me or has Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender ripped off Hinata Hyuga's hairstyle? If so, send your entries to:"

* * *

**[Is it just Naruto or did Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender ripped off Hinata Hyuga's hairstyle?]**

**A: **A bit  
**B: **Sorry, I wasn't listening.

**The usual address...**

* * *

"Anyway, time to bail, mofos, but let's check on finances with Shino Aburame..."

* * *

Shino is in an office.

"Thanks, Naruto. As usual, the US Economy is..."

Shino is suddenly drowned out by a group of people singing Happy Birthday in the background...

"_**Happy Birthday to you!  
Happy Birthday to you!  
Happy Birthday dear Ten Ten!  
Happy Birthday to you!"**_

Shino's words continued to be drowned out by the cheering in the background.

"_**Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray!"**_

Once the three cheers ended, Shino can finally be heard.

"And that's finance. Back to you Naruto."

* * *

"Thanks Shino." Naruto nods. "And a quick look at tomorrow's papers:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Fifth Hokage goes on Gambling Trip"]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Times going with the usual."_

**[Konoha Herald - "Rudeness by Orochimaru"]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Herald using a story as old as Fanfiction itself."_

**[Suna Advertiser - "Four Stars"]**

_Naruto: "And the Suna Advertiser has given something four stars."_

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Quote]**

Naruto looks at the camera. "Ok, until the next time we meet, I want you to think about something: _'Heroes is only one letter away from Herpes'_. Until next time, may the Digimons be with you."


	36. Season 4 Ep 6: Giant Clay Man

**[Ad Break]**

_Narrator: "This week on __**'Shikamaru'**__, Kiba and Naruto are in a race against time..."_

Naruto and Kiba are in an office.

"But what if Shikamaru isn't dead?" asked Kiba. "He could be in hiding, waiting for the right time to reveal himself."

"But Kiba, Sakura's autopsy confirmed that the body is Shikamaru's," said Naruto.

Kiba slams his palm onto the desk. "But the autopsy could be wrong!"

* * *

Kiba and Naruto are in Autopsy as Sakura looks at an x-ray picture of a skull. "Like I said before, blunt force trauma to the head."

"Are you sure?" asked Kiba.

Sakura shows the X-Ray to Kiba and Naruto. "Of course..." Then, Sakura notices something strange with the skull. "Wait a minute. This isn't Shikamaru's skull. This is a skull of a...woman!"

Both Naruto and Kiba are shocked at this turn of events. There's a chance that Shikamaru is alive...

"Oh wait. That is Shikamaru's X-Ray." Sakura corrected herself, destroying whatever remaining hope that our heroes have.

_Narrator: "All new __**'Shikamaru' **__at 9:30 Thursday Nights on KonohaTV, followed by __**'Pikachu, Invisible Dentist?'**__ at 10. _

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 6: Giant Clay Man_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is wearing a pair of glasses when he looks up at the camera. "Hi and hope you guys had a happy Equinox. On this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as Fifth Hokage pays off massive debts]**

**[Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as local rivers flow with blood]**

**[And Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as Miso Soup causes cancer]**

Naruto is at the desk holding a piece of paper. "Excuse me while I move this paper across." Naruto moves the paper then resumes his work. "Well, Shinobis are shocked at the rage in artificially improving the performance of Shinobis. Ino Yamanaka has more..."

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka reporting...]**

Kiba is walking in a forest wearing a Sports jacket with stars on the sleeves.

_Ino: "Kiba Inuzuka, not his real name, is a Shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. And competition between Shinobis is fierce and when Kiba is seen to have high Mission Successes, far outstripping his previous month's mission successes, the Hokage Administration has become suspicious of Kiba."_

* * *

Shikamaru is having a smoke.

_Ino: "Shikamaru Nara, his real name, claims that Kiba is a Sports Cheat."_

Shikamaru looks at the camera. "Everybody knows that he is using sporting goods to complete his missions like wearing tracksuit pants for comfort instead of the standard Shinobi Uniform and sneakers for a fast running. There is no way that Kiba would easily complete his missions successfully that quickly. It's bullshit."

Shikamaru takes another puff of his cigarette...

* * *

Kiba is hiding behind a tree trunk...

_Ino: "Kiba refused to speak on camera for this story, and so did I. But Kiba denies Shikamaru's accusations. But as this secret footage shows, his use of sporting goods go beyond what Shikamaru has described, as a list of sports implicated in Shinobi work grows. Tennis, soccer and the even good old fashioned sport of baseball is disgraced..."_

As an enemy Shinobi sneaks by Kiba's hiding place, Kiba pulls out a tennis racket and ball and smacks the ball at the enemy Shinobi's head, knocking the Shinobi out. And as an added measure, Kiba pulls out a baseball bat and beats the crap out of the enemy Shinobi with the bat.

_Ino: "And until the Hokage takes the issue seriously, this problem for Shinobis will get only worst. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show..."_

* * *

Naruto makes his comment on the previous story. "Well, Money certainly is making a Shinobi's work go boom."

Naruto looks at another camera. "Still on things that go boom, a Giant Clay Man exploded in the Naruto Manga, narrowly missing this edition of the Naruto News Show."

**[Giant Deidara Goes Boom!]**

* * *

A Giant Deidara Clay Figure is fighting Sasuke Uchiha.

_Naruto: "The Giant Clay Man was about to chase after his nemesis when he failed to negotiate with his miniature self, causing a massive explosion."_

* * *

**[Witness, Rock Lee]**

Lee is in front of a reporter.

"I heard this almighty bang which sounded like a giant unyouthful man exploding," said Rock Lee. "And guess what I saw when I got out of my house, a giant unyouthful man exploding."

* * *

**[Konoha Resident, Tenten]**

Tenten is in front of her house.

"I was at home when there was this loud boom, like a giant man exploding. And when I got out of the house to check, I saw a giant man exploding."

* * *

**[Konoha Resident, Choji Akimichi]**

Choji is at a Ramen Shop.

"I was having lunch here when I heard this loud noise, and my first thought is a giant man exploding. When I left the shop to check, and I couldn't believe it, a Giant Man has exploded and that confirmed my original thought.

* * *

**[Konoha Shinobi, Hinata Hyuga]**

Hinata is under a tree.

"I was at the other end of the forest where the giant clay man exploded and that's what I heard. I but wasn't there during the explosion because I was visiting my sister Hanabi, but thanks to the miracles of FanFiction writing, I was able to get back to my team to the scene of the explosion just after it happened."

* * *

**[Hinata's Sister, Hanabi Hyuga]**

Hanabi just happens to be next to Hinata.

"I was inside when it turns out that there was an explosion near where my sister is supposed to be on her mission. It turns out that a giant clay man exploded and Hinata was pretty shocked about it..."

Hanabi hugs her sister...

* * *

**[Pokémon Trainer, Ash Ketchum]**

Ash is outside his house. "Yeah, I was inside my house watching the news when I saw the Giant Clay Man exploding in the Naruto Manga I was reading off the Internet. I didn't actually see it its originality as it was translated by a translation group."

* * *

**[Akatsuki Member, Anonymous]**

An Akatsuki member with his orange mask blurred is on camera and his voice distorted.

"I was there when that Giant Clay Guy exploded. It's true and I survived."

* * *

"Police are appealing for witnesses," said Naruto, finishing the report. "**COUGH**Joke**COUGH**!"

Naruto looks at some sheets. "Anyway, as another major election is coming up, one person is not pleased with our coverage of this election. Hanabi Sarutobi, wife and part-time Clan Head is with me in this room. Hanabi, are you angry at our coverage of the US Elections?"

Hanabi simply shrugged. "No, I'm not."

"Why is that?" asks Naruto.

"I really don't have time to care about these things, since I got a Clan to run and kids to take care off."

Naruto nods to Hanabi. "Ok. Well, I heard that there is a 25 Percent chance that the next President would be a woman," Naruto spins around, turning towards Shikamaru, who is sitting behind Naruto. "...right Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru nods in agreement. "Yes and I'd bet they would find it troublesome if their woman is like our Hokage."

Naruto smiled. "Ok, can we cut to that Pikachu?"

* * *

In a grass field, a Pikachu is looking at a camera.

_Naruto: "Boo!"_

The Pikachu fell on it's backside in surprise...

* * *

Both Hanabi and Shikamaru are giggling as Naruto resumes his work. He notices that both Shikamaru and Hanabi are still with him.

"What just happened to our time skip?" Naruto asks to nobody in particular. He simply shrugged and decides to continue his report, since Shikamaru and Hanabi won't make an impact in this fanfic. "Anyway, what are our latest poll results, Ino?"

* * *

Ino smiled. "Thanks, Naruto. The results of our latest poll, _**'Reasons for Japan to invade the Digi-World again'**_ are now in."

**[0.1 Percent: Stop them from building Digital WMDs]**

"0.1 percent said that we must stop the Digimons from making WMDs again."

**[0.1 Percent: Convenience of Troops already there]**

"Another 0.1 percent cites the convenience of troops already there."

**[0.2 Percent: Leader is a Crazy Man]**

"0.2 Percent says that President of the Digi-World, Ken Ichijouji is a crazy man."

**[0.3 Percent: War is the best way out of Economic Recession]**

"An all-out war is the best way out of Economic Recession, claims 0.3 percent."

**[99.3 Percent: Other]**

"And 99.3 Percent said 'Other'. And finally, two thirds of the people we surveyed represent a staggering 66.7 percent of that group. Back to you, Naruto."

Ino then crossed her arms and does a nod, disappearing into thin air like a Genie.

* * *

Shikamaru and Hanabi have mysteriously disappeared, leaving Naruto alone at his desk. But Naruto is distracted by Ino's disappearing act. "It's like magic! Anyway, a look at tomorrow's headlines..."

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Otogakure Paranoia annoys editor"]**

Naruto: "Konoha Times and their view of what we think..."

**[Kanto News - "Jessie and James escapes in Ketchum wig"]**

Naruto: "The Kanto News giving a nice story about the Hokage's visit to the Celadon Game Corner."

**[Oto Review - "Icha Icha Tactics Movie previews on page 10"]**

Naruto: "And the Oto Review trying to broaden its appeal."

* * *

"And before we go, a quick look at the many internal struggles we have between the Pokémons and Digimons..."

* * *

**[Pokémons Vs. Digimons Tally Board]**

**Magneton Factory Builders** - 345, 123 Digimons slaves forced into building factories  
**Ogremons** - 0 Pokémons killed in retaliation

**Charizards trained for Digimon Hunting from Johto** - 18, 432 Agumons hunted  
**Agumons** - 0 Pokémons killed while defending home

**Pikachu's Real Estate** - 5000 Digimon Homes Destroyed  
**Gatomons **- Evicted

**Arcanines trained for Digimon Poaching from Kanto** - 24, 532 Palmons uprooted  
**Miss Mimi's Palmons** - Completely extinct

**Japanese-trained Pokémon Scientists** - 10 Mil Whamons  
**Whamons **- Completely Extinct

* * *

"And that's all we have," finishes Naruto, before falling asleep at his desk...

* * *

Citizens of Konoha are being interview in the streets of Konoha...

**Choji: **"I mean, Soylent Green is people. Well, you are what you eat..."

**Kiba: **"I think it's time for people to stop obsessing about sports and start to kick their own goals."

**Hanabi: **"I am sick and tired of the illness and lack of sleep in this country."


	37. Season 4 Ep 7: Avatar Cameo

Rock Lee is working at Bandit Camp.

"Well, if a customer comes in and claims that a certain item is cheaper at another shop, we do conduct a full-scale investigation into the claim. First, we restrain the customer using one of our top quality handcuffs at 100 Ryou each. Then, we bring in ANBU to interrogate the customer at one of our excellent battle scenarios to see if the claim isn't part of some elaborate scam or fraud involving another shop and the customer. And after 36 hours, if ANBU is satisfied with the customer's story, the DNA tests come back negative and the cavity search is fruitless, then we are happy to beat that lower price by 10 percent..."

**[Ramen Bowls with non-matching Chopsticks: 899 Ryou]**

**[Other Shinobi's Ointment: 200 Ryou each]**

Lee continues. "Look, if the other shop is so good, why didn't they go there in the first place?"

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons. Like Lee said, if the other shop is so good, why didn't you go there in the first place?]**

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 7: Avatar Cameo_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera from his book, Icha Icha Paradise. "Hello, everyone. On this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Hokage's nice polished floor ruined by other Shinobi's Footwear]**

**[Poll rigging tampered with, claims President Orochimaru]**

**[And Konohamaru gets taken to hospital. His reply: "Get your stinking paw-paws off me, you dirty Pikachus!"]**

Naruto toss a sheet of paper behind him. "Hello. As the Japanese President is going on his world tour, undermining any confidence that the Foreign Minister has in his own abilities. Tenten is embedded with the President's camp like an irritating pebble in his shoe..."

* * *

**[Tenten reporting]**

Japanese President Ash is shaking hands with American President Max Tate.

_Tenten: "Everything is going according to plan as Japanese President Ash Ketchum shakes hands with American President Tate. For President Ash, he really has nothing to do but to shake hands and do nothing. My god! What does Japan have to do to be taken seriously?"_

* * *

Tenten is sitting in front of a background of Tokyo International Airport.

"This is Tenten at Terminal 1 of Tokyo International Airport, for the Naruto News Show."

Naruto walks by behind Tenten past the blue screen background. "Thanks Tenten." Naruto walks towards his desk in the studio, holding a bowl of Ramen. "I wonder what the former President's reaction to that World Tour be..."

* * *

**[Son Goku's Residence]**

A refrigerator gets thrown out of a window into the garden...

* * *

"Figures," said Naruto. "Anyway, on to another story, Toph Bei Fong from the series **Avatar: The Last Airbender** has temporary left Nickelodeon studios to travel to an Earthquake hit area for a Miracle Story."

* * *

Toph is sitting at the set for **Avatar: The Last Airbender**.

_Naruto: "Toph, it is an interesting story of personal courage and survival."_

Toph shakes her head. "Well, Naruto. It would have been, but unfortunately, it got canceled at the last minute."

_Naruto: "Really? Why?"_

Toph looks around. "I had blocked ears. So as a result, my doctor said that I shouldn't fly."

_Naruto: "Ok, then I'll cross out that Earthquake Miracle Story this Friday then."_

Toph smiled. "But the good news is that I got so much done. I was able to clear out my TiVo full of **Avatar: The Last Airbender** Episodes and sneak a peek on Cartoon Network to see what good shows they have."

_Naruto: "Hang on, Toph. I thought you are blind?"_

Toph looks around. "Erm, can we move this along, Naruto? I got to get Katara to do a practice kissing scene to freak out the boys backstage."

_Naruto: Right. Thank you, Toph._

* * *

Naruto looks at a camera.

**[Instant Love]**

"Well, time for singles have many avenues opened to them. Ino Yamanaka takes a look at one of the newer ones: **Speed Dating**."

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka Reporting]**

Two Jonins and a Chunin are having a drink in a Bar...

_Ino: "Gai, Kakashi and Shikamaru are single men who spend most of their hours risking their lives for Konoha. Opportunities to meet single women are limited."_

Meanwhile at the other side of the Bar, Shizune, Anko and Temari are holding wine glasses. "Cheers!"

_Ino: "Similarly, Shizune, Anko and Temari are busy Shinobis as well and have found little time in their lives for Romance."_

* * *

Ino is at the same Bar. "In Speed Dating, singles are prescribed a particular amount of time, usually one minute, to impress a prospective partner."

* * *

Outside a room, Hinata is holding a clipboard in front of Shikamaru, Gai and Kakashi. "Ok, boys. You got 60 seconds with each lady, starting from now."

The three Shinobis enter the room, where Anko, Temari and Shizune are each sitting at a table. First, Shikamaru sits in front of Shizune, Kakashi picks Anko and Gai takes Temari. As soon as all three guys sat in front of their prospective ladies...

"No," said all three women.

Next, Shikamaru gets Anko, Kakashi gets Temari and Gai gets Shizune. Just as the three men sat on their seats...

"No," said all three women.

Finally, Shikamaru sits with Temari, Kakashi goes with Shizune and Gai moves to Anko. Before the three Shinobis could even sit on their seats...

"No," said all three women.

* * *

Ino is outside. "It's ugly and painful, but at least it's over quickly. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

Naruto nods. "What a great idea, right Sakura?"

Sakura is sitting next to Naruto at the news desk. "Yes."

Naruto looks at the camera, ignoring Sakura. "She agrees with me..."

**[An Edit Later...]**

Naruto was sleeping at his desk when a bowl of Ramen is placed on the desk by Sasuke, instantly waking Naruto up. "A little bird has told me that it's time for us to have a quick look at the Bureau of Meteorology. Neji?"

* * *

Neji is standing in front of the continent map of the Naruto World. "Thanks, Naruto. As you can see, there are 0 chances of Meteors falling onto Konoha.

**[Fire Country: 0 Meteors]**

Neji continues. "And none are going to fall on Suna, Kumo, Kirigakure or indeed, anywhere else."

**[Wind Country: 0 Meteors]  
[Lightning Country: 0 Meteors]  
[Water Country: 0 Meteors]**

Neji points at the map. "So it will be little or no chance for you getting hit tomorrow. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

Naruto is wondering. "How long will they be able to justify their funding? Anyway, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "New Weapons to be sent by E-Mail"]**

Naruto: "Konoha Times tells it like it is..."

**[Suna Weekly - "Otogakure claims to have always own Pokémon"]**

Naruto: "The Weekly taking no prisoners..."

**[Konoha Herald - "101111011101100110011111"]**

Naruto: "And Konoha Herald has a major problem with their computers."

* * *

"And thank you for watching," said Naruto. "Is Toph still at Nickelodeon studios?"

* * *

Toph is on camera. "Oh, Naruto. Can I just ask you one thing?"

_Naruto: "What is it?"_

"Well, are you wearing your orange pants under your desk?"

_Naruto: "Why are you asking that question, Toph?"_

"Guess whose pants are these?" Toph picks up a pair of black pants.

_Naruto: "Erm...I don't think those are mine and I'm still wearing my orange pants."_

Toph looks at the pants, only to remember that she's blind. "Oh well. I guess I should still do my victory dance anyway since it took so long to practice it."

Suddenly, dancing music is played and Toph begins to dance...

* * *

Back at the Naruto News Show studio, Naruto looks at the camera. "You know what, let's end it at this point before it get anymore pointless..."


	38. Season 4 Ep 8: Shikamaru's Complicated

**[Ad Break]**

_Narrator: "Time is running out as Naruto and Kiba race against time to find Shikamaru's killers..."_

Naruto and Kiba are interrogating a witness, Neji, in an interrogation room.

"Look, I had nothing to do with Shikamaru's disappearance," Neji said. "Besides, you know that I'm friends with Miss Tsunade..."

Kiba smacks Neji in the face.

"Are you crazy, Kiba?" asks Naruto. "You just hit a witness!"

Kiba pulls out an explosive tag. "If I was crazy, would I do this?" Kiba peels the tag.

Knowing full well of the consequences, Naruto answers. "Frankly...yes."

The explosive tag in Kiba's hands explode...

Later, as Naruto with slightly burnt clothes walked out of what remains of the Hokage building, he sits next to burnt Kiba.

_Narrator: "Naruto and Kiba now find themselves in Trouble with a capital T..."_

"Killing a witness and destroying a public building," said Naruto. "Kiba, you're lucky that Tsunade gave you a warning. If it was me, I would have sliced off your head and threw you into the river."

Kiba looks at Naruto and puts his hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto, you are a true friend."

_Narrator: "All new '__**Shikamaru**__' at 9:30 Thursday Nights on KonohaTV, following '__**Gundam Pokémon**__' at 10. _

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 8: Shikamaru's Complicated _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto looks up from his sheets of paper... "Cha cha charmanderchar! And, on this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Fifth Hokage hopes that foiled Otogakure plot distracts everyone from gambling problems]**

**[Current Japanese President claims that he will be the greatest President ever, once he claims every media outlet in Japan]**

**[Plus a CGI Pikachu more expensive than a real life Pikachu, claims soon to be sacked Fanfiction Writer...]**

"Before we get to the news, to have a lighter look at the news of the week, we speak to Shikamaru Nara."

Shikamaru is sitting next to Naruto.

"So, Shikamaru? Anything caught your eye this week?" asks Naruto.

Shikamaru rubs his chin. "Erm...I really have no idea, considering that you pulled me from the story I was supposed to be doing and put me here."

"How about we do some ad-libbing?" Naruto suggested.

"Well, I don't really do improv," Shikamaru said. "In fact, I'm actually one of the ghost writers for this fanfic, so I must come up with something."

Naruto picks up a guitar. "Ok, how about playing some songs? That should add in some filler..."

Shikamaru sighs. "Naruto...I'm just a writer. The one who does the musical part is Neji."

"Right." Naruto keeps the guitar.

Then, Shikamaru adds, "Plus, I'm not a big fan of your news reports..."

**[An Edit Later...]**

Naruto begins his first actual news report.

"It's been a tale of mystery and intrigue and it's one that we at the Naruto News Show are proud of. Neji Hyuga has more..."

* * *

**[Neji Hyuga Reporting]**

Neji is standing on a bridge, giving his report.

"Last year, one of the biggest frauds have taken place here, in Konoha. But to trace this fraud back to its origins, I had to travel to Sunagakure...or did I?"

* * *

Neji's wife, Tenten is being interviewed by Neji.

**[Tenten Hyuga, Neji's wife]**

"As far as I know, Neji never left Konoha. Otherwise, the Hokage would have known about it," said Tenten.

Neji asks a question. "So, why do you think I lied that I went to Suna, Tenten?"

"I don't know," Tenten answers.

"Have I been acting strangely?" Neji asks.

"From my interpretation of the events, I believe that you've been hiding something for quite some time. I and a lot of my friends believe that you are having an affair."

"Ok, so the _'trip to Suna'_ is an excuse for me to spend time with another woman?"

Tenten nods. "I believe so."

* * *

Neji is back on the bridge. "It is genuinely believed that if I had really gone to Suna, I would have travelled with my teammate, Rock Lee..."

* * *

_Neji: "Rock Lee is a friend of mine and is known to have a close working relationship with me..."_

Neji and Rock Lee are at Ichiraku's Ramen...

**[Rock Lee, Neji's Teammate]**

Neji interviews Lee. "Lee, you would know if you and I went to Sunagakure to cover a story. Is that true?"

"Of course," answers Lee.

"Did we go?" asks Neji.

Lee shakes his head. "No. In my opinion, that trip to Suna never happened."

"So where was I when I said I went to Suna?"

Lee shrugged. "You just have got to ask yourself."

* * *

"I subsequently approached myself a number of times for an interview and I repeatedly declined."

Neji is walking on the bridge as a bunch of Academy Students are on their way to the Ninja Academy...

"That is, until yesterday, where I contacted myself and agreed to the following interview under the condition that my anominity is protected..."

* * *

Neji is in a secret location, interviewing himself.

"Neji, both my wife and friend stated that you never actually went to Suna. Can you honestly say that I took that trip to Suna?"

On the other side of the room, Neji's face is blurred. "Yes, I..."

**[Transmission Cut...]**

* * *

Naruto was watching the report up until this point. "Unfortunately, this afternoon, Neji has threatened to sue us for showing that report unless we cut out the rest of the joke. Though it was kinda getting a bit boring..."

* * *

Riza Hawkeye and Jean Havoc are watching Colonel Roy Mustang running around inside the barracks, screaming, "It's **'Yes sir!' 'Yes sir!'**"

[**'Mustang's Heroes'**, 8:00 PM Thursdays on TokyoTV, followed by **'Viva Pika!: Pokémon's influence in the Mobile Suit Race'**]

"Three bags full," chanted Ed, Winry and Al, who happened to be nearby...

* * *

"Mmmmm...that will never go to air," comments Naruto. He then continues on to the next report. "Meanwhile, Zombies have appeared in Japan in a parody of the hit Capcom Survival Horror, Resident Evil, or Biohazard as it is known in Japan..."

* * *

**[Footage: Arceus Ex Machina]**

There is rioting in Japan as Riot Police beat up rioters...

"Zombies began marching towards the Presidential Offices, in a bid to eat everyone in there, but Zombies find their food a bit gamey due to their only sources of food being a group of Pokémon guarding the empty building due to renovations. I wonder what the former President will think about that..."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Former Japanese President's residence...

A set of golf clubs has been thrown through a window...

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Orochimaru, not Michael Jackson, will be President..."]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Times leading with some old stuff"_

**[Suna Weekly - "Fraud at Polls?"]**

_Naruto: "The Suna Weekly telling people what to believe again..."_

**[Konoha Herald - "Konohamaru beaten up by Pikachu Mafia"]**

_Naruto: "And Konoha Herald putting the Pika in Pick-a-Choo..."_

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "And to take us out tonight, Shikamaru is going to sing the song that Neji was supposed to do but decided to leave because of that report. Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru begins playing a guitar out of tune. The tune is from _"Complicated"_ by Avril Lavigne.

"_Uh huh, life's like this"  
"Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is"  
"Cause life's like this"  
"Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is"_

"_My name is Sumilidon,"  
"Tell me, what have I done to deserve this?"  
"All I am, just a humble pianist"  
"What you see is what you get!"  
"I'm just a pianist for a show"  
"When I'm playing the piano"  
"And you're talking to me one on one, you fire me..."_

"You know what, I'm outta here." Shikamaru puts down the guitar and walks off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Neji is standing in a corner, giving the evil eye at Naruto...


	39. Season 4 Ep 9: Pokémon Torch Protests

**[Ad Break]**

Sasuke is wearing a blue suit while playing a violin...badly.

Sasuke looks at the camera. "Greetings, I'm Phoenix Wright, former Ace Attorney, now Ace Musician. I am very much happy to tour your beautiful village of Konoha, promoting my skills as a musician, which include a wide range of musical styles..."

**[Music Range Includes: Classic, J-Pop, Jazz Rock, Funk, Death Metal, Reggae, Emo, Country, World, Girl Power, Et Cetera...]**

Sasuke continues. "So, join me as I show Konoha the playing of music on a night you will never ever forget, no matter how hard you try."

Sasuke resumes playing his violin off tune...

_Sakura's voiceover: "__**'Phoenix Wright and his Festival of Perfectly Horrible Music'**__. Coming soon. Book tickets through __**Megaman and Bass**__."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 9: Pokémon League Torch Protests _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto looks up from his sheets of paper... "Aloha! And, on this edition of the Naruto News Show:"

**[Fifth Hokage's new idea: Put Recyclables in Plastic Bags]**

**[Pokémon League approves Performance Enhancing Mobile Suit for Battles]**

**[And environmentalists say put recyclables in plastic bags]**

* * *

Naruto looks up from his computer to begin his first news report.

**[Over Oily Waters]**

"Environmental news first as a massive cleanup is in operation near the coast of Japan as a damaged oil tanker spilled 10,000 tons of Crude Oil into the East China Sea. Japanese President Ash Ketchum has responded to criticism by claiming that they have suspected that the East China Sea are hiding weapons of mass destruction, adding that they will invade the sea, effect a regime change and usher in a new democratic government."

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "Meanwhile, back at home, **ANBU** has been hired to do bodyguard work for the Pokémon League Torch Relay. **ANBU** liaison officer, Sakura Haruno joins me here." Naruto turns to Sakura, who is standing on the other side of Naruto's desk.

"My first question, Sakura, is why are you standing?" asks Naruto.

"There's no chair," she answers.

Naruto looks at the stagehand. "Could we get a chair? What? Ok." Naruto looks at Sakura. "Phoenix Wright borrowed it. But I'm happy if you could share my swivel chair..."

"Sure, Naruto," said Sakura.

Naruto finishes his sentence. "...'s armrest."

Sakura sits on Naruto's chair's armrest. "My next question is what happens if Digimon protestors protest during the torch relay?"

"It's simple. **ANBU** would provide an escort around the torch bearer while keeping an eye out on the Digimons. If any Digimons or Pokémons clash, **ANBU** will make their arrests."

"And if there is a third group?" asked Naruto.

"Anti-Digimon-Anti-Pro-Pokémons? **ANBU **will simply grill them and if they make a mess of things, we'll put them in the slammer."

"And what if a fourth group joins in?" asks Naruto.

Sakura had to give a bit of thought for a second, then gave her answer. "Pro-Pokémon, but anti-pro-Digimon Pokémons?" Naruto nods. "Well, if they chill, then we won't bust some caps and everything will be cool. But if shit goes down, then me and my posse will go and taze them Mofos, get what I'm saying?"

"Barely," said Naruto. "Wouldn't it be easier to call off the relay?"

Sakura protests. "But if people are going to do shit like that..."

"If there's trouble," Naruto adds to his question.

Sakura nods and regains her composure. "Well, that would be a good idea."

Naruto spins his chair, facing another camera, forcing Sakura, who is still sitting on Naruto's armrest, to also face the camera.

"Meanwhile, in other news, Konoha has banned fruit-flavored cigarettes, but not cigarette-flavored fruit. Shikamaru Nara, what are your thoughts?"

**[Shikamaru Nara - Society for Not Terribly Well Thought Out But Still Passionately Defended Civil Rights]**

Shikamaru is smoking a banana, agitated over the ban. "I am pissed off that the Hokage has forced me to use a loophole because I'd prefer the smell of apricot-flavored tobacco leaves."

"But, you could smoke regular cigarettes, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru stops shaking. "Gee, I never thought about that."

Naruto looks at Shikamaru. "So, what are your thoughts on the Hokage's investigation on Tanning Salons, Sasuke Uchiha?" Naruto asks a tanned Sasuke, with the only fair skin on his face is the shape of a pair of sunglasses, who happens to be behind Shikamaru.

"I got no problems with that," answers Sasuke. "But I do recommend that you wear goggles."

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

Bandit Camp Weapon Sellers - Available in Konoha + Suna + Iwa + Kumo + Kiri

_**Song:**__ "Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."  
"Bandit Camp...Weapon Sellers..."_

**[Song ends]**

* * *

We return to Naruto at his desk.

**[Quake, Rubble & Toll]**

"Overseas, and more than a week after the Earthquake that devastated Okinawa, joy for rescue workers today..."

* * *

Rescuers rescue a Pikachu from the rubble, covered in cushions taped to his body.

_Naruto: "The discovery of a lone survivor amongst the rubble. The Pikachu explains to his rescuers that as the earthquake hit, his first instinct was to tape cushions onto every part of his body, a move that was sure to have saved his life. The Pikachu's Digimon friend was not so lucky..."_

Rescuers then discover the body of a dead Digimon, covered in Post-It notes.

_Naruto: "Post-It notes may be handy, but only in certain circumstances."_

* * *

**[Pokeyman Mayhem]**

Naruto begins his next news report. "Meanwhile, in world news, Pokémon have begun to riot in Hoenn over PokéBlock shortages as thousands of Pokémon took to the streets of Lilycove City to voice their feelings and make them known to the authorities."

* * *

**[Recorded Live from Lilycove City]**

Pokémons are protesting while the Officer Jennys are firing Tear Gas at the Pokémons.

_Naruto: "In response, Officer Jenny has ordered the use of Tear Gas to make those feelings even more convincing."_

* * *

We return to Naruto's desk.

"Any thoughts, Yugi?" Naruto asks Yugi, who is sitting at one end of Naruto's desk.

"Well, if the Pokémons don't like it, why not ask Yami?" Yugi suggested.

"As a matter of fact I will!" Naruto then looks towards Pharaoh Atemu, who happened to be sitting on the other end of Naruto's desk. "What do you think, Your Majesty?" Naruto asks.

"Sorry, I'm busy!" Atemu then walks of in the Ancient Egyptian Sideways Style with Ancient Egyptian music being played.

Naruto simply shrugged. "Anyway, before we go, a quick look at the four-day forecast. Neji?"

* * *

**[4 Day Forecast]**

Neji is in front of a screen. "Thanks, Naruto. Tomorrow looks like it will be Thursday..."

**[Thursday]**

"...before a change to Friday."

**[Friday]**

"Followed by Saturday."

**[Saturday]**

"And Sunday making an appearance, 24 Hours later.."

**[Sunday]**

Neji looks at the camera. "Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

Naruto nods. "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Pikachu kow-tows to Chow-Chows"]**

_Naruto: "The Times still up to their usual tricks."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Orochimaru to take apples, pears & Sasuke"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Weekly with some old news."_

**[Konoha Carpets Catalogue - "Hokage's Office To Be Replaced Again"]**

_Naruto: "And that's quite a surprise from them."_

* * *

Naruto smiles at the camera. "Until the next time we meet, another thought. Adding an S to _'Needles'_ could end up being _'Needless'_. Go figure. See you next time."


	40. Season 4 Ep 10: Finale, again

**[Ad Break]**

Naruto moves with stealth down a hallway towards a door.

_Narrator: "The tale that would draw to a close is near."_

Naruto pulls out a Kunai and kicks the door down. Inside the room, Ino is tied up to a chair and Kiba holding a pair of defibrillator paddles next to the corpse of Shikamaru.

"What the hell, Naruto!"

Naruto points his Kunai at Kiba. "They told me at the graveyard that you had dug up Shikamaru's corpse and you intend to revive him with electricity," said Naruto. "I thought it was some sort of false hope on your part."

Kiba drops the defibrillator paddles. "Alright, you asked for it, Naruto!" Kiba picks up a spade. "I know what you're thinking, Naruto. Which is faster - your kunai throwing skill or my Sparda?"

* * *

Later, Ino has put some flowers on Shikamaru's grave.

"Shikamaru loved these lilies," said Ino.

"So did Kiba," adds Naruto.

Ino looks at Naruto. "You think it was a good idea to bury them together, Naruto?"

Naruto shrugged. "We all need someone to be with."

_Narrator: "It takes two to do the Konoha Tango on __**'Shikamaru'**__, 8pm on Thursday Nights, following __**'The Disappearing Evangelion'**__ at 7:30..."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Four**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 10: Finale, again_

Disclaimers: We do not own the characters, songs and other related material appearing on this fanfic.

* * *

Naruto smiles at the camera. "On the final chapter of the Naruto News Show for this season..."

**[In the fashion capital of the world, Tokyo, Flares are the new Black]**

**[Orochimaru launches his own Presidential campaign to match Michael Jackson's...]**

**[And disappointing sales of PlayStation Version of new Konoha System.]**

* * *

Naruto shuffles some random bits of paper. "Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. And from the past to the future, as Digimons are known to develop their own weapons, we look at what's going on in the Digi-World with Digi-World Correspondent, Jiraiya. Are you there?"

* * *

**[Live in the Digi-World]**

Jiraiya has a Digi-Vice stuck in his mouth, unable to speak...

* * *

"Oh well," said Naruto "Onto the next story. **Time Skip!**"

**[A Time Skip later...]**

Behind Naruto's desk is Naruto himself. "Meanwhile, Shino Aburame is also in the Digi-World. Is it looking good in the Digi-World, Shino?"

* * *

**[Shino, Via Phone]**

_Shino: "Yes."_

* * *

"Any problems?" asked Naruto.

* * *

**[Shino, Via Phone]**

_Shino: "No."_

* * *

"What about the reaction over there?" Naruto asks.

* * *

**[Shino, Via Phone]**

_Shino: "Cool."_

* * *

"Thanks, Shino."

* * *

**[Shino, Via Phone]**

_Shino: "Bye."_

* * *

Naruto looks up at the camera. "Meanwhile, in Sport, the World Balloon Volley Ball Championships are under way in Tokyo. After 20 minutes, there is still no end in sight as the scores are still tied in this rally."

* * *

**[Live: Tokyo]**

The Konoha Shinobis are playing against a group of American Cartoon Characters as each player volleys a balloon at each other.

* * *

Naruto is at his desk. "In other news, Otogakure has now been completely annihilated as everyone's favorite Michael Jackson rip-off has attempted to take over Sasuke's body and lost. With me right now is Orochimaru's ghost."

Sitting across Naruto's table is the ghost of Orochimaru.

Naruto begins his interview with the ghost. "Orochimaru, it's been a long time coming and somehow, things did not go the way you wanted. Instead of taking over Sasuke's body, it looks like Sasuke has absorbed your soul."

Orochimaru is speechless.

Naruto looks away from Orochimaru's ghost. "I think we lost Orochimaru's ghost."

**[An Edit Later...]**

"Still on Other News, Granny Tsunade has put in a new law about the tax increase on Alcohol. Sakura, what are your thoughts?"

Sakura is sitting next to Naruto. "It's quite simple. Our leader is finding some way to recoup the loss she made while gambling the budget for the Academy."

Naruto then realized something. "Now that I think about it, I noticed that the Old Lady has put a tax Increase on Ramen. Why did she go and do that?"

Sakura smiled...before quickly running away from Naruto's desk. She runs out of the studio, down a corridor towards the exit. Once Sakura exits the KonohaTV building, she makes her way towards the front gate, only to be knocked down by a Ramen Cart.

Back in the studio, Naruto rolled his eyes. "Revenge is a dish best served in a nice hot soup, isn't that right, Hinata?"

Hinata has drunk a bit too much Alcohol. "Naruto-kun...you are soooo...pretty with such pretty hair. After all, I am a man and you are a...woman. So let's just do it here on your table..."

"Thank you, Hinata." Naruto looks towards another camera. "Back to our top story..."

"I can do 26 positions in a one-night stand," drunken Hinata ranted.

"...as..."

Hinata suddenly interrupts Naruto again. "Naruto-kun, have a look at these..."

Naruto turns around to see Hinata with her jacket open and her undershirt raised.

"Errr...very nice." Naruto looks back at the camera. "Anyway, one final story..."

* * *

**[Final Story]**

_Naruto: "In Pallet Town, Kanto, Ash Ketchum has made a successful record attempt for the Pokémon Book of Records. This time it was the attempt of the most Pikachu Impersonators who has forgotten their costumes and changed their minds about doing Pikachu at the last minute and instead recite the Epilogue of __**'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'**__ while secured on a harness moving around a clothes line. Ash Ketchum's effort successfully took the effort to 1, smashing Last Year's score of 0."_

* * *

Naruto crossed his arms. "And also, we have enough time to look at finance with Shino Aburame. Shino?"

* * *

**[Finance with Shino]**

Shino is in an office as Tenten is walking around the background collecting some money.

"Thanks, Naruto. As usual, the US Economy is strong even though the subprime..."

Suddenly, Tenten walks up to Shino. "Sorry to interrupt you, Shino, but Sakura from Admin is leaving so I was hoping that you could put in some money for a farewell gift."

"Sure," said Shino. "How much is everyone putting in?"

"From 50 to 100 Ryou," said Tenten.

"Is Sakura the brunette who always carries some sort of magical staff?" asked Shino.

"No, it's the one with Pink hair and Emerald Eyes," answered Tenten.

Shino gave Tenten 30 Ryou.

"30 Ryou? Thanks. I'll bring the card around later."

Tenten walked off, leaving Shino to continue the finance report, but...

* * *

...we return to Naruto at the studio.

"Thanks, Shino. And finally, tomorrow's headlines."

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "New Coin-Op Gambling Game has Hokage investing in it."]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Times lowering the bar as usual"_

**[Konoha Herald - "Orochimaru dressed to sue (photos p.3)"]**

_Naruto: "The Herald caving into its own petty obsessions."_

**[Suna Advertiser - "Naruto changes underpants"]**

_Naruto: "And Suna's Advertiser taking a major beating in the battle of the tabloids."_

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "And that's all we have for Season Four of the Naruto News Show. Until the next we meet, here's something to remember us by..."

**["Lucky" by Britney Spears is played...]**

Naruto picks up a microphone to begin singing the song.

_Naruto: "Early morning, he wakes up  
Knock, knock knock on the door (Boom, Boom, Boom!)  
It's time for make up, perfect smile  
It's you they're waiting for  
They go, 'Isn't he handsome, this Konoha Boy?'  
And they say..."_

Suddenly, Konohamaru joins in for the chorus...

**Chorus:  
**_Naruto/Konohamaru: "He's so Lucky, he's a star,  
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart, thinking  
If there's nothing missing in my life  
Then why do these tears come at night?"_

Then, Hinata joins in.

_Hinata: "Lost in an image, in a dream  
But there's no one there to wake him up,  
And the world is spinning, and he keeps on winning  
But tell me what happens when this stops? (Naruto: "Oh my, the show's over")  
They go, 'Isn't he handsome, this Konoha Boy?' And they say...'_

Hanabi quickly joins in for the chorus.

**Chorus:  
**_Naruto/Konohamaru/Hinata/Hanabi: "He's so Lucky, he's a star,  
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart, thinking  
If there's nothing missing in my life  
Then why do these tears come at night?"_

**[Insert short Musical Intermission as everyone else joins in]**

_Naruto's solo bit: "Isn't he lucky, this Konoha boy?"_

_Everyone: "PikaFlash, says goodbye  
PikaFlash, why do we all have to say goodbye?"_

_Naruto: "And they say..."_

**Chorus:**

_Everyone: "He's so Lucky, he's a star,  
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart, thinking  
If there's nothing missing in my life  
Then why do we all say good bye?"_

_Everyone: "PikaFlash, says goodbye  
PikaFlash, why do we all have to say goodbye?"_

_Naruto: "He's so Lucky, he's a star,  
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart, thinking,  
If there's nothing missing in my life..."_

Naruto finishes the song...

_Naruto: "Then why do we all say goodbye?"_

**[Song ends]**

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Joke]**

A drunken Hinata is walking around in the background as Naruto shows a random playing card to Kiba, with Kiba announcing which card Naruto is showing him.

"The Five of Spades. The 3 of Diamonds."

Naruto then shows Kiba one final card. "The Queen of Hearts."

"You know what to do, Kiba?"

Kiba picks up a Crossbow. "You don't have to tell me twice with subliminal messaging."

Kiba walked off, leaving Naruto with Hinata alone in the studio, as Naruto looks towards the readers.

"Hi, I'm sure you all know the drill by now, a small power tool that bores its way through solid objects. Anyway, if you like this fanfic or whatnots, use the button below my monologue to leave a review and so on…if you can!"

* * *

Vegeta does his evil laugh.


	41. Season 5 Ep 1: Lipstick on Ino

_**Naruto: **__"This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

A rolling boulder rolls through Iwagakure.

**[Symbol of Iwagakure destroys city]**

A Pikachu plushie is sitting in a vending machine.

**[Pokémon Plushies removed from Fanfic for being too Fluffy]**

Sasuke is plotting his revenge.

**[And Sasuke Uchiha says that old people can go to hell]**

_**Naruto: **__"All this and more on the first Naruto News Show for Series Five!"_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 1: Lipstick on Ino _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk.

"Also on today's edition, why Pokémons are the main causes of Racism. I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto shuffles his papers. "Since last time we met, the world has gotten a bit worst for wear, with Konoha under attack by Akatsuki, Kumo declaring war on Akatsuki, Akatsuki running low on staff and the local Ramen shop increasing its prices for Ramen."

Naruto then cursed, "Damn you, Pikachus..."

Naruto continues. "In other news, _**'Lipstick on a pig'**_. That was Sakura's comment to Ino over that awful outing she had a few weeks ago. Naruto investigates..."

* * *

**[Naruto Uzumaki Reporting...]**

Naruto is at a Pig farm.

"I am here on a farm, testing the saying that I can put lipstick on a pig." Naruto shows a lipstick in his hand. "I got the lipstick but the tough part is for me to hold down one of these pigs and put lipstick on it, which is dirty work. Here's one I prepared earlier..."

* * *

Back at the studio, Naruto is sitting at his desk.

"Or later, depending on your perspective," said Naruto. Naruto stood up and walks up to a picture of Ino next to the desk. Naruto puts lipstick on Ino's mouth on her picture.

"Hmmm, still looking like a pig. Perhaps a bit of mascara would do the trick." Naruto looks up at the Camera. "Next week, we will look at how Japanese President Ash Ketchum's replacement of Onigiri with a giant sandwich works over here. That's next week on **'More Real Life jokes relating to Naruto: Shippuden'**, **10:10pm** on **Konoha TV**. Back to you, Naruto."

The real Naruto crossed his arms as his Shadow Clone walks off with the picture of Ino. "In much more interesting news, haven't you ever wondered whenever people who lost their jobs walk out of their previous employment, they would leave with a box. What is inside that box? Kiba gives chase."

* * *

**[Kiba Inuzuka Reporting]**

Kiba runs up to a retrenched employee of a bank.

"Can we see what's in the box there?" asks Kiba.

The ex-employee refused to comply with Kiba's question. So, Kiba chased after the ex-employee. "Come on! Lemme see what's in the box!"

Kiba then had no choice but to tackle the ex-worker, only for the box to fall over, opening to reveal a large amount of cash.

"So that's what was inside those boxes!"

* * *

Naruto watched the report. "Just as I thought. Meanwhile, deep beneath a mountain, some of the World's most brilliant Brains spend 7 billion US dollars using the large Hadron Collider to discover what exactly happened the instant the Big Bang happened. At the same time in Konoha, we've been making shows like these:"

* * *

**[Sample TV Show: Hole in the Wall - Konoha Edition]**

Iruka is facing a moving wall and he attempts to perform the shape of the hole on the wall to pass through it. Unfortunately, Iruka is unsuccessful and as a result, he gets pushed by the wall into the pool of icy water...

* * *

**[Neji Hyuga - Science & Technology Reporter]**

Neji is sitting next to Naruto at the desk.

"Neji Hyuga is our Science and Technology Reporter. Neji, can you explain in layman terms exactly what's going on there?"

Neji nods. "Certainly. My understanding is that you have to form your body into shapes that corresponds with the _**Hole in the Wall**_."

"Actually, I meant the large Hadron Collider," said Naruto.

"Oh. Sorry." Neji fixes up the mess. "Ok, what those scientists are doing is that they are sending a beam of particles in one direction moving in the circular tunnel while sending another beam of particles in the opposite direction. When they hit, they would create a miniature black hole."

"Oh, so it's like a large dog track," said Naruto. "Like they send one lot of Greyhounds in one direction while sending another lot of greyhounds in the opposite direction..."

"And when they hit, they make the black hole," finished Neji. "Exactly."

"So, how do they create the black hole?" Naruto asks.

"Well, your _'greyhounds'_ are travelling at the speed of light."

"I bet Granny Tsunade would want to put some money on them," Naruto commented.

Both Naruto and Neji laughed. Then, Neji continued, "So, when they collide, they create an explosion that is 100 times hotter than the Sun."

"So how does that explain what happened after the big bang?" asked Naruto.

"Well, they believe that if these _'greyhound'_ smash into each other, they would help explain this dark energy or Dark Matter and they can study them," Neji explained. Then he adds, "I'd bet Tsunade would love to bet on the Greyhound named _'Dark Energy'_."

"I...still don't get it," said Naruto.

"The scientists want to use this experiment to explain where dark energy, not my Greyhound by the way, comes from. I'm talking about actual dark matter and scientists believe that 96 percent of the Universe is full of dark energy."

Naruto has a blank look on his face. "Doesn't exactly answer my question."

"I really have no clue either," Neji admitted.

Naruto decides to change the subject. "Ok, let's talk about _**'Hole in the Wall'**_, Shikamaru." Naruto looks at Shikamaru.

**[Shikamaru Nara - Physicist & Astronomer]**

Shikamaru yawned. "I think the thinking behind that will forever be a mystery," he said.

Naruto smiled. "Thank you for the intercourse, both of you."

"My pleasure," replied Neji.

"No problem," said Shikamaru.

**[A quick Time Skip Later]**

"Anyway, a look at Sports with our new Sports Reporter, Hinata Hyuga," Naruto announced.

Hinata is sitting next to Naruto. "Thank you, Naruto-kun. All the latest Sports coming up, including Football, starting off with Inter Saffron's undeserved win in the **PSL** thanks to a very lucky penalty. It should be very interesting to see how they go against Cerulean United this weekend."

"Hinata," Naruto points out. "Isn't it supposed to be Soccer if we're talking about the **Pokémon Soccer League**?"

"I'm sure the American dubbers can fix that when the time comes, so we don't have worry about that."

Naruto suddenly understood Hinata's point. "Well, if that's what we have in Sport, then we have the time and space."

The readers now completely ignore Hinata to focus on Naruto's next report. "Former Vice-President Vegeta has been appointed to be Japan's Anime Ambassador to the United States. Here's how an unpopular Pokémon News Service reported the announcement..."

* * *

**[Pokémon News Network]**

**[Report: Vegeta chu pikachu]**

Ino is at the desk. "Pikachu pikapika chu pipi chu pikachu. Pikachu chew Vegeta. Ka ka pika chupika pi Vegeta drink pi. Chu pika chu Vegeta pi peabrain."

* * *

"Isn't that interesting, Hinata?" Naruto asked Hinata and she nods in agreement.

"Yes it is, Naruto-kun."

"Anyway, it's time for one more Sports story with Hinata," Naruto announced.

Hinata nods. "Yes. If you liked the 2008 Beijing Olympics and want more of it, then not to worry, 4 years to go before the next Olympics in London. Eriol Hiragizawa has more, but unfortunately, he doesn't work with us anymore. Back to you, Naruto-kun."

* * *

_Naruto: "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"_

**[Konoha Times - "Did you know that 4Kids plagiarize the original Pokémon Theme Song in 4th US Opening of Pokémon?"]**

_Naruto: "The Times with a bit of trivia."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Sasuke tells Konoha to get F--ked. (Orochimaru's ghost dances on 3rd Hokage's Grave)"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Weekly leading with its elbow."_

**[Konoha Age - "Pokémon still strong, crushing other forms of Monster Catching/Taming competitors"]**

_Naruto: "And a good report from the Konoha Age, considering there's no one to write the stories. Maybe some kind of elves comes in the middle of the night to write the stories and edit them."_

* * *

**[This Fanfic Chapter is dedicated to...]**

**Son Goku - Former President of Japan**

**2000-2008**

**And **

**Orochimaru - Former Tenant of Sasuke's Body**

**2007-2008**

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement:]**

Hinata is sitting at Naruto's desk.

"Did you like the new News Jokes before the fanfic title? Did you like the jokes taken from real life events? Do you prefer if I kissed Naruto-kun in the Fanfic? Well, post a review, no matter how stupid and poorly expressed they are, on the new easy-to-delete reviews system. Thank you..."


	42. Season 5 Ep 2: War is like Crack

_**Naruto:** "This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

A Snake slithers through a soccer field.

**[Orochimaru overcomes death for Soccer Match. Scores 3 Goals.]**

Phoenix Wright is in a press conference outside the courthouse.

**["And I'll put the system on trial," claimed Phoenix Wright, before running out of Courtroom No. 02]**

Choji is holding a cooked toad on a stick.

**[And KonohaTV defends the use of new Toad Microphones]**

_**Naruto:** "And if you want more, keep on reading..."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 2: War is like Crack _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk.

"And later on in Finance, I'll be discussing with Shikamaru Nara on the bailout for the 5th Hokage's Gambling Debts."

* * *

**[Later On...]**

Naruto is interviewing Shikamaru.

"So, are you sure that the Fifth will be fine with a parachute?" Naruto asked.

"As long as I get to pack the parachute and push her out of the plane myself," Shikamaru answered.

* * *

**[Right Now]**

"But first, I'm Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto looks at another Camera. "And to a Presidential Election which has results that obviously has no bearing to the outcome since it took place months ago, considering the fact that the money meant to be used for the policies would now be used for exporting new Anime series, funding the war against the Digimon Terrorists and pay off the loan for the all-you-can-eat buffets the last President had. Speaking of the war on the Digimons, it's good to know that Pokémons like them are on the front line."

* * *

In the Digi-World, a Pikachu is smoking a cigarette.

"You don't mind shit like this?" asks the cameraman.

"Not at all," the Pikachu replied. "You can't get a better high. It's like Crack!"

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk. "So, whoever said that _'War is Hell'_ is wrong. War is actually like Crack. Then again, only in the Japanese Army you would get the benefit of both. Unlike the Digimon Army..."

**[Statement of the Chapter: "War is like Crack."]**

Naruto begins his next report. "Meanwhile, 4Kids has another thing to add to their long list of Mishaps. Considering their anti-Japanese stance in Yu-Gi-Oh!, Mew Mew Power and Pokémon, not to mention that particular banned episode involving inflatable breasts, 4Kids have made a U-turn on their decision and decide to ban all Yu-Gi-Oh episodes that Anzu Mazaki/Tea Garner would appear in because she is an airhead and no schoolgirl her age would have melons as big as Grandma Tsunade. What are you thoughts, Kiba?"

Naruto looks at Kiba Inuzuka, who is sitting opposite Naruto's desk while holding a cute puppy.

"You know how 4Kids are," said Kiba. "Things meant for Teens end up going for the Tweens."

"I thank you for the intercourse with me, Kiba," said Naruto.

"Pleasure," replied Kiba.

"Shut up," said Naruto.

"Arf!" yelp the puppy.

"You too," Naruto threatened.

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

Sakura is wearing the uniform of Bandit Camp stores.

**[Sakura - Rental Dialysis Unit]**

"Yeah, people are surprised that we sell High-Tech medical equipment, but the days where you go to one place for your dental work and another place for your **Magnetic Resonance Imaging** machine, those days are over. And at Bandit Camp, if anyone sells a high-priced Inter-Oral Dental Camera lower than us, we will raid that store so that our prices will remain lower without slashing it.

**[Chakra-Powered Irons: 2467 Ryou]**

**[Pichu Cheeks: 70 Ryou Each]**

Sakura laughed. "If I can upgrade an Ultrasound Diagnostic Machine, then anyone can!"

**[Bandit Camp: The cheapest place to get your illegal weapons and medical equipment.]**

* * *

Naruto is sitting at the desk with Hinata in a Kimono.

"Right now, Sports with Hinata Hyuga."

Hinata nods. "Thank you, Naruto-kun. Coming up in Sports..."

**[Ash is being chased by a herd of Tauros]**

"Football."

**[Team Rocket are in their Hot Air Meowth Balloon]**

"Football."

**[One Mankey is eating a strawberry doughnut (which is actually an Onigiri, and we blame 4Kids for that)]**

"Football."

**[Pikachu uses Thunderbolt]**

"Football."

**[Ash is riding one of his Tauros in a rodeo.]**

"And more football," Hinata looks at Naruto. "Back to you, Naruto-kun."

Naruto nods. "On to less Earthly concerns as a Nuclear Magikarp Submarine paid a visit to Odaiba, Tokyo. Digimon protestors had voiced their environmental concerns, but Team Rocket claims that their experimental submarine is completely safe."

* * *

**[Meanwhile in Cerulean City, Kanto...]**

A giant Nuclear-Powered Dragonite attacks Cerulean City, roaring like Godzilla.

* * *

"Where is that giant Dustox when you need it?" Naruto asks a Shadow Clone.

The Shadow clone simply shrugged and begins the next report. "Meanwhile, Namco-Bandai has finally made the 1 billionth Naruto-related game copy. The employee who made the count has now been sacked."

The Shadow Clone looks back at the real Naruto, who simply nods. "Right, before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Tsunade borrows more money"]**

_Naruto: "The Times throwing caution to the wind."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Tsunade borrows more money"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Weekly is saying the same thing."_

**[Konoha Herald - "Tsunade borrows more money"]**

_Naruto: "So is the Herald."_

**[Pikachu's Diary - "Tsunade borrows more money"]**

_Naruto: "I'm pretty sure that's what we get when we look at newspapers owned by the same CEO."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement:]**

Hinata is sitting at Naruto's desk, still dressed in her Kimono.

"Did you like this fanfic at all? If you do, please send in a review or abuse if you think that is necessary. If you intend to send us any abuse, please do it anonymously so that we can delete them without involving _FFdotNet_ by calling it **Spam**."


	43. Season 5 Ep 3: Subliminal Ad

_**Naruto: **__"This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Orochimaru summons the graves of the First and Second Hokages.

**[The dramatic collapse of Oto's Economy forces Orochimaru to request for aid from dead Hokages...]**

Pikachus are looking up at the storm clouds.

**[A pack of Pikachus in Thunderstorm horror...]**

Aerith Gainsborough is talking to Sora in Kingdom Hearts 2.

**[And old joke still has life in it, claims Fanfiction Author]**

_**Naruto: **__"Blowing the lid off all the latest news and spilling its contents into your computer, that's the Naruto News Show!"_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 3: Subliminal Ad _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk. "Also on this edition of the Naruto News Show, President Ketchum gives us what he thinks of the future of the Anime industry..."

* * *

**[President Ketchum's Press Conference]**

"We all live in a Pokémon World," Ash said.

* * *

**[Theme of the episode: "We all live in a Pokémon World"]**

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto looks at a camera. "Speaking of economic crisis, what do you think of subliminal advertisements increasing our revenue, Shikamaru Nara?"

Shikamaru is sitting next to Naruto. "How subliminal advertising works is that the ads target viewers who are below or near the threshold of normal awareness. But there are some people who are below or near the threshold of normal awareness, but we don't really know who even though there has been an increase in watching the latest **Shippuden** Episode on **TokyoTV**, possibly because **TokyoTV** has placed some subliminal ads for **Shippuden** in the show at the **7:00 pm** Thursday night timeslot."

Naruto nods. "So, what you're busting, Shikamaru is that people at a subconscious level saw the subliminal ad, we are unaware of their effect?"

"Yes," said Shikamaru. "If I hadn't pointed out that **TokyoTV** placed a subliminal ad at the **7PM** **TV show,** you wouldn't have noticed that you were influenced by it."

"So, is that why it's so powerful that you're busting is because it could be used for assassination purposes?" asks Naruto.

"Of course," said Shikamaru.

"Or is because you are busting the lack of transparency on Japanese Television?" Naruto asks.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I have to go to the toilet." Shikamaru quickly ran off. Before he left the room, he mumbled, "How troublesome. Now I got to change my pants..."

**[Bandit Camp's Subliminal Ad - Loose Pikachu Hair: 693 Ryou per Kilo]**

Naruto is by himself at his desk. "Meanwhile, the Fifth Hokage is in discussion with the Fifth Kazekage over Konoha's financial crisis. I didn't think Granny Tsunade would meet with a redhead to get out of the red."

Nearby, Konohamaru does a drum sting _(two drum beats followed by the cymbals)_, in an attempt to amplify the joke.

Naruto looks at the camera. "Oh, and I do apologize for that error. Gaara's hair isn't red. It's maroon."

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

_Narrator: "Dead men tell no tales, but what about a former Deer carer?"_

Naruto is in an office, typing up a report when the room's temperature suddenly drops and frost appears on the window.

"Who is there?"

Naruto looks around, completely scared out of his wits as he pulls out a kunai. Suddenly, a transparent figure of a man whose hair is tied like a pineapple appears in front of Naruto.

"Hello Naruto. Did you miss me?"

* * *

_Narrator: "He's back and he's taking no prisoners. That's Naruto's job."_

Naruto arrests Kankuro. "Whoever squealed on me is dead! Do you hear me? Dead!" Kankuro said.

Naruto smiled. "A bit too late for that, my friend."

Naruto winks at the spirit of Shikamaru, who Naruto can only see.

Narrator: "Detective Shikamaru is back, in the new series: _**'Ghost of Shikamaru'**_, 8:06pm Thursdays on **KonohaTV**, followed by _**'The Italian Pikachu'**_ at 8:42pm."

* * *

**[Ad Break Continues]**

Madara Uchiha is walking inside a kitchen.

"Purchasing a new kitchen? For an award-winning individually designed kitchen that suits your style of life, look no further than Akatsuki Kitchens.

Madara walks into another kitchen.

"Greetings, I am Mandara Uchiha, founder and President of Akatsuki Kitchens."

* * *

Konan is showcasing a tap in one of the kitchens designed by Madara while Pein is showcasing a drawer from another kitchen designed by Madara.

_Madara: "Akatsuki Kitchens has been designing kitchens for over 30 of your pathetic human years."_

Pein is now showing off a fridge while Konan is showing off the stove.

_Madara: "And in that time, Akatsuki has developed a reputation for quality services and superior workmanship at a price that would suit any budget."_

* * *

Ino opens an oven and pulls out a baked cake and her two children. Suddenly, Madara walks into the kitchen.

"So why not let Akatsuki assist you in realizing your dream kitchen?" Madara then looks at Ino and her children.

"**KNEEL BEFORE ME!**" Madara ordered, causing Ino and her two Children to kneel before Mandara.

**[Akatsuki Kitchens: Call now for a free brochure]**

* * *

Naruto is writing on a sheet of paper until he notices that the advertisement has finished.

"Oh sorry. But right now, some Entertainment gossip with Hinata Hyuga."

Hinata is sitting next to Naruto, dressed up as a tennis player. "Thanks, Naruto-kun. Some big news for us Konoha Shinobis. Guess who is coming to Konoha?"

"My guess is the Powerpuff Girls," Naruto answered.

"Wrong. It's Phoenix Wright," said Hinata.

Naruto is extremely disappointed.

Hinata looks at the camera. "Fans of the famous ex-lawyer have paid 14500 Ryou to watch Phoenix Wright perform his best pieces, which in turn are his worst. A price which doesn't include a seat to watch him at Konoha's Entertainment Dome."

"That's terrible," said Naruto.

Hinata nods. "Yes, and the going rate for an **ANBU** assassination is a hundred times that, so my suggestion is for the fans to pool their money and send Phoenix Wright a message."

"And does that contract apply for those who aren't fans of Phoenix Wright?" asked Naruto.

"Unfortunately, no. It only applies to those who can stand his incompetent screeching," said Hinata.

Naruto nods. "Right..."

**[Bandit Camp's Subliminal Ad - European Cake Spoilers: 396 Ryou]**

Naruto is by himself at his desk.

**[Breaking News]**

"To breaking news now as a very important Konoha Shinobi has collapsed. Shino Aburame is on location. Shino, what's going on?"

* * *

Shino is on location, while in the background, Kiba is suffering from a seizure.

"Well, Naruto. It appears that Kiba has watched the unedited Porygon episode of Pokémon, resulting in the seizure he is currently having," Shino reports.

_Naruto: "Ok, so was the medical authorities notified?"_

Even though there is a crowd around Kiba, nobody is making an effort to stop Kiba's seizure.

"Errr, no," Shino answered. "The Fifth Hokage instead has ordered an inquiry on how Kiba has gotten his hands on a dangerous weapon of mass headaches and to quote the lead investigator of the inquiry, _'this is going to be a very Troublesome job'_. Back to you, Naruto."

* * *

Naruto nods. "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Konoha destroyed from within surprises Sasuke"]**

_Naruto: "Something that would make Itachi spin in his grave."_

**[Suna Weekly - "5th Hokage sticks 1 million Ryou in Slot Machine"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Weekly putting in something to give Konoha some attention."_

**[Konoha Herald - "Liposuction goes wrong"]**

_Naruto: "And the Herald puts the fat in the fire."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement:]**

Hinata is sitting at Naruto's desk.

"Hello again. Please give this fanfic some good reviews because **FFdotNet** can't decide to say whether we are good or bad. Help them do that job by being their guides. And if you haven't read this fanfic yet or you purposely avoid reading the other stuff on top, give a good review nonetheless so that we could trick everyone into thinking that we are more popular than we actually are. That could warrant a new series. Thank you."


	44. Season 5 Ep 4: The Good, The Bad and Ino

_**Naruto:**__ "This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Tsunade is looking at a large load of paperwork...

**[Hokage's Love for gambling inverse proportion to Konoha's budget]**

Sasuke is wearing an Orochimaru mask.

**[Orochimaru's mask fools no one, but Sasuke hairstyle just as unconvincing]**

Japanese President Ash is making an announcement in the UN Assembly, but unfortunately, the only people listening to Ash are a group of Janitors cleaning the chairs.

**[When President Ash speaks, the world listens...to someone else]**

_**Naruto:**__ "If it's news, we will be there to feed it straight down your gullets like Choji at the local Korean BBQ restaurant."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 4: The Good, The Bad and Ino_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk.

"Also later on, my interview with Neji Hyuga on why CEOs are getting higher pay than the Hokage..."

* * *

**[Probably later...]**

Naruto is in an interview with Neji.

"And why do CEOs get higher pay than the Hokage, Neji?"

"It's quite simple," Neji replied. "They know that their customers might call them a bunch of bottom-dwelling scum-suckers who only earn for profit, so the money is more of compensation for the insults."

* * *

**[But right now...]**

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki and right now, **The Good, The Bad and The Ugly** with Ino Yamanaka."

**[Ino Yamanaka - Gossip]**

Ino is sitting at the desk next to Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto. **Bad news first:** The 5th Hokage's plan to borrow money from Suna has failed. **The Good news:** she won't be able to touch next month's budget. **The Bad News:** Gambling parlors may lose business. But its good news since fewer slot machines are being used, it is good for the environment as less electricity is consumed. But its bad news for the Slot Machine Industry as less slot machines are sold, costing the jobs of 100, 000 workers. But more unemployment is good news as that will ensure that banks will lower their interest rates, but that would result in bad news as there won't be enough homes to buy."

"And what's the ugly, Ino?" asked Naruto.

"Well, I've quit my job at Bandit Camp," Ino answered. "Before kneeing my ex-boss in the groin."

Naruto nods. "Hmmmm, what are your thoughts, Katara?"

* * *

Katara _(from Avatar: The Last Airbender)_ is at a beach. "I shall miss that beautiful face," she said.

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka - still here]**

Ino is still next to Naruto. "Speaking of faces, I say that the new Japanese President likes wearing caps. Which is good news if he likes baseball, but bad news if he has to go to a formal dinner. Back to you, Naruto."

**[Next Report: An Odd Spot]**

"Well, do bears shit in the woods? Obviously they do, but in Japan, a Radio Station in the West Hinata District of Tokyo didn't know, so they decided to hold a competition by releasing a bear into the forest behind the Hinata Girls' Dorm."

* * *

**[Report Footage: Courtesy of TokyoTV]**

A man is getting mauled by a bear in the forest.

_Naruto: "Local Dorm Manager, Keitaro Urashima, was unaware of the competition and during his morning stroll into the forest, ends up getting seriously injured by the large mammal, forcing __**ANBU**__ to hunt and kill the bear."_

**ANBU **arrives and one of the **ANBU** has slain the bear.

_Naruto: "And a few others."_

A few random bears ended up getting killed by **ANBU**.

_Naruto: "__**ANBU **__then collected the fur from the dead bears and imported them to Konoha to be delivered to the local Clothing Boutique."_

In Konoha, Tenten is outside a clothing boutique waving at the camera.

_Naruto: "Tenten says that she is pleased with the new material for her new _**'Fuzzy Panda'**_ clothing brand."_

* * *

Naruto smiled as the reports ends. "I've always loved a happy ending."

* * *

**[Ad Break: Bandit Camp]**

Lawyers Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright are at the Bandit Camp Legal Section, with Miles speaking.

"Customers can put their kids at the playground so that they can look around, purchase sledge hammers and get legal advice on burglary...kidnapping..."

"Or murder," adds Phoenix.

"Murder as well," said Miles.

"In theory, if you shoplift from the weapons section, you can come to the legal to ask about how to beat the shoplifting charge," Phoenix suggested.

"No, he couldn't," said Miles.

"Why not?"

"Just because they would say he couldn't," answered Miles.

Phoenix looks around. "I thought you can..."

**[Madame Franzy's Slavery Kits: 17, 988 Ryou]**

**[Decorative Gundam Figurine Gardens: 8, 834 Ryou]**

Miles continues speaking. "We also have DIY workshops teaching people how to defend themselves in a major criminal trial."

Phoenix then adds, "We get a lot of Lawyers going to those workshops to keep up to date."

"No, they don't."

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't."

**[Bandit Camp: Legal advice you want, legal advice you get. But don't expect us to help you if you steal from us.]**

* * *

Naruto and Hinata are at the desk. "Sports with Hinata Hyuga. Hinata?"

Hinata nods as she puts on a red cap. "Thanks, Naruto-kun. Coming up in sport, a wrap-up of the Gold Saucer Chocobo Race."

Naruto is confused. "Chocobo racing? Why would you call that a sport? I mean, its tran**sport**, but it's just not the same."

Hinata rolled her eyes. "I just read the stuff."

**[Next Report: ?]**

"Right, so do I." Naruto begins the next report. "Speaking of the Japanese President, have you ever wondered what it feels like to live in the equivalent of the White House in Tokyo, Japan?"

**[Amended Next Report Title: The Japanese President's Tokyo Home]**

"CNN's Japanese Correspondent Sakura Kinomoto reports from Tokyo, Japan...but that's only because we couldn't afford to send our own correspondents to do the report and this report is slightly outdated, so it's cheaper."

* * *

**[Sakura Kinomoto Reporting in Tokyo, Japan]**

Sakura (with her hair dyed pink) is standing in the Hinata Lodge, the residence of the President of Japan. In the background, Naru Narusegawa is cleaning the floor with a vacuum cleaner.

"The more things change, the more will stay the same. With the Japanese Presidential Election only a few months away, I travel to the Japanese President's Tokyo Residence to find out what life is like for the Staff at the Tokyo Accommodation of the person who runs Japan in the Capital."

* * *

**[Naru Narusegawa - Cleaner]**

Sakura is interviewing Naru.

"I know the complete layout of the President's belongs in his personal quarters at the Lodge," Naru explained. "After all, my room is just above his and I can just go straight in from a hole in the ceiling."

* * *

Mitsune is giving a tour of the Hinata Lodge to the camera crew.

_Sakura: "Mitsune has been Tour Guide at the Hinata Lodge since the beginning of the last Administration. She's hoping to lead the new President on a special tour."_

**[Mitsune **_**'Kit Fox'**_** Konno - Tour Guide]**

Sakura is interviewing Mitsune.

"Well, I was hoping to lead the new President to some of my favorite places, like Goku's Kitchen..."

* * *

Mitsune is standing in front of Goku's Kitchen.

_Mitsune: "Goku's Humidor..."_

Mitsune takes out a cigar from the Humidor.

_Mitsune: "And Goku's Staircase."_

Mitsune is leading a crash dummy (with Goku's face on it) to the top of a staircase. She then pushed the fake Goku down the staircase.

* * *

A security guard is looking at many screens of Security Camera footage.

_Sakura: "A Changing of the Guard doesn't mean a changing of the guard, as in the case of Security Guard Motoko Aoyoma, who has been maintaining the integrity of the Japanese President for over two administrations."_

**[Motoko Aoyoma - Security]**

Sakura is interviewing Motoko.

"I started off as a sound technician during President Goku's election campaign," Motoko said. "After a while, I worked my way up to working with these things." Motoko points at the security console. "The cameras are up and running for 24 Hours and if there is anything that compromises or threaten the President, we'll erase it immediately."

* * *

_Sakura: "Cooking for the most powerful man in Japan is not an easy task for Shinobu Maeha as she sets the President's menu since the arrival of President Goku in office._

**[Shinobu Maeha - Chef]**

"On Sundays, for Breakfast, I would cook for President Goku some nice hot Pork Miso Ramen. For Lunch, I make President Goku some nice hot Pork Miso Ramen. And for Dinner, guess what he asks for? Some nice hot Pork Miso Ramen."

"And do you think Taichi Yagami or Ash Ketchum will like your Pork Miso Ramen?" Sakura asks.

"Oh God, I hope not," Shinobu said as she rolled her eyes. "I'm sick of making Ramen every Sunday for that idiot for the past eight years. In fact, I do hope that the new President would come up with something better than Ramen Sunday."

* * *

"No matter what the results of the election would be, regardless of their political allegiances, the staff at the Hinata Lodge would provide the same service as they always have for the past eight years, no matter who wins the election."

Sakura is in front of a portrait of President Goku. "This is Sakura Kinomoto, reporting for CNN and anyone who paid for our sub-license fee."

* * *

Hinata is still next to Naruto. "Also a reminder to the Americans that this proves that Japan also have elections, where the people vote for the person who will represent their country. It's quite interesting stuff, Naruto-kun."

Naruto nods. "I agree, Hinata."

"I think that the debate would have gone smoothly if one of the candidates didn't have icy breath shooting out of his nose, freezing his opponent in a block of ice," Hinata said.

Naruto is now confused. "Err...I don't remember seeing one of the candidates getting frozen in a block of ice..."

"You need Special Glasses to see it, Naruto-kun," Hinata explained. "I got a pair back in my spaceship and we could watch my recording of the debate on my Special Crystals."

"Ok, and what are your thoughts on Pokémon Platinum, Hinata?" Naruto asks.

Hinata is playing the game on her Nintendo DS. "Well, I call it a form of expansion to a series that lasted for 10 years."

"In my view, I find it a bit lacking considering that you still can't get all 493 Pokémon, especially when I forgot to play it for this review. I give it no stars."

"Four," said Hinata.

**[Pokémon Platinum Review Scores:]  
[Naruto - No Stars]  
[Hinata - 4 Stars]**

"And Naruto-kun, I'm worried about Pokémon enslaved for amusement," said Hinata. "What if they revolt and dominate us? In a thousand years, Pikachus could be riding on Primeapes and capturing us in nets."

Naruto nods. "Yeah, I do think it is cruel for humans to send Pokémons to their deaths by fighting each other in arenas, but it's perfectly natural for them."

"Yes, Naruto-kun," said Hinata. "And don't forget that Rock and Steel-types Pokémons are the only Pokémon that you are allowed to hit without hurting the Pokémon."

Naruto nods. "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "'It's only fiction', says Uchiha"]**

_Naruto: "Blah."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Tsunade best Hokage since Sarutobi"]**

_Naruto: "Blah..."_

**[Konoha Herald - "Naruto wins Emmy"]**

_Naruto: "Neat. Wish I was there."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement:]**

Hinata is sitting at Naruto's desk.

"Hi. In the old days, if you have just watched something on TV, you'd wait till the next day to tell your friends your favorite bits at work or school. But now, thanks to the Internet, you can tell everyone your favorite bits of this fanfic by reviewing it using the button below and type in the first thing that pops into your head, unchallenged, half-formed, misspelt or lack of punctuation, who cares. Just review."


	45. Season 5 Ep 5: Champagne Bottle

_**Naruto:**__ "This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Tsunade is looking at an ancient lamp in an Antiques store...

**[Hokage hopes Genie solves gambling problems]**

A Pikachu plushie is holding a model of a Boeing 747.

**[New Airlines for Yellow Rodents presented by American Scam Artists]**

Suigetsu, Karin and Juugo tripped over a string along a road.

**[And Team Hawk, not completely as eagle-eyed as they claim to be, claims local falcon salesman.]**

_**Naruto: **__"Every small news we could find in Konoha, compressed into this chapter of the Naruto News Show!"_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 5: Champagne Bottle _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk. "And later on, my interview with Shino Aburame on the low Education Standards of Konoha..."

* * *

**[Eventually...]**

Shino is being interviewed. "We need to return to the basics with the 3 **R**s. Reading, writing and arithmetic."

Naruto then points out. "Although, only one of those three starts with an R."

Shino looks around. Then he runs off.

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk with Karin and Sakura. Naruto begins his report.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki. With the current financial crisis affecting the Land of Fire, the local banks are preparing to lower the interest rate. With me in the studio is Karin from the Oto Banker's Association and Sakura, who is a divorced mum with three children and a 3,500,000 Ryou mortgage. And Sakura has something to say to Karin."

Sakura nods. "Yes. For stealing my cheating ex-husband Sasuke, I present to Karin this champagne bottle with millions of fingerprints. Naruto, if you would like to have the honors."

"Certainly." Naruto takes the champagne bottle by the neck while wearing a latex glove and prepares to take a swing at Karin's head...

**[Bandit Camp's Subliminal Ad - Unidentified Fingerprints: 139 Ryou per sheet]**

Naruto puts the champagne bottle on his desk.

**[Report: Wrong Title]**

"Meanwhile, in a place where people never had money in the first place, an Organization is taking matters into their own hands to handle their own financial crisis," Naruto reports. "Naruto News Show Correspondent Kojiro Stuart."

* * *

**[Kojiro Stuart Reporting in Kanto, Pokémon Region]**

A group of Officer Jennys are putting bags of money into an armored truck.

_Kojiro: "As President Ash Ketchum represents the Citizens of our Kanto in Japan, Team Rocket has found a solution to the Financial Crisis: Steal every Pokémon in a rich person's home and hope that they would pay the ransom."_

Jessie, James and Meowth have kidnapped a group of Pokémon and are attempting to make a getaway on their balloon.

_Kojiro: "And they would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling twerp and his Pikachu." _

Ash and Pikachu arrives and foil Team Rocket's plot to steal Pokémon.

_Kojiro: "Because of him, he foiled our plans, and caused us to blast off again!"_

Pikachu uses Thunderbolt to destroy the balloon, freeing the Pokémon and blasting Team Rocket into the sky.

_Kojiro: "This is Kojiro Stuart, blasting off again!"_

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

_Narrator: "Coming up on KonohaTV, a new documentary involving the highest level of Otogakure..."_

Orochimaru is in a dark room at a desk. He picks up the phone and calls the operator of the Oto Call Center.

"Operator, get me Kabuto."

_Operator: "Certainly."_

Annoying phone music is played on the phone as Orochimaru's chef, Karin, walks into the room.

"Lord Orochimaru, what do you want me to get Sasuke for dinner?"

Orochimaru frowns. "Karin, it's nine in the morning.

"I know that, but it is important since I have to make sure I am buying the ingredients necessary so that Sasuke is getting all the nutrition he needs if he is to be your next body, Lord Orochimaru."

Orochimaru sighs. "Alright. Make it fish tonight."

Karin nods. "Fish." Karin turns around to walk out of the office, but before she could pass the entrance, she turns around towards Orochimaru. "Should I add some chicken or vegetables to go with the fish? I mean, you don't want Sasuke to be all skin and bones if he only eats fish."

Orochimaru simply rolled his eyes. "I don't know. Use your imagination."

Karin walked out of Orochimaru's office as Orochimaru waits for Kabuto to answer his call, but all he got was the annoying phone music.

_Narrator: "That's __**'Sasuke's Diet'**__, 8:15pm Thursdays on __**KonohaTV**__, followed by '__**Bleach: Abridged'**__ at 8:55."_

Orochimaru couldn't contain his impatience over his phone call. "Who is playing that shit music?!" He slams the phone on his desk a few times...

* * *

**[Report: Can't Think of a better title for this report.]**

Naruto starts the next report. "Meanwhile in other news, not only is Pokémon beating Naruto in the TokyoTV ratings, the Pokémon Region of Hoenn has recently launched it's first lunar mission from the island of Mossdeep City just to rub salt into the wound. Pokémon Correspondent Konohamaru Sarutobi isn't available, so we sent in his girlfriend."

* * *

**[Hanabi Hyuga Reporting in Mossdeep City]**

Inside the Mossdeep Space Center, scientists are watching the rocket launch.

_Hanabi: "Hey diddle-diddle the Skitty and the fiddle. The Miltank jumped over the moon. But there is no laughing Snubble, due to its constant frown and ugly face, though I shouldn't have said that if I wanted to be politically correct. Of course, Mossdeep Command commented on the unmanned lunar mission plans that they plan to save money by using Animated Computer Graphics for part of the trip. Critics claim that the 35 millions of PokéDollars spent on the mission could be better spent on preventing Team Rocket's devices to explode after getting hit by a Pokémon attack like Thunderbolt or Razor Leaf, which gives us good reason to re-use footage from a previous report."_

Pikachu uses Thunderbolt to destroy Team Rocket's Balloon, freeing the Pokémon and blasting Team Rocket into the sky.

_Hanabi: "A pie in the sky? No, that's Team Rocket blasting off again. Hanabi Hyuga, planning to have a hot night with my boyfriend because he sounds like Pikachu, for the Naruto News Show."_

* * *

Back to Naruto's desk. "Meanwhile, here in Konoha, we can look into Space through an object called a telescope."

* * *

**[Paid Advertising Spot by KonohaTV]**

Ino is sitting on a chair. "Hello, I'm Ino Yamanaka. As you know, it is hard for everyone to drink eight glasses of water a day. And with dehydration, we could end up having dry skin, headaches and even death. Which is why I trust Yakushi's Brand One-Day Water Capsules to give me all the precious water I need. With five thousand, seven hundred and fifty-five capsules a day, it is all I need to prevent me from turning into a dry old hag. And in my line of work, it's something I don't need."

**[Yakushi's Brand One-Day Water Capsules]**

* * *

Naruto is at his desk. "And now a quick look at the climate with Hinata. Hinata?"

* * *

**[Weather Report]**

Hinata is in front off a 3D image of the Planet Earth.

"Thanks, Naruto-kun. Everything is beautiful on the side of the Earth where the sun is shining. So let's have a look at a few pictures we've received."

**[Picture of a Beautiful Sky with Cumulus Clouds from Shikamaru Nara]**

"Here's a beautiful picture of clouds in the sky from Shikamaru Nara's camera."

**[Picture of a surprised Shikamaru with Temari in bed at Dusk from Ino Nara]**

"Also from the same camera is a picture of Shikamaru cheating on his wife Ino with his mistress, Temari, at dusk."

"And since there are so many places for us to list in this Weather Report, so we'll be giving the forecast using percentages."

**[Earth Temperatures:]  
[Temperate: 15 Percent]  
[Cold: 30 Percent]  
[Hot: 56 Percent]**

"So as you can see, nearly a third of the Earth will be cold, so put on a coat. Back to you, Naruto-kun."

* * *

Naruto nods. "Before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Icha Icha Paradise - "Main Characters back Hokage's Plan to give plastic surgery discounts"]**

_Naruto: "Icha Icha Paradise taking a high moral ground."_

**[Pokémon Quarterly - "Knee Injury puts Ketchum out of Pokémon League"]**

_Naruto: "Pokémon Quarterly trying to break out of its shell."_

**[Konoha Herald - "TokyoTV Shares hit new Low"]**

_Naruto: "And the Herald somehow has some strange foresight."_

* * *

**[Post Fanfic Announcement:]**

Hinata is sitting at Naruto's desk again with a mirror. "I spy through my Magic Mirror are some readers. From some who would give good reviews to some who would leave behind something that we might need to discuss with the admins. And if you aren't some of those readers that I spied through my magic mirror, and then feel free to leave a review. But leave the wrong review and KonohaTV might install some spyware to check your online bank accounts and Internet History. Goodbye."

* * *

And finally, feedback from our test audience:

_Orochimaru: "This show is the best thing since being inside Sasuke's body."_

_Deidara: "This show gave me enormous pleasure in a very difficult time _(by blowing DVD to pieces)_."_

_Konan: "I laughed and giggled, and then I laughed some more. But then again, I was being tickled at the time I wrote this review."_

_Pein: "I will not make a mockery of myself by commenting on this show."_

_Kakazu: "The show made a lot of money just because it has jokes about us. But who's laughing now once I get the royalties?"_

_Hidan: "F--king s--t."_

_Pikachu: "Pikapi, Pikachu!"_

_Hidan: "That last joke was f--king s--t too!"_

_H-d-n: "And who the f--k is f--king censoring every f--king thing I f--king say?"_


	46. Season 5 Ep 6: Hinata’s Sailor Fuku

_**Naruto: **__"This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Choji is at Konoha hospital.

**[Ramen takes revenge on gourmet]**

Naruto licks the benchtop at Ichiraku's Ramen

**[Traces of egg found on Ichiraku Benchtop]**

Orochimaru is writing in a diary.

**[Orochimaru the greatest, claims lunatic]**

_**Naruto:**__ "What's the 411, dawg? Well, ask the Naruto News Show."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 6: Hinata's Sailor Fuku_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

_**A/N:**__ This bit is for the ones who don't get it. The Chapter Title is about Hinata's sailor style school uniform used in the 2nd Naruto Shippuden ending._

* * *

Naruto is sitting at his desk. "Exciting things in the world as the US has voted in a new President. Fox News' Hikari Kamiya has more..."

* * *

**[Report by Hikari Kamiya, FOX Correspondent]**

"People of the United States of America, meet your new President..."

* * *

We return to Naruto at his desk.

"Unfortunately, that's all we could afford, so we will end our report there. I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto looks at another camera. "Little trouble in Tokyo as rumors of tainted Ramen is swallowed. Shikamaru has the story and he lends it to us..."

* * *

**[Shikamaru Nara in East Hinata District, Tokyo]**

A camera is in a Ramen factory.

_Shikamaru: "Poison noodles plus poison soup equals the deadliest ramen you ever had. Unfortunately, it is illegal. _

Shinobu is cooking some Ramen in the local Girl's Dorm.

_Shikamaru: However, a cook at the local Girl's Dorm, Shinobu Maeha, claims that she now makes her own noodles instead of buying the factory-made ones. I decided to try one. This is Shikamaru Nara, in a Tokyo ICU for the Naruto News Show."_

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk with Hinata wearing her School Uniform.

"And more stuff now with Hinata Hyuga," Naruto announced. "Hinata?"

Hinata nods. "Thanks, Naruto-kun."

**[Environmental as Anything]**

Hinata begins her report. "Recycling. Sometimes it involves more than pretending to sort out junk among junk. Sometimes it involves larger objects like old computers. Yeah, I know that there are depots where you can recycle them, but who has the time to look for the address and let alone finding a way to transport the computer all the way there. There must be an easier way that doesn't involve any effort. Tenten reports in Townsville, USA."

* * *

**[Tenten reporting in Townsville, USA]**

Tenten is typing on a computer that is about 6-years old. Suddenly, it crashed. Tenten then looks at the camera.

"We have all been there. The computer dies, what do you do? _'Cheaper to get a new one,'_ says the repairman. _'Bigger memory, more features.'_ Then what about the keyboard, the plastic shell and the parts inside that can be used again? _'Too much labor and expensive to recycle,'_ says the repairman."

* * *

The old computer gets thrown into the trash.

_Tenten: "Normally the computer usually gets thrown into the trash and into dumps like this."_

A landfill full of old and thrown out computers is seen.

* * *

_Tenten: "But here in Townsville, USA, everything old is new again."_

Kiba is the administrator at the local dump.

**[Kyle Inuzuka - Refuse Administrator]**

"Well, the citizens used to hand in their old computers to be used for landfill over here, so we bury them out here. But then, we've reached near the max capacity, so we needed to find alternative locations."

* * *

Tenten follows Kiba carrying an old computer.

_Tenten: "With no more space at the dump, Kyle has begun burying the old computers in a patch of abandoned land next door."_

Kyle and Tenten walked into an abandoned Pet Cemetery, where Kyle buries a computer.

"The earth is sour, but it's real easy to dig into," said Kyle as he uses a shovel to dig a hole to bury the computer.

_Tenten: "Former owners of the computers were in for a big surprise the very next day."_

* * *

Blossom Utonium is in front of a desk with an old computer covered in mud.

**[Blossom Utonium - Local Superhero]**

"Well, when I came down to the Professor's office in the morning, I saw his old computer has somehow returned. It was plugged in, connected to the Internet and everything," Blossom said.

"Does it work fine?" Tenten asked.

Blossom shrugged. "Well, it is a bit evil, but other than that, everyone is happy about it."

* * *

**[Mojo Jojo - Local Criminal Mastermind/Mad Scientist]**

Mojo Jojo is showing Tenten a bunch of working old computers covered in mud.

"I got rid of these because they didn't have enough memory to help run my operations as a criminal mastermind," Mojo explained. "And 24 Hours later, my lab was broken into and these things reinstalled themselves."

"Any problems?" Tenten asks.

"Well, the Email is a bit slow," Moji answered. Then he remembered something, "Oh, and one of the computers robbed a Bank in broad daylight and tried to kill the Powerpuff Girls. So, it's all good."

Mojo Jojo then notices that one of his old computers has crashed again.

* * *

Tenten is walking in a park.

"With homicidal tendencies aside, these undead Zombie eGoods are doing their bit to save the environment. This is Tenten, without an adequate punchline, in Townsville, USA."

* * *

Once the report has finished, Hinata is kissing Naruto when they realized that they are back on camera. Hinata quickly runs off and Naruto begins the next report.

"In less important news, Vice-President Gary Oak has been accused of plagiarism," Naruto reports. "Then again, want to guess who he plagiarized?"

* * *

**[Last Year] **

Former President Goku was walking up some steps to a press conference when he tripped over a step.

* * *

**[Last Week]**

Vice-President Gary is walking down a street when he tripped over a chair.

* * *

"Go figure." Naruto looks at another camera. "Back home, Kakashi Hatake has admitted that he lied when his dead girlfriend was the main reason why he's always late. This report, courtesy of **TokyoTV**."

* * *

**[Hatake]**

Passers-by walk past Ichiraku's Restaurant as the theme from Seinfeld is played.

* * *

"And for legal and comedy reasons, that's the end of that report." Naruto shuffles his papers.

**[Naruto's next report]**

Naruto looks at the camera. "Overseas, so please water the plants and collect the mail. Riots by angry American blind voice-actors have entered their second week..."

* * *

Blind voice actors are in a middle of a protest on a bridge. One blind voice actor fell into a river after tripping over a rock.

_Naruto: "The Blind Voice Actors are angry that sighted people are allowed to enter into their profession have taken to the streets and a river to protest. President Ash is reconsidering the decision."_

* * *

Blind Voice Actor Toph Bei Fong is speaking her lines for **Avatar: The Last Airbender**.

_Naruto: "We asked Toph how she felt over this issue. She said that she didn't want to be a punchline to an obvious joke. We told her that this wasn't our intention and we wanted to ask her if she thought there would be change. Toph replied that she couldn't see it happening." _

* * *

Konohamaru is with his drum set, performing the drum sting ending with cymbals in an attempt to increase the humor of the joke.

* * *

**[Ad Break: Jashin's Kitchen]**

_Narrator: "This week in __**'Jashin's Kitchen'**__, Chef Hidan has more tips on how to deal with fruits..."_

Hidan is in a kitchen, carrying his triple-scythe in one hand and an orange in the other.

"The orange has been proven to be the worst infidel who doesn't believe in the great Jashin," Hidan explained. "Easily ripped to f--king shreds by my bare hands. Hardly worth spilling his f--king juices to the great Jashin."

He then puts the orange down and picks up a banana. "The f--king banana on the other hand is simply a f--king slut! Easy to handle, yet proves to have a bit of f--king resistance."

Hidan drops the banana and walks up to a watermelon on the bench. "The watermelon on the other hand, is the size of a human head, worthy of being sacrificed to the great Jashin!" Hidan swings his triple-scythe on the watermelon, cutting it in half.

_Narrator: "See more of Hidan's vegecide on __**'Jashin's Kitchen' **__at __**7:30PM**__, Wednesdays, followed at __**8PM**__ with __**'Viva Hinata'**__, Mexico's attempt at dubbing Naruto only to result in a Cardcaptors-style F--k Up"._

* * *

Naruto looks at the camera. "A rise in street violence in Tokyo has residents up in arms. Kiba Inuzuka takes up the story..."

* * *

**[Cell Phone Camera footage]**

An old man is being pushed around by a gang of youths.

_Kiba: "Gangs of youths, out of control and on a rampage. This footage, captured on a cell phone camera, begs the obvious question: _'Where are the parents?'_"_

Nearby, Neji and Tenten are watching the beating while drinking some green tea.

_Kiba: "Surprisingly, they are just meters away."_

* * *

Kiba is walking along a street in Tokyo. "The popular belief is that the parents are to blame for the rise in street violence, who couldn't care less what their kids are doing. But Neji and Tenten Hyuga don't fall into that category."

* * *

_Kiba: "On the contrary, they claim to take a keen interest in their son's Yakuza activities._

Neji is ironing a shirt and a pair of pants belonging to their son...

"We always make sure our son looks his best and his weapon is well maintained," Neji explains.

...while Tenten polishes a Katana.

"This blade is a work of art," Tenten said.

"It looks nice," said Neji.

_Kiba: "Sections of the community are appalled at the actions of people like Neji and Tenten."_

* * *

Back to Kiba on the streets of Tokyo. "Again, the obvious question is: _'Where are their parents?'_"

* * *

Kiba is at a cemetery.

"Community groups say that while people like Neji and Tenten are ironing gang clothing and polishing Samurai Swords, their parents, Hizashi & Himiko Hyuga and Syaoran & Ying Clow are buried under six feet of dirt, completely oblivious to what their offspring are doing or words to that effect. And until willful miscreants like these people are made to take responsibility and pull these gangs into line, our streets will continue to be unsafe. Kiba Inuzuka, in Tokyo for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

**[Food Crisis, Duh!]**

Naruto looks at the camera. "On to the food shortage. Ino Yamanaka takes up this story.

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka reporting]**

People are walking through the streets of Tokyo.

_Ino: "Whether you live in a busy city..."_

Meanwhile, people are also walking through the streets of Konoha.

_Ino: "...or you live in a village big enough to be a city, everyone needs to eat."_

* * *

Ino is standing outside Ichiraku's Ramen, where Naruto happens to be eating Ramen with Luffy and Goku.

"Because food provides us with energy. And we all need energy to do things. The things we do, moving around or doing other things, all use energy. And that's why we need to keep eating food. That's where we get our energy from. Energy we need to do things, whether moving around or doing other things. And some things we do use up more energy than other things. Why? They just do. The more energy we use to move around or do other things, the less energy we have left, the more energy we need. Now food can provide us with that energy, but only if we eat it. Being in possession of it is not enough. We have to eat it into our human body system; otherwise the energy we used to move around and do other things won't be replaced. If we don't replace the energy, eventually we won't have enough energy to eat the food to give us the energy to eat it, let alone move around or do other things. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

As we return to the news desk, Naruto finished his bowl of Ramen. "Delicious...and finally, a look at tomorrow's headlines."

* * *

**[K-Zone - "President Ash is a liar"]**

_Naruto: "K-zone and their view of the truth."_

**[Disney Adventures - "Next Miyazaki film about mouse."]**

_Naruto: "Disney trying to profit from everything they can see."_

**[Krash - "We've solved the Financial Crisis!"]**

_Naruto: "And Krash magazine claiming to have bigger heads than I do."_

* * *

Naruto and Hinata are walking out of the **KonohaTV **building.

"Wasn't that awesome, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto nods. "Yeah, it was probably the best episode we've done today."

"So, Naruto-kun. Do you want a ride on my spaceship?" Hinata points at a red car parked near the entrance, which made Naruto a bit disappointed since he thought 'spaceship' meant something else.

"Actually, I only came out to meet Shikamaru for a smoke," Naruto said.

"But, Naruto-kun. I've added a new Hyperdrive which goes from naught to 3/4th Lightspeed."

"Sorry, but I need to do some editing for this episode before we get it posted on **FFdotNet**."

Hinata shrugged. "Well, it's your funeral." Hinata sits in the driver's seat of her car. Suddenly, her car levitates before rocketing off into the sky, leaving behind a very surprised Naruto.


	47. Season 5 Ep 7: Soonish

**Pre-Fanfic Author's Note:** Before we can start on this chapter, I would like to ask readers to review a few of the previous chapters because I feel as though some of you aren't giving any feedback on the best material I can come up with. To let those jokes go to waste when you don't make any comment about it. I mean, I was hoping for some feedback on the awesome Giant Clay Man joke in Chapter 36, but nobody even say it was bad or anything. So how about this, after you read and reviewed this chapter, make your way to Chapter 36 and give your comments on the Giant Clay Man joke. If I get enough reviews, I might post up the next chapter much earlier than expected. Don't forget to review the other jokes like I've put a lot of effort into...

BTW, I don't hate Karin, but it just seems funny if Sakura made Naruto bash Karin's head in with the champagne bottle in Chapter 46.

* * *

_Naruto: "This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Hinata is riding a bicycle on a flooded road.

**[Hinata Hyuga tests new watercycle on rough waves]**

Kabuto is looking through some medical files.

**[Kabuto Yakushi on keeping Orochimaru happy. His tip: More Boys.]**

Major Armstrong is being interviewed by Naruto.

**[My exclusive interview with Major Armstrong of the Amestris Military. Unfortunately, I was so distracted by his mustache that I forgot what I wanted to interview him for]**

"Barring any problems with the website, this is the Naruto News Show," Naruto announced.

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 7: Soonish_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

"5 years ago, a top government official was sacked over stealing croutons in the cafeteria."

Back to Naruto's desk, with Naruto sitting next to a young lawyer.

"With me Franziska von Karma is a lawyer on constitutional law. Is it legal?"

Franziska nods. "Yes."

"And just in case everyone thinks we're biased, also with us is local bum, Shikamaru Nara. Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru is sitting opposite Franziska. "Meh. Too troublesome to give an answer."

Naruto looks at the camera, ignoring his two guests. "Hello, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. **Collateral:** An American movie, secondary damage that occurred in combat, an asset needed for a loan and a ball where young ladies get all dressed up to be presented to society." Suddenly, Naruto's phone rings and he answers it.

"Yes? What? Oh, is it really? Sorry, I'll correct that mistake." Naruto looks at the camera. "That last one was a _'cotillion'_. Ino Yamanaka has filed the pin on this report so that you can shoot it faster..."

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka Reporting - Digi-World]**

A Digimon is firing an Anti-Air missile.

_Ino: "The War on Terror. Good guys kill bad Digimons. You think it would be that simple, but it isn't." _

A woman and her children are at a hospital in the Digi-World.

_Ino: "Sometimes good guys kill innocent women & children..." _

A few Baby Digimons are crying...

_Ino: "Baby Digimons..." _

Digimons are in a brawl.

_Ino: "Themselves, each other..."_

A missile destroys a building.

_Ino: "Buildings..." _

A group of Pokémon Peace Activists are protesting.

_Ino: "Protesting Pokémon..."_

A wall is full of bullet holes.

_Ino: "This wall. The list is endless while the end is listless. Particularly when you are one of the half a million Pokémon suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, who then overdosed on their army-issued anti-depressants."_

* * *

Ino is near a tank. "Unlike the Pokémon, the Japanese do not offer drugs & inquests into collateral damage. They simply pay them off in case we kill you instead of the enemy or kill ourselves instead of the enemy. The only way for us to find out is to go under the sand. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show..."

* * *

Back to Naruto's news desk...

"Meanwhile, woodcutters have laid down their axes and instead took up sledgehammers to attack this car instead."

**[Hidden Camera Footage: A woodcutter uses a sledgehammer to attack a car.]**

"That's a very nice story," said Naruto. "Shows that the environmental message is finally getting through."

**[Footage: Pokémon are in a brawl in a Pokémon Stadium]**

"At the same time, officials are disgusted at the outbreak of violence at a Pokémon Stadium," Naruto reports.

**[And another thing...]**

"Speaking of violence, there's a wild alcohol-fueled brawl in Tokyo earlier..."

* * *

Drunk Anime Otakus are beating the stuffing out of each other outside a late night Anime Convention...

_Naruto: "A group of rival Otakus clashed over a dispute involving which series of Gundam is the best."_

* * *

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Still at home, because it's relatively safer, the Land of Fire Government has fined VizMedia 200 Million Ryou for price-fixing over Anime DVD sales. Over at the Fire Country Capital is the one responsible for the investigation, Sakura Haruno.

* * *

**[Fire Country Capital]**

Sakura nods. "Thanks, Naruto."

_Naruto: "You've done a great job for standing up to the Otakus."_

"Of course. We need to come down hard on them because Otakus are paying high prices for high quality DVDs, giving people more reason to create bootlegs."

_Naruto: "Well, On behalf of the citizens of Konoha, we thank you for that."_

Sakura is modest. "I'm just doing my job, Naruto."

_Naruto: "By the way, how is VizMedia going to recoup that 200 Million Ryou loss?"_

"I guess like other businesses, they would have to increase their prices," Sakura said.

* * *

Naruto frowned. "Well, on behalf of all Anime Otakus, thanks again for that," said Naruto, this time with sarcasm.

**[A Time skip later...]**

Naruto is looking at his notes and mumbling, "Don't refer on time skip." He looks up and begins the next report.

"If you are anywhere in California these days, you'd better hope that you should not end your sentence with a _Proposition 8_ in front of any Yaoi fangirl. It doesn't make any sense, but neither is the vote on overturning the legality of same-sex unions. For example, Cardcaptors character Tori Avalon's marriage to Julian Star in California has now been dissolved. Tori is unavailable for comment, so with me on the line is the main character of **Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle**, Syaoran."

**[On the Line: Syaoran - Multiverse Traveler]**

"Alright, Syaoran, what are your thoughts on Tori and Julian's relationship?"

_Syaoran: "That will be a bit hard for me to say. I mean, I do know of another Touya and Yukito in a different world, but one is the King and the other is the Court Magician, so I can't tell if their relationship is as intimate as you say it is, one way or the other. You got to ask the Syaoran from your world for a more accurate opinion."_

Naruto nods. "Good idea, Syaoran. So also on the line with me is Li Syaoran from Card Captor Sakura."

**[On the Line: Li Syaoran - Card Captor]**

_Li: "Naruto, I have no problems with Yaoi pairings, after all, I was a witness at Touya and Yukito's wedding. But I got to say, I never thought I would look so awesome as a main character of a __**CLAMP**__ Series. Look at those muscular arms, legs and those eyes."_

"Erm...yes, I guess you do look attractive as a main character of a Manga," said Naruto.

_Syaoran: "Perhaps we should meet up with each other in the same universe."_

_Li: "Certainly."_

Naruto frowns. "Okay...thank you for your time, the two Syaorans."

_Syaoran/Li: "Syaoran out." __**(beepbeepbeep)**_

**[Insert News Story Title Here]**

Naruto looks at another camera. "To something else now, as a fire has destroyed all but destroyed Konoha's Vegetarian restaurant. The _'Happy Tomato'_ is famous for it's _'pay only what you think it's fair policy'_. Even though the restaurant is fully insured, the owners have no plans for rebuilding after getting it's preliminary insurance payout of 1 Ryou."

"And a quick look at the results of today's Otogakure Post Poll."

* * *

**[Otogakure Post Poll: Would you like to die in pain today?]**

**Yes: 0%  
No: 100%**

_Naruto: "No surprises there, considering that its Kabuto's newspaper."_

* * *

**[Report: Typical Finance Report Caption]**

Naruto begins the final report. "Onto Finance, as business confidence is low and the share market is as volatile as ever. Shino Aburame with the Finance Report."

* * *

Shino is in an office in front of the camera.

"The Japanese market has closed down on a new low due to the late reaction of Hinata admitting her love to Naruto on Chapter 437 of the Manga. Just as significantly, the news of the new FullMetal Alchemist Anime has been interpreted as a sign by some sectors that we are at the bottom of the equity market declines. Today's falls shows a weakness in the market that was expect to strengthen in line with the news that Luffy is only breaking into a prison to save his brother against all odds. One reason for optimism in the market is that the International Monetary Fund has confirmed that Ash Ketchum's Staravia has evolved into a Staraptor. And that's finance."

* * *

"Thank you Shino," said Naruto. "Now, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Shinobi's Health - "Fifth Hokage dislikes independence of Treasury."]**

_Naruto: "Shinobi's health proving that it's not just paper with staples."_

**[Kunoichi Inc. - "Goku's staff worked 24/7 to shred Naruto Manga"]**

_Naruto: "Kunoichi Inc. telling it like it is."_

**[Pikachu's Diary - "Invited to join meal"]**

_Naruto: "And Pikachu's Diary somehow ended up here again."_

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Announcement]**

Pikachu is at a press conference. "Pika pika, pikachu pikachu pikapika pichi cha pikachu pikachu. Chu pikapi pika pi pikachu pika ka chu pikapika pikachu pika pika pikachu chu pika pi. Pikapi pikachu pi chu ka pikachu pikapika chu pika. "

**Translation:** _"If you like this edition of the Naruto News Show, why not use the review button below the fanfic? Give comments about anything you like, including this bit I'm doing now. Though it would be confusing to me because I'm referring to this point in time and you would comment on me doing this bit. I did have a word with the author of the fanfic, but he can't understand what I said."_


	48. Season 5 Ep 8: News is not Fanfiction

_**Naruto:**__ "This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

Jiraiya offers some money to Tsunade before attempting to offer some money to Orochimaru.

**[Jiraiya offers Tsunade 300, 000 Ryou to strip while he offers Orochimaru 400, 000 Ryou to keep his clothes on]**

A cart of watermelons crashed through Ichiraku's Ramen.

**[Drive-Thru Restaurant fails to live up to its name.]**

Orochimaru is doing the moonwalk.

**[And absolute proof that Orochimaru is Michael Jackson] **

"News is not fanfiction and I don't exist," said Naruto.

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 8: News is not Fanfiction_

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto sits at his desk. "Also later on, Shikamaru attempts to justify the 80, 000 Ryou trip to Sunagakure..."

* * *

**[Presently...]**

"It was a fact-finding tour, Naruto," Shikamaru explained.

Naruto is skeptical. "That doesn't explain Ino's phone call to a famous Underwear Model who lives nearby. What relevance does an Underwear Model have to a Shinobi's work in Suna?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, she wanted to find out how to get sand out of her pants..."

* * *

**[Report Title: Tsunade is my mother]**

Naruto nods to the camera. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

**[Amended Report Title: Anime Industry Concert]**

"Meanwhile, in the Digi-World, a very delicate peace deal is slowly put to place thanks to Former President Goku is in danger due to rampant Digimon attacks."

**[Amended Report Title 2: Anime Industry Concern]**

"Shikamaru Nara has more..."

* * *

**[Shikamaru Nara reporting]**

A missile hits a Digimon restaurant.

_Shikamaru: "Long range Digimon missles fired in response the flour bomb attack by Animal Rights Activists on Anime star, Usagi Tuskino due to the use of her Japanese name in the hit series, Pretty Solider Sailor Moon."_

* * *

Shikamaru is at the Japanese Embassy in the Digi-World.

"Usually, a trip to Paris would have been best remembered if she was simply visiting her good friend Ami who happens to be in Paris for a short-term Study at the local University. Unfortunately, the thing she hopes not to remember is the large amount of flour on her nice blonde hair."

* * *

A Digimon is being moved away into an Ambulance as more Digimons throw rocks at each other.

_Shikamaru: "This is Shikamaru Nara, putting his life on the line for the gossip in the Digi-World."_

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk. "Speaking of Sailor Moon, there's been a recent brawl by make-up artists in Japan over who is going to be the exclusive hairstylist for the new live-action Sailor Moon movie. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't exist, so this brawl is completely pointless and 120 Japanese make-up artists are now recovering in hospital, hoping to use their skills cover up their own wounds. Joining me on this latest news via satellite is Ino Yamanaka in Tokyo."

* * *

**[Ino Yamanaka in Tokyo, via satellite.]**

Ino nods. "Thanks Naruto."

_Naruto: "Unfortunately, we're about to lose the satellite, so we can't ask you any questions."_

* * *

We return to Naruto at the news desk. "On to the latest computer gaming craze as a group of young Anime Characters wait in line overnight for the release of the latest anticipated game. Ero-sennin has more."

* * *

**[Jiraiya reporting]**

A group of teenage/young anime characters are waiting in line outside a video game store.

_Jiraiya: "Scores of impressionable Anime characters wait in line for the latest video game to come out..."_

* * *

"Pong is a video game with a worldwide fanbase of nearly 2 million people and..."

* * *

Naruto interrupts Jiraiya's report. "We interrupt that story because that Ero-sennin is a boring old fart. Anyway, on to Sports with Hinata."

Hinata is wearing a White Plug Suit and red contact lens while sitting next to Naruto. Hinata looks at Naruto.

"Naruto-kun, do you remember Doraemon, the lovable Blue Cat Robot who has lots of inventions in his 4th Dimensional pocket?" Hinata asks.

"Of course, Hinata," Naruto replied.

"Naruto-kun, do you remember the theme song to the Doraemon anime?"

"Maybe a little bit," answered Naruto.

"Sing it for me," Hinata said.

Naruto is speechless.

**[Bandit Camp's Subliminal Ad - Metal Overlooking Devices: 6, 349 Ryou]**

Hinata begins her report. "Rei Ayanami has won the 50m Butterfly at the Japan Swimming Championships."

Naruto simply nods. "I see."

"But Naruto-kun," Hinata continued. "What I don't understand is what's so great about a human winning the 50m Butterfly, considering that she doesn't have a wingspan that is barely even 20 meters? I think the real winner of this race is this one..."

* * *

Meanwhile at Odaiba Harbor, a giant Dustox is using Poison Sting against the Giant Nuclear-Powered Dragonite in a gigantic Pokémon Battle.

* * *

"**FIFA** is looking into it," Hinata said, finishing the report. She looks at Naruto. "Naruto-kun."

**[A Timeskip later...]**

Naruto is alone at the news desk. "Later on, my exclusive interview with Kankuro on the issues involving the Puppet Industry..."

* * *

**[Imminently...]**

"So what they have said is that if the government decides to put in these restrictions, that could cripple our industry," said Kankuro as he slammed his fist onto Naruto's desk.

Naruto nods. "So what you're saying is that unless you are able to cut down trees in the next few years, you are unable to cut down trees in the future."

Kankuro is now speechless.

* * *

Naruto grinned. "Take that, you clown."

He begins the next report. "Britain. An interesting country one would travel to. Ash Ketchum has more..."

* * *

**[Ash Ketchum - The Glass House]**

Ash Ketchum is in London, England, in front of Big Ben. "Thanks. As you know, England is home of the English..."

Suddenly, a voice behind the camera calls out. "Sorry, Ash. I don't think I'm recording."

The video has suddenly lost its footage.

* * *

Back to Naruto at his desk. "At least it justifies making Ketchum's holiday in England tax deductable."

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

Kiba is holding a spade.

_Narrator: "Old Partners."_

Ino and Naruto are getting married.

_Narrator: "New Partners."_

* * *

_Narrator: "And no partners on this week's episode..."_

Naruto and Sasuke are in the Chief's office, with a Pikachu sitting on a desk.

Naruto is protesting. "No, Sasuke. I do not want to be partnered with a Pikachu!"

"Then, hand in your badge, Kunai and your jacket, Captain Uzumaki," Chief Sasuke ordered.

* * *

A jacket-less Naruto angrily walked out of the Chief's office. Suddenly, Shikamaru's ghost appears, lying down while floating on thin air (he is a ghost, after all).

"Naruto. What are you doing? We have a murder to solve" said the ghost.

"Didn't you hear? I'm off the case," Naruto said as he walked down the stairs.

"Funny, that's not the Naruto I know," said another voice.

Suddenly, Kiba's ghost appears in front of Naruto. "Kiba?"

Kiba grinned. "In the flesh...or ghost, in this case."

The two ghosts and Naruto began to speak about old times...

_Narrator: "The old team is reunited as the hunted becomes the haunted on __**'The Ghost of Shikamaru'**__ at__** 8PM**__, Thursday, followed at 8:30 with __**'What The Freak Were We Thinking: The Gambling Life of Tsunade Senju'**__"._

* * *

After the Advertisement, we return to Naruto at his desk. "Not coming up later is my interview with the Naruto News Show financial analyst, Hanabi Hyuga..."

* * *

**[Improbable]**

Naruto is interviewing financial analyst, Hanabi.

"For example," Hanabi said. "The Konan Origami Paper Manufacturing Company has gone into deep financial debt to the point that it has completely folded."

* * *

Konohamaru is at the drum set, performing the drum sting ending with cymbals in an attempt to increase the humor of the joke. However, this time, Konohamaru missed hitting the cymbals.

* * *

"Got back here a bit quickly."

**[Report: Political Correctness]**

Naruto gives the next news report. "Meanwhile, the Fifth Hokage has made an announcement that the current financial situation of Konoha is not a _**'financial crisis'**_, but in fact a _**'financial dryness'**_. The Fifth Hokage also believes that this _**'dryness'**_ will be solved if the citizens are willing to pay a small _'handling fee'_ to readjust their own finances to survive this _**'financial dryness' **_by offering Kunoichis' services for a bit of _**'financial wetness'**_."

Then, someone cheered in the background. "Whoo hoo!"

Naruto continues. "The Fifth Hokage has also made an announcement that this service will not be provided to people who are suspected to be on her 'blacklist', which includes the like of Ero-Sennin."

"D'oh!"

**[Next Report: From Kumogakure with Love]**

"Meanwhile, Kumogakure has offered to assist in the hunt for Akatsuki. With us now is former Otogakure leader and now current advisor to the Raikage, Orochimaru, live from Kumogakure. Orochimaru?"

* * *

**[Live in Kumogakure]**

Orochimaru is in a prison cell.

_Naruto: "Orochimaru, does your arrival in Kumogakure tell us that Akatsuki is in terminal decline? No offense."_

"None taken, Naruto-kun," said Orochimaru. "With me here, Akatsuki will stand no chance against my forces."

_Naruto: "But Orochimaru, why are you in a prison cell?"_

"Well, erm..." Orochimaru is struggling to come up with an answer. "You really got me there, Naruto-kun."

_Naruto: "Right. Let's change the subject. Whose idea was it to ask for your help to hunt for the Akatsuki?"_

"Erm..." Orochimaru looks around in his cell. "The Raikage for one. He seem pretty desperate to look for the Akatsuki."

_Naruto: "You know what? Good luck with your new job, Orochimaru."_

"Your welcome, Naruto-kun." Then, Orochimaru mumbled, "At least I didn't tell him about Sasuke-kun coming here earlier..."

* * *

**[Report: Light Me up]**

Naruto begins the news report. "A bit of a lighter story now. Asuma Sarutobi couldn't believe his luck when his antique lighter, given to him by his girlfriend, Kurenai Yuhi, has malfunctioned while lighting his cigarette, setting fire to the nearby curtains..."

* * *

A building in Konoha is on fire as Shinobis attempt to put it out using Water-based Jutsus...

_Naruto: "The fire spread and eventually destroyed the local fruit market. 25 people died."_

* * *

Naruto looks at the report he just read. "Oh sorry. I should have read the story before we went live, but when I saw it was a _'lighter'_ story, I thought it was... Can't be helped now." Naruto quickly changed the subject. "And before we go, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Tribune - "Orochimaru is dead. Believe it!"]**

_Naruto: "Konoha Tribune is not afraid to ruffle a few feathers."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Digimon Sux"]**

_Naruto: "Suna Weekly proving that they still hold a grudge"_

**[Disney Adventures - "Pirates hijacks unaired Pokémon Episodes"]**

_Naruto: "And Disney Adventures not afraid to feather a few ruffles."_

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Joke]**

A hologram of Hinata (wearing her School Uniform) is sitting at Naruto's desk, waving at the camera.

"Hi, it's you-know-who again. Sorry I couldn't be here, but all this random cutting and pasting of where I'm supposed to be makes it difficult for me to do these sorts of end-of-fanfic jokes. Anyway, if you have any comments about this fanfic, please leave a review, and if it fits Naruto-kun's taste, we'll keep it. We also accept flames as it actually makes this fanfic look more popular than it actually is. Please review, because we only have two chapters remaining and I have no idea if we are coming back for another series."

Hinata looks up. "Oh, sorry. The guys from Bleach want to borrow the hologram machine." Hinata puts her hands together. "Help me readers, you're our only hope." Hinata picks up a remote and deactivates the Hologram.


	49. Season 5 Ep 9: Ben 10 Cameo

_**Naruto: **__"This week on the Naruto News Show:"_

A group of Anime Characters are buying lottery tickets. Tsunade is in an interview.

**[Lottery Winner prepares to give some of his money away. "I can take the money," says Fifth Hokage.]**

A camera is outside the CFK Subbing Group offices.

**[CFK Subbing Group explains its recipe for 11 Translators and Anime Series.]**

Ichigo is holding a sleeping bag and a pillow.

**[And Bleach's Ichigo Kurosaki explains why he is sleeping on the Bleach set.] **

"Well, my house is being fumigated," Ichigo explained. "And it's not a very pleasant place to be.

_**Naruto:**__ "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, so cue titles and disclaimers."_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 9: Ben 10 Cameo _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.

* * *

Naruto is at his desk.

"Also on this news bulletin, how will **TokyoTV** negotiate the release of the new _'Icha Icha'_ TV series and their writers from **FujiTV**'s Digimon Pirates? I talk to **TokyoTV**'s top negotiator, Kakashi Hatake..."

* * *

**[Presently...]**

Kakashi is sitting across Naruto at his desk...

"We just pray that they are returned to us safely, each and every one of them," said Kakashi.

Naruto nods. "So, are you working with the family of the writers held hostage by **FujiTV**?"

Kakashi shakes his head. "No, I was talking about the episodes we need to air for the next couple of months. We pray that the episodes are returned to us unharmed."

* * *

**[Current Report: Infernal Combustion Series]**

"Well, with the World Economy going belly up, people are wondering what will happen to quality Animes like Naruto, One Piece and even Pokémon. Gwen Tennyson from Cartoon Network News is in Washington and reports for us here in Konoha because she sounds better than anyone doing a voiceover here."

* * *

**[Gwen Tennyson reporting for Cartoon Network News]**

Japanese Anime characters are walking to work on the streets of Tokyo.

_Gwen: "Japanese Anime. According to Washington, they are said to be contributors to global warming. If something isn't done now, the Earth is doomed. But something is being done now."_

* * *

Kiba walks out of a building, carrying a box full of his personal belongings.

_Gwen: "With the world economy in recession, people can't afford to pay for fuel, making it impossible for Animes to be delivered using vehicles like vans."_

* * *

A Pikachu is riding a kid's tricycle.

_Gwen: "However, Initial D star Ry Takahashi claims that cars aren't necessary for the delivery of Animes to the TV stations. However, it is believed that more cars equal more Global Warming. More Global Warming equals less ice. Less ice equals less Iceland, which gives my Cousin less time to find an Alien with superior Ice powers. This is Gwen Tennyson for Cartoon Network News."_

* * *

Naruto finished watching the report. "Cartoon Network News' Gwen Tennyson with that report on the Americans' Opinion of Anime."

Sakura is sitting next to Naruto. "Naruto Uzumaki there, giving a recap of that last report, either because you skipped the joke or were too stupid to follow it."

**[Next News Story]**

Naruto ignores Sakura and begins on the next news story. "Meanwhile, police are taking no chances this week, as Konoha hosts this year's Anime Awards Show. Local authorities used everything necessary to subdue members of the Naruto News Show News Crew, to protect the sensibility of the Awards Show."

* * *

**ANBU** has arrested Choji.

_Naruto: "Here, Choji Akimichi has been arrested and beaten up. His camera destroyed._

**ANBU** sets off an explosive, destroying Choji's camera.

* * *

**ANBU** takes away a corpse.

_Naruto: "Here, the least popular Naruto News Show Crew Member, Kiba Inuzuka, was taken out with a Silent Killing Jutsu."_

* * *

**ANBU** drags Sasuke into a hairdresser.

_Naruto: "And here, Sasuke is about to get his head shaved so that he could be Orochimaru's next body..."_

* * *

Naruto crossed his arms. "I don't know why they do stupid stunts like that...maybe they want some readers to read this fanfic."

**[News Report: Dude, We're Good!]**

Naruto looks at another camera. "Meanwhile, in America, custom officers have charged a 30-year old Otaku for importing 100 bootleg Anime DVDs from China and Hong Kong. Officers have discovered a false bottom of his suitcase where the Discs were stashed. I do hope he keeps that false bottom while in Prison. It could come in handy."

**[News Report: Self-Promotion]**

Naruto looks towards a third camera. "Speaking of Anime, Naruto is one of the best Animes seen around the world. A story about a blonde boy who dreams of becoming the leader of his village. Such popularity has caused copycats to pop up. Sasuke Uchiha has more..."

* * *

**[Sasuke Uchiha Reporting]**

Naruto summons his Shadow Clones to beat up Mizuki.

_Sasuke: "__**'Naruto' **__and its sequel,__** 'Naruto: Shippuden' **__have become one of TokyoTV's hit series based on the life of Naruto Uzumaki. One man then decided to come up with his own Anime based on his life."_

Orochimaru fights the Third Hokage.

_Sasuke: "__**'Orochimaru'**__ is the story about a Shinobi who dreams of being able to use every Jutsu in existence. Of course, he has to overcome hardship including betrayal by his mentor, for refusing to give up the leadership of a village to the Shinobi."_

Sound Ninjas attack Konoha.

_Sasuke: "In revenge, the Shinobi forms his own village in a bid to destroy his former home. But even though he was unsuccessful, he was able to convince one of the young boys of the village to join him, just so that the main character can have the boy's body." _

Orochimaru gets attacked by _(Shippuden)_ Sasuke.

_Sasuke: "But without giving away the surprise ending, I can say that it involves suspense, action and a bit of regret. This is Sasuke Uchiha, who was in Orochimaru and with a part of Orochimaru inside me. I star in the sequel."_

* * *

**[Next News Report: Is It Safe?]**

Naruto looks up at another camera to begin the next report. "Another large bank is on the brink and once it goes over, shockwaves will be felt around the garment. Sakura Haruno has the who, what and why..."

* * *

**[Sakura Haruno Reporting in Snow Country]**

_Sakura: "Snow Country's Global Seed Bank has been rocked to its permafrost..."_

Kiba opens a large door to a vault.

_Sakura: "The billions of seeds stored in this deep underground vault-shaped vaults, a parody proved too much of a temptation for Seed bank employee, Zabuza Momochi."_

* * *

Sakura is interviewing Kiba in his office.

"We employed Zabuza to guard the seeds and he was very good at doing his job. I was shocked when I found out what he had done.

* * *

Sakura is in a tunnel leading to the vault. "Zabuza worked at the Seed bank for over two years and in that time, he had embezzled over 250, 000 pounds of Seed, less in kilograms."

* * *

_Sakura: "As Chief of Security in the counting room, his methods are as devious as it was underhanded, which pretty much means the same thing..."_

Back to Kiba at his office. "At first, Zabuza would go into the vault and steal three Seeds. And in the following month, he took three more Seeds. Intoxicated with his success, Zabuza stole three more Seeds in the next month. This went on for two years until the final month when he changed his MO by stealing 125 tons..."

"How did he do that?" asks Sakura. "He couldn't have hidden that amount of Seeds on his body"

"Errr...he used an airplane."

* * *

The camera is facing a map of the Snow Country. Then, the camera moved towards a map of Otogakure.

_Sakura: "Zabuza's Seed crime left a trail and police knew they had to follow it quickly before the birds would eat it. It led them here to Otogakure, a gutless, pro-Digimon Tax Haven, where a man could land a Hercules Transport in the middle of the city and no one would ask any questions."_

* * *

Sakura is in a hotel room in Otogakure. "Zabuza was due to meet with a member of the Digimon Yakuza, here in this luxury hotel room, or one very much like it."

Sakura picks up a bottle of champagne from a bucket of ice. "He obviously had a taste for the high life."

Suddenly, Sasuke walks out of the bathroom, completely naked while brushing his teeth.

* * *

_Sakura: "Zabuza had hoped to exchange the Seeds for Money. The Digimon Yakuza will on-sell the Seeds to the Black Market, to a prominent Muesli company that we can't name because it's in another language and we can't pronounce it."_

A completely destroyed car has been found by** ANBU**.

_Sakura: "But this sale never took place. Zabuza's destroyed car has been discovered 300 miles from the Hotel. That's Valet Parking for you."_

* * *

Sakura is under a Cherry Blossom tree. "Sakura Haruno for the Naruto News Show."

* * *

**[Ad Break]**

Naruto is silently walking down a hallway with a kunai in his hand. He finally reached the door. Naruto takes a deep breath before opening the door and bursts into the room, only to his surprise, he finds Ino in bed with the ghost of her dead husband, Shikamaru and both of them are smoking.

"Ino? What is going on here? Why are you in bed with your dead husband?"

Ino simply rolled her eyes. "What do you expect? Shikamaru was my husband after all."

Suddenly, Kiba's ghost walks out of the bathroom, brushing his teeth, surprised to see Naruto at the door. "Oh, Naruto. Didn't expect to see you there."

Naruto looks at Ino. "What the hell?"

"Where in our wedding vows say that I can't have a threesome with the ghost of my dead husband and your dead best friend?" Ino asks Naruto.

Naruto could only stair in disbelief, with his kunai in his hand.

_Narrator: "What will Naruto make of this freaky relationship? Find out more on the next __**'The Ghost of Shikamaru' **__at 8PM, Thursday"._

* * *

**[Ad Break Continues]**

Neji is walking out of his mansion.

_Naruto: "Luxury."_

Neji walks up to his expensive Sports Car.

_Naruto: "Power."_

Neji gets into his Sports Car.

_Naruto: "Excitement. Handling."_

Neji drives off in his Sports Car.

_Naruto: "Corpuscle. Paleontologist."_

Neji drives along a street.

_Naruto: "Vestibule. Aardvark."_

Neji drives past an English-Japanese dictionary along the road.

_Naruto: "The all new __**2009 Foxford English-Japanese Dictionary**__. The translation for these words and thousands of others at your fingertips."_

* * *

We return to Naruto at his news desk.

**[Sports]**

"Sports right now and Hinata Hyuga has jumped off a plane over the Grand Canyon in the United States," Naruto reports. "Why? I don't know and it has nothing to do with what she is meant to be doing here. Luckily for us, in Hinata's place is her sister, Hanabi Hyuga."

Hanabi is sitting next to Naruto and begins the report.

**[Report: Haven't Had This Sort of Joke in Ages...]**

Hanabi nods. "Ok. So like, a bunch of Wizards play this game on brooms called Quidditch where three people fly around throwing a Quaffle past one player who is supposed to protect a hoop to score 10 points. Like, there's also two people who hit flying iron balls called Bludgers at other players and one player trying to catch the small flying ball catch a Snitch. And that's how Wizards play Quidditch, right Naruto?"

Naruto looks at his notes. "Sorry Hanabi. That was my book report on _**'Quidditch Throughout the Ages'**_. I was supposed to give that to Granny Tsunade to show her that I am capable of reading books. Here's the correct one..."

**[Amended Report: Oops, We Did It Again...]**

Hanabi reads the correct report. "Ok, like there's this old woman who is in charge of Konoha who like, wants to retire and stuff, but other people say, _'come back and stay and stuff'_, but the old lady says, _'No way, I got better things to do and stuff.'_ Back to you, Naruto."

**[A time skip later...]**

"Why do I keep giving her the wrong reports?" Naruto switched over to another camera. "Well, tune in on Cartoon Network and you would be bombarded by a very good cartoon called **'Ben 10: Alien Force'**, sequel to the hit series, **'Ben 10'**. The star of the show, Ben Tennyson joins us now from the Ben 10 set."

* * *

Ben is sitting on a director's chair with a can of tomato juice. "Hey."

_Naruto: "Ben, it's a great show and you're doing a fine job there. Anything you can share with us on the next season?"_

Ben simply shrugged. "Not much. Just the usual story of defeating the bad aliens on Earth and hopefully we could get some episodes that could take place on another planet. If we are lucky, there could be a fight with the alien that can transform in the middle of the fight."

_Naruto: "Good to hear. Looking forward to the new season of Ben 10 Alien Force..."_

Ben is surprised when he realized what Naruto's question was actually about. "New season of Alien Force? Oh no, I thought you wanted to talk about the reruns of Dragon Ball Z," Ben explains. "After all, Gwen and I have planned on kicking back, with a couple of sodas while watching one of the best Animes ever shown on Cartoon Network. Though we might have to put it on TiVo if I'm needed for more hero work."

_Naruto: "Wait, then what about the new season of Alien Force?"_

"It's called editing, Naruto," Ben explains. "All the editors need to do is to put a recording of me on a different background and it would look as though I'm fighting a different bad guy in a different place. Besides, it saves Cartoon Network the use of cardboard cutouts or logs like you use in your shows."

_Naruto: "So, you're not going to do a new season of Alien Force and instead watch reruns of Dragon Ball Z?"_

Ben looks around. "Dragon Ball Z is an awesome show," said Ben.

* * *

Back at the studio, Naruto looks at the camera and simply shrugged. "Well, good luck with whatever you are doing. The new season of Ben 10: Alien Force, coming soon, with or without Ben 10 himself."

_Ben: (mumbling) "If it weren't for Goku, who cares about some idiot wanting to be Hokage..."_

Naruto heard the comment, but simply dismissed it because he thought it was Sasuke who was mumbling.

"Anyway, a question posed by one of the psychos who **PMed** me." Naruto picks up a piece of paper and reads it. "'Don't you think that Naru Narusegawa from Love Hina looks like Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion?' I'm not sure, so..."

* * *

_Naruto: "...send your entries to et cetera, etc."_

**Naru Narusegawa/Asuka Soryu Langley Look-alike Survey**

**Konoha TV  
Locked Bag 006  
Konoha, Fire Country 6666  
Japan  
Northern Hemisphere  
Earth  
Milky Way NGC 224  
Virgo SuperCluster**

* * *

**[Ad Break: Bandit Camp]**

**[Shikamaru - Mecha Repair]**

Shikamaru is working at Bandit Camp. "You can start off with a few laser shots, followed by strikes from a beam sword and finish off with a barrage of missiles."

"There's no one there, idiot." Customer Temari is at the counter, as Shikamaru is speaking to his imaginary camera.

Shikamaru continues. "We also provide ammo reloading services under one roof. Actually, it's more than one roof, because we do need to cater to Mechas that can fly and even travel into space, so it's actually a roof that opens up into seven roofs so that Mechas can fly in and out, and the seven roofs fuse together to return to the one roof. This place is huge!"

Temari is trying to get Shikamaru's attention. "Hello! You're speaking to yourself!"

**[Valley of the End Splinters: 99 Ryou per finger]**

**[Flammable Gundam Display Stands: 979 Ryou]**

"So we do Mecha repairs, ammo reloading, beam saber recharging, Mecha cleaning. The lot under the seven roofs." Shikamaru began to laugh nonstop.

Temari simply rolled her eyes. "You're insane." She walked off as Shikamaru continued his insane laugh.

**[Bandit Camp: We also cater to Mechas. Just don't leave the keys inside.]**

* * *

**[Ad Break Continues]**

_Narrator: "Next on __**'Maniacs and their Pets'**__: Pein's Poodle."_

**[Kiba Inuzuka - Dog Expert]**

Kiba is sitting in a room. "I was three when my best friend who worked in the bookshop across the street from the butcher shop where one of Pein's spies would possibly buy meat. I believe now, but at the time, I had no idea that some of that meat may have been used to feed Pein's poodle."

Pein, Konan and Pein's poodle are meeting with Madara Uchiha.

_Narrator: "Pein's Poodle has been part of Akatsuki's inner circle since the beginning and had complete access to all of Akatsuki's Properties and sometimes, he would wait outside Pein's room where Pein would make decisions concerning Akatsuki's plans for world domination."_

Kiba continues his story. "I remember very clearly the time my mother told me one time when she was visiting Amegakure on a bicycle when she saw a man, who it was rumored, once visited the estate of the family who sometimes saw Pein's Poodle, or one that looks like it, in a picture or maybe a book..."

* * *

Kiba is in tears. "I still wake from those nightmares, screaming."

_Narrator: "__**'Pein's Poodle'**__, on __**'Maniacs and their Pets'**__, 9:30pm Thursday, KonohaTV."_

* * *

Naruto is reading his script at his desk.

"Commercial is finished." Naruto looks up at the camera. "Before we go, one final story with Hanabi. Hanabi?"

Hanabi and Konohamaru are in the middle of kissing, when Hanabi quickly pushed Konohamaru away and begins the final story.

**[News Report: Frog Killer]**

"Ok, there was this old guy who used to run a bit of **ANBU** called Root who killed a froggy to stop the greatest Hero of Konoha to return to the village to save it. Luckily, the frog village learned about the froggy's death and were able send the Hero of Konoha to save Konoha from the evil men wearing black cloaks with red clouds. In the end, everyone is happy and the Fifth Hokage has decided to give the position of Hokage to the Hero of Konoha. The End. Back to you, our great Hero!"

Naruto is grinning and gives the thumbs up. "Believe it! And now, a quick look at tomorrow's headlines:"

* * *

**[Konoha Times - "Tsunade's Squeeze in Mad Grab For Power"]**

_Naruto: "Today's news for tomorrow's puppy toilet..."_

**[Suna Weekly - "Pokémon"]**

_Naruto: "Suna paying lip service to you-know-who."_

**[Pokémon World Catalogue - "Dubs at 0 Percent, Subs at 6 percent"]**

_Naruto: "And the Pokémon World Catalogue coming with something different this week."_

* * *

"Before we go, one final story. During an experimental repair procedure in preparation for Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2, a repairman accidently lost his tool bag while repairing the Strike Freedom Gundam."

* * *

Up in space, a tool bag slipped away from the repairman, causing the repairman to curse at his loss.

_Naruto: "A comment by Admiral Yamato claims that the good news is that if we are lucky, that tool bag will strike a Digimon in the head and kill them."_

* * *

Back on Earth, Naruto smiled. "Now that's good news. Until next time..." Suddenly, the tool bag hits Naruto on the head, knocking him out.

* * *

**[Preview:]**

Police officers are marching.

"_In a city of fear..."_

Naruto and Kiba are at Ichiraku's Ramen Shop.

"_Two Men..." _

Ino is dancing on stage.

"_One Woman..."_

Kiba is holding a crossbow.

"_The Spirit of a Great Leader..."_

Tsunade is at a theater, flanked by her bodyguards.

"_And a race against time that goes all the way to the highest office in the land..."_

Ino slaps Sakura.

Kiba hits Neji in the face with his crossbow.

"_Drama at its best."_

Naruto runs up some stairs.

Kiba fires his crossbow.

"_Suspense at its finest."_

Naruto and Ino are laughing.

A Black Pineapple-shaped hair is in front of Naruto.

"'_**Shikamaru'**__, next Thursday at 8pm on KonohaTV."_

A Phone Booth explodes.

* * *

**[Post-Fanfic Announcement]**

Hinata is sitting at her desk in her normal Shippuden outfit.

"Hi, I wasn't supposed be in this chapter, but we really do need reviews from readers like you. It doesn't matter if you want to flame us or make a comment about how another fanfic is way better or much more worst than ours, as long as it makes us look more popular then we actually are, since we only have one chapter left for this series. But if you happen give us your review on a bit of this fanfic that you like, then we are happy that you like it. Who knows, you may even like this segment I'm doing, even though it's not meant to be part of the fanfic, but I am willing to do anything to ensure that this fanfic gets the reviews it deserves. Even Sasuke had to strip down to his birthday suit just to get reviews from the Sasuke fangirls. The more reviews we have would justify us continuing this fanfic. Anyway, I took up a bit too much time, so read and review so that this fanfic will continue. Thank you..."


	50. Season 5 Ep 10: Shikamaru

_**Naruto:**__ "On the final edition of this season of the Naruto News Show:"_

Tsunade is making an announcement in front of Konoha's Citizens.

**[Granny Tsunade has announced that I'm going to be the next Hokage. Believe it!]**

A Pikachu is searching through rubble.

**[Digimons happy that the Pokémon are leaving the Digi-World to move on to the volatile Middle East]**

A Hidden camera on Naruto's chair has a good view of Naruto's backside.

**[And Hinata's interview with my backside]**

_**Naruto: **__"This is the final Naruto News Show, so let's make it the best ever!"_

* * *

**Naruto News Show: Series Five**

_By PikaFlash And the News Team_

_Edition 10: Shikamaru _

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are...

* * *

**[KonohaTV apologizes for the Transmission Break]**

_**Naruto: **__"We apologize for the break in transmission. As soon as the trouble has been rectified, we will try to return you to your normal fanfic. For the time being, we bring you this alternative fanfic instead..."_

* * *

**[Fanfic Begins Here]**

_**Pre-Fanfic Disclaimers: **__Naruto and related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Everything else belongs to their respective owners. The author is simply using the characters and places as a medium to express his ideas in this AU fanfic._

_Written by Storm Da Elite, part of Team PikaFlash _

* * *

_**A Team PikaFlash Production:**_

_**Sebastian Nara is...**_

**Shikamaru **

* * *

**Starring:  
**Naruto Uzumaki

**With:  
**Irene Yamanaka **  
**Kyle Inuzuka **  
**Sarah Springfield **  
**Neil Hyuga **  
**Shaun Aburame **  
**Chaney Akimichi **  
**Rock Lee **  
**Steven Uchiha

**Special Guest Stars:  
**Sai **  
**Pikachu

**And Special Appearance by:  
**Phoenix Wright

* * *

Naruto switched off his TV as he sits at a table waiting for his breakfast. A bowl of tomato soup is put in front of Naruto.

"Tomato soup for breakfast?"

Ino rolled her eyes. "What do you expect on 500 Ryou a week? I used to earn more money than you in an hour when I was a dancer at the theater."

"Dancing? Then why don't you go back there?" Naruto retorted. "Then I would have Cereal for breakfast, like normal people."

"As a matter of fact, I will!" Ino then began to dance.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Ok, so you maybe a good dancer but can you dance on the inside?"

Tears formed around Ino's eyes. "I used to...but you stepped on the toes of my heart."

Naruto sighs. "I'm sorry Ino. I just don't know why we fight like this?"

"Perhaps it's the yelling and screaming we do," said Ino.

Naruto stood up. "I'm going to work."

"You call that a job, being a Ramen Waiter?"

"For the last time, Ino, my job is to _'escort'_ bowls of Ramen from the kitchen to the customer's table."

Ino walks up to Naruto. "Naruto, you used to be such a respected Detective when I married you and I loved you for it. Then, you went crazy from the guilt of killing your partner."

**[Flashback]**

A psychotic Kiba holds a shovel while Naruto holds a kunai.

**[End Flashback]**

Naruto glares at Ino. "He was my best friend!"

Ino is in tears as she recalls the unfortunate incident with Kiba. "Well, he was my lover!"

**[Flashback]**

A sad Kiba is sitting at the side of Ino's bed as Ino looks up at Kiba.

**[End Flashback]**

Naruto is shocked at this new revelation. "You slept with Kiba?" asked Naruto.

"Of course. I've been jumped more times than Negi Springfield in Negima," said Ino.

Naruto is clueless. "Wa?"

"It's a very funny Manga Series about this 10-year old Teacher in an all-girls school," Ino explains.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. Naruto opens it and sees Sai holding a cup.

"Sai, what do you want?"

Sai smiled. "Well, I heard you were home and I was wondering if I could possibly borrow a _'cup of salt'_?"

Ino looks at Sai. "Of course, Sai. My husband is about to leave for work."

Sai then drops the cup and runs into the apartment. As Naruto walks out of his apartment, he could hear Ino and Sai's moans, laughter and slapping before he closed the door. Naruto sighs.

* * *

Once Naruto finished sighing, he then puts a bowl of Ramen on a customer' table. "That would be 40 Ryou, sir."

At Ichiraku's Ramen, Naruto receives the payment, he notices a hooded customer acting suspicious by turning away from Naruto. Naruto could not identify the customer because he is wearing a hood and his face is covered by a green book. Naruto began to walk closer to the suspicious customer, but suddenly, the customer bolts from the table.

"Come back here!"

Naruto began to chase after the runner. "If you had ordered your Ramen, you haven't paid for it yet!"

Knowing that he can't take that chance, Naruto pulls out a Kunai and throws it at the runner. The kunai struck the runner in his left arm, causing him to fall over.

"Like I said, if you had ordered your Ramen, you need to be there to pay for it," Naruto said as he stood over the runner.

The runner smiled as he lowered his hood and he faced Naruto. "You were always on target whenever you throw your Kunai, Naruto..."

Naruto is surprised at Kiba's appearance in front of him. "Kiba? But I thought I killed you?"

* * *

"That's what the **ANBU **Black Ops wanted you to think," Kiba answered.

Naruto and Kiba are sitting at a table in Ichiraku's Ramen.

"Black Ops? I thought they only do stuff like **SWAT** does in America now."

"The old guard loyal to the Senju still has a firm hold over Konoha," Kiba explains.

A waiter in a green body suit walks up to Naruto's table with two bottles of Sake. Kiba takes his bottles and drinks a swig of the alcohol. Then, Naruto notices Kiba's green book, _'Make-Out Tactics'_.

"Ah, I didn't know you liked reading Jiraiya's latest book."

"Well, after Jiraiya's death, it's become quite popular," said Kiba.

Naruto notices the book's language. "In English."

"I wanted to see how much got lost in translation," Kiba explained. Kiba takes another swig of his Sake. "So tell me, Naruto. How is Shikamaru's widow? Still as active as ever? Let me tell you, that woman is the only cat I would allow near me." Kiba bangs the table in excitement, followed by a wolf whistle, thinking about Ino.

Naruto smiled. "Oh, we are married now," said Naruto.

"Oh." Kiba calmed down. "Well, congratulations."

"We must have you over for some Ramen and Cinnamon Rolls," Naruto said. "I'm sure Ino won't mind."

"I'm sorry, Naruto," Kiba apologized. "I've been away for a year."

"So, where have you been?" asked Naruto.

At that moment, Kiba remembers what he was talking about before Naruto unwittingly changed the subject when he talked about _'Make-Out Tactics'_. "Right, **ANBU** Black Ops. They call it _'retraining'_..."

* * *

**[Flashback]**

Kiba is tied up in a chair. He tries to resist, but he receives a slap in the face by a member of **ANBU**.

_**Kiba:**__ "...but it was like no training program I have ever experienced. No food, no water. Not even sleep for days."_

**[End Flashback]**

* * *

"The constant yelling and beatings," Kiba continued.

Kiba's rant has attracted the attention of a plump man reading his newspaper.

"So, were the exams hard?" asked Naruto.

Kiba slams his fist on the table. "It was brainwashing, Naruto! That's why I escaped!"

At that moment, Naruto notices that Choji has stood up from his table and walked out of Ichiraku's Ramen.

"You should keep it down, Kiba, you sound like a crazy man with that rant of yours," said Naruto.

Kiba moved closer to Naruto and points at his left temple. "**ANBU** has planted a post-hypnotic suggestion in my head over here. Or is it over here?" Kiba then points at his right temple. "Whatever it is, I must get it out before it's too late." Kiba takes another sip of his Sake.

"One more thing, Naruto. Tell Shikamaru's Widow that even in my darkest hours, my body still yearns for hers."

Naruto simply nods. "Right, I'll be sure to pass her the message."

"Good to see you, Naruto." Kiba walks out of Ichiraku's Ramen and enters a phone booth.

Naruto finished his Sake and noticed that Kiba's _'Make-Out Tactics'_ on the table. He picks it up, showing it at the window. "Kiba! You forgot your book!"

Suddenly, Kiba's phone booth explodes, right in front of the window Naruto is sitting at.

"Kiba? Kiba? KIBA!" Naruto screamed.

**[To be continued...after this short break...]**

* * *

**[Ad Break: Our top stories on the Naruto News Show Uplate...]**

Orochimaru is in an interview.

_**Naruto:**__ "Otogakure still having their problems. Orochimaru claims that the solution is as obvious as him being a Michael Jackson look-alike."_

Tsunade shakes hands with Former President Goku...

_**Naruto:**__ "Meanwhile, Old Lady Tsunade plans to use Voodoo Acupuncture in a bit to receive more funding for the next bet on the next race at Kumogakure Race Course. Of course, it's easy when you know someone who spent his entire Defense Budget on an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet."_

Tsunade puts some pins on a Goku doll, hoping to use Voodoo to get some money off him...

**[All this and more, later on tonight. But right now, back to our fanfic…]**

* * *

**[Konoha Police Station]**

At Konoha Police Station, Naruto and Police Chief Sasuke are walking up some stairs. "It's good to have you back, Captain Uzumaki," said Sasuke. "Though I wished it was under different circumstances."

"Murder is seldom happy, Chief Sasuke."

"That's what I meant," said Sasuke.

Naruto looks around. "This place still smells of Shikamaru, Chief."

"And smell more of him once you're back, you will, Captain," Sasuke said. "So tell me, Naruto. Is your wife still as sexually adventurous as ever?"

Naruto sees the file in Sasuke's hand and he changes the subject. "Is that the forensic report?"

Sasuke gives the file to Naruto so that he could read it. "There is no trace of Kiba's body at the site of the explosion, so I sent the evidence to Chief Pathologist Sakura to check."

Naruto looks at Sasuke. "You do believe me that Kiba is alive, Chief Sasuke?"

Sasuke has a calm look on his face. "If I don't believe you, would I allow you to investigate the death of a man that you admitted killing a year ago?"

Naruto and Sasuke walked into the office. In the office, Shino is looking at a white board on his latest case.

"Detective Aburame!"

Shino looks up and sees Chief Sasuke with Naruto. "Ah, Chief Sasuke. I was looking up the recent _Orochimaru Murder Case_."

"Good man. Captain Uzumaki, meet your new partner, Detective Aburame."

Naruto holds out his hand, preparing to shake Shino's hand, but Shino did not take his out.

"No offense, but I'm sure all of us here at the department remember what happened to your last partner," Shino bluntly said.

Naruto looked at the other Detectives in the room, who looked up at Naruto. "Is that how you feel about me as well?"

The other detectives resume their work.

"To hell with you all!" yelled Naruto. "I'll be my own partner!" Naruto is about to storm out of the office when Chief Pathologist Sakura walks in.

"What do you have for us, Pathologist Sakura?" Sasuke asks.

Sakura shows the results to Sasuke. "According to this, it's as though Kiba never existed."

Naruto is shocked at the turn of events. "What? I don't believe it! He was right there in front of me!" Naruto pulls out Kiba's _'Make-Out Tactics'_. "And this book is proof that Kiba's alive!"

Naruto storms out of the office. Sasuke looks at Sakura.

"Go with him," said Sasuke. "Make sure into trouble, he does not get."

"But, Chief! I'm only a pathologist!" Sakura protested. "I'm not trained for fieldwork and I'm not even a cop!"

"Which is why you are just the man for the job," said Sasuke. "Now go."

Unsure of what to do, Sakura simply walked off to catch up to Naruto.

* * *

"Pichu pika pika pi, kachu pika chupi Kachupi pikapi chuchu pika pikachu pipipi ka chu pika pika." _(Translation: "__**ANBU**__ drops the ball, and then the __**CIA**__ picks it up and runs it to the end zone.")_

**[Jiraiya's Museum]**

Inside a room at Jiraiya's Museum, Kiba is tied up, with **ANBU** member Choji and **CIA** Agent Pikachu.

Pikachu sits on a chair in front of Kiba. _(Translation: "You gave old Choji here quite the run-around. Pulling you moments into the sewer before the explosion hadn't helped his personal hygiene one bit.")_ Pikachu tossed a towel to Choji for him to wipe off whatever sewer gunk he has on his face.

"I can't understand you," said Choji.

Pikachu laughed. _(Translation: "I like Konoha, with their Ninjutsus, Ramen and Gundams.")_

Kiba has a confused look on his face. "I don't recall Konoha building Gundams." Suddenly, Pikachu whips Kiba in the face with his tail.

"Pi Pikachu pika pipi pi kachu pika Pikachu." _(Translation: "Speak American when you speak to an American,") _Pikachu threatened. _(Translation: "If every other Anime can do it, why can't you? You think you're so great with your so called Chakra and long history. Well, all that will change when you kill this person tonight.")_ Pikachu shows a photo to Kiba.

"No...no...nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Kiba.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Pikachu then looks at Choji. _(Translation: "Choji, put on a coat and handle them.") _

"Sorry, but I still don't understand you," said Choji.

"Pikachu." _(Translation: "Exactly,")_ said Pikachu as he points towards the entrance.

* * *

Outside the museum, Naruto pressed the doorbell one more time, and then he looks at Sakura to give her some instructions.

"We just need to pretend that we are a married couple from Suna on our second honeymoon."

Sakura nods. "Ok. Should I be as sexually active as your wife or should I tone it down a bit?"

Suddenly, Choji opens the door from inside. "Hello and welcome to **the Jiraiya Museum**. As you can see, this Museum was set up by Publishers of the Make-Out series as a tribute to one of their greatest writers. The first room we will be going in is where Jiraiya's first manuscripts for his first book before the Make-Out Series." Choji tries to open the door, but it is locked.

"Oh dear. It's locked. Anyway, the carpet on the floor wasn't selected because it matched Jiraiya's clothing. It is because it already came with the museum. Ah, here's another room, which holds an unedited copy of Jiraiya's final book." Choji tries to open that door, but that door is also locked.

"Oh dear, this door is locked too. But there is a rumor that the management keep the master keys somewhere in the kitchen. Let us find them, shall we?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a locked room, Kiba tries to escape from his ropes.

* * *

Choji looks at the couple. "Any questions or are you too amazed to speak?"

"I got one," said Naruto. "Where's the toilet?"

Choji smiled. "Toilet? Up the stairs, third door on the left."

"Thank you." Naruto walked up the stairs.

"Don't forget that we will be going into the kitchen to find those keys," Choji reminds Naruto.

As Naruto reached the second level of the museum, he pulls out his Kunai and began his search for Kiba...

"Kiba," hissed Naruto, hoping that Kiba is in one of the rooms.

Inside one of the rooms, Kiba is still tied up when he heard Naruto's voice. "Naruto?"

Naruto hears Kiba's voice and finds the locked door where Kiba's voice originated. "Kiba, you in there?"

"Help me, Naruto," said Kiba as he struggles against his ropes.

Naruto checks the door. "Ok, I'm going to break down the door. One...two...three!"

Suddenly, Naruto gets whacked in the head by a wooden mallet, knocking him out. Chief Sasuke walks out of the darkness and puts the mallet on a nearby table. "Stand down, Captain Uzumaki."

* * *

Back at Naruto's apartment, Naruto is lying on his couch with a bag of ice on his head. Pathologist Sakura puts her stethoscope around her neck. "It's just a mild concussion. Make sure he has some rest. And do you have any ice?"

"Of course," Ino answered. "Sai has an Ice Machine and he is willing to make some ice for a few favors."

Sakura frowned. "He needs some ice for his head. And also, he needs a bit of your love..."

Ino slaps Sakura in anger. "How dare you judge me, Forehead-Girl!"

Sakura glares at Ino. "The only ice I see is the one in your heart!" Sakura stormed out of the apartment and Ino began to cry. Naruto sat up and looked at his wife.

"Oh, don't cry, Ino," said Naruto. "I hate seeing you cry, especially when it ruins your makeup..."

"Naruto...I was successful in my audition back to the Konoha Theater," said Ino.

Naruto sat up with a smile. "Really? That's wonderful. How about doing a quick dance for me in celebration?"

Ino looks at Naruto. "But there's no music for me to dance to..."

Naruto smiled. "Then, I'll have to make my own music." Naruto began to hum a tune as Ino dances to Naruto's humming.

Suddenly, Ino's dance was interrupted by someone knocking on the front door. Naruto quickly gets up and pulls out a Kunai. He then looks at Ino, who understood what Naruto wants.

"Who is it?" asks Ino.

Naruto could hear breathing on the other side of the door. "Someone is there."

Naruto opens the door and what he saw surprised him. Black, pineapple-shaped hair...

"Shikamaru?"

Ino walks to the door and also sees the black pineapple-shaped hair. At that moment, Ino faints...

**[To be Continued...after this short break.]**

* * *

**[Ad Break: The main stories on the Naruto News Show UpLate...]**

Sasuke is licking an ice cream cone.

_**Naruto: **__"The real hero of the Naruto Shippuden series is Sasuke. And like its former star, he has been forced to give up his favorite catchphrase..."_

"Hn," said Sasuke

A Pikachu balloon is at the Thanksgiving Parade.

_**Naruto: **__"Leading economist says that Cartoon Characters at Thanksgiving Parade are inflated..."_

Tea Garner from Yu-Gi-Oh is at a Fast Food restaurant.

_**Naruto:**__ "And my interview with everyone's most hated Anime Character, Anzu Mazaki, while I'm dressed as Ash Ketchum."_

Naruto is dressed up in Ash Ketchum's Kanto outfit.

**[I don't know why, but it does justify our funding to the costume department.]**

* * *

Ino wakes up to see Naruto cradling a black-haired toddler in his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a daughter?" asked Naruto. "She has your eyes."

Ino sat up and hugged her child. "She ran away from home to live with her deer-herding grandparents."

"Well, she's home now," said Naruto as he sees the beautiful reunion of mother and daughter. Then, he notices the time.

"Ino, you better get going to the Theater," said Naruto. "It's not nice to be late for your first night back into performing."

"Oh yeah." Ino stood up and handed the child to Naruto. "The Hokage, Tsunade, will be there watching my performance."

Naruto smiled. "Well, I'm sure Shika Jr. and I would be happy to listen to your performance on my boom-box," said Naruto, pointing at the radio behind him.

Ino walks out of the apartment.

* * *

**[Konoha Police Station]**

"Good news everyone! One of our own is back. We thought he was dead, but instead, he was in an undercover mission. Lieutenant Inuzuka."

At the police station, everyone cheered, except for Shino, who is still staring at the board involving his current murder case.

"Sakura, see to it that Lt. Inuzuka joins the Hokage's Security detail tonight," Sasuke orders. "I think he's ready to get back to work."

"Are you sure, Chief?" asks Sakura. "Naruto said something about **ANBU** brainwashing and post-hypnotic suggestion."

"Nonsense, Kiba looks pretty normal to me," said Sasuke. "You worry too much, Sakura. Just issue him with a high-powered crossbow and drop him off at the Konoha Theater. Make sure that he also gets cyanide-tipped bolts to go with his crossbow.

"Ok." Sakura takes Kiba out of the office.

* * *

"Time to sleep, my child."

As Naruto rocks the baby carriage to put his step-daughter to sleep, Naruto checks on the child. Surprisingly, the girl is not sleepy.

"Perhaps I should tell you a story..."

Naruto looks around for a book and he happens to pick up Kiba's _'Make-Out Tactics'_. Suddenly, the bookmark falls out of one of the pages and Naruto looks at it. It was a flyer for tonight's performance at the Konoha Theater. Suddenly, it hits him. _(Not the paper, but the idea did come to mind.)_

"Tsunade!"

* * *

At the Konoha Theater, Ticket Collector Neji Hyuga is at the entrance as Kiba walks up to Neji with a crossbow.

"Ticket please," said Neji.

"I'm here to do a security sweep," Kiba said as he shows the crossbow.

"I still have to see a ticket," said Neji. "I have my orders."

Kiba used the crossbow to strike Neji in the face, knocking him out. "So do I," said Kiba.

* * *

Naruto pulls the baby carriage up the steps with his stepdaughter as he enters the Konoha Theater, with the night's event being Ino's dance, featuring musician Phoenix Wright.

* * *

Meanwhile, backstage at the theater, Ino and the other dancers were doing their stretches in preparation for the dance when Ino spots a man wearing a blue suit and holding a violin.

"Phoenix Wright?"

Ino walks up to the musician. Phoenix smiled.

"What are you going to play tonight, Mr. Wright?"

Phoenix raised the violin. "Well, I am going to play my violin," answered Phoenix. "My greatest hits will be heard tonight by everyone in the theater."

Phoenix played his violin, only to hear screeching instead of music coming from it.

At that moment, Ino received the cue that the dance is about to begin.

The dance begins and Ino is the lead dancer among the group. As Phoenix is mesmerized by Ino dance, he said, "Her dance is wonderful."

* * *

Neji is nursing a bruised cheek as his colleague Lee checks up on him. Naruto ran up to Neji and Lee with the baby carriage.

"Konoha Police!" yelled Naruto. "I need to see the Hokage!"

"Miss Senju is at the opposite balcony," said Neji. "But one of your colleagues is already here?"

"Is it a man with red marks on both cheeks, smells like a dog and has a look of a hypnotized assassin?"

Neji nods. "Of course. He has gone up to the west wing."

"Thanks for your assistance. Please look after my pineapple!" Naruto ran past Neji as both ushers looked at each other.

"Pineapple?" Both confused men looked into the baby carriage...

* * *

Naruto quickly ran up the stairs towards the higher gallery area to figure out where Kiba is hiding.

Meanwhile, Kiba is at the west balcony, setting up his Crossbow sight. Ino continues to dance on stage. Naruto enter the higher gallery area and spots Tsunade watching the dance, flanked by two bodyguards, at the East Balcony State Box. Then, he spots Kiba at the West Balcony setting up his Crossbow.

Naruto ran back down the stairs, now that he knows where Kiba is. Naruto quickly takes a shortcut near the dressing rooms, knocking over a cleaner and nearly avoiding a dancer.

"You crazy man!" screamed the dancer.

Kiba loads a crossbow bolt onto his crossbow.

At that moment, Ino finishes the dance.

As Kiba is aiming his crossbow sight at Tsunade, Naruto enters the balcony with stealth and pulls out his kunai and slips it under Kiba's neck.

"Kiba, don't make me kill you," warned Naruto. "The both of us know that I am capable of killing you once before..."

Phoenix Wright walks onto the stage with his violin.

"But I have to, Naruto," said Kiba as he focuses his crossbow sight.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentleman!" Phoenix announced. "Tonight, I am going to perform my greatest hits..."

"Come on, Kiba. Americans assassinate their own leaders. We are better than the Americans because we Shinobis have our own Honor. So don't kill Tsunade."

Kiba did not flinch at Naruto's passionate speech. "Who said I was going to kill Tsunade?"

"...and finally some stuff by..."

Kiba aims his crossbow at the stage and fires the bolt, straight at Phoenix Wright's heart, instantly killing him.

"Noooooo..." screamed Naruto, but he stopped when he realized who Kiba really killed.

As Phoenix's lifeless body falls onto the floor, the audience began to cheer. Some even threw flowers onto the stage as the dancers bowed.

Naruto confiscates Kiba's crossbow.

_**Naruto's narration:**__ "The moment that crossbow bolt hit Phoenix Wright, I knew Kiba Inuzuka has become a hero not only to Konoha, but to music fans all around the world..."_

* * *

Naruto, Ino and their daughter walked out of the theater.

_**Naruto: **__"As for the relationship between Ino and me. Some said that we would last for 4 years. Others claim that it would only last for a few weeks. But a specialist told me that Ino does not have a use-by date, which is what makes her special."_

As Naruto and Ino hugged, their hug accidently knocked baby carriage with the daughter down the stairs of the theater. Naruto and Ino watched in horror as the baby carriage move down the steps, flipping over and landing on the bottom of the steps, with both baby carriage and toddler hitting the floor.

Once the horror has ended, Naruto and Ino looked at each other...and laughed.

**[Fin]**

* * *

**Written by:  
**Naruto Uzumaki  
Shikamaru Nara  
PikaFlash  
Storm Da Elite

**Directed By:  
**Hinata Hyuga

**Producer:  
**Storm Da Elite

**With Thanks to:  
**Ichiraku's Ramen**  
**Jiraiya's Museum**  
**Konoha Theater

* * *

**[Final Post-Fanfic Announcement from the Naruto News Show Team]**

The newly appointed Hokage is at his former News Desk with Shikamaru, Neji, Ino, Sakura and Kiba standing behind him.

Naruto makes his final post-fanfic announcement.

"Well, that's the end of another season of the _**Naruto News Show**_. Leave some reviews by pressing the link below this segment. We don't care if you flame us because you would simply add another number to the total number of reviews we have. But I would also like to say that it's been wonderful working with these talented characters and I think I love them all very much."

Kiba groaned. "Get on with it, you fuckwit."

Naruto nods. "Right. Time now for us to do the_ 'Dance of Death'_, and what better way to do it by dancing to the battle theme of Final Fantasy VII. And a 1 and a 2..."

FF7's Battle Theme is played as the Naruto characters danced to the music.

**[End of the Naruto News Show Season 5]**


End file.
